Random Conversation 2.0

I am very weary and sad. Suddenly Rastaman started distancing himself from me for what reason I don't know. He is a fairly fly-by-night person and does some things off-the-cuff which can take me by surprise - I cried suddenly once which took him by shock, and that may have been the start of it. But the dude was married for 12 years, and recently had to say goodbye to his little daughter who is only 7, which I know is a terrible trauma. I was hoping to be there for him, but he is only distancing himself from me. I am sad and have cried, and expressed that to him, and since this Sunday (after he went to a party with me on Saturday), I have not contacted him in any way. He ignored me a couple of weekends in a row, and I am pretty much done. It hurts a lot. I told him I could learn to love him, but he used to be consistent, and now he is not, which is why I a now a nervous wreck. So now I am gone and will remain gone. That's the only thing I know to do. It's sad because I really cared for him and he was a companion to me... I erased his number and will not contact him again. I know I didn't do anything too wrong to make him hate me or anything - I just was drawn to him because he was consistent to me, that's all. So I am gone now. Period. That's all I can do. :(
 
saintaugusta said:
I am very weary and sad. Suddenly Rastaman started distancing himself from me for what reason I don't know. He is a fairly fly-by-night person and does some things off-the-cuff which can take me by surprise - I cried suddenly once which took him by shock, and that may have been the start of it. But the dude was married for 12 years, and recently had to say goodbye to his little daughter who is only 7, which I know is a terrible trauma. I was hoping to be there for him, but he is only distancing himself from me. I am sad and have cried, and expressed that to him, and since this Sunday (after he went to a party with me on Saturday), I have not contacted him in any way. He ignored me a couple of weekends in a row, and I am pretty much done. It hurts a lot. I told him I could learn to love him, but he used to be consistent, and now he is not, which is why I a now a nervous wreck. So now I am gone and will remain gone. That's the only thing I know to do. It's sad because I really cared for him and he was a companion to me... I erased his number and will not contact him again. I know I didn't do anything too wrong to make him hate me or anything - I just was drawn to him because he was consistent to me, that's all. So I am gone now. Period. That's all I can do. :(
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SA:
Speaking as a person who has trust issues and for whom a lack of consistency can make alarm bells go off and put me in a tail spin faster than I can turn around, I hear you on this.

I'm not blaming my past, but I am saying that growing up is a inconsistent household where boundaries were not respected and withholding love as a form of punishment was used often so that parental until could keep control, it has left huge psychological scars. Huge. Many that I will continue to work on but will probably never leave me fully at peace.

Can I just suggest one thing though?

Sometimes for me, when people I love pull away and all my abandonment issues are triggered. It's very common place for me to pull myself away as a form of protection against the lingering fear. With my Dominant, and this is where I have primarily learned this, simply because he IS consistent, that given in to that fear and acting on old habitual patterns is really no protection at all.

It's like all the abuse I experienced as a child is reenacted again by me towards me as an adult.

It has not been easy at all. It has been extremely hard at times to let go of that behavior because if I stay and he doesn't..I can add rejection to all the layers of dysfunction I am dealing with. But by staying..even when IM sure he's given up on me (I'm so broken after all..who could possibly love my brokenness) it has taught me that jumping the gun is far more detrimental and riding the wave (of all the conflicting emotions) gets me to shore faster than fighting against all that fear.

I will repeat.
It is the hardest shit I've done. To face all those demons. I have miles and miles to go before I ever get there, where ever there is.

Sometimes even though it's hard and painful...you HAVE to hold on to if it's important to you.
 
LA said:
Terrible.

They should have never done that.

At least you still preserved some of the lefty-use.


I used to get jealous of all the other kids that were right-handed. Everything is made for right-hand people.
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Ain't that the truth!

FG said:
Re-shooled leftie here too. Had no choice w mean teacher. I am pretty crafty w both hands tho:-D
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I don't get where the society-wide antipathy toward lefties comes from. And how crafty is 'crafty'?

Cherok33 said:
this guy has been asking for a date forever...im really not feeling him like that...but he's convinced he is worth it and won't take no for an answer....y'all think I should just go??
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You could try to imply that you're involved with someone else.

Great night of tv, first Shark Week and now a documentary on Griselda Blanco. After this, it's time for some shut-eye.
 
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my darling daughter has become addicted to a dance show on here now called, everybody dance now, partially for the dancing, but mainly because of jason derulo. anyways, we just finished watching last nights episode and she's now infatuated with machismo

[youtube]P33Kau3Ibz0[/youtube]

guess who's her new poster boy...???? :p


me. i preferred beat the streets

[youtube]13j8q7HFuGY[/youtube]

guess who's my new poster boy...???? :p

(ladies...wait til the shirt comes off:smt060)
 
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