Last Names and Marriage

[karmacoma.]

It seems like he thinks marriage is some sort of prize for well-behaved women.

Now you're projecting.

 

[TreePixie]

LOL you're getting hysterical.

I don't do hysterical. I do do angry, and you wouldn't like to see me that way. It's a cold, very cold thing.

But you haven't even irritated me enough to make me scratch. At my advanced and senile age, don't you think the discussion about whether to change one's name or not is something I've done a time or seventy five million??

 

[TreePixie]

Now you're projecting.

You talk about marriage as though it's a gift men give to women. I surely would never want to be with a man who thought he was doing me a favor to be there.

 

[Tamstrong]

My bf growing up had her mum do that as well and I was secretly envious of her for it, I had the freedom to do whatever I pleased when I got home from school, but I also had the responsibilty of looking after my brothers and Dixon dinner. I've structured my work hours so I can be there for my kids and will continue to do so...

I used to have to help my mother with my brothers, & I did most of the cooking by the time I was 13 (I started cooking at age 10). I had very little freedom.

It's awesome to have an employer who's willing to work with you on your schedule. I had a crappy minimum wage job I had when my son started school, but I loved it because I was able to be home when the bus picked him up & I was home when it dropped him off. It's hard to find that flexibility sometimes. I'm glad you're able to do that Tarshi.

 

[TreePixie]

I used to have to help my mother with my brothers, & I did most of the cooking by the time I was 13 (I started cooking at age 10). I had very little freedom.

It's awesome to have an employer who's willing to work with you on your schedule. I had a crappy minimum wage job I had when my son started school, but I loved it because I was able to be home when the bus picked him up & I was home when it dropped him off. It's hard to find that flexibility sometimes. I'm glad you're able to do that Tarshi.

I guess there's 3 of us. After my dad died, I took care of the kids, the house and got dinner on the table. I practically raised my little sister, who was only 7 at the time. I spent my teenage years cooking, cleaning and doing childcare.

When I divorced, I knew very quickly that my ex had no intention of paying anything in child support (he defaulted on his first two payments), so I knew I had to find a job I could build into a career. Unfortunately, flexibility wasn't part of the gig. I'm really glad that you two were able to have a bit more of that than I did.

 

[karmacoma.]

I don't do hysterical. I do do angry, and you wouldn't like to see me that way. It's a cold, very cold thing.

But you haven't even irritated me enough to make me scratch. At my advanced and senile age, don't you think the discussion about whether to change one's name or not is something I've done a time or seventy five million??

Both Curley and Jordan agree that a woman should take her husband's name, but I am the focus of your rage. You even called me a neanderthal in rep. LOL Hilarious.

Sorry I'm not some young dude pretending to agree with your feminist BS so I can maybe have sex with you. Any man worth his salt who is marrying to make a family wouldn't kowtow to such nonsense.

Again, remain single, you keep your name, problem solved.

BTW ladies, I didn't even notice this topic was in the Ladies Room, sorry about that.

 

[Tamstrong]

Not reading the other votes of women......don't really need their opinions to form my own. I would have no problem taking a man's last name. I would make my maiden name my middle, though. Never have been into the the hypenated name stuff. It looks stupid, like you have one foot in the water and one foot out. All just my opinion. I think it's a personal thing and if your career is built on name recogntion you should be encouraged by your future spouse to keep your name if you desire. Love is making sacrifice if needed.

I've always liked the middle name idea...my mom just rolled her eyes & shook her head when I told her that's what I wanted to do.

Love is definitely about making sacrifice if needed...after all, it's about both of you & not just one or the other. With this type of sacrifice there is no loss; it's about doing what is best for one another & the relationship.

 

[Nerdy Girl]

I'm not opposed to the idea of making sacrifices for love, but I don't see why one party should sacrifice and not the other. I think there is a name for that (and it isn't "happy marriage").

 

[TreePixie]

Both Curley and Jordan agree that a woman should take her husband's name, but I am the focus of your rage. You even called me a neanderthal in rep. LOL Hilarious.

Sorry I'm not some young dude pretending to agree with your feminist BS so I can maybe have sex with you. Any man worth his salt who is marrying to make a family wouldn't kowtow to such nonsense.

Again, remain single, you keep your name, problem solved.

BTW ladies, I didn't even notice this topic was in the Ladies Room, sorry about that.

I'm not raging, dear. Thanks for the negative rep. Seems like this has all upset you way more than it has me, and it's in the ladies room.

Curley and Jordan are adult women who are more than welcome to make whatever choices they want.

I've noted that if you dont want to marry a woman who won't take your name, you're entitled to do that.

Your judgementalism about other men is noted. Your opinions don't rule the world, or other men. Plenty of men "worth their salt" have married women who have kept their own names - most of the IR couples you rave over in the celebrity thread have done just that when they married.

Seems like you're the one having an issue with emotionalism, not me. I'm not running around negative repping people for disagreeing with me. I haven't handed out a single one since I got here.

 

[wtarshi]

I used to have to help my mother with my brothers, & I did most of the cooking by the time I was 13 (I started cooking at age 10). I had very little freedom.

It's awesome to have an employer who's willing to work with you on your schedule. I had a crappy minimum wage job I had when my son started school, but I loved it because I was able to be home when the bus picked him up & I was home when it dropped him off. It's hard to find that flexibility sometimes. I'm glad you're able to do that Tarshi.

Yeah, my job comes with the flexibility, buts also low paying, no sick pay or holiday pay, so the 2 weeks I had off sick resulted in 0 dollars. Not complaining though as I enjoy my job and as stated I'm there for my kids which is the mod important thing

 

[Tamstrong]

I guess there's 3 of us. After my dad died, I took care of the kids, the house and got dinner on the table. I practically raised my little sister, who was only 7 at the time. I spent my teenage years cooking, cleaning and doing childcare.

When I divorced, I knew very quickly that my ex had no intention of paying anything in child support (he defaulted on his first two payments), so I knew I had to find a job I could build into a career. Unfortunately, flexibility wasn't part of the gig. I'm really glad that you two were able to have a bit more of that than I did.

It was a lot like that for me too. My dad was alive but on the road (truck driving) most of the time, so being the oldest my mom depended on me a lot.

I've received some child support when my son younger, but it wasn't much to speak of, so I did most of it on my own. I have been blessed with a few good jobs, but I also had my share of the bad ones. I hated that the bad ones interfered with time with my son, but sometimes that's just life.

Both Curley and Jordan agree that a woman should take her husband's name, but I am the focus of your rage. You even called me a neanderthal in rep. LOL Hilarious.

Sorry I'm not some young dude pretending to agree with your feminist BS so I can maybe have sex with you. Any man worth his salt who is marrying to make a family wouldn't kowtow to such nonsense.

Again, remain single, you keep your name, problem solved.

BTW ladies, I didn't even notice this topic was in the Ladies Room, sorry about that.

No need to be sorry for posting in here. After all the thread was started by one of the male members.

 

[Tamstrong]

Yeah, my job comes with the flexibility, buts also low paying, no sick pay or holiday pay, so the 2 weeks I had off sick resulted in 0 dollars. Not complaining though as I enjoy my job and as stated I'm there for my kids which is the mod important thing

That is definitely the most important thing. Now that I have a job where I set my own hours most of the time & can do what I need to do, my son is too old to want to spend much time with me. It makes me sad. I feel you on the no benefits issue...in Texas most of these jerks don't provide anything for their employees.

 

[TreePixie]

That is definitely the most important thing. Now that I have a job where I set my own hours most of the time & can do what I need to do, my son is too old to want to spend much time with me. It makes me sad. I feel you on the no benefits issue...in Texas most of these jerks don't provide anything for their employees.

Right to work state. :-( One of the reasons I got on the track that I did was that it provided me and my son with health insurance. And once I worked my way up to officer level, I got 4 weeks vacation, which gave me a *little* flexibility. When he was in grade school, I planned a day every year that he took off from school and I took off from work to spend in museums.

Childcare in the summer was a nightmare, often patched together on a week to week basis, sometimes day to day, so having extra vacation time gave me an emergency bank of days to draw on if I care fell through.

 

[Tamstrong]

Right to work state. :-( One of the reasons I got on the track that I did was that it provided me and my son with health insurance. And once I worked my way up to officer level, I got 4 weeks vacation, which gave me a *little* flexibility. When he was in grade school, I planned a day every year that he took off from school and I took off from work to spend in museums.

Childcare in the summer was a nightmare, often patched together on a week to week basis, sometimes day to day, so having extra vacation time gave me an emergency bank of days to draw on if I care fell through.

I had a few jobs that provided insurance, but around here those are hard to come by. Managing convenience stores around here used to come with benefits, but not very often these days. Things got better in some respects when I moved into management, but it was more exhausting.

Finding childcare can be tough. It's good that you had the option of those extra days; I would've loved to have that option. My mother was a big help when he was little. I was too ill to work due to health issues until my son was 2, & then I was working all the stinking time. Although I don't know how I would've made it without her help, my mother & I don't see eye to eye on child rearing issues. That made things more stressful, but thankfully we made it through it all.

 

[z]

Did not read all the replys, sorry.

I am with FG, JC & Curley-I would like the woman that I am going to marry to take my last name. But if she desire to keep her last name for professional reason or what not, that's kool. But I would really like her to take mine, that's all.

 

[swirlman07]

The change of a woman's last name in the case of marriage is a non-issue for me. I'd be more focused on trying to create the most loving and secure relationship with my partner. If she insisted on taking my last name, I wouldn't object, but I would never ask any woman to take my name as a condition of a marriage. I've just never found that ultimatums lead to the best result, in any kind of relationship in society, let alone one you want to share with someone throughout your lifetime.

Btw. I'm speaking from experience in marriage and not some imagined position...

 

[Tamstrong]

Did not read all the replys, sorry.

I am with FG, JC & Curley-I would like the woman that I am going to marry to take my last name. But if she desire to keep her last name for professional reason or what not, that's kool. But I would really like her to take mine, that's all.

Like I said before, I want my husband's last name (if marriage ever happens for me) because for me that's the way it should be. My maiden name will become my middle name & I will still write under it too.

I wonder sometimes what my son thinks about not getting his "dad's" last name. I still think I did the right thing since he's never had him in his life. I suppose at this point if he decides he wants to change it, it's up to him.

 

[Nerdy Girl]

The change of a woman's last name in the case of marriage is a non-issue for me. I'd be more focused on trying to create the most loving and secure relationship with my partner. If she insisted on taking my last name, I wouldn't object, but I would never ask any woman to take my name as a condition of a marriage. I've just never found that ultimatums lead to the best result, in any kind of relationship in society, let alone one you want to share with someone throughout your lifetime.

Btw. I'm speaking from experience in marriage and not some imagined position...

I didn't think that they allowed enlightened men who treat women with respect onto this forum.

 

[Tamstrong]

The change of a woman's last name in the case of marriage is a non-issue for me. I'd be more focused on trying to create the most loving and secure relationship with my partner. If she insisted on taking my last name, I wouldn't object, but I would never ask any woman to take my name as a condition of a marriage. I've just never found that ultimatums lead to the best result, in any kind of relationship in society, let alone one you want to share with someone throughout your lifetime.

Btw. I'm speaking from experience in marriage and not some imagined position...

Love & security & building a solid relationship is definitely where the focus should be. Ultimatums aren't the best approach to anything, & all they do is set folks up to fail.

I guess it's just one of those things that's a deal breaker for some but not for others. The most important thing IMO is the couple doing what's best for the couple, & it does help when both partners have compatible views on what they consider best for their life together. When it comes down to it, it's about deciding what the relationship is worth to you when deciding whether or not something you have different views on is actually a deal breaker or worth the sacrifice. If it's not worth it to you, then the relationship wasn't meant to be anyway.

 

[TreePixie]

I had a few jobs that provided insurance, but around here those are hard to come by. Managing convenience stores around here used to come with benefits, but not very often these days. Things got better in some respects when I moved into management, but it was more exhausting.

Finding childcare can be tough. It's good that you had the option of those extra days; I would've loved to have that option. My mother was a big help when he was little. I was too ill to work due to health issues until my son was 2, & then I was working all the stinking time. Although I don't know how I would've made it without her help, my mother & I don't see eye to eye on child rearing issues. That made things more stressful, but thankfully we made it through it all.

I didnt have family help, which made it tough, but I had a wonderful babysitter/fill in child care woman who became another grandmother to my son. I'd known her since I was a teen, her daughter was a good friend, and I'd dated one of her sons for awhile. She was a lifesaver, literally on more days than I could count. Since I was in New England, we had "snow days" where school and day care were cancelled, but not work.