what do white women love about black men?

He is one of those seductive creatures. He was very clever, very subtle at first. His approach was slow, methodical and calculating (in a good way), starting on a friendly basis, then to flirting .... he completely, utterly seduced me like I've never been seduced before. He was also very direct and once he knew he "had me" he was very expressive A little bit of a freaky streak didn't hurt neither - LOL

Thing is, even though he was my first black man, when I looked at him I didn't even see color. It may sound strange but I didn't see black I just saw a really cool, totally hot, intelligent, funny, intriguing, fascinating man that he was/is. At that point the color didn't matter for me. I wasn't thinking OMG I'm with a black man - LOL

He expanded my horizons; opened up a whole new world for me to explore; everything seemed to fall into place and make more sense to me in my personal life. I started seeing myself differently; in a more positive light. Knowing him and having the experiences with him have made me a better person more intune with myself for the first time ever.

 

I love the way you put that, and I can totally relate to that last statement.

 

Thanks. Its something I didn't seek out, it just came my way and became a totally life changing experience.

 

That's what happened to me, he just came along all unexpected like and blew me totally away. I had no chance of defending myself.

 

Defending yourself. I love that! I hope to neutralize a few defenses as well.

Earlier this week, I very politely asked a gal I've been interested in, if she'd like to go out for lunch, after believing she was interested, me getting some eye contact, and a friendly smile/hello from her on more than one occasion, but to my surprise, she shot me down with a polite NO! So, I'm thinking about bringing her some flowers, a card, and maybe a nice little Xmas gift all wrapped in a box. Seems like a good move, or no?

 

No, I don't think so. If she said no once....

 

bring them to me

 

Ok Im kidding - I would LOVE that! I really think you should come to Fresno.

But...I agree...she said no - don't push it. There are other women who would really appreciate it and you.

 

But what about persistance being so romantic, n all?

Not that far away either... hummm!

Are these women in Fresno???

 

So if you don't mind me asking are you still in a relationship with this "life altering" man? If not then why?

 

What am I...chopped liver???

GEEZE!

 

Rinnaye,
Leave it alone, bro. If she said no to lunch, forget sending the flowers and resume interaction with her as though nothing happened. When dealing with true gents, WW need to make the move, because what happened to you is not uncommon. It's just hard to read the eye contact stuff. KnCA is throwing the mad hints you may need, so I agree that you should send the flowers to her.

 

I can't believe how precisely and eloquently Serendipity has expressed her as well as my feelings for black men!! I do love black men beyond belief and can't nor do I want to go with white or any other ethnicity. Like myself, there is a growing number of white women who are strongly attracted to black men and lend credence to the saying- once you've had black, you never go back!! I had been warned about this...and I didn't think it was true until I met my 1st black lover...now I can resolutely say that Yes!! It is true!!! I've chosen black and I'm never going back!! I think that ebony and ivory are the perfect match!!

 

We have remained friends and that's where it ends. The reasons for that are private.

It was never a "relationship" to begin with. We both knew going in that it was only a physical thang. I didn't want anything more than that; I didn't want a relationship so that was fine with me.

As for "life altering" I meant that I viewed myself and everything (present & past) differently. I never contemplated being with a BM before him; it just happened; it came my way and I took advantage; I tried it out and "it fit" for me. No that's not a sexual nod LOL ... everything fell into place FOR ME.

It made me do some soul searching and made me see what I want for my future. I can't say what it was about him exactly that did that but I know that for the first time I was COMFORTABLE with a man; comfortable being myself and I have never felt that way with any white man. That's a big thing for me.

 

You hit the nail on the head Tinkerbell. He blew me away, I was shocked because it takes a lot to blow me away. Like you, I had no chance of defending myself nor did I want to. I wanted to enjoy the moment; enjoy him; just see it through and see what happens.

What's that expression -- when you're looking for something you never find it. How true. I'm a great believer in fate and timing. Everything happens for a reason and whatever reason it was I'm glad it happened to me.

 

I'd say a card, that's neutral, nothing serious but just a nice gesture. I think flowers and / or a gift would be too much; coming on too strong.

 

If a woman playfully says no, then persistence is a good thing. But, that usually happens (for me at least) when I'm already with the guy and I want to be flirty. So, I'll playfully say no, so he'll persist.

But, if you asked her out and she said no, then persistence is a bad thing, because then you come off as a guy who won't take no for an answer and a little stalkerish.

Like CarlosNevada (I think) said, if she said no, go back to the status quo and pretend you didn't ask her. Who knows, maybe as she gets to know you, she'll change her mind and let it be known to you that she's interested. But, let her make that first move.

Good luck! :smt023

 

:smt045 Thanks for the support.

I wouldn't agree that ww need to make the move. I mean, for me, the smile and saying hi is probably as far as I would really go, unless there is a easy way to talk about something (I'm more brave online). But he did exactly what most of us would want...he asked her out. If she said no...then drop it. I mean I'm all for being pursued but the whole playing hard to get thing and/or saying no - that's not cool. If she's involved then she should have just politely said so. Even - I would love to, I'm sorry but I'm seeing someone would have been fine. Then it would also give her an opening to say something to him later on if things changed. People get all freaky about the stalker potential these days though.

Also, amazingly enough.....I was reading on a singles forum where most of them did NOT like it if a man brings flowers or the typicals. I don't agree with that AT ALL. I was really shocked to read several threads about all that though. I think that all falls into you have to do you and the right one will be thrilled!

 

OK, Rinnaye, in light of our very first conversation, I do have to say you may want to pursue this. But remember eye contact and friendly smiles may just be friendly. It obvious she finds you attractive and nice, that's a huge start. It's all about her reason for saying "no". If you don't know her reason, then you don't know if you should pursue her or not.

You could just ask, but she probably won't tell you the real reason anyway. She may even say she's in a relationship, and she may not be, but if you know her you will be able to tell if that's true with time. The best way to find out her reason is to be friendly with her. Strike up conversations, and steer the conversation to relationships, even if you have to tell a few on yourself. Get her to talk about her personal life just a little. You can't ask direct questions, more like, (What area do you live in? Do you have children? Where did you go to school? What brings you here? What dreams or goals do you have for the next few years? Etc...) Usually if you ask a lady if she has a boyfriend, she will be caught off guard, and will more likely answer it truthfully, or hesitantly but if she volunteers the information you'll have a harder time telling if it's true. If she's hesitant, it's not true, or at least she's not in a good relationship.

Keep being nice, get to know her a little more and see if they eye contact is more lingering and the smile become more beaming.

Flowers may be too much, but definitely give her a nice card, it can even be a little bit flirty, just don't push it too fast. She may be like I was and if my guy would have been at all pushy, he wouldn't have ever gotten a date. I was just scared, I had been through a bad relationship, and didn't want to date at all, he had to get me to trust him first.

You can also be a bit playful, keep asking her out playfully, kinda like you don't expect or want her to say yes!

 

I so disagree with all this. I mean I don't know the full story here. But she said no. People need to take responsibility for their own behavior. WTH should he keep it up unless there REALLY had been something there. By what he said on here, there hadn't been. What's the point in going after someone who has clearly said No? We all deserve to be with someone who actually wants to be with us. It was up to her to let him know why if she really cared to do so. If she's playing games of some sort then why deal with it anyway?