Your idealistic and realistic partner matches?

I think this is an easy one. I'm going for the money given that they have all the other factors.

ETA - I think physical looks (and attraction) shifts with other qualities. I am much more attracted to other qualities that in turn make someone much more attractive...even better looking to me. A man who's average looking may be much more attractive to me than a man who's very good looking. It happens all the time. Money is money and assuming the guy isn't a dick about his money and/or he's a workaholic or any of the other negatives I've encountered with some with extreme wealth (and you stated all the other qualities were equal - so I'm assuming it's all good) of course it's great to have the wealth.

 

Yes and the opposite is true. In the situation I'm dealing with, he would like to think he's not nearly as busy as he is. In my case, I probably downplay how busy I am. However, I'm really good at time management. I think a great deal depends on your ability to manage your time and also how much you can realistically do. What's a struggle and time consuming to one is not to another.

 

That's what I guessed most women would pick. I'll come up with a more interesting one next time lol.

 

Also, more to my earlier point, your desire for the person/relationship can certainly affect your view of available time.

 

Damn qaz. You had one job. LOL

 

B. I want to see what she can do a strong unit makes strong kids. I dont want it to be too focused on me.

 

Interesting view. I can tell you from experience that you really won't know how someone is with children until they have them. Children change everything.

 

True, children will change stuff I know that but the idea of being a power couple still is intriguing to me, not a requirement by any means. But yeah I'd like us to both have some heft in the outside world.

 

I wonder if those that don't have kids at all in life miss a stage of growth spiritually? What would you say? serious question.

Who better to ask than K the Oracle?

 

1. I do LOVE that nickname. K, please immediately update your handle accordingly lol

2. I think any number of experiences grow us spiritually, and we don't all get to have all of them. Children are certainly a common one. Just my two cents

 

Having kids can affect ones sprit, but I think one can achieve spiritual growth in many ways, and having kids for that reason may not be the best.

I think people need to give more thought to having kids, once you do, it is no longer about you, but about them.

I don't think people actually give enough thought about the reasons why they want kids, they have to really ask themselves why. There are too many kids with problems, too many in jail, foster care etc, because patents were not careful enough about having them, or other reasons.

You have to want it in your heart, and be ready to give them your all, to give all your love to them, and it will also require one to have themselves and life in order.

 

Well that's exactly what I was thinking. At some point maybe my life shouldn't be about me anymore. I also like seeing my mom light up around my nephew, she was ready for a grandchild when he came along.

Also, most women want a child at some point. So yeah, I'm thinking about the reality of it before it possibly happens.

 

Great question.

Yes, in some ways I do think so. It's beyond spiritually...emotionally, mentally too. It's not just having children though, it's more about raising children. There is something very unique about raising children and truly sacrificing (in a way that does not happen with anything else in life). Raising children really does change everything about you.

Of course, there are parents who lack all sorts of things, and those who haven't had children who may be amazing people. Generally speaking, there does seem to be something missing when someone hasn't had children...especially later in life. I used to think maybe it wouldn't matter so much as I got older and my kids were closer to leaving and it does change things but it's still so much a part of who you are and how you live your life.

Once upon a time, I had a rule of sorts where I definitely preferred to be with a man who had not just had children but been the primary caregiver (at some point ) in their child(ren)s life, or at least were very involved. My kids were younger at that point and given my parenting philosophy and the way I am, I felt that was really important. Now, I still have kids at home and in some ways, I prefer men whose children are grown. I haven't been meeting as many who haven't had children (at one point in life it seemed like I was always coming across men who never had children and never wanted to). Part the hard part with that too is I always was concerned that at some point they may feel like they missed out and would want to have children and I was done with that part. It's odd to see how many men in their late 40s-60s start having the twinge of maybe they should have had kids. I think it's just another wave of midlife crisis (I think many people go through several now rather than just one) and thoughts that maybe they regret things they haven't done.

 

I'll say this about relationships and family....while everyone wants to go on about how they aren't realistic now and things have changed so much (and believe me I get that)....having children is one of the most powerful life-changing things we can do. It's definitely not for the weak of heart. I think way too many people have children without giving it much thought. While my 4 children have been the very best that has ever happened in my life and truly are the very best parts of me, I don't know that I would have children if I were at that point in life the way things are now. I say that and I can remember when I was wanting my first child and my (then) husband was going on about how bad things were in the world. And I'm sure people have always said those things. I have really mixed feelings about this these days. In some ways I want to tell people - yes absolutely have children it'll be the hardest and best thing you could ever do in life. And then there is the other side where I completely support those who choose not to. As much as my family is all about family, my 2 grown kids very well may not have children, the younger 2 may not either and I'm ok with that. Funny given that I always thought I would end up with a bunch of grands! My kids are very realistic though and they look at things from different perspectives and don't govern their lives by emotions. While having kids can be this amazing romantic notion, the reality of the day to day of it is definitely not romantic and should never be emotionally based. I say that but then I wonder how many children would come about if people went by that. Having kids will definitely put stress on you and your relationship in ways that nothing else can or will. It will push every button you have and challenge every bit of you.

Children truly take over your life, and they should. There is no way to describe the impact that having children has in your life. When I say it changes everything about you...I mean that. Everything you think, the way you think, the way you feel, your perspective, on and on. What you want (and even what you need) no longer matters. It's not like it just happens once you have children, it continues day after day, year after year. They dictate every choice you make in life. I do think it's a great thing when people learn that it's not all about them and they really learn the meaning of sacrificing and putting another before themselves. I just have major concerns that we have created a generation of people who are not ready for that and have little to no support for it from society standpoint. I'm shocked and amazed on a regular basis in working with some of the younger families. They are having children like they are part of a status thing....it's all rather icky. Having children is NOT about you. People really need to check their motives.

 

The Oracle has spoken. If you didn't get any food for thought then you're not hungry.

 

Also, one should not have kids due to social pressure, or by what society and friends say. Saying things like you will regret it, you are selfish, have a hole in your life etc. Those who choose not to have kids should be respected for their decisions.

When a parent or parents are changing a diaper, feeding, comforting a baby, society and all those friends who try to pressure or guilt you to have kids will not be there with you behind the closed doors of your daily life. One cannot have kids for the romance, or live for he milestone moments of first walk, graduation etc, it is all those mundane days in between.

Having kids changes both men and women physiologically as well, both physical and mental.

With the cost of living life n this day and age and housing, manny may choose not to have kids. People want to wait to go to collage and secure a job, which is hard now, who wants to raise a kid in poverty. That does all kinds of emotional damage to a child, having to move, hearing parents fight over rent etc.

 

I fee like not cohabitation makes it easier, no need to worry about habits your GF/BF have that annoy you probably wont argue as much or worry about being under each other as often, spend weekends or vacations together but i don't want to live with a a girl 24/7...but that is just me,

 

One meets many guys like this.
They have their work life all week and they invite you for weekends and holidays.
Its like some guys need a girl to relax at weekends but he can send you home when he no longer needs you.

 

I feel the same way about a guy, come and stay sometimes but not be all in my living space everyday.