Last Names and Marriage

[archangel]

see...i would do all of the above, but why must it be the woman who gives up her identity...???

Your identity is not determine by your name so this one isn't a good argument. I could call you je ba he haw and you would still have your same identity.

why can't you give up your surname...??? hasn't my father given enough to be present enough to represent us, him, my children, my future children..???

This is interesting because your dad probably did this to his wife. Isn't your mom's dad's name good enough and so on and so forth. You just defended the same thing that your dad did to your mom.

why should it be me that leaves a bit of me behind and forges forward...shouldn't my partner be in it with me...??? why can't my partner take my name..???? what's so wrong with that...??? men who stand their ground so hard on this make me scratch my head. why do we have such double standards...??? be a man...man up and change your name...i mean after all, it's just a name right....it's nothing to do with you or the person you are or your history....so you can take on someone else's name and just leave you behind right...???!!!!

I say best 2 out of 3.
The first round is whoever asks first
second round is whoever buy the more expensive ring.
third round whoever pays for the wedding.
You got to work for it if you want it.

OF COURSE NOT...!!! MEN WOULD NEVER LEAVE THEIR NAME BEHIND BECAUSE IT IS A PART OF THEM AND A PART OF THEIR HISTORY AND WHY THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE....SO WHY CAN'T THAT BE WITH WOMEN...??? AREN'T WE BORN WITH A NAME..??? ISN'T THAT WHAT WE GO BY ALL OUR LIFE UNTIL WE MEET SOMEONE AND THEN WE ARE TOLD THAT WE CAN'T BE US ANY MORE.....SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT....????

Men have left their names before so this isn't true. It is not a part of them. Are the men that left their name behind any less of person to you? In fact, my name has been changed what it is now. I have a cousin who has done it as well!

Here is a picture of William Jefferson Blythe III

You may better know him as William Jefferson "Bill" Clinton.
Living proof!
Are any of us less of a person because our names were change?

Women can also change it legally and keep going by the same name. I have seen women do it! This last section was very very bad of an argument.

 

[Bookworm616]

I'm like a quasi-feminist. LOL.

I don't see any problem with a woman taking her husband's name when she gets married (I did it TWICE).

I really don't view it as giving up my identity. I joke around about my horribly bad last name, but I didn't lose that part of my identity when I changed my name. It's not like a woman changes her name and forsakes her entire past and family.

As it stands, I will probably end up using my current last name as my "stage name" were I to actually get my foot in the door in Hollywood, but if I do end up getting married again whilst my daughter is under 18, I'll probably hyphenate my name so that we still have the same last name.

 

[Inner Beauty]

I haven't read all the replies, but if I get married, I plan on hyphenating my name.

 

[archangel]

I haven't read all the replies, but if I get married, I plan on hyphenating my name.

Inner beauty comes in for the WIN. I didn't even think about that.

 

[Inner Beauty]

Inner beauty comes in for the WIN. I didn't even think about that.

I won something? LOL J/k

Well, I come from a traditional family where all the women have taken on the mens last name and even the newer brides have done the same thing. I have been my last name for so many years that its my identity, so I'd feel weird being Inner Ugly. LOL! I can be Inner Beauty Ugly. Then I don't take away that part of myself, yet I include my husband.

 

[archangel]

I'm realitively new here, so I've gotta ask a question. The question you asked of us ladies is, "If you got married would you take the guys last name?" I'm wondering, in asking this question did you really want to listen to opinions or were you looking for ladies to merely listen to your opinion? I could be wrong because I don't truly know Tarshi but it seems to me that she was expressing her opinion & not handing down a decree from on high. Tarshi, I respect your opinion because it is yours alone; not that I think you need validation. You go gurl, stand strong. Sisterhood is powerful.

Well I was basically watching a tv show which gave me only one opinion. I asked to figure out which was more likely to happen and get opinions as well as give. I also got the hyphen which I completely forgot about. That's a win. I don't know why that slipped my mind.

I actually think it is who ever puts in the most work. There are a lot of women that put in effort to get married. They should get to keep their name and the guy changes his. If you got to ask and buy the wings and pay for the wedding then the least one can do is give up their name legally or even hyphen it. We aren't talking about not using your last name forever. You can use it on the job or where ever else.

 

[Sir Nose]

I haven't read all the replies, but if I get married, I plan on hyphenating my name.

Do the kids (if you plan to have any) get a hyphenated last name? Also, if you receive an invitation to a ball will it be addressed to "Mr and Mrs Jones" or "Mr Jones and Mrs Jones-Beauty"?

I don't know, to me for a woman not taking the last name seems like they are not fully committed to the whole marriage and family thing. Like you're holding back a little.

 

[Inner Beauty]

Do the kids (if you plan to have any) get a hyphenated last name? Also, if you receive an invitation to a ball will it be addressed to "Mr and Mrs Jones" or "Mr Jones and Mrs Jones-Beauty"?

I don't know, to me for a woman not taking the last name seems like they are not fully committed to the whole marriage and family thing. Like you're holding back a little.

At this point in time, I'm starting to give up on hope of being married. I never thought I'd ever live a day to say that. So, even if I don't get married, I still want a baby/babies. I hope I'm blessed with kids.

The thing is, my brother isn't having kids and my uncle (my fathers half brother), also has a son, but we don't interact with them, so basically it's like they're not even family, so a part of me wants to help my father carry on the name, yet I don't want the kids to be confused with so many names. I'm a little torn by this.

I think if we receive an invitation, it doesn't have to be all technical with the hyphenation. I'd still be Mrs. Jones (hey Nas!..lol) regardless.

I don't think I'd be half married and not fully committed to him cause I didn't take on his name fully. I could see me not taking on his last name at all being a big issue (my cousins wife did this).

 

[Sir Nose]

At this point in time, I'm starting to give up on hope of being married. ...a part of me wants to help my father carry on the name

I know this can be an issue for women. Hell, it is easy for me to find my high school and college buddies on facebook, but a lot of the women I'll never find because they changed their last name.

Some other ways of preserving the family name: One of my kid's first names is my wife's maiden name. All of my daughters have their maternal grandmothers first name as their middle name.

Oh, and I have no doubt IB that you will get married to a great man who loves you to death and respects you too, and he will want you to have his last name.

 

[Inner Beauty]

I know this can be an issue for women. Hell, it is easy for me to find my high school and college buddies on facebook, but a lot of the women I'll never find because they changed their last name.

Some other ways of preserving the family name: One of my kid's first names is my wife's maiden name. All of my daughters have their maternal grandmothers first name as their middle name.

Oh, and I have no doubt IB that you will get married to a great man who loves you to death and respects you too, and he will want you to have his last name.

I had that exact trouble when researching a lot of women in my family tree and in my mothers culture, they name the same name as their relatives. My cousin has the exact same first and last name as my grandmother and I have my grandmothers name as my middle. I found SO many people with the exact same name that I didn't know who was the grandfather or who was the grandson and same for the women.

If I have a daughter, she will have my moms name as her middle and if I have a son, I wanted to hyphenate my pops and brothers names to pay homage to them. I hope the father will be open to this and if not, we'll have to come to some agreement...lol

Thank you for your kind words, but I'm just being realistic. Dudes I meet don't even want a girlfriend, let alone get married. I'm still holding out though, yet my clock is ticking really hard.

 

[Brittney]

For the women: If you got married, would you take the guy's last name?

Of course.

 

[Bookworm616]

I know this can be an issue for women. Hell, it is easy for me to find my high school and college buddies on facebook, but a lot of the women I'll never find because they changed their last name.

Some other ways of preserving the family name: One of my kid's first names is my wife's maiden name. All of my daughters have their maternal grandmothers first name as their middle name.

Oh, and I have no doubt IB that you will get married to a great man who loves you to death and respects you too, and he will want you to have his last name.

Besides the fact that I don't want my legal name all over things like Facebook and Myspace, I kept my maiden name on my Facebook so it would be easier for people I've lost contact with over the years to find me. I've been friended by a ton of college and HS people that wouldn't have found me otherwise.

I have a friend who has her married name only on her Facebook. Why she does it that way, is beyond me.

 

[Tamstrong]

*bump*

I've pondered this subject for a few years, & if marriage ever happens for me, I either want to change my middle name to my maiden name or hyphenate it with my husband's last name. Most likely it would be changing my middle name. If I ever marry, I do want to be referred to as Mrs. Whatever-his-name-is, but I still want my current last name to be associated with me as well for a couple of reasons. First, my son carries my last name & second, as an author I'd want everything published under my original name.

 

[TreePixie]

*bump*

I've pondered this subject for a few years, & if marriage ever happens for me, I either want to change my middle name to my maiden name or hyphenate it with my husband's last name. Most likely it would be changing my middle name. If I ever marry, I do want to be referred to as Mrs. Whatever-his-name-is, but I still want my current last name to be associated with me as well for a couple of reasons. First, my son carries my last name & second, as an author I'd want everything published under my original name.

Never changed, never would. When I got married, my ex asked me to change my name, and when I asked why he said "Well, it'll be easier if we both have the same name." So I said "Great, good point, why don't you change YOUR name (which is a PITA to do logistically btw)?"

His mouth dropped open and he said "WHY would I want to do that????" I answered "Precisely." That was the end of the discussion.

Tam, you can always use your original name professionally and change your name for personal reasons. I knew a lot of women in business who did that.

I also have a friend on her third marriage. After her two divorces, she had all kinds of trouble going back to her single name. When she married for the third time she said "Fuck it" and kept her own name. That marriage is WAY solider than the other two, interestingly and absolutely non-related!

 

[TreePixie]

I did eventually change my name to my ex-husbands, but that was only after the immigration department over here gave me a hard time & questioned why i kept my maiden name & didn't change it to his when we married. I think the taking of the man's surname is very old fashioned and outdated...something of an ownership...i questioned my ex why it was so important that i take his surname, something he could never answer. i thought if we both had to share a surname, then why couldn't he change his to mine seeing i have an extremely close relationship to my father and he hated his...he laughed that off very quickly.

i love my name, what it means and who it ties me to, so no i would not change my name if i got married again (also the rubbish i went through to change back to my maiden name...especially getting my passport is a huge turn off)

I am my own person, I've lived a life under this name. It's who I am. It's part of my identity just as much as my appearance or any other part of me. It shows respect for that life and for that identity for a guy to understand that. If he didn't respect my life, why the hell would I marry him?

TONS of women keep their own names now.

I also have a step sister who hyphenated her last name, and when their kids were born the two children were given a combination last name, both hers and her husbands without the hyphen. Sorta like she became Wood-Glass, and the kids are Woodglass (and yes the two actual names *are* that unfortunate together)

 

[karmacoma.]

see...i would do all of the above, but why must it be the woman who gives up her identity...??? why can't you give up your surname...??? hasn't my father given enough to be present enough to represent us, him, my children, my future children..??? why should it be me that leaves a bit of me behind and forges forward...shouldn't my partner be in it with me...??? why can't my partner take my name..???? what's so wrong with that...??? men who stand their ground so hard on this make me scratch my head. why do we have such double standards...??? be a man...man up and change your name...i mean after all, it's just a name right....it's nothing to do with you or the person you are or your history....so you can take on someone else's name and just leave you behind right...???!!!!

OF COURSE NOT...!!! MEN WOULD NEVER LEAVE THEIR NAME BEHIND BECAUSE IT IS A PART OF THEM AND A PART OF THEIR HISTORY AND WHY THEY ARE WHO THEY ARE....SO WHY CAN'T THAT BE WITH WOMEN...??? AREN'T WE BORN WITH A NAME..??? ISN'T THAT WHAT WE GO BY ALL OUR LIFE UNTIL WE MEET SOMEONE AND THEN WE ARE TOLD THAT WE CAN'T BE US ANY MORE.....SHOE ON THE OTHER FOOT....????

And this is what is called "wanting it both ways."

Where would women be if men questioned getting married as hard as you're questioning taking a man's name? Marriage does way more for you than us.

But this is consistent with somebody who wants to fuck a guy with a strap-on.

 

[TreePixie]

And this is what is called "wanting it both ways."

Where would women be if men questioned getting married as hard as you're questioning taking a man's name? Marriage does way more for you than us.

But this is consistent with somebody who wants to fuck a guy with a strap-on.

ROFLMAO, that's why single women and married men live longer, right? Marriage does not do more for women than men.

You guys who treat a partnership as some sort of barter exchange program make me laugh. It's no fucking wonder you aren't happily married or paired.

Why does anyone have to give up their name? What's the point? It's a "tradition?" So was slavery at one point. Traditions, thankfully can change.

You guys want the kind of hot independent women you claim to want, you better believe some of them come with and are keeping their own names and identities.

 

[karmacoma.]

ROFLMAO, that's why single women and married men live longer, right? Marriage does not do more for women than men.

You guys who treat a partnership as some sort of barter exchange program make me laugh.It's no fucking wonder you aren't happily married or paired.

As far as you know.

Why does anyone have to give up their name? What's the point? It's a "tradition?" So was slavery at one point. Traditions, thankfully can change.

You guys want the kind of hot independent women you claim to want, you better believe some of them come with and are keeping their own names and identities.

In case of divorce, why should a woman get half? What's the point? Even if they didn't help make it? Ah, traditions.

 

[Nerdy Girl]

Women changing their name upon marriage is a pretty serious form of gender discrimination, in my view. The practice began when women were thought to be incapable of acting on their own behalf. It was a way to signal which man was responsible for her - first her father, then her husband. Even now that women are recognized as being competent adults, it's still a relinquishing of her own identity without (in most cases) a corresponding change on her new spouse's side.

I would never, ever, ever change my name. I have a name already and I don't need another.

 

[Nerdy Girl]

In case of divorce, why should a woman get half? What's the point? Even if they didn't help make it? Ah, traditions.

You might want to check your facts - in my state, at least, spouses are entitled to an equitable share (not necessarily half) of marital property, which is generally stuff that was either acquired or appreciated in value over the course of the marriage.

Nerdy Girl, Esq.