30+ and i've never had a girlfriend--

[Hypestyle]

You made this thread almost 6 years ago.... ya got a girlfriend yet? (Note: My phone auto-corrected "girlfriend" to "cuttlefish." )

Hell no! But I did finish college-- currently trying to find a new job and relocate-- and while such endeavors don't have to preclude dating, I still find myself regularly frustrated trying to meet women..

hmm... cuttlefish= girlfriend? heh.. maybe somebody calls their significant other 'cuddle-fish'? just kidding.. :freehug:

 

[archangel]

Hell no! But I did finish college-- currently trying to find a new job and relocate-- and while such endeavors don't have to preclude dating, I still find myself regularly frustrated trying to meet women..

hmm... cuttlefish= girlfriend? heh.. maybe somebody calls their significant other 'cuddle-fish'? just kidding.. :freehug:

It is pretty easy now finding one that loves you and you ove her back is a whole other story. I say just test out with some women online.


I like to say if I can do it! than any one can.

I don't go out often. I didn't stick photos online and still got a g/f.
I can recommend some sites where I contacted back or contacted first.


Free:
okcupid. I didn't find any appealing women but you may.
geek2geek. found a really nice woman but she was a smoker so had to give that up.

cost money:
eharmony. I'm currently on it and got several contacts despite no pic on my profile.

hang in there

online dating is less intimadating because you don't have to meet them and can get to know them before the meet up. This might help calm the nervousness.

 

[Hypestyle]

It is pretty easy now finding one that loves you and you ove her back is a whole other story. I say just test out with some women online.


I like to say if I can do it! than any one can.

I don't go out often. I didn't stick photos online and still got a g/f.
I can recommend some sites where I contacted back or contacted first.


Free:
okcupid. I didn't find any appealing women but you may.
geek2geek. found a really nice woman but she was a smoker so had to give that up.

cost money:
eharmony. I'm currently on it and got several contacts despite no pic on my profile.

hang in there

online dating is less intimadating because you don't have to meet them and can get to know them before the meet up. This might help calm the nervousness.

thanks for this, I'll check out some of those sites. something's got to click.. my loins can't take it anymore..:smt087 lol

 

[Ches]

Hell no! But I did finish college-- currently trying to find a new job and relocate-- and while such endeavors don't have to preclude dating, I still find myself regularly frustrated trying to meet women..

hmm... cuttlefish= girlfriend? heh.. maybe somebody calls their significant other 'cuddle-fish'? just kidding.. :freehug:

i think it would probably be best to wait to get into something serious until you re-locate. If you meet someone you really like and then have to move a significant distance away....ugh. Long distance relationships can work but they're hard.

 

[archangel]

i think it would probably be best to wait to get into something serious until you re-locate. If you meet someone you really like and then have to move a significant distance away....ugh. Long distance relationships can work but they're hard.

He has to gain experience though. If not, he may choose the wrong girl.

start where you know there will be no biggie.

 

[DJ_1985]

I'm in the southeast michigan area, I consider myself in the market for a girlfriend, but, well, I tend to have a lot of anxiety in social situations, I was a "nerd" as a kid, girls weren't into me..
needing tips for meeting folks, trying to get out of depression, etc. :?

I'm in SW Michigan. Not quite as old as you but getting close to 30. In school I was always shy and a bit of a dork, although I was always stylish. Over the years my speaking skills, eye contact, and general comfortableness around others has improved. One thing that I've learned is that women usually have poor social skills because they don't really need them. They just need to be physically attractive to snag a mate. So, basically that means that you're going to have to be funny and interesting enough for the both of you.

To be clear, I've never dated yet either. I've had some IRL opportunities and I'm currently on a dating site where several women have expressed an interest to meet up. Trouble is, they're generally not as physically fit as me, they have kids, they're ratchet, etc. The best advice I can give you is: never date just for the sake of being able to say you've dated someone.

 

[Ches]

I'm in SW Michigan. Not quite as old as you but getting close to 30. In school I was always shy and a bit of a dork, although I was always stylish. Over the years my speaking skills, eye contact, and general comfortableness around others has improved. One thing that I've learned is that women usually have poor social skills because they don't really need them. They just need to be physically attractive to snag a mate. So, basically that means that you're going to have to be funny and interesting enough for the both of you.

To be clear, I've never dated yet either. I've had some IRL opportunities and I'm currently on a dating site where several women have expressed an interest to meet up. Trouble is, they're generally not as physically fit as me, they have kids, they're ratchet, etc. The best advice I can give you is: never date just for the sake of being able to say you've dated someone.

:smt005

That's hysterical, coming from someone who's never dated.

 

[Hypestyle]

I'm in SW Michigan. Not quite as old as you but getting close to 30. In school I was always shy and a bit of a dork, although I was always stylish. Over the years my speaking skills, eye contact, and general comfortableness around others has improved. One thing that I've learned is that women usually have poor social skills because they don't really need them. They just need to be physically attractive to snag a mate. So, basically that means that you're going to have to be funny and interesting enough for the both of you.

To be clear, I've never dated yet either. I've had some IRL opportunities and I'm currently on a dating site where several women have expressed an interest to meet up. Trouble is, they're generally not as physically fit as me, they have kids, they're ratchet, etc. The best advice I can give you is: never date just for the sake of being able to say you've dated someone.

acknowledged.. I'm exploring some dating sites carefully; I'm up front about only wanting casual dating right now, I'm not trying to be "serious" with anybody until I eventually relocate. all of my inquiries (including IR inquiries) have never yielded anything, oh well.. :cry:

 

[DJ_1985]

:smt005

That's hysterical, coming from someone who's never dated.

Just because I haven't dated doesn't mean I'm not observant or that my social skills are poor. Even a person who does have poor social skills and still tries is more admirable than someone who does nothing at all. George Bernard Shaw dated and married and his take on it was, "It is assumed that the woman must sit motionless until she is wooed - that is how the spider catches the fly".

 

[Ches]

Just because I haven't dated doesn't mean I'm not observant or that my social skills are poor. Even a person who does have poor social skills and still tries is more admirable than someone who does nothing at all. George Bernard Shaw dated and married and his take on it was, "It is assumed that the woman must sit motionless until she is wooed - that is how the spider catches the fly".

So tell me then - how do average-looking women (the category most of us would fall into) get dates? If all you have to do is be attractive, how do those of us who don't look like models still manage to get dates??

As someone I talked to about this mentioned, men do need strong social skills if they're going to be successful with women. But a woman also needs the skills to know how to respond to or capture a man's interest. If a man is only looking for sex, yeah, I guess a woman needs only to hang out and look good. But if he wants to date/have a relationship with substance, I don't think he'd be happy for long with an airhead who can only adorn the furniture.

 

[DJ_1985]

So tell me then - how do average-looking women (the category most of us would fall into) get dates? If all you have to do is be attractive, how do those of us who don't look like models still manage to get dates??

Well, one must keep in mind that the U.S. is not the most physically fit country in the world. The average male's standards of attractiveness are probably not the same as a Hollywood playboy's, which is not reflective of the general population. That being said "average" is a relative term. If you're not extremely obese (in a country where this is a growing problem), that's probably half of your attractiveness right there. A man's need for companionship plays a part as well. Sure, it is partially evolutionary, but there's also a social aspect to it. A man's very identity depends on his ability to secure a mate. In this day and age the whole "independent woman" movement is all the rage (I got my vibrator and I got my own money!), but a man who is continually single and continually sexless is considered an oddity, a eunuch.

As someone I talked to about this mentioned, men do need strong social skills if they're going to be successful with women. But a woman also needs the skills to know how to respond to or capture a man's interest. If a man is only looking for sex, yeah, I guess a woman needs only to hang out and look good. But if he wants to date/have a relationship with substance, I don't think he'd be happy for long with an airhead who can only adorn the furniture.

I think most men are happy with a partner who will laugh at their jokes and be fascinated by their thoughts. Many guys will lie to make women like them. I see it all the time. It's classic Chesterfield! Lord Chesterfield advises a man to compliment a woman on her intellect, if she's very beautiful and to compliment a woman on her beauty if she's more 'average' looking. I hate to admit it but sometimes men can be just as deceptive as women.

 

[Sir Nose]

Just because I haven't dated doesn't mean I'm not observant.

You seem to be uber-observant and also well read on the subjects of women, dating and relationships. Odd that you haven't ventured out, if for no other reason, to put the theory in practice so that you can further evaluate.

I guess it's like they say, "those who can't, teach".

 

[RaiderLL]

One thing that I've learned is that women usually have poor social skills because they don't really need them. They just need to be physically attractive to snag a mate. So, basically that means that you're going to have to be funny and interesting enough for the both of you.

I don't think women "usually have poor social skills", but I do agree we don't need them to get a mans attention. We do, however, need them to keep a mans attention. The dating world is much easier on women, there's no doubt.

So tell me then - how do average-looking women (the category most of us would fall into) get dates? If all you have to do is be attractive, how do those of us who don't look like models still manage to get dates??

As someone I talked to about this mentioned, men do need strong social skills if they're going to be successful with women. But a woman also needs the skills to know how to respond to or capture a man's interest. If a man is only looking for sex, yeah, I guess a woman needs only to hang out and look good. But if he wants to date/have a relationship with substance, I don't think he'd be happy for long with an airhead who can only adorn the furniture.

I honestly think what used to hold me back was the mindset that all men wanted model chicks. We all have celebrity/models that we might drool over a little, but I've learned that most men aren't sitting at home waiting for Kate Upton to fall into their laps (not that they'd mind it, but you get my point). From my experience, most men want someone who has decent looks, a decent body and a personality that keeps them coming back. I think confidence is just as important for women as it is for men. I think I have average looks and an average body, and I get approached all the time. I take care of myself and carry myself with confidence and I think that's attractive to men (just like those characteristics in a man would be attractive to most women).

 

[Beasty]

You seem to be uber-observant and also well read on the subjects of women, dating and relationships. Odd that you haven't ventured out, if for no other reason, to put the theory in practice so that you can further evaluate.

I guess it's like they say, "those who can't, teach".

and so you get a job with the swat team of your local police dept. Your title is bomb technician. So you prefer one of the guys that cant diffuse a bomb to teach you how to do it. I see how that works. :smt023

 

[Ches]

Well, one must keep in mind that the U.S. is not the most physically fit country in the world. The average male's standards of attractiveness are probably not the same as a Hollywood playboy's, which is not reflective of the general population. That being said "average" is a relative term. If you're not extremely obese (in a country where this is a growing problem), that's probably half of your attractiveness right there. A man's need for companionship plays a part as well. Sure, it is partially evolutionary, but there's also a social aspect to it. A man's very identity depends on his ability to secure a mate. In this day and age the whole "independent woman" movement is all the rage (I got my vibrator and I got my own money!), but a man who is continually single and continually sexless is considered an oddity, a eunuch.



I think most men are happy with a partner who will laugh at their jokes and be fascinated by their thoughts. Many guys will lie to make women like them. I see it all the time. It's classic Chesterfield! Lord Chesterfield advises a man to compliment a woman on her intellect, if she's very beautiful and to compliment a woman on her beauty if she's more 'average' looking. I hate to admit it but sometimes men can be just as deceptive as women.

Ya don't say!!! Honey, we learn to be deceptive to survive in a man's world.

 

[DJ_1985]

You seem to be uber-observant and also well read on the subjects of women, dating and relationships. Odd that you haven't ventured out, if for no other reason, to put the theory in practice so that you can further evaluate.

I guess it's like they say, "those who can't, teach".

Actually, I get out quite a bit and travel a lot. I've had about four or five of my co-workers ask me how it is that I'm single, considering that I've got the basics covered (car, house in a good neighborhood, athletic body type, steady employment). I think I need to start talking to more women of color to increase my chances. On my POF page, there's currently six people who want to meet me. Five of them are black and a bit overweight, and one of them is Hispanic and slim but has a kid.

 

[Mikey]

A man's need for companionship plays a part as well. Sure, it is partially evolutionary, but there's also a social aspect to it. A man's very identity depends on his ability to secure a mate. In this day and age the whole "independent woman" movement is all the rage, but a man who is continually single and continually sexless is considered an oddity, a eunuch.

I think most men are happy with a partner who will laugh at their jokes and be fascinated by their thoughts. Many guys will lie to make women like them.I hate to admit it but sometimes men can be just as deceptive as women.

You're right about that. My opinion of it is that he shouldn't feel that way about not finding women. It's not that urgent and besides, how would you feel if you experience more repercussions by being with them rather than benefits? Eventually we'll hit a time where we ask ourselves, "what's the point of trying anyway?" I don't see companionship as something "mandatory" that I have to go through, so when I do usually talk to women it's about things that are work/career related and not about relationships.

 

[goodlove]

You seem to be uber-observant and also well read on the subjects of women, dating and relationships. Odd that you haven't ventured out, if for no other reason, to put the theory in practice so that you can further evaluate.

I guess it's like they say, "those who can't, teach".

lol, in orderto be a good teacher you have to have experience

 

[goodlove]

and so you get a job with the swat team of your local police dept. Your title is bomb technician. So you prefer one of the guys that cant diffuse a bomb to teach you how to do it. I see how that works. :smt023

classic need to rep u

 

[Sir Nose]

I see how that works. :smt023

lol, in orderto be a good teacher you have to have experience

Just so you guys know, I am simply quoting a relevant and (I thought) well-known idiom. I don't necessarily agree with it:

"Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.
Prov. People who are able to do something well can do that thing for a living, while people who are not able to do anything that well make a living by teaching. (Used to disparage teachers. From George Bernard Shaw's Man and Superman.) Bob: I'm so discouraged. My writing teacher told me my novel is hopeless. Jane: Don't listen to her, Bob. Remember: those who can, do; those who can't, teach."