Why is it necessary to live with a spouse

Any system that fails more than it succeeds is the definition of not working my friend. I'm not saying to do away with monogamy but it wouldn't hurt to revamp the system.

 

I think it's a question of decision and priority. If there is a reason not to live together (i.e. job in different towns)- then, maybe.
But I would feel seriously irritated, if my man prefers to live alone/separated in the same area or town. I would ask myself, for what he wants/needs me. Just to meet and have some sex together from time to time, cannot be a relationship of two loving people. It's an arrangement of an open relationship, in my eyes.. if this is clear to both, then I wouldn't have any issue with it, because in that case,he is not my man and I am not his woman, so the priorities are clarified.

 

I disagree completely. The "system" doesn't need to a "revamp". Individuals need to make decisions about their relationships and what works for them. Monogamy isn't a system, it's a choice.
This whole idea that it needs to be changed is ridiculous and believe me...when you find someone you love more than life itself there's no way you'll want them to be anything BUT monogamous. And being monogamous yourself will be sign of respect for them. AND living with them won't even be questioned. You'll want it like it's the most natural thing in the world.

 

Come on Sin everything you said is restrictive to you my friend. Its fine that you feel that way but I personally believe we age out of love in the romantic sense after a certain age. So finding someone you love more than life itself seems unrealistic after a certain age. Its a sweet thought but the divorce rate and the cheating rate tells a different story. And of course its a system its a fricking institution Sin. And living with someone may sound great and works for you but so many people out there feel suffocated by the idea. Think about it.

 

It doens't have to be revamped, the people who wants to do it can and the people that don't, don't have to - nobody is forced. There are options for everybody, nobody is forced to do anything.

There are plenty of women that agree with you and other men that think that way - you just have to get together with them and leave the rest of us to do what we want to do.

You like the "mind your own business" mantra, so why do you think its fair force a new system onto people who don't want it when you are free to do what you want now? You can either choose to get married/stay monogamous or not, its not your business what other people choose to do, whether they succeed or not.

Btw, you cant really revamp it anyhow, its a mindset - are you going to brainwash people? LOL.
As it stands now, the "system" exists in many different views so there are options for most people whatever attitude they have towards monogamy.

Also, its your view that its not working due to 50% divorce rate, its not a fact that this makes the system a failure, I think its a success because 50% make it - I chose to look at it glass half full. Of course you have a right to an opinion but don't make it a fact when it is only an opinion. It solely depends on how you view it.

 

This.

 

That is funny as hell... that is hell of a weird assumption that is proven to not be true. But go ahead, believe that. I just thought it was funny.

And why do you say to Sin that her post was restrictive to her and her family when that is exactly the way you use in posts when you claim a view.

 

Nobody is forcing anything just suggesting a change to the system. You're a scientist please act like it. Regardless of what you hope would you approve a drug that had a 50% success rate and call it a success? I doubt it.
Don't pull the mind your own business nonsense either. The entire topic was posed as a question and I answered it according to my opinion. Who are you to say it has no place here?

 

Its not an absolute just more likely to be true than not. If you make it past 35 and you're never married its more likely you never will be. Not saying its impossible just not likely.
Everything Sin said was from her personal experience regarding marriage and monogamy. Mine were based on actual numbers and census studies. You guys are annecdotal when you make your arguments which kills the credibility of it. What works for you doesn't work for all.

 

That was arrogant and condescending as hell dude.

Besides, Mr "act like a scientist" many many drugs don't even work 50% of the time - pretty much ALL cancer drugs for one example. They are still considered a success... Although I think comparing marriage to a drug is really really silly for obvious reasons.

When the hell did I say it has no place?? I said there is room for all views on this and everybody can do what they want. That is what I have said all the time dude, get its straight. YOU are the one that want to tell people they are wrong - I have never said you are wrong. I said its your opinion and you have a right to have it - as much as others have a right to theirs.
Get married don't get married, do what you want to do and don't dictate what others should do. That is what I am saying.

As I said before - its an OPINION, you cant shove your down the throat as fact, because you cant, its a view, nothing more nothing less. Why cant you be happy with that and have yours and let others have theirs without you telling them they are wrong. sheesh.

 

Ok talk about false equivalency. Cancer drugs are life and death medication. You don't have to get married or else you die. A better analogy might have been aspirin or tylenol which you don't have to take but it makes life easier. People wouldn't take it if it had a 50/50 chance of making your headache worst.

I never said her opinion was wrong but the current way of doing things doesn't allow for spouses to live seperately. I never once said you had to live seperately but it would be cool if there wasn't a social stigma attached to it if you decided to live seperately.

 

There doesn't need to be a change. FG is right on this. These relationships depend on the people in them. Some people aren't meant to be in a marriage. Some are. I came from a hospital today with mostly geriatric patients. Plenty of marriages that have been longer than you have been alive.

I might suggest that those who think there needs to be a change or those who get married numerous amount of times shouldn't be married. The thing is ridiculously easy to do and I don't see where you can improve on places that it already gives availability to do.

 

And who are you and FG to decide that for others? There are social financial and career opportunities afforded to those who are married opposed to those who aren't. If your married your normal and if you're not then there's something wrong with you. Its not as simple as not getting married. Just because it seems to have worked out for some doesn't mean its good for the majority.

 

There hasn't been any decision made by me or FG. People who are not married are not married. They made the decision.

There is no such thing as normal. It is simply a nice thing to have like a house or a car. You aren't a wierdo for not being married. I'm not married. lol

If it is not good for you don't do it. This is why I said it is for some and not for others.

Yes, people get advantage for it. It is like complaining about how someone gets all of these advantages for working. Yes, you should get them. You are working for them. Marriage is not just all fun. You got to work to keep it going. That's why it doesn't last. People don't realize the work in it.

 

Someone sounds bitter.

 

Now you r just really odd. YOU were the one that brought up medication, not I. And I said it was not comparable.

Also the current system does allow for souses to live apart. If you want something added then lobby for that, and yes, it would be nice if the social stigma was gone - but you cant really change that.

WTF????


I NEVER decided anything for anyone - your the one that wants to do that. MY point has been all along that people should choose as they want and its nobody elses business.
Hence, I am not deciding anything for anyone. I have always stated that everybody has a right to their opinion on this but not a right to tell someone that they are wrong.

You like to use the reading comprehension line, now use that yourself.
These two posts was really just plain odd. Its like you had a conversation with someone else, not me since you wrung every single thing I said.

Now I am done this this since I cant keep telling you want I said when you repeatedly read it wrong.

Now Im off to hook my cat up to an IV bag.. seems more important that this weird convo

 

I think it absurd not to want to be living with your spouse. If its a girlfriend/fiancee fine, but spouse?

 

There's nothing to be bitter about. I just like the idea of having your own space and having complete freedom to choose and see your spouse opposed to having to. Does that make sense?

 

first of all I did use the medication ananolgy but you took it to life or death drugs while I kept it to less desperate drugs but never mind you see what you want.
Dude the way you keep coming at me is as if I said marriage is the wrong thing to do. Sin said there's nothing wrong with the system and I disagreed. I am allow to disagree right? What is wrong with you people sometimes.

 

I see what I want? That's very funny.

I think I have been very accepting of your view on this here. I state my view and accept yours (I have stated that more than once, I have NEVER told you that you are wrong) and somehow that means "I only see what I want"?
Just wow.

Or is the only thing acceptable to you is that I agree, then just state that you are not willing to hear anybody elses view then, because that is how it looks honestly.
Nobody has attacked you here, people have not told you that you are wrong - they are sharing their opinion, why do you take that personally?

With your comment about drugs, you showed your lack of understanding of drug success rate and approval. I can give you a never ending list of drugs for non-life threatening conditions. I just think it becomes a silly discussion and detract from the real discussion point.

Any drug comparison does not really work. One is tangible the other is not. That is my opinion and I expect you to respect that, I respect your opinion and I have not ridiculed you or been condescending because I simply disagree.

I can have an opposite view of yours and still think that you are NOT wrong. There is no right or wrong here. People have to be able to live their life according to their beliefs, even if others disagree, its not their business.

It looks like you are just reading parts of my posts in this matter to be honest.

I am not coming after you, I dont even get why you are saying that - I am having a cordial discussion with you and never told you that you are wrong. And nobody have told you that you are wrong for thinking that - they simply disagree with you. It looks to me that we accept your view and give you ours but you somehow don't want to accept that. Sin also said there is room for all views on this.

What is wrong with you sometimes? (That is your comment and I found it peculiar since people are just giving their opinion.. so they are wrong for stating an opinion that differs from you.?

You would have a case if people attacked you for thinking they way you do, they haven't. People have given you respect for thinking they way you do, can you not return that favor? Nobody is telling you that you are wrong. So far, we have not gotten to name-calling for disagreeing, I hope we can keep it that way.

And for the record, I am being repetitive on purpose here. You have a right to your opinion, I also have a right to state my opinion. If you state an opinion in a thread, why would you not expect others to disagree?

Edit - I can easily crush your argument about drugs and approval but what will that accomplish? To me, then the argument becomes more about being right than to discuss views on marriage/monogamy. I choose to not go there because I find it not conducive. You have shared that you think that is a fact and I have shared that I think its an opinion. We will never agree on that no matter what so what is the point - lets keep to what matters. I find it a good discussion.