Last Names and Marriage
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TheHuntress
Well-Known Member
Or, meet a man who's open-minded enough to recognize that changing a name can go both ways. If having the name is that important, you're free to change your name to mine, otherwise, accept that I married you, we are in this together, and that a thing like that name doesn't guarantee fidelity or longevity in a relationship. It's a symbol to everyone else- and if you have to prove to everyone ELSE that you're married by virtue of a name, then chances are, I wouldn't marry you anyway.
That's how I see it. And clearly there are others who feel differently, which is fine. But telling someone 'don't get married' is just ridiculous. I WON'T get married until I find someone I'm compatible with that I'd want to marry anyway, and if he's the type of person to want to marry me, then he'll already know, understand, and appreciate these things about me.
Sometimes you guys can be a little ridiculous.
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who was that complaining about lippy posting in the men's room...
lippy would not take her husbands name due to professional reasons...there will be plenty of sharing and unity between the two of us without a name change...i don't plan to have anymore children so that would not be an issue deciding on the last name for a child
User NamePostsTreePixie 26karmacoma. 20Tamstrong 20Nerdy Girl 19Tarshi 9archangel 7Bookworm616 6curleyblonde 5Inner Beauty 4Sin Mari 4Sir Nose 3andreboba 3satyr 2Dreaming_Blue 2APPIAH 2JordanC 2whikle 2Brittney 1FG 14north1side2 1xoxo 1Nyx 1Refugee 1Arwen 1swirlman07 1SmoothDaddy101 1
who was that complaining about lippy posting in the men's room...lippy would not take her husbands name due to professional reasons...there will be plenty of sharing and unity between the two of us without a name change...i don't plan to have anymore children so that would not be an issue deciding on the last name for a child
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
And that attitude amongst many other reasons is why someone will feel honored to offer you his last name.
I personally believe in continuity and for me I want my kids to share the same last name as all my brothers' kids as well. Its great sense of family that I love and enjoy. Not to mention there are professional and social perks to carrying my last name that I want my wife to enjoy as well as my kids.
karmacoma.
Well-Known Member
:smt060 :smt060 :smt060 :smt060
karmacoma.
Well-Known Member
Careful, somebody's liable to call you a "neanderthal."
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
Let them call me that. Women like Whikle give me hope that the female gender isn't a lost cause lol
karmacoma.
Well-Known Member
The female gender isn't a lost cause by any means. Don't let the microcosm of this forum color your perceptions of the real world. There are some broken people on here.
andreboba
Well-Known Member
Most of the females in this thread arguing against taking their husband's last name are being rhetorical IMO.
But trust me, if I committed to marrying a woman and she starting ARGUING with me about why she didn't want to take my last name, half of me is already checked out of the relationship.
Certain things I like. Certain things I don't like.
If a woman wants the 'freedom' not to shave her armpits or legs, or dress in men's clothing 24/7, she may be a perfect person, but I will never find out because 'traditionally' she isn't appealing to me.
If taking your man's last name is that big an issue and your significant other isn't down with it, how important for the women is it to keep their maiden name??
If a woman is going to fight me about this, and I'm not talking about someone who because of their professional identity are defined as a brand by their entire name( totally different situation), hey there's other females out here.
Just being honest.
But trust me, if I committed to marrying a woman and she starting ARGUING with me about why she didn't want to take my last name, half of me is already checked out of the relationship.
Certain things I like. Certain things I don't like.
If a woman wants the 'freedom' not to shave her armpits or legs, or dress in men's clothing 24/7, she may be a perfect person, but I will never find out because 'traditionally' she isn't appealing to me.
If taking your man's last name is that big an issue and your significant other isn't down with it, how important for the women is it to keep their maiden name??
If a woman is going to fight me about this, and I'm not talking about someone who because of their professional identity are defined as a brand by their entire name( totally different situation), hey there's other females out here.
Just being honest.
perhaps this is a discussion that should happen early on in a relationship...lippy would hate for some of you to date...fall in love...and then find out that your soon to be wife isn't changing her name...the reason i tell you this is because the name change doesn't happen until weeks after the wedding/honeymoon...i can hear the conversation now, sweetie, when are you going to get the paperwork done to change your last name? keep in mind this includes mortgage on the house, driver's license, passport, checking accounts, credits cards, water company, phone company, energy company, your personal company business cards, social security office, basically everything that you as a person associate yourself with...
wifey answers, hmmm...i wasn't planning on changing my name honey...that is okay with you...right?
the you know what hits the fan
btw, i don't consider myself a feminist...there are also perks that come with my last name...i grew up with it all my life and reaped the benefits of being my father's daughter...my son also has his grandpa's last name and there is an immense amount of pride associated with that relationship...unfortunately more than his father...i do mean unfortunately because i never kept my son from his dad...his dad was just always too busy...my dad on the other hand has always been available for my son
wifey answers, hmmm...i wasn't planning on changing my name honey...that is okay with you...right?
the you know what hits the fan
btw, i don't consider myself a feminist...there are also perks that come with my last name...i grew up with it all my life and reaped the benefits of being my father's daughter...my son also has his grandpa's last name and there is an immense amount of pride associated with that relationship...unfortunately more than his father...i do mean unfortunately because i never kept my son from his dad...his dad was just always too busy...my dad on the other hand has always been available for my son
TheHuntress
Well-Known Member
And what if it's HER that has the name with professional and social perks that she would like to enjoy? Would you take her name in that regard...for example, if she was...oh, Bill Gates' daughter?
The Emir of Bahrain's daughter?
Why are you the only one who's allowed to have a name with professional and social 'perks'?
I do not believe that a family is a family by virtue of the same name. If you are committed- and heck, really, if you're wearing rings, then people will assume you're married, and all it takes is a quick 'Hi, This is my wife/husband, X.'
And what about any daughters you have? Why are they excluded from being able to further enjoy the 'professional and social perks' of her maiden name when she marries someone else? Is that what you would expect of her?
Oh, the wonders of a penis.
TheHuntress
Well-Known Member
I would hope it's already a discussion you'd had well before the conversation happened during which you proposed. And that's fine if that's not the type of person you'd want to be with- no one's going to force you. Just like there are other women out there, there are other men. I'd rather be single than compromise my identity.
perhaps this is a discussion that should happen early on in a relationship...lippy would hate for some of you to date...fall in love...and then find out that your soon to be wife isn't changing her name...the reason i tell you this is because the name change doesn't happen until weeks after the wedding/honeymoon...i can hear the conversation now, sweetie, when are you going to get the paperwork done to change your last name? keep in mind this includes mortgage on the house, driver's license, passport, checking accounts, credits cards, water company, phone company, energy company, your personal company business cards, social security office, basically everything that you as a person associate yourself with...
wifey answers, hmmm...i wasn't planning on changing my name honey...that is okay with you...right?
the you know what hits the fan
I was just going to say that, lippy! My friend went on her honeymoon, not as Mrs. X, but as Miss A, because you can't change anything until after the wedding. And what a freakin' headache it is to change everything. Some of my friends haven't even changed their names on everything, and it's years later. They just gave up because they were sick and tired of the paperwork. One friend.. she has some documents..I think her driver's license and passport are her married name, but her social security card and credit cards are her maiden name (I think that's what it was, I have to ask her, cause I'm not sure if that's possible, but it's a MESS). Then, my other friend kept her maiden name completely. She figured, at 30 years old, she had lived a significant amount of time as that person, and she wasn't going to change her name and not be recognized as a result.
Point is, it's a personal decision. You have to ask yourself- why is it so important for you, the men, to have someone take your name, rather than just say 'This is my wife.' I sometimes think that the reason women feel it's an honor and privilege to take a man's name is because of the antiquated belief that a woman isn't worth a damn until she's married off and producing babies. Old habits die hard.
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
Because I have yet to see the social and professional perks of being Mr. Insert Wife's Maiden name here. Men aren't socially respected by other men socially or professionally. Dude just don't get married or find a like minded person. Good luck to the dude who falls into that situation
TheHuntress
Well-Known Member
TheHuntress
Well-Known Member
I was asking an honest question about why you are the only one who gets to have perks....and you come back trying to insult me because you clearly have issues with the value of women in general?
'Falls into that situation'?
I must've hit a nerve.
Persephone
New Member
I'm still using my ex-husband's last name, and I hate it. -_- It was just easier, though, and I wasn't particularly attached to my maiden name anyhow. If Nate and I were to get married...well, I guess I'll just have to think about it when the situation pops up, because I have no idea yet. The whole marriage thing in general still confuses me, but I think it'll be easier to decide when we've made something official. We're trying to get everything together financially before we even try to get married or anything. I do kind of like his last name, though, so maybe I will. I do like having a choice in the matter, however. It's nice being able to enjoy such a freedom, since we haven't always been able to. Sometimes it's still pressured onto us from family and friends...^ think it would've been a biiiiig problem if I didnt take my ex's name
TheHuntress
Well-Known Member
Yes, I do...and no, it doesn't, because no one comes up and calls me 'Lush-Clinique-Secret Dry'. They call me by my name. Every day.
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
And if someone were to say women who fight so much to keep her name are women so cold and bitter and use to being alone they don't believe the relationship will ever last so why go through the headache of changing their last name. Would that be messed up?
Just don't get married if your individuality is that important to you.