what do white women love about black men?

[Tinkerbell]

I so disagree with all this. I mean I don't know the full story here. But she said no. People need to take responsibility for their own behavior. WTH should he keep it up unless there REALLY had been something there. By what he said on here, there hadn't been. What's the point in going after someone who has clearly said No? We all deserve to be with someone who actually wants to be with us. It was up to her to let him know why if she really cared to do so. If she's playing games of some sort then why deal with it anyway?

You're free to disagree with me, but I'm speaking from my own experience, and if a man hadn't pursued me a little bit farther I would not have dated him at all. I was at a point of not wanting to date ever again, due to the most negative experience ever, and now I totally want to be with my guy, I am deeply in love and can't wait till he gets back from Iraq.

(He's been texting me on my phone from his email - so sweet) Just had to through that in. (it's in the middle of the night for me though, I don't care, it's sweet)

So what starts out a bit shaky doesn't mean it's always going to be so. If Rinnaye really likes this girl and thinks there's potential, why not pursue it just a bit more to see why she said no.

Rinnaye - Please make sure she knows you are not 30ish, you do look very young, and that could be a real reason she may have said no.

 

[rinnaye]

If a woman playfully says no, then persistence is a good thing. But, that usually happens (for me at least) when I'm already with the guy and I want to be flirty. So, I'll playfully say no, so he'll persist.

But, if you asked her out and she said no, then persistence is a bad thing, because then you come off as a guy who won't take no for an answer and a little stalkerish.

Like CarlosNevada (I think) said, if she said no, go back to the status quo and pretend you didn't ask her. Who knows, maybe as she gets to know you, she'll change her mind and let it be known to you that she's interested. But, let her make that first move.

Good luck! :smt023

Thanks Bookworm, but I think you were right in suggesting I just move on. No harm, no foul. I'd just like to better be able to understand what signals mean what, so back to the drawing board for me, as I to try and figure out what I thought I had already learned regarding that wonderful, yet sophisticated gender of yours.

OK, Rinnaye, in light of our very first conversation, I do have to say you may want to pursue this. But remember eye contact and friendly smiles may just be friendly. It obvious she finds you attractive and nice, that's a huge start. It's all about her reason for saying "no". If you don't know her reason, then you don't know if you should pursue her or not.

You could just ask, but she probably won't tell you the real reason anyway.

Keep being nice, get to know her a little more and see if they eye contact is more lingering and the smile become more beaming.

I appreciate your advice Tinkerbell, but I probably won't see her too much more, now that the circumstances which allowed me the opportunity to interact with her is fading quickly, so basically, it was do, or die at the time I approached her with my proposition, because I'm no longer going to see her, but if I was going to continue to see her, then all of what you said would be totally relevent to what my idea of "getting the girl" is all about.

 

[Tinkerbell]

I probably won't see her too much more

Ah, to bad, you really need to find a way to get to know some ladies a bit better. IMO.

Better Luck next time.

You see I would've told you no also, not knowing you well enough, but we've been over that.

 

[FEHG]

Thanks Bookworm, but I think you were right in suggesting I just move on. No harm, no foul. I'd just like to better be able to understand what signals mean what, so back to the drawing board for me, as I to try and figure out what I thought I had already learned regarding that wonderful, yet sophisticated gender of yours.
I appreciate your advice Tinkerbell, but I probably won't see her too much more, now that the circumstances which allowed me the opportunity to interact with her is fading quickly, so basically, it was do, or die at the time I approached her with my proposition, because I'm no longer going to see her, but if I was going to continue to see her, then all of what you said would be totally relevent to what my idea of "getting the girl" is all about.

Hey Rinnaye. I don't think there is any universal truth in dealing with women. Everyone is different. What works for one girl won't work for the next. If she's shy and you're too strong, she'll probably freak out. If she's strong and you go slow, she might get bored.

My advice would be thus:
a) you need to at least make contact with women to have any chance of dating them (obvious advice)
b) hang around places or with people who may be of a similar class or have similar interests to you, so you have something in common at least - a point to start from.
c) be yourself. If you act a certain way because you think that will attract her (not saying that you do), then you either have to keep up a tiring sharade for a while, or revert back to your true self and, in her eyes, change...

If you just be you and she doesn't respond, then it's good - because you're weeding out the girls who probably won't suit you anyway...

That's my little bit of advice for today! Keep us up to date on any progress, though!

 

[Tony Soprano]

I will definitely be back in this thread!!!

 

[rinnaye]

Hey Rinnaye. I don't think there is any universal truth in dealing with women. Everyone is different. What works for one girl won't work for the next. If she's shy and you're too strong, she'll probably freak out. If she's strong and you go slow, she might get bored.

My advice would be thus:
a) you need to at least make contact with women to have any chance of dating them (obvious advice)
b) hang around places or with people who may be of a similar class or have similar interests to you, so you have something in common at least - a point to start from.
c) be yourself. If you act a certain way because you think that will attract her (not saying that you do), then you either have to keep up a tiring sharade for a while, or revert back to your true self and, in her eyes, change...

If you just be you and she doesn't respond, then it's good - because you're weeding out the girls who probably won't suit you anyway...

That's my little bit of advice for today! Keep us up to date on any progress, though!

Thanks for the advice doll, you never cease to amaze, with your words of wisdom as usual. I'll keep ya posted!

 

[FEHG]

Thanks for the advice doll, you never cease to amaze, with your words of wisdom as usual. I'll keep ya posted!

Good! We're rooting for you!

 

[CarlosNevada]

:smt045 Thanks for the support.

I wouldn't agree that ww need to make the move. I mean, for me, the smile and saying hi is probably as far as I would really go, unless there is a easy way to talk about something (I'm more brave online). But he did exactly what most of us would want...he asked her out. If she said no...then drop it. I mean I'm all for being pursued but the whole playing hard to get thing and/or saying no - that's not cool. If she's involved then she should have just politely said so. Even - I would love to, I'm sorry but I'm seeing someone would have been fine. Then it would also give her an opening to say something to him later on if things changed. People get all freaky about the stalker potential these days though.

Also, amazingly enough.....I was reading on a singles forum where most of them did NOT like it if a man brings flowers or the typicals. I don't agree with that AT ALL. I was really shocked to read several threads about all that though. I think that all falls into you have to do you and the right one will be thrilled!

I hear you KnCA, but the is-she-flirting-or-not confusion is a code we need to crack on this forum. My sense is that the vast majority of BM in this forum are not the "hey shorty/shawty" types and may need that extra cue to determine if it is a true flirtation or just a polite, pleasant, friendly exchange, with no other meaning attached. As much as we are learning that WW on here like and prefer men to pursue, WW need to understand that the barrier to romance with gents, like those in this forum, may require stronger or more certain signals from WW. By the way, sending flowers in the right circumstances is a very classy touch, so it is surprising that some on the site KnCA visited don't find them appealing.

 

[KnCA]

I understand what you are saying Carlos.

I think this is a very good point here. We have men who aren't sure and women who are not naturally going to go past that point. This may be one of the most real (and best) exchanges on here.

The whole - "Hey Sexy" or whatever variation of that. I think that many of us don't take that seriously at all and quite frankly just don't really gravitate towards men who come across that way.

We may be flattered by that for a second and I know there are women who really get swept away by that....Is that maybe what some men on here have voiced about their misgivings about women who go for the thugs? ("bad boy" is what the women usually say)

And then many of you are saying you don't know how to read ww signals. So maybe we each need to step outside our norms a bit when interested.

Any suggestions on what women could do to make it a bit easier but still in keeping with how they may naturally be? I realize that I am one that it would be tough to know if I'm really interested or not. I can be a rather tough cookie. The most I might do is to ask a man that I'm comfortable with out in some way but I know from past experiences that they haven't been sure if I was asking and putting them in the friend zone or not. That's probably why I go back and forth with the dating sites....online can be very different. It's easier to know if they are attracted and so on, there's a clearer approach.

 

[Serendipity]

I hear you KnCA, but the is-she-flirting-or-not confusion is a code we need to crack on this forum. My sense is that the vast majority of BM in this forum are not the "hey shorty/shawty" types and may need that extra cue to determine if it is a true flirtation or just a polite, pleasant, friendly exchange, with no other meaning attached. As much as we are learning that WW on here like and prefer men to pursue, WW need to understand that the barrier to romance with gents, like those in this forum, may require stronger or more certain signals from WW. By the way, sending flowers in the right circumstances is a very classy touch, so it is surprising that some on the site KnCA visited don't find them appealing.

I don't find flowers appealing either but then I'm not a flower type of woman never have been. I think flowers are fine if you know the person very well or are dating them but not when you're trying to "woo" them.

I have been given flowers on a first date and my thought has always been why, you don't even know me. No I didn't say that to the man but I just don't find it appealing. I find it to be a bit too much at first. Then again I'm not the typical "romantic" flowers candlelight kind of girl. I see it as a nice gesture but other than that its lost on me.

 

[KnCA]

I don't find flowers appealing either but then I'm not a flower type of woman never have been. I think flowers are fine if you know the person very well or are dating them but not when you're trying to "woo" them.

I have been given flowers on a first date and my thought has always been why, you don't even know me. No I didn't say that to the man but I just don't find it appealing. I find it to be a bit too much at first. Then again I'm not the typical "romantic" flowers candlelight kind of girl. I see it as a nice gesture but other than that its lost on me.

Yep that's what the others were saying.

And then this woman that a friend of mine took out was complaining about that she had been out with someone else and he brought flowers to her at the restaurant when they met. She was going on about how she didnt' like having to carry them around and how she felt like he was trying to make a statement to others that she was "taken" or something. I was shocked. But the good news was that my friend wasn't one to do any of that so they are probably a really good match.

Now me on the other hand...exact opposite! I love it all! Thoughtful, romantic men are very appealing.

 

[Serendipity]

Yep that's what the others were saying.

And then this woman that a friend of mine took out was complaining about that she had been out with someone else and he brought flowers to her at the restaurant when they met. She was going on about how she didnt' like having to carry them around and how she felt like he was trying to make a statement to others that she was "taken" or something. I was shocked. But the good news was that my friend wasn't one to do any of that so they are probably a really good match.

Now me on the other hand...exact opposite! I love it all! Thoughtful, romantic men are very appealing.

Don't get me wrong, I like thoughtful and romantic men. I just want them to think out of the box a little. Show a little creativity; not just go for the same old typical stuff.

My thoughts on men who bring flowers when they just meet the woman/first date etc ... are that they're trying too hard either to show how "romantic" they are or how thoughtful they are. I just find it a little fake on first impression. Wait a few dates and then give me flowers, I'd be more receptive.

 

[KnCA]

Don't get me wrong, I like thoughtful and romantic men. I just want them to think out of the box a little. Show a little creativity; not just go for the same old typical stuff.

My thoughts on men who bring flowers when they just meet the woman/first date etc ... are that they're trying too hard either to show how "romantic" they are or how thoughtful they are. I just find it a little fake on first impression. Wait a few dates and then give me flowers, I'd be more receptive.

Sometimes I think we make it really tough on guys. So it's ok to bring this or that gift but not another. On this date it's ok but not on that one. And then all the meanings that are read into things.

I simply take it as that he was being kind and thoughtful....not that he would be trying to hard or that there is any sort of expectation. Why can't it just be that he's being nice and no hidden agenda?

I'm allllllll for them thinking outside the box and being creative. But hell any thought and expression is better than none.

The funny thing about it all is that women will go on about what we want and/or like or don't like but then when we all get together there is all sorts of conversation when men don't do some of the traditional typical things. Sortof like those who don't want men paying for things or opening doors but they sure will bitch with their friends if he didn't!

I'll go back to what I've said before...if we really like the guy...it doesn't seem to matter what it is he does - we are thrilled with whatever it is. When we aren't sure..then we start getting picky.

 

[Moskvichka]

Sometimes I think we make it really tough on guys. So it's ok to bring this or that gift but not another. On this date it's ok but not on that one. And then all the meanings that are read into things.

I simply take it as that he was being kind and thoughtful....not that he would be trying to hard or that there is any sort of expectation. Why can't it just be that he's being nice and no hidden agenda?

I'm allllllll for them thinking outside the box and being creative. But hell any thought and expression is better than none.

The funny thing about it all is that women will go on about what we want and/or like or don't like but then when we all get together there is all sorts of conversation when men don't do some of the traditional typical things. Sortof like those who don't want men paying for things or opening doors but they sure will bitch with their friends if he didn't!

I'll go back to what I've said before...if we really like the guy...it doesn't seem to matter what it is he does - we are thrilled with whatever it is. When we aren't sure..then we start getting picky.

Co-sign.

 

[Serendipity]

Sometimes I think we make it really tough on guys. So it's ok to bring this or that gift but not another. On this date it's ok but not on that one. And then all the meanings that are read into things.

I simply take it as that he was being kind and thoughtful....not that he would be trying to hard or that there is any sort of expectation. Why can't it just be that he's being nice and no hidden agenda?

I'm allllllll for them thinking outside the box and being creative. But hell any thought and expression is better than none.

The funny thing about it all is that women will go on about what we want and/or like or don't like but then when we all get together there is all sorts of conversation when men don't do some of the traditional typical things. Sortof like those who don't want men paying for things or opening doors but they sure will bitch with their friends if he didn't!

I'll go back to what I've said before...if we really like the guy...it doesn't seem to matter what it is he does - we are thrilled with whatever it is. When we aren't sure..then we start getting picky.

I agree, if you go out with someone that you like and know then yeah it doesn't matter at all. I'd think it was sweet that he brought me flowers. What I meant is when a guy that I may have only spoken to for a bit or not known well brings me flowers on the first date or whatever. I personally don't like that, it wouldn't "win" me over but that's just me. Each to their own.

I did have one guy try to help me put on my coat once and I told him I can do it myself. LOL -- I never heard from him again, not that I wanted to anyways, but I was much younger then too.

I'm not one of those women who wants doors opened for me and I wouldn't bitch about it if he didn't. Or the he doesn't bring me flowers/candy type. I may get hell for this .. but I think flowers / candy are a brainless gift. There's not much thought put into it. Its like well I don't know what to get her or I'm in deep shit, I'll give her flowers that'll smooth things over - LOL

 

[KnCA]

I agree, if you go out with someone that you like and know then yeah it doesn't matter at all. I'd think it was sweet that he brought me flowers. What I meant is when a guy that I may have only spoken to for a bit or not known well brings me flowers on the first date or whatever. I personally don't like that, it wouldn't "win" me over but that's just me. Each to their own.

I did have one guy try to help me put on my coat once and I told him I can do it myself. LOL -- I never heard from him again, not that I wanted to anyways, but I was much younger then too.

I'm not one of those women who wants doors opened for me and I wouldn't bitch about it if he didn't. Or the he doesn't bring me flowers/candy type. I may get hell for this .. but I think flowers / candy are a brainless gift. There's not much thought put into it. Its like well I don't know what to get her or I'm in deep shit, I'll give her flowers that'll smooth things over - LOL

I don't think it's about trying to win anyone over. I think it's simply a very nice gesture and that he's making some effort. If I go to someone's home I bring something. I may bring a bottle of wine or candy and that may not be very creative but it's still something...especially when you don't really know someone well. If I know them better then I would bring something more specific or personal.

I think it's more a matter of manners and showing respect.

I would only think it to be a brainless gift if they know the other person and that she doesn't like those specific things and/or if they were doing it to smooth something over.

 

[Bug]

I thought id put in my pennysworth,
You wont ever hear me complain abot anyone buying me flowers ever, first date, second date id be loving it !:smt054

Sometimes i dont understand when people dont like men to make an effort, its not like you are obliged for anything surely its just a nice gesture, ie they put some thought into your date before they turned up.
I love recieving flowers from a man!!

The only thing i dont like is if they want to drive me to wherever we are going id rather meet them there in my own car so im able to leave a place if i feel like it.

 

[rinnaye]

I hear you KnCA, but the is-she-flirting-or-not confusion is a code we need to crack on this forum. My sense is that the vast majority of BM in this forum are not the "hey shorty/shawty" types and may need that extra cue to determine if it is a true flirtation or just a polite, pleasant, friendly exchange, with no other meaning attached. As much as we are learning that WW on here like and prefer men to pursue, WW need to understand that the barrier to romance with gents, like those in this forum, may require stronger or more certain signals from WW. By the way, sending flowers in the right circumstances is a very classy touch, so it is surprising that some on the site KnCA visited don't find them appealing.

co-signature! :smt023

...and to all of the women who just commented, thanks for keeping any guy reading your previous statements... :smt101 :smt017 :smt102

 

[KnCA]

co-signature! :smt023

...and to all of the women who just commented, thanks for keeping any guy reading your previous statements... :smt101 :smt017 :smt102

LOL yah I was just thinking...damn no wonder men are so confused!

Ok here's my advice on it (for what it's worth) do whatever it is that you are inspired to do. For the right one...it will be GREAT! And for those who aren't the right one...who cares.

 

[Bookworm616]

LOL yah I was just thinking...damn no wonder men are so confused!

Ok here's my advice on it (for what it's worth) do whatever it is that you are inspired to do. For the right one...it will be GREAT! And for those who aren't the right one...who cares.

Yep, that's true. And every woman is different. Some are more direct, some are more subtle. Learn to read body language.

And being someone you aren't just to attract a certain woman isn't what a woman wants.

Women want to be with the real you. Not the you that you think we want you to be.

Just keep being you, and you'll find someone who clicks with the real you and the rest, as they say, will be history....