How important is it to you to date a similar faith??

Don't really care if the person is religious. Just not hella religious and makes me go to church. I don't do church. I would rather not deal with the religious issue at all.
 
and why, Elklodge? are you a very religious person and you think a muslim or hindu wouldnt understand your religion?
 
Canelle said:
I dont care so much.
I do not like fundamentalists of any kind, so I want my man to be tolerant and let other people do their stuff.
My actual bf is the first not christian man I am in love with (muslim).
The first one was a baptist with very strict and religious parents and the 2nd one is orthodox. There were some "strange" and beautiful things in his orthodox faith.

My man and me talked a lot before we first kissed so I know he is tolerant. He
criticized that many muslim people in Europe act intolerant and even celebrates xmas rather than stays home alone. He is just not allowed to attend church service.
We talked about child education- in islam kids are muslims general till/unless they are baptised (? or seven) and he told me that if we had children he would like to show them everything from both religions, so they can choose to be christian or muslim or nothing at all.
So there would be christmas ( I could not live without christmas! no!), eid mubarak, easter eggs, bayram and ramadan in our house, which would be a lot of celebrating. ;-)
As I dont like meat at all its no problem about not having pork.
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I dated a muslim guy once and when it came round to ramadan for about 6 weeks we couldnt have sex or anything intimate because we wasnt married, Does your boyfriend uphold this muslim tradition which should be for the whole year not just 6 weeks buts adapted to just ramadan to fit in with modern life, because to be honest it put a strain on our relationship as im quite fond of sex lol. And general affection off course
 
Well, we are together for only 2 months, have been talking for half a year before. 1 week after we kissed for the first time ramadan started and yes, there was no kissing or other stuff. It was hard, yes, but I found it quite nice that he wanted to see me 3 times a week for talking and taking walks, for it showed me that he was really interested in my heart and brain as well as in my other more prominent features. :lol:
There was one day off (they can pay for it or repeat the day later in the year) which we spent kissing in the park like we never kissed anyone before, so sweet.
But he likes to drink wine and does not pray 5 times a day. and as to sex before marriage; I could not have a bf who does not love me physically as well. I could not live with that, no kissing, touching, kidding around naked etc.
the man must be tested before marriage! For if everything is good it is supposed to last forever ( I know I am being optimistic here) and there is no forever with me without a good sexlife. ;-)
 
Canelle said:
Well, we are together for only 2 months, have been talking for half a year before. 1 week after we kissed for the first time ramadan started and yes, there was no kissing or other stuff. It was hard, yes, but I found it quite nice that he wanted to see me 3 times a week for talking and taking walks, for it showed me that he was really interested in my heart and brain as well as in my other more prominent features. :lol:
There was one day off (they can pay for it or repeat the day later in the year) which we spent kissing in the park like we never kissed anyone before, so sweet.
But he likes to drink wine and does not pray 5 times a day. and as to sex before marriage; I could not have a bf who does not love me physically as well. I could not live with that, no kissing, touching, kidding around naked etc.
the man must be tested before marriage! For if everything is good it is supposed to last forever ( I know I am being optimistic here) and there is no forever with me without a good sexlife. ;-)
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He sounds very nice honey especialy as he took the day for you and was willing to put himself out and repeat it.

He sounds like his willing to adapt with you and in my opinion you cant argue with that.
 
shyandsweet said:
The same goes for me. Everyone is entitiled for their own personal requirements-but this is mine also. :D (and I found Him already)!
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And still I would like to know why? I respect that. I ask out of interest. What are the reasons for that wish? and congrats you found him. ;-)

francie, yes, he is very nice and he makes affords to be a very good man for me (he is already or I would not have taken him, but I see that he is thinking about how he can make me happy which is nice. ;-) )

He is adapting and me as well. He was very relieved/happy when he saw that I did not try to disturb his ramadan by trying to make him kiss me or something like that.
There is a lot of respect from both of us, otherwise it could not work, our cultural and religious backgrounds differ so much. But we have a similiar atitude towards life and a similiar educational background. ;-) * drawing little hearts* :mrgreen:
 
I think the most important thing is not having the same faith, but being enough tolerant and acceptable to your man\woman faith. cause if God made two people of different faith to meet each other and be together, it probably had a reason...God maybe wanted them to change some of their opinions, cause being in a relationship is always about mutual changes and concessions.
 
The religion of the person doesn't bother me. The mentality of the person does. It is important to me to be with someone who is openminded about religion, despite their own personal beliefs, and who can respect my own beliefs which lean more toward Agnosticism than anything else. I don't impose my religious beliefs on others, and if a man can respect me enough not to force his on me then we're cool. I don't mind going to church, or participating, or whatever, because I respect the religion of whoever I'm with. But if they can't be as open minded as me, then it wouldn't work out.
 
It is important to me that he is also Muslim. I think it would be incrediably sad to have to go to masjid services by myself. And a wife and husband praying together, fasting together, making hajj together is very beautiful. I couldnt imagine how it would feel to take part in these things by myself.
 
fly girl said:
It is important to me that he is also Muslim. I think it would be incrediably sad to have to go to masjid services by myself. And a wife and husband praying together, fasting together, making hajj together is very beautiful. I couldnt imagine how it would feel to take part in these things by myself.
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Im sure a shared faith would be a truly beautiful thing especially the way you put it Fly girl:)
 
DI said:
I think the most important thing is not having the same faith, but being enough tolerant and acceptable to your man\woman faith. cause if God made two people of different faith to meet each other and be together, it probably had a reason...God maybe wanted them to change some of their opinions, cause being in a relationship is always about mutual changes and concessions.
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this is a beautiful point of view.
 
Canelle said:
thats what I thought you would answer, dh. ;-)
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Cause I'm awesome that way! Besides, I always feel like I'm saying the same thing on here. *L* Just worded differently and applied to different situations. It's pretty easy to tell how I feel about stuff like this...it's all about respect and open-mindedness! :D
 
I believe that if two people are going to share their life, everyday together, they plan to have children, and celebrate holidays and make traditions in their family, it is very important to have a very similar faith. I don't think they need to agree on every detail, but if one is Muslim and one is Christian, then how would they celebrate the holidays, weddings, and teach their children about God/Allah/Jesus? There would be a lot of confusion. These two religions are very different. If they were Wicka/Christian for example, or Atheist/Muslim, or Budist/Christian. All of these combinations are a potential disaster. If however they were Catholic/Orthodox, or Baptist/Pentecostal, there may be large differences but the basics of the faith are the same, and I think it is doable.

I absolutely need to know that my man is a leader and can be a leader spiritually for my family. I would have to know that I could agree with him and learn from him, and that he would be open to my ideas, and beliefs.
 
More conservative religions tend to be less tolerant of any outsiders. For example, when a Catholic and Orthodox get married, both churches traditionally agree that the Orthodox rite marriage ceremony should take place, because the Orthodox Church only allows that, and the Catholic Church is okay with it. But I don't think it makes sense. The wedding should take place in the husband's church. A friend of mine from church was born a Polish Catholic, and she married a Czech Orthodox. She became Orthodox! And if I marry a Catholic man I'm marrying him in a Catholic church, and I'm raising the kids Catholic. Whether the little brats like it or not. I don't see myself marrying a Protestant/Evangelical or a non-Christian... too different.
 
QSSassy said:
Alessa and I were discussing dating Muslims in another thread.. so I thought I'd pull up a new thread more on dating another faith here.. because it certainly is a topic that could go in many directions..

ok.. my experience with dating a Muslim is that I wouldn't again. Not because I don't' respect their faith. Anyone who has a faith in their God, I do respect. However, I have found the mix difficult.

One.. I love Christmas.. its hard if you can't share it. I'm like a little kid and Christmas time.. I really glow with smiles. Its a big deal to me, so not being able to do presents and all that.. well it puts a cloud on it. I though I wouldn't mind.. but I guess I did.

Pork.. oh man.. I love baking ham dinners and that is a definite no no.. plus bacon.. and I'm sorry.. but there is no way beef bacon compares to pork bacon!!!

So.. what experiences have you had negatively or positively when dating someone of a totally different belief system than yours?
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To me, it doesn't matter if you can both accept and respect each other's differences. I think if you can be in an interracial relationship, what's so different with an inter-faith relationship too? My man and I are kind of up in the air though right now. Sometimes I say we're together and sometimes I say we're not. I've known him since I was 14 and we've been together ever since. We were both mostly Christians in our younger days. Then I started leaning more towards New Age spirituality. Then not so long ago he decided he wants to be Muslim, now he's Muslim. And we're "on the rocks" because I'm not Muslim and I'm not planning to become Muslim so he says that it's against his beliefs to marry me now because I'm a non-believer. Which made me feel incredibly hurt and betrayed and just blindsighted because we've been wanting to be married and start a family for so many years and he slaps me with this. I told him how I felt, that I don't understand how he can just suddenly decide to become Muslim and choose a religion that's against marrying me because I'm not Muslim. He told me stop being so negative and sound like my world's coming to an end and that all is doomed. Trying to reassure me that we'll work through it together. Telling me that "Things are not as gray and gloomy as you cause yourself to believe they are. We are a team and it's like we have been walking hand in hand for many years and you have been guiding me and helping me to be a better person and just because I have found what has lead me to be what you knew was in me all along, doesn't mean that I am gonna let your hand go now." Telling me, "I love you Brittney, with a love that abounds all others. Don't worry yourself so much about things that can be overcome. We made it through a lot worse situations, we shall make it through this as well.!. together." I hope he's right...
 
Britty, muslim man are allowed to mary jewish and christian women, as these are "book religions" too. They cannot marry hindu or buddhist woman.

Other way round; muslime girls are not allowed to marry christians or jews, for they believe that the man is the spiritual leader of the family and the women would live with his non-muslime-family and covert sooner or later.
A friend of mine fell in love with a christian and he converted for her, now they are married.

Tinkerbell, I think you have to have a similiar ideas about raisng interreligious kids. One should talk about that befor children come.
I think you can have all the celebrations, they dont contradict each other.

You can have bayram in december, than christmas and new year and easter and later on its ramadan and eid al fitr and so.
I think a child can learn a lot from that; there are always more options even to stuff like religious believes. But both partner have to be open minded and supportative.
 
Understanding Islam after having been raised in a western/Christian/Jewish society isnt easy. Unlike other faiths, there is more than just sin and not a sin.
Marriage in Islam is a highly regarded practice in the prophetic example, as well as being a social necessity. The Prophet (pbuh) said:

‘O you young men! Whoever is able to marry should marry, for that will help him to lower his gaze and guard his modesty.’

Actually the Prophet (pbuh) regarded modesty as a great virtue. He said:

‘Modesty is part of faith.’

He also said:

‘Marriage is my sunna (way and example). Whosoever keeps away from it is not from me.’

Also, socially, marriage is necessary in Islam. This is because through marriage, families, which are the fundamental unit of the society, are established. Through marriage, Islam aims to build a pure, safe, clean, healthy, and socially stable society. Therefore, mutual respect, common ground and shared principles, are highly needed from both parties. This is in order to fulfill both the religious purpose and the social necessity. In addition to all of this, marriage in Islam is established on the basis of mutual consent and free choice.

Since marriage is highly regarded by religion, Islam considers believing in the existence of God, the institution of prophet-hood and the divine books as essential elements in its foundation. Thus Allah in the Noble Qur’an made clear that marrying disbelievers is prohibited, for both genders:
Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But God beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.
​
Surah 2 Verse 221​
However, in contrast with other faiths, Islam did not restrict marriage to be only within the Islamic faith. Islam did not require conversion into the faith as a condition for the interfaith marriage, like Christianity. Nor did it totally reject the idea of interfaith marriages, as in Judaism. Here, I am referring to the scriptural law of Christianity and Judaism, not to the civil laws of Western countries.

Simultaneously, Islam is a religion that is suitable for the innate nature and character of the human being. In order to maintain security, order and purity in the society, Islam seeks to maintain qualities within the foundation of the family. In this sense only, Islam considers the husband to be the head of the family and responsible for the well being of family members.

It is a matter of fact that a Muslim man is obliged to recognize and respect the faith of the Christian and the Jewish woman and cannot compel her to become Muslim. On the other hand, the same cannot be said of the non-Muslim man. The faith of any non-Muslim man does not even recognize Islam or Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) as being legitimate. He would not necessarily respect Islam’s tenets and practices that a Muslim woman obviously believes in and is obliged to uphold.

Thus the rights of Christian and Jewish women in a Muslim household are protected in the Islamic law. They are able to practice their religion freely without any restriction and they can live with the knowledge that their Prophets and Books will be honored. A Muslim man is even commanded to believe that it is an article of faith to treat his Jewish or Christian wife in this way.

Additionally, the habits of the non-Muslim husband and his morals will likely be in conflict with and compromise those of the Muslim woman. Contrary to this, the morals and the value system of the Muslim husband, if not identical to the principle values of Christianity and Judaism, will not contradict or threaten them.

Hence, under the light of all previous facts, allowing Muslim men to marry non-Muslims and the prohibition for Muslim women to do so is not a discriminatory rule. It is not a threat to the equality of men and women, or an indication of the dominance of man. It is directly related to respecting others faiths and the freedom of religions.

Wa salaam

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In order to be clear, we need to understand how the rights to practice your religion are affected by marriage. If both parties were equal partners with neither being able to impose his or her will upon the other, then Muslim women marrying Christian or Jewish men would be no different to the Muslim men marrying Christian or Jewish women. However there is a difference. Christian and Jewish men are clearly set in charge of their wives and have a right to be obeyed by them.

Christian marriage vows include obeying the husband. The bible explicitly curses Eve by saying she will be made to obey men (This story is however completely missing in the Qur'an). It has even been until recently (early last century) the law in England, that upon marriage all of the woman's property becomes the property of her husband. So any control she had over her life is surrendered to her husband.

Islam recognises the position of difficulty this could land Muslim women in and so does not allow them to be subjected to the orders of Christian or Jewish husbands.
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