Last Names and Marriage

Nerdy Girl said:
You might want to check your facts - in my state, at least, spouses are entitled to an equitable share (not necessarily half) of marital property, which is generally stuff that was either acquired or appreciated in value over the course of the marriage.

Nerdy Girl, Esq. ;)
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That's your state. Each case/place is different. Do try again, though, Counselor.
 
archangel said:
For the women: If you got married, would you take the guy's last name?
I was watching a tv show and a similar question was brought up.

For the guys who sneaked in to the ladies room: Would you mind if your lady kept her last name?
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Yes and no. lol My man's last name isn't great. It's hard for people to pronounce and it brings cringes, confused looks and giggles to Aussies who hear it. So i'm of two minds about taking it officially. I would like to use it (and am), but still use my name occasionally. I don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot ever since we decided to get married and I still haven't made up my mind.
 
Sin Mari said:
Yes and no. lol My man's last name isn't great. It's hard for people to pronounce and it brings cringes, confused looks and giggles to Aussies who hear it. So i'm of two minds about taking it officially. I would like to use it (and am), but still use my name occasionally. I don't know, I've been thinking about it a lot ever since we decided to get married and I still haven't made up my mind.
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I think yours is a special case. I had a friend who married some African dude and took his boola-boola last name. I couldn't even pronounce it. And she's white too. They have since divorced and she got her name back.
 
karmacoma. said:
As far as you know.



In case of divorce, why should a woman get half? What's the point? Even if they didn't help make it? Ah, traditions.
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Because she enabled the man to make it if they had a "traditional" marriage. But I don't know any married women who don't work, do you?
 
karmacoma. said:
I think yours is a special case. I had a friend who married some African dude and took his boola-boola last name. I couldn't even pronounce it. And she's white too. They have since divorced and she got her name back.
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Yeah, it's difficult when the name is so vastly different to anything in your own culture. I love man and his name, but I think I might end up not using it most of the time. I've been told that I can use both names anyway, so I might just stick with that. If that makes sense? I'll have to talk to him about it though, don't want to hurt his feelings over it.
 
Sin Mari said:
Yes. Quite a few. It's a common thing, even though those of us who work don't want it to be.
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I don't know any. I never cared one way or another whether some other person works or not, but the financial fact is most couples today need two incomes.

I do know one stay at home dad who doesnt work outside the house, but he also has MS.
 
TreePixie said:
Never changed, never would. When I got married, my ex asked me to change my name, and when I asked why he said "Well, it'll be easier if we both have the same name." So I said "Great, good point, why don't you change YOUR name (which is a PITA to do logistically btw)?"

His mouth dropped open and he said "WHY would I want to do that????" I answered "Precisely." That was the end of the discussion.

Tam, you can always use your original name professionally and change your name for personal reasons. I knew a lot of women in business who did that.

I also have a friend on her third marriage. After her two divorces, she had all kinds of trouble going back to her single name. When she married for the third time she said "Fuck it" and kept her own name. That marriage is WAY solider than the other two, interestingly and absolutely non-related!
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I know several women who've chosen to keep their last names or at least hyphenate them. I've always wanted my last name to stay a part of my name, & when I was younger the plan was to use it to replace my middle name (I don't like my middle name). I have always wanted to go the traditional route & take my husband's last name as the family name. For me personally, changing my last name is not the same thing as changing or throwing away my identity as a person. I'm still me regardless & I don't feel that by changing my name I'd be losing anything. If by chance the marriage doesn't work out (if it ever happens in the first place), then I'd change it back to my maiden name.

What threw a monkey wrench into the whole ideal for me was that I had my son while I wasn't married, which definitely wasn't planned...no regrets though. I had to make a decision about his name, & it wasn't an easy one to make. After much thought & prayer I opted to go the nontraditional route & gave my son my last name. His "dad" gave every indication via his behavior that he wanted to be as far way from the situation as possible, & my instinct was that he'd choose not to be a part of my son's life...sadly my instinct was on target. If he wasn't going to be around, & I was going to be my son's family, I wanted us to share the same last name. That's the most important reason I'd never drop my name completely.

My professional name in connection with my writing will be my original name except for a pseudonym I've used on occasion.

I think it is a very personal decision, & I respect the fact that folks have different views on the topic. It's about doing what we want & think is best for us, & there's no reason this topic should be an issue for someone who looks at it differently than we do when it has no effect on them or anyone else.
 
Tarshi said:
In the area I live in, I'd say that at least 90% of the wives don't work.
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Careful, that's in conflict with Pixie World where all the women work, are alpha females, and taking your husband's last name is antiquated and a sign of submission, yet married men live longer.
 
TreePixie said:
Because she enabled the man to make it if they had a "traditional" marriage. But I don't know any married women who don't work, do you?
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I know quite a few women who don't work & stay home with their children. One couple has 10 children, & I don't know how they do it on just one income.

Although many of these women don't have an actual "jobs", they still work. Not only is running & maintaining a home & children a ton of work, they do other things to bring in extra money. I know women who cook (baking birthday cakes for example), sewing/tailoring/mending, selling Avon or Mary Kay, babysitting in their homes, pet & house sitting, running errands for others while running their own, making crafts, etc. Very few that I know sit on their asses like Peggy Bundy watching soap operas & eating bonbons...except for my lazy sister-in-law that is.
 
karmacoma. said:
Careful, that's in conflict with Pixie World where all the women work, are alpha females, and taking your husband's last name is antiquated and a sign of submission, yet married men live longer.
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Lol...karmsy. You're such a tease.

It's crazy though when I think of how little the numbers are of women who work outside of the home. I will mention though that they all have children, but honestly once those kids go to school they seriously need to get out in the workforce. You can see the disconnect between their reality and mine
 
karmacoma. said:
Careful, that's in conflict with Pixie World where all the women work, are alpha females, and taking your husband's last name is antiquated and a sign of submission, yet married men live longer.
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I never said taking your husband's name was an act of submission. I just saw no reason to do it. Not all women are alpha females, either, I've never suggested that. The women *I* know work.

Male Lifespan

Health & Human services studies of health effects of marriage

And Tam, I agree, different choices for different people. For me, changing my name just was not something I felt comfortable doing. I have a dear friend who, when I asked her why she had changed her name said "I like my husband a hell of a lot more than I liked my father." That made a lot of sense. People make different choices based on all kinds of different factors.
 
Maintaining a connection to her professional reputation, etc., is one reason why a woman might choose not to change her name upon marriage. But for those of you who think that having the same surname is important for forging a sense of unity or some such thing, why should it be the woman alone who changes her name? Have any of the guys committed to a common last name considered changing theirs or hyphenating it in some way?
 
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