30+ and i've never had a girlfriend--

Thanks for responding, hype. I want to reply, but only after I read through this thread & the other one in your link.

I'd bet many of the people here (& there) will say the same things I'd likely say for starters...

Anyways, just from reading a few of your posts I can tell you're a reasonably bright guy. I've also seen your pics and you aren't some freak of nature that will scare women off appearance-wise.

...That means you have all the tools necessary to solve your problem -if- you really care to solve it. That might be the $64,000 question... The elephant in the room...

Are you familiar with the japanese social phenomena of the "grass eater"?... Check it out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herbivore_men

But anyway, more to come when I have a free moment to read the threads...

 

Lucifermorningstar hasn't been in this thread in 6 1/2 years and you open an account to reply to his post from over 6 years ago?

And btw, you couldn't be more wrong about him.

 

Hm... I looked up the "grass eater" trend. Interesting. Of course, I'm not Japanese . I really don't relate to the basics of what the premise is with these folks, being actively disinterested in romance/sex/marriage and being either asexual or intimate-relationship-phobic.

I tend to feel stifled/intimidated by my lack of career progression, doing paraprofessional/clerical work for the past 16 years, and being forced into part-time work for 3.5 of the past 5 years-- all while scrambling and networking trying to get job leads and applying on a relentless pace; only to get maybe less than 1% interviews for all the apps I put in; and after that the employers always take a pass. It's very dispiriting and embittering.

I loathe the prospect of small talk that most people like to get into; I don't like my job, and there's not much I feel like talking about concerning it. I still live with a parent. Talking about family potentially gets uncomfortable; I've got a sibling that's deceased and two others that chose to cut ties after becoming hardcore religious..
... I'm not a cheerleader for the city I live in; I see the struggles and inequities (especially the ones that I'm facing), and it makes me want to leave, not stay.

 

I know this is over 7 years old but it's a sweet and heartfelt post. And I agree that confidence about what you have to offer is key.

 

Looking back through the thread, I think she actually meant to quote the person LMS was responding to. But it is weird that's she's only made one post and it was to someone that hadn't been on here in years.

 

I can't even imagine what sort of women you attract, to have such a negative perception of women as a whole. If you truly believe much of what you post about women, you'll likely have trouble finding a good one. Not because they're not out there, but because you're so warped by the bad ones.

 

His words are harsh and crass but there is truth especially if you look at younger people. His delivery sucks but I see this as no different than women in the past who thought women should ban together socially so they'd stop being treated like shit by men.
Half the problem is him, he needs to find a gym explore some interests that don't involve dating so he can cleanse his mind of the harmful bs and find something he really cares about. The other half is learning to navigate the bs which is really hard, I won't dismiss what's he's saying because he's not wrong.

 

This is more applicable to your generation, I think. I see many women in 40+ groups that have just had enough of the games and bs and are opting out of dating. They're not looking for a free meal or sex or gifts. If it's not going to lead to love and a LTR, honestly, I'd rather entertain myself or go out with friends than waste my time or his. And I think more than a few of us older single women feel that way. And I also see some younger women, who for religious or other reasons, are practicing celibacy, choosing to wait for someone who is relationship/marriage minded.

 

I agree with this makes sense

 

This sounds true... I've read this sentiment elsewhere online.

There's an old saying: "women want marriage, but men need marriage."

I'm not big on marriage, but I think there's a grain of truth to that saying. Women can turn to their girlfriends for company, moral support, etc., but men mostly aren't so into other men for company, support etc., especially as they get older.

...So men need women as they get older more than women need men.

This is another hurdle that hypestyle (and the rest of youse single, middle aged guys) are going to have to get past...

 

So hype, I haven't had a lot of time to post online (still don't), but I remember promising to solve this problem, and what am I if not a man of my word?

I hope you've solved the problem on your own by now... You seem like a smart dude, so I'm betting that you could solve the problem yourself if you reeeally wanted to... (which is one of the reasons I still get the feeling that we're not getting the whole story here).

And I can't claim to completely understand your problem, since I've been whoring for so long.

But if you haven't solved the problem and are ready to take tips from a half-crazy, slightly high stranger on the internet, here are a few fairly harmless things I would do if I were in your shoes...

Now, some of the stuff I'm about to suggest will sound kinda lecherous, but hey, sounds like you need to add a little lechery to your life!

Okay, since you're now pushing 40 and presumably still a virgin, here are a few tips from the medullaslashin school of life (in no particular order):

1. Don't give a fuck about "game"... but "gamify" your situation.

What do I mean by that? Well, just be a nice dude, be yourself, but make your pursuit of women into a game, eg. don't take it so seriously, go for small victories ... A little small talk at the checkout counter with the cashier? Making some random chick smile? A well timed compliment?

By "gamifying" it, and going for small "wins", you'll see that "rejection" isn't the end of the world, and that might quell your anxiety. Plus victory, however small, tends to breed victory, so small wins can help.

"Gamifying" it also means taking a "zen" approach -- that is, divorce your emotions and expectations from the outcome and just do your best. Go for the small victories without caring for the outcome at all. Don't take it personal.

Also remember you're not in competition with anyone but yourself... but challenge yourself, even if it's just tiny challenges. Victory breeds victory & confidence breeds confidence. Treat yourself to small victories.

2. Get yourself acclimated to the comforts of a woman.

I feel bad for you guys who missed dealing with chicks back when they were lithe and fun, but hey -- a few of them still smell good and have a nice touch. So try these things:

a) Pro-hos. Now, I don't blame you for not wanting to deal with rough ass american hookers (and their thug pimps behind the curtain), but, with regard to pro hos, you can sneak off to some asian "rub and tug" from time to time to get a massage with a happy ending.

See, since you're just there for the massage, you don't even have to fuck the chick if you're not feeling her, thus eliminating some of your anxiety. Plus, you get that gentle touch, the nice voice, the sweet perfume -- ie, you acclimate yourself to the comforts of a woman.

You'll begin to realize how much the company of a real woman is better than porn and your hand all the time.

You might run up on racism, but maybe you get around that by dressing up like you're a businessman coming from work. Make yourself clean, like you have a lil cash and maybe they'll even flirt with you and make it a real pleasant outing. The other benefit is, since you're a comic book nerd, you're probably an asiaphile to boot ?, so you'll be in good hands.

Even just a good massage from a regular (attractive) masseuse might help. Point is, you gotta become acclimated to the comforts of actual women instead of just web videos.

b) You can also acclimate yourself by taking some ballroom dancing classes. As I understand it, the "ballroom" scene is big in detroit. ...So if you still like black women, you'll get to hold a few chicks close, smell their perfume, and feel how good it can be. I've been to these classes, and sometime even a few white chicks turn up.

From that scene, you might even ...

c) Find yourself a "placeholder" chick. Just someone to kick it with. She doesn't have to be perfect, but just someone to runaround with and kick it with from time to time, 'til you don't want to anymore. Be nice, but you don't owe anyone anything but respect. Which brings me to...​

3. If you date, date with purpose.

Whether we're talking about that first phone call, or an actual date, remember you're not there to try to entertain or impress. You're there to have fun and to find out what the chick is about..

You might have to pass her test -- but she has to pass yours too. Don't forget that second part. Know what you like and devise dates that help you find these things out.

Know your basic standards. Know what you like. Don't delude yourself (that is, an unemployed 40 y.o.virgin shouldn't be turning his nose up at "plain" chicks ...or chicks with kids, like you say in your other post), but know what you like (and what you need), so you can find it more expeditiously. Date with purpose.

4. Get your testosterone tested.

It's the hormone not only of sexual drive, but also of drive in life (ie. motivation). (If I read your situation correctly, you're having trouble getting off the ground financially too.) ...So get your T tested, just to be sure that you're not running low. And if it's low, do something about it, like:

5. Work out.

You seem to have a weight problem. So working out can't hurt. Plus, it'll improve your mood and maybe your outlook. It also boosts testosterone. Might even make you more attractive to the ladies.

6. ...Again, fuck "game" -- except in the following category: by hook or by crook, get yourself some game in making $$. The ladies here aren't going to like hearing me say this, but that counts among your average chicks more than damn near anything if you have enough of it. (Of course, the women here are anything but average, but you know what I'm saying...)

If you're a nice dude and you have $$, you don't need some stupid pimp "game". Besides, you're almost 40 and still a virgin -- you're apparently not much cut out for "game".

Just make sure you're a decent person. Don't be fucked up toward anyone. If you can do that, and have a few bucks in your pocket, and aren't actually crazy (which is likely the part you aren't telling), you can get a half-decent woman.

...So work on your MONEY-MAKING GAME. Go jihad on that. Also "gamify" it. Money even trumps "race" -- it's that powerful. Work on that.

7. Travel. Better hos are overseas. Maybe do the brazil thing? ...Or thailand?

Challenge yourself to get the balls to do a little traveling, even if it's not overseas, even if it's not for whoring. It'll help you put things in perspective.

8. Remember that a scant 10 - 20 years after you die, no one is going to remember you even existed. Unless you get famous & make history somehow, you're just a blip and a few decades after you're gone, nobody is going to know you were even here. This is your little window in time. Not sure what that means to anyone else but I find some resolve & comfort in that. Maybe you will too.

...Ok -- that's it for now. If something else occurs to me, I'll post it here. Success breeds success. Confidence breeds confidence... so putting small stuff like the above into practice might gain you some traction.

Anyway, if you're still following this thread, let me know what you think of these ideas. I have others, but I want to know if any of these sound like stuff you might implement.

& oh yeah -- if none of that ^ works, try this little voodoo -- (no worries -- you don't have to believe...): "drink 3 soda waters a day... drink half, & throw half away. Think positive. Don't let anything enter into your mind that's negative..." if you do that and have faith & believe, you cannot fail.

Now, go -- and enjoy your love life. :smt023