Why is it necessary to live with a spouse

[goodlove]

What's the point of this? Am I the only one who would find the idea of living alone but having a long term partner(s) that you don't live with more appealing than moving in together?

I could stand being around someone all the time, I need my privacy, and the over familiarity could become a problem.

I agree with this. I had this conversation with a girl I'm dating the other night. She argued it was more fiscally responsible to have one place but to me in the interest of the relationship its better to have space. It can suffocating to be around the same person all the time.

Oy. I dated someone just like you. I'd prefer to live with my spouse.

You don't have to - plenty of women that think the say way. In Sweden, there is even a term for that "sar-bo", it defines a committed relationship where the partners have separate living - usually common among adults who have chosen to not have kids or are empty nesters.

However, your comment of "over familiarity could become a problem" is going a step further and you probably should not be in a relationship at all if you feel that way, that's kinda the whole idea w a functional relationship whether you live together or apart. I am not sure I read you correctly.

What do you want out of a relationship? someone that you share time with, sex, dinners etc but that does not require any compromising on your part? If you don't want too much familiarity, do you not want to share you and yourself to your partner then? No deep discussions that pertain your inner self? I am just asking to figure out what you want.

Btw, you can have privacy even w people living in the same house with the right person, if no kids are involved, if you have kids - privacy may be something that will be very hard to find.

its is fiscally better to live with someone because you will have set of expenses. the thing is will they work with you(especially if you are married). for some people they are better off living apart than together and still be married. it just depends. Im more of the living together but Im moving toward the other side of things. It really depends. nothing is black and white. no pun intended.

 

[The Dark King]

Millions might fail, but millions also succeed and the difference is the people in those marriages.

If you don't want to ever get married or have kids...that's fine. Don't. It's not for everyone and no one really cares either way. But don't assume it's all one big failed idea, especially when you haven't even experienced it.

I don't have to go to prison to know its not for me nor did I have to college to know it was for me before I started. I'm just suggesting another way to look at it. Marriage shouldn't be a rigid set thing because if it was people like you and your husband would have never been allowed to get married here nor people of the same gender. Even though there were droves of people arguing that sex with the same race or opposite sex was the only right way to do things.

 

[The Dark King]

Imo there isn't anything you're supposed to do in a relationship. I take care of myself and you take care of yourself and we enjoy our lives together. I guess I'm incapable of what most of you feel is so simple and natural. All the fighting and all the negativity surrounding matrimony has left me weary. I just want to make my mark in life and have some kids. Companionship never seems to be worth the price you pay. Rarely if ever.

In general terms, how would you describe conceptually an 'ideal' marriage?
How are the partners supposed to act?? What are their expectations of each other??

FWIW, I wasn't really calling you 'immature', but the mindset or how you were defining marriage.

Marriage IMO is the MOST complicated form of interpersonal relationship between two people who aren't related. It's more challenging that just being friends with someone.
If there isn't a strong physical/emotional/intellectual bond, also including two people who have the same long view about each other and their relationship, it's hard to make a marriage work long term.

Some people try as they might just get BORED with their partner. And it's not just sex, they aren't overly attracted to the person anymore.

 

[The Dark King]

People fail, because many times each of them develop in a different way or they forget or don't appreciate their SO anymore. But the point is that they try it, that they believe in it.
People make false decisions, they have to learn, but to avoid the disapointment by not getting involved with somebody, is running away from your own, sometimes overwhelming feelings that can be frightening. If the divorce rate would be different, if you don't live together, I doubt. Because from the beginning, it's a very rational decision and people love to be in love with someone, so I assume, the possibility that the woman leaves the man for another person that gives her that missing emotions is very high

I'm beginning to see that romantic love seems to be a drug that causes illusion. I've never witnessed mutual love in my life. Someone is always dissatisfied and/or cheating. People rarely compromise. I believe in family and obligation kind of makes me wish I had been born to a culture that believes in arranged marriage.

 

[archangel]

Imo there isn't anything you're supposed to do in a relationship. I take care of myself and you take care of yourself and we enjoy our lives together. I guess I'm incapable of what most of you feel is so simple and natural. All the fighting and all the negativity surrounding matrimony has left me weary. I just want to make my mark in life and have some kids. Companionship never seems to be worth the price you pay. Rarely if ever.

 

[goodlove]

Imo there isn't anything you're supposed to do in a relationship. I take care of myself and you take care of yourself and we enjoy our lives together. I guess I'm incapable of what most of you feel is so simple and natural. All the fighting and all the negativity surrounding matrimony has left me weary. I just want to make my mark in life and have some kids. Companionship never seems to be worth the price you pay. Rarely if ever.

despite the fact that people hate your position...I respect it. why ? because you are honest with yourself....when you are honest with yourself You should be able to live an honest life with whom you are with.

a woman can respect a man who is str8 up with her from the start.

 

[Nikkers]

despite the fact that people hate your position...I respect it. why ? because you are honest with yourself....when you are honest with yourself You should be able to live an honest life with whom you are with.

a woman can respect a man who is str8 up with her from the start.

Agreed. Honesty's where it's at

 

[Sin Mari]

DK...your attitude towards relationships is very sad.

 

[The Dark King]

DK...your attitude towards relationships is very sad.

Sad or realistic?

 

[FG]

Imo there isn't anything you're supposed to do in a relationship. I take care of myself and you take care of yourself and we enjoy our lives together. I guess I'm incapable of what most of you feel is so simple and natural. All the fighting and all the negativity surrounding matrimony has left me weary. I just want to make my mark in life and have some kids. Companionship never seems to be worth the price you pay. Rarely if ever.

You have an extremely bitter view on relationships. Thank god its not mainstream (and no, its not realistic, really. The fact that almost everybody on here disagree w you on that should tell you that your view is not the realistic one, its a very negative one).
You have a right to it though

I think this exact view of relationships is why many marriages fail.
People who have this view and expect it to work in a marriage with anybody.
Ergo, marriage eventually fall apart because the relationship is not tended to. It does need work, effort, sacrifice etc or it will eventually die.

The good news is that you are honest about it and then marriage is not for you in general. I hope you find a woman that mirrors your view and you get that to work, they are out there.
Alternatively, you actually really do fall in love and your view changes.. either or.

 

[Sin Mari]

Sad or realistic?

Sad. Not realistic.

 

[The Dark King]

Sad. Not realistic.

You remind me a lot of my ivy league friends and the debate we had about occupy wall st.
A lot of them have this callous attitude of just go out there and find a job ignoring the fact that the system currently works for them and everyone in their circle but fail to see that its really hard for those who aren't as fortunate. Its easy to say just don't get married or leave the current system alone when it works for you but don't ignore the bigger issue.

 

[Ches]

You remind me a lot of my ivy league friends and the debate we had about occupy wall st.
A lot of them have this callous attitude of just go out there and find a job ignoring the fact that the system currently works for them and everyone in their circle but fail to see that its really hard for those who aren't as fortunate. Its easy to say just don't get married or leave the current system alone when it works for you but don't ignore the bigger issue.

Imo, you have been poisoned by your reality, your environment. If most of what you know is broken relationships, cheating, etc., your view of love and marriage is going to be skewed. I, on the other hand, am surrounded by couples who have been married 25 years or more. They survived everything from infidelity to illness to financial hardships. Even though my marriage didnt survive, nor did a relationship that I thought would end in marriage, I still believe in real love, commitment and marriage. I am sad that you don't have that hope.

 

[Sin Mari]

You remind me a lot of my ivy league friends and the debate we had about occupy wall st.
A lot of them have this callous attitude of just go out there and find a job ignoring the fact that the system currently works for them and everyone in their circle but fail to see that its really hard for those who aren't as fortunate. Its easy to say just don't get married or leave the current system alone when it works for you but don't ignore the bigger issue.

I never said anything like that and I don't think like that. I know finding love is hard for some, that's not even an issue here. I'm not telling you to go out and be in a relationship, no one is. I don't know about anyone else, but I couldn't care less what you do with your life. Do what you want, it's none of my business. I just disagree with your attitude towards love, relationships and marriage. Just because love can be hard to find, doesn't mean your view is realistic. It's still a sad, jaded view to have.

 

[The Dark King]

I never said anything like that and I don't think like that. I know finding love is hard for some, that's not even an issue here. I'm not telling you to go out and be in a relationship, no one is. I don't know about anyone else, but I couldn't care less what you do with your life. Do what you want, it's none of my business. I just disagree with your attitude towards love, relationships and marriage. Just because love can be hard to find, doesn't mean your view is realistic. It's still a sad, jaded view to have.

Fair enough. We agree to disagree then.

 

[The Dark King]

Imo, you have been poisoned by your reality, your environment. If most of what you know is broken relationships, cheating, etc., your view of love and marriage is going to be skewed. I, on the other hand, am surrounded by couples who have been married 25 years or more. They survived everything from infidelity to illness to financial hardships. Even though my marriage didnt survive, nor did a relationship that I thought would end in marriage, I still believe in real love, commitment and marriage. I am sad that you don't have that hope.

Ches keep your pity to yourself kid. Im fine lol. I respect life for what it is. I don't need to lie to myself.

 

[goodlove]

Ches keep your pity to yourself kid. Im fine lol. I respect life for what it is. I don't need to lie to myself.

come on DK. Im hoping you were joking rite?

 

[Ches]

Ches keep your pity to yourself kid. Im fine lol. I respect life for what it is. I don't need to lie to myself.

Noted.

 

[Stheno]

I think that when you want to have a family best is to live together it is better for the kids and both can see the kids grow up and share the moments..
if you have good understanding you can have a free time and plenty of space from each other .. can have different hobbies and even at home no need to be in the same room 24/7

but nothing wrong for couples that want to live separate if they can make it work ..

 

[christine dubois]

I'm beginning to see that romantic love seems to be a drug that causes illusion. I've never witnessed mutual love in my life. Someone is always dissatisfied and/or cheating. People rarely compromise. I beliemarriage.[/ve in family and obligation kind of makes me wish I had been born to a culture that believes in arranged marriagesQUOTE]

Are you sure you know, what you are talking about? And you also know what stands behind arranged marriages? You are aware this is oppression,humiliation and disrespect of women?