Are you willing to negotiate monogam

[Ymra]

When you take your marriage vows, you’re pretty much making the commitment to never have sex with anyone else ever again. Wow - just writing that is scary.

With the demise of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s 25-year marriage making headlines, it’s hard not to wonder if long-term monogamy is possible or even practical.

As a sex therapist, not a day goes by that I don’t see people who are stuck, feeling as if they have to give up on their marriage, or give up on sex - or cheat. My patients have taught me that sex - or a lack of it - is one of the major contributors to marital strife between longtime couples.

Many people don’t want to throw in the towel, however, which is why the idea of “negotiating monogamy” is becoming more popular. From open relationships, to disclosing affairs before they happen, to giving a partner a “free pass,” negotiated monogamy is a way for some couples to stay committed to each other without having to stay sexually faithful.

Such an approach may seem to fly in the face of the concept of marriage - I don’t blame you for raising your eyebrows or shaking your head at the suggestion. But hear me out.

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/19/are-you-willing-to-negotiate-monogamy/

 

[Tamstrong]

Hell no. There is nothing to negotiate. I don't cheat & I won't tolerate a cheater. If I was married & my husband cheated on me, I'd kill his ass...gotta stay true to "until death do us part" vow.

 

[Ymra]

Hell no. There is nothing to negotiate. I don't cheat & I won't tolerate a cheater. If I was married & my husband cheated on me, I'd kill his ass...gotta stay true to "until death do us part" vow.

Well if you are negotiating monogamy, but husband and wife come up with a plan that is suitable to them....then its really not cheating.

 

[The Dark King]

Well if you are negotiating monogamy, but husband and wife come up with a plan that is suitable to them....then its really not cheating.

If half end in divorce maybe its time to address the issue and explore something else.

 

[Brittney]

Hell no. There is nothing to negotiate. I don't cheat & I won't tolerate a cheater. If I was married & my husband cheated on me, I'd kill his ass...gotta stay true to "until death do us part" vow.

This. I've never cheated. And there was one time (when I was a lot younger) when I thought my man had cheated on me (it was a misunderstanding on my part) and I did almost kill him. Luckily though, it was just an "almost" and he forgave me.

 

[Tamstrong]

Well if you are negotiating monogamy, but husband and wife come up with a plan that is suitable to them....then its really not cheating.

That's my point...there would be no plan to negotiate because personally I believe it's wrong for married folks to have sex with someone other than their spouse & I wouldn't have that type of marriage.

If a person isn't finished fucking around, then they shouldn't get married.

 

[The Dark King]

That's my point...there would be no plan to negotiate because personally I believe it's wrong for married folks to have sex with someone other than their spouse & I wouldn't have that type of marriage.

If a person isn't finished fucking around, then they shouldn't get married.

Wow so close minded kid

 

[Brittney]

If a person isn't finished fucking around, then they shouldn't get married.

Tammystrong is a genius!!!

 

[Ms. J]

imho - it makes total sense (in theory), yet i can't help wondering how easy or difficult it would be (in practice). what if someone gets pregnant, what if you discover you haven't been getting good sex, then find it & then end up in divorce? tons of variables...i'm sincerely curious about how a couple would be able to do this?

 

[Tamstrong]

This. I've never cheated. And there was one time (when I was a lot younger) when I thought my man had cheated on me (it was a misunderstanding on my part) and I did almost kill him. Luckily though, it was just an "almost" and he forgave me.

Yeah, he is very lucky it was just a misunderstanding. IMO, getting sexually involved with someone other than your partner is the worst thing you can do to someone you claim to love.

 

[Ymra]

That's my point...there would be no plan to negotiate because personally I believe it's wrong for married folks to have sex with someone other than their spouse & I wouldn't have that type of marriage.

If a person isn't finished fucking around, then they shouldn't get married.

That's not the same as cheating........

and the whole "Shouldn't have gotten married in the first place" is almost becoming a cliche' I don't think many people get married thinking "Ya know what........in 10 years I think I'm going to fuck someone else"

There is no such that are absolution. No such thing is absolution in anything. Remember that.

 

[The Dark King]

imho - it makes total sense (in theory), yet i can't help how easy or difficult it would be (in practice). what if someone gets pregnant, what if you discover you haven't been getting good sex, then find it & then end up in divorce? tons of variables...i'm sincerely curious about how a couple would be able to do this?

What I don't understand how people honestly believe they can make a decision at one point and maintain that decision for decades. The thinking appears to be flawed as seen by the divorce rate. We only get one life thats it and we should experience all it has to offer. Limiting our experiences doesn't really serve anyone.

 

[whikle]

I would be open to negotiate if my partner expressed an interest.

I think there are some things in life that are socially constructed rules and more people should question whether it's what they really want or if they're just following suit because it's the done thing.

 

[Tamstrong]

Wow so close minded kid

That's silly, Drae. It's not being closed minded to not want to be married or in a relationship with a selfish person who thinks the world revolves around his dick.

Are you saying you'd have no problem being in a relationship with a woman who'd want to go out & fuck someone else rather than be with you?

Tammystrong is a genius!!!

Thank you, Britty. :smt003

 

[FG]

Well if you are negotiating monogamy, but husband and wife come up with a plan that is suitable to them....then its really not cheating.

I don't know why I respond to this since I know wher you stand and you know where I stand

I dont think its the Institution of Marriage needs to be fixed. That isn't the problem. I think people need to take some freaking personal inventory and responsibility of their actions and get over the Instant gratification/Entitlement/me me me attitude.


I don't think all marriages that end, constitutes a failure either. But that is just my opinion.

I'm open to marriage, and I would go into it with 100% commitment and intention to make it last. However, sometimes things happen and people get divorced - and it has nothing to do with infidelity.
Sometimes relationships just run their course.

When in a relationship however, I expect monogamy but I'm also open for the man to come to me, before he cheats, and maybe we can address that like adults.
That is the relationship I want - tell me, if your lusting after someone else, I might not want to hear it, and I might be upset - duh - but I can handle it and it gives me a chance to address things that I may need to, or we can discuss how that can be addressed otherwise - such as why you feel that way and how can we change that etc bla bla. No free pass though.

 

[Ymra]

I don't know why I respond to this since I know wher you stand and you know where I stand

I dont think its the Institution of Marriage needs to be fixed. That isn't the problem. I think people need to take some freaking personal inventory and responsibility of their actions and get over the Instant gratification/Entitlement/me me me attitude.


I don't think all marriages that end, constitutes a failure either. But that is just my opinion.

I'm open to marriage, and I would go into it with 100% commitment and intention to make it last. However, sometimes things happen and people get divorced - and it has nothing to do with infidelity.
Sometimes relationships just run their course.

When in a relationship however, I expect monogamy but I'm also open for the man to come to me, before he cheats, and maybe we can address that like adults.
That is the relationship I want - tell me, if your lusting after someone else, I might not want to hear it, and I might be upset - duh - but I can handle it and it gives me a chance to address things that I may need to, or we can discuss how that can be addressed otherwise - such as why you feel that way and how can we change that etc bla bla. No free pass though.

oh man...............we could do somethings together.

 

[Ms. J]

What I don't understand how people honestly believe they can make a decision at one point and maintain that decision for decades. The thinking appears to be flawed as seen by the divorce rate. We only get one life thats it and we should experience all it has to offer. Limiting our experiences doesn't really serve anyone.

totally agree with what you're saying. marriage is fucking hard work, i've done it twice & don't ever see making it a 3rd. isn't it, just maybe, possible that this could work? there would have to be very clear cut guidelines, which makes me think it might be almost impossible for it to be successful.

 

[Ymra]

I thought my man had cheated on me (it was a misunderstanding on my part) and I did almost kill him. Luckily though, it was just an "almost" and he forgave me.

Must have been one of those foolish dude's that would night fight a woman back.

 

[FG]

oh man...............we could do somethings together.

*running to the airport* *again*

 

[Brittney]

Must have been one of those foolish dude's that would night fight a woman back.

Actually it was more like I had someone else do it.