Last Names and Marriage

Nerdy Girl said:
I'd say that you don't know me very well.

I think that the bond between two people is more about affection and commitment than it is about language. If it were a common last name that accomplishes that, then shouldn't I feel some affinity to strangers who happen to share my last name? Really, there is a lot more to marriage than one's name....
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LOL anything other than take the guy's name already.

Since you're so against tradition, don't be mad if he never asks you to get married, just live together forever. After all, tradition is the enemy of progress.
 
TreePixie said:
They felt taking a new name was showing that they were beginning a new life together, not one of them being folded into the life of another, that it showed a unified perspective on what marriage was, and they chose a name which had meaning for them as a couple
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That is absolutely beautiful, what a wonderful idea.
 
karmacoma. said:
LOL anything other than take the guy's name already.

Since you're so against tradition, don't be mad if he never asks you to get married, just live together forever. After all, tradition is the enemy of progress.
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There's nothing wrong with that either. I know a lot of couples who have done that, including a couple now in their early sixties who have been together since high school. They just never found the need to marry.

And why does the man have to *ask*? Can't the woman ask, or the couple decide AS a couple that they want to get married?

You're a throwback, my friend, but a consistent one.
 
karmacoma. said:
Since you're so against tradition, don't be mad if he never asks you to get married, just live together forever. After all, tradition is the enemy of progress.
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I won't be mad if you never ask me. ;)

It's good to question traditions. Imagine where both of us would be if everyone blindly followed prior practices!
 
TreePixie said:
There's nothing wrong with that either. I know a lot of couples who have done that, including a couple now in their early sixties who have been together since high school. They just never found the need to marry.

And why does the man have to *ask*? Can't the woman ask, or the couple decide AS a couple that they want to get married?

You're a throwback, my friend, but a consistent one.
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LOL says the 53 year old.
 
Tarshi said:
Exactly. These women I'm talking about spend their time at the gym, take tennis lessons and always look amazing in their designer threads at school pick up (drop off is a uniform of lycra and tennis skirts). Then I turn up in my jeans, tshirt, hair in a pony tail, no make up
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I bet they think their something special too, lol. I know the ones like that around here like to look down on those of us in the jeans, t-shirt, pony tail & no make up. Designer clothes or not, it all looks pretty dull on their end to me.


curleyblonde said:
I have read everyones responses and respect them all, I have been married and did take his last name, I liked the idea of having the same last name, as one poster said, the "unity" it seemed to give me. I did convert back to my maiden name after the divorce though.

My older sister recently married and she was torn about what she should do about her surname, (I think his side of the family were pushing for his name) but in the end she kept both her maiden and took on his as well.

When I marry again I will absolutely take his surname, I am old fashioned like that, the thought of it, for me, is tradition and the sense of unity it gives me and both of those make me happy.
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The tradition & sense of unity is something important to me too.

curleyblonde said:
My mother was a stay at home wifey. She took up quite a few hobbies, tennis, art, porcelain doll making, sculpture, and of course her four children. I know i was blessed having a mother available for every thing I needed, we also had a nanny at one point.

The stay at home mums that I know get a little bored at times and look for part time work just to keep busy and social..... I think I would atleast choose to work part time for the same reason if money was not an issue, but I also think I would love to be a stay at home mother too....
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My mother also stayed at home. Having 5 kids & being poor as dirt, she babysat & took in ironing for years to help my dad bring in money.

If I hadn't been a single mom & money wasn't an issue, I would've loved to have been able to stay at home with my son until he started school.

When I was younger & planning my life, I saw myself staying at home with my children & working from home as a writer.

TreePixie said:
I also have friends who chose an entirely different last name than either of them had had before, and both changed their names to that.
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TreePixie said:
They felt taking a new name was showing that they were beginning a new life together, not one of them being folded into the life of another, that it showed a unified perspective on what marriage was, and they chose a name which had meaning for them as a couple
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That's an interesting & sweet idea.


I have a friend who avoided the whole issue by marrying a man with the same last name.
 
Nerdy Girl said:
You do realize that you and I would both be someone else's personal property, right?
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Once again, far afield from the original topic. Nice deflection.

Here is my thesis:

If you don't have to take a man's name, then he doesn't have to marry you.

I will even allow hyphenating if the woman's profession is established before marriage, but let's be real, what are the chances of that? Hahaha

Carry on, ladies, and good luck to you.
 
Not reading the other votes of women......don't really need their opinions to form my own. I would have no problem taking a man's last name. I would make my maiden name my middle, though. Never have been into the the hypenated name stuff. It looks stupid, like you have one foot in the water and one foot out. All just my opinion. I think it's a personal thing and if your career is built on name recogntion you should be encouraged by your future spouse to keep your name if you desire. Love is making sacrifice if needed.
 
curleyblonde said:
My mother was a stay at home wifey. She took up quite a few hobbies, tennis, art, porcelain doll making, sculpture, and of course her four children. I know i was blessed having a mother available for every thing I needed, we also had a nanny at one point.

The stay at home mums that I know get a little bored at times and look for part time work just to keep busy and social..... I think I would atleast choose to work part time for the same reason if money was not an issue, but I also think I would love to be a stay at home mother too....
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My bf growing up had her mum do that as well and I was secretly envious of her for it, I had the freedom to do whatever I pleased when I got home from school, but I also had the responsibilty of looking after my brothers and fixing dinner because both my parents worked full-time. I've structured my work hours so I can be there for my kids and will continue to do so...
 
karmacoma. said:
Here is my thesis:

If you don't have to take a man's name, then he doesn't have to marry you.
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That will work out nicely. I don't want to marry a man who "has" to marry me or who is such a neanderthal that he has no respect for me, my identity, or my values. Your thesis will serve as a wonderful filter.
 
karmacoma. said:
Once again, far afield from the original topic. Nice deflection.

Here is my thesis:

If you don't have to take a man's name, then he doesn't have to marry you.

I will even allow hyphenating if the woman's profession is established before marriage, but let's be real, what are the chances of that? Hahaha

Carry on, ladies, and good luck to you.
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Which century is this again??? You know how our poor widdle laydee brainz gets all confuzzled about numbers.....

(Allow? Seriously? Sounds more like you're looking for a pet dog than a partner)
 
JordanC said:
Not reading the other votes of women......don't really need their opinions to form my own. I would have no problem taking a man's last name. I would make my maiden name my middle, though. Never have been into the the hypenated name stuff. It looks stupid, like you have one foot in the water and one foot out. All just my opinion. I think it's a personal thing and if your career is built on name recogntion you should be encouraged by your future spouse to keep your name if you desire. Love is making sacrifice if needed.
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Oh look, we have a winner.
 
JordanC said:
Not reading the other votes of women......don't really need their opinions to form my own. I would have no problem taking a man's last name. I would make my maiden name my middle, though. Never have been into the the hypenated name stuff. It looks stupid, like you have one foot in the water and one foot out. All just my opinion. I think it's a personal thing and if your career is built on name recogntion you should be encouraged by your future spouse to keep your name if you desire. Love is making sacrifice if needed.
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Beautifully said.
 
Nerdy Girl said:
That will work out nicely. I don't want to marry a man who "has" to marry me or who is such a neanderthal that he has no respect for me, my identity, or my values. Your thesis will serve as a wonderful filter.
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It seems like he thinks marriage is some sort of prize for well-behaved women.

I never saw marriage as a prize. It's an interpersonal commitment.
 
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