30+ and i've never had a girlfriend--

I have girls that I talk to who are just friends. Most of the numbers in my cellphone are the numbers of beautiful girls who pretty much forgot about me overnight though. I'm not really hesitant but I'll usually only try and make contact two times at the most and then move on. At the end of the day, it's my choices that make the difference. The other day two girls on plentyoffish added me to their favorites list. They're both white and obese, which is not my thing. I know I'm not single because nobody wants me.

 

It is by choice and circumstance that I am single. I know of no other way to be but single. Sometimes, I have a feeling of dread at the possibility. I become terrified because of my limited experience in the arena known as dating. I am afraid that I could end up hurt. I had seen it all before with myself and friends of mine. I am not afraid to be alone because i know what to do to navigate though my life. Nothing matters to me but the journey. I do, sometimes think about being with someone. Sometimes I want it. I am human. These matters do not work for everyone, despite what one says. Is it a bad idea to be alone? No. Is it a bad idea to be with someone? No. I do not want to be in a relationship fro the wrong reasons or because I was pressured. No one functions like that in this life.

 

My cousin was turning 50 and had never been married and had not been in many relationships. He always told me he wasn't against marriage. He just never met anyone he wanted to be married to. I had a New Years Eve party. My cousin met a friend of mine at the party and got married 5 months later. You never know what can happen but the key is to be happy with your life at the moment whether alone or otherwise.

 

Congratulations to your cousin.

 

You'd be thirsty too, my dear, if you'd been single (and celibate for 2/3 of the time) as long as I've been. In fact, you'd be downright dehydrated.

 

Hey, Ches, I think it's time for some heavy drinking to make up for some lost time.....:drinkers::drinkers::drinkers::drinkers::drinkers::drinkers::drinkers::drinkers::drinkers:

 

lippy will turn 50 in 2014...when I tell people how old I am they never believe me...you are only as old as you feel...I continued to date during my 30s & 40s but as my son became more aware of people around him I kept my relationships away from him...I always said that when he graduates from high school that I would consider a committed relationship and even ponder getting married...I see 50 as an opportunity...a chance to reinvent myself again...the next chapter in my life...I feel fresh and invigorated by life and all it's possibilities...

gorath...you are breaking my heart thinking that the clock is ticking down for you...my suggestion is take the batteries out of the clock.....dust yourself off and get out there an live life...something good is bound to happen but you need a fresh perspective on life...

there are probably just as many single women out there as men in their 40s and 50s looking for love & companionship...don't worry about putting labels on relationships and let them evolve...if I don't get married it's not a big deal to me...I could very well still find a mature man that is looking for his happily ever after without a piece of paper

 

The ones I have encountered are looking for the benefits of a relationship without the commitment of one. And that often isn't immediately obvious because they tell you differently. Only when the walk doesn't match the talk, does it become clear.

 

ches...here is the thing...most people that think they are in relationships are really just friends with benefits...people in many types of relationships see each other for a time and then they break up...so what was the relationship? people say they care about you...they love you...they want to be with you...and then they change their mind or they meet someone else that they think is better suited for them...times have changed significantly...I have been less forthcoming with my feelings and relationship boundaries and what I find is the men expect women to want to nail them down to something...the less I say the more I get back...I have decided that talk is cheap...show me is the way to go...make them work for your time and attention ches...you just take care of you and the rest will fall into place

 

I guess I'll throw in the towel then. The ones I've met are too lazy or self-centered to do that. Guess that says a lot about me, huh?

 

stop it! ches...I would venture to say maybe you just aren't meeting the right people that fit into your core values...you may have to figure out what is most important...for you I am guessing that faith is a big part of your life...might I suggest the dating site ChristianSingles

 

Once I started thinking/behaving in the manner described above, things got so easy. We're groomed to think our relationships need to be defined/labeled in order to "count", but that's not necessarily the case. I've heard so many men complain about women who lay their life hx on the table date one, and want to know "where we stand, where are we going" on date three. That's usually a sure fire way to run the guy off. I say just enjoy the slow progression of things. Keep your guard up a little, just until you feel like the relationship is becoming real. If its meant to be, it'll be.

Honestly it says more about the men. If they're not willing to earn your time and attention, they probably aren't putting in the effort on the next woman either. It's not so much about you, as much as its about where they are in life, and what they're looking for. When getting to know a man, I'll put forth the effort that he does. If he texts/calls with no consistency, he can't expect loyalty or consistency from me. Cant give 100% to someone who's only willing to give me 50. If he shows me through his actions that he's truly interested in getting to know me, I'll give him 100% every time. I think lippy is right...take care of you and you'll find a man who'll do the same.

 

Lippy, yes, a man of faith would be ideal, but at this point, I'd be happy if he just respected my faith and maybe attended church with me now and then. I've given up on finding a guy whose faith mirrors mine.

And yes, I've tried several Christian sites. Two problems: I've found the same shenanigans on there, and the pool is very small.

I've met and/or communicated with many men over the last 6 years, and it's a very diverse group (all BM, but diverse as far as age, education, career, personalities, looks, etc) Truly, beginning to wonder if it's me...

 

Just because I have a countdown on one area of my life does not mean it is the end of my entire life. Spend a day in my shoes and maybe you would understand my feelings about life, the universe and everything. I have made a promise to God and I will keep that promise. God and I know what it's all about because God made me and the things in my life that i am going through. You are starting a new chapter at 50. Great. If I happen to find someone before 50, it would probably be like single-handedly winning the Powerball. But what are the odds of that ever happening? Not good. I intend to live my life and do those things I am good at. That would be a lot easier for me to do than to be in a relationship other than friendship.

 

so do Halloween parties work out for anyone as far as pick-ups? I'm on the fence as to whether I feel like being bothered with coming up with some kind of costume, though, lol..

 

Try these costume suggestions; Blade. Blacula. The Man With The Iron Fists. It might take some creativity, but it might work. Good luck and have fun.

 

New Year's was okay. Went downtown to a public, free NYE party. There was a ball drop, local singers, an ice-skating rink (it's been there for weeks; I didn't skate.. haven't in years).. I ate at a downtown restaurant.. I enjoyed walking around, but I didn't hook up with anybody. I saw plenty of couples. Folks were kissing each other at midnight. Of course, I didn't have anybody. I wandered around for a while longer, and took a local downtown elevated tram around its downtown-Detroit circuit, twice (just paid once).. party revelers came on and off.. it would be crowded at one point and then strangely empty.. I wish I could have met a nice woman.. but oh well.. I can be in a crowd of thousands of folks, and still be 'alone'.. but it was better than just watching TV at home..

 

I am pretty much alone even when I am with family.

 

It seems like nobody really understands, or just makes wild, reaching assumptions on what you're about..