Are you willing to negotiate monogam

stiletoes · May 21, 2011

RRoyce55 said: ↑

Well then, I would say you really wouldn't be ok with it, just from your own words, "my ego can't take it." You just contradicted yourself. It's ok, I wouldn't be ok with it either. We should just admit the ladies have a point with that one.

I guess I never really consider the possibility of hitting that point in a serious relationship. If that was ever the case, well the only true resolution would be to consider going your separate ways. How could I stay married to someone you don't still go ga-ga over. I can't even imagine.

Like I said before, if that situation comes around, for all parties involved, I would think that's the beginning of the end of a marriage.

Andrae did make a great point about women using sex as a weapon. Straight truth. Your post kind of reinforces that idea, doesn't it?
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I mean treat us with respect, dignity and not as the hired help. How can ANYONE get horny for their spouse or significant other if the only time you treat them right is in the scak?

Tamstrong · May 22, 2011

UnChosen 1 said: ↑

I am not a moral police & I don't really care what ppl do with their life, but why does this have to be a thesis in order to grasp the concept? if you are not ready to get married then don't, as simple as that. You dont have to get married to have sex, reproduce, live a couple life style or to do whatever, so if you are not ready then why do it? Also if you are married and unhappy then walk, it will be fair to you, your spouse or any family member involved.
To me been married signifies you done playing around and you are committed to that person and realtionship, the moment I feel it is broken beyond repair I won't hesitate to pick up the phone & call a divorce attorney.
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:smt023

Athena said: ↑

?This
If he needs to negotiate, he's not marrying me. Perhaps other women could negotiate, but if I were to do that it means that I don't care about him and thus wouldn't even consider marriage. Why buy the cow when I can get the milk for free from somebody(ies) else.
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Exactly. To me the need to negotiate indicates a lack of commitment, so why marry when you're not fully committed to someone? It makes no sense.

JordanC said: ↑

Why be in a relationship or marriage if you want to behave as if you are single? No negotiating for me. Sorry.
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I agree. If you want to live like you're single, be single.

Athena said: ↑

If he loses interest and can't regain it, then we have a serious issue and need to discuss options then. But I won't stay married and look for an open relationship. Just not my thing. I'd rather be completely free.
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That's the way I feel. If the problem can't be fixed within the marriage, it needs to end.

TCFLORIDAGIRL said: ↑

This is called the sanctity of marriage....and I agree 100% with you Tam...there are no values anymore with so many couples, which is very sad, but I know I want to be ready for eternity and for me, part of that means monogamy in my marriage...
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I view marriage as a gift from God & that makes it a sanctified union which I intend to honor & respect. I also want to be ready for eternity & I also believe that monogamy in marriage is part of that.

bosoxlady said: ↑

I mean treat us with respect, dignity and not as the hired help. How can ANYONE get horny for their spouse or significant other if the only time you treat them right is in the sack?
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Great post, Bosox. It doesn't exactly inspire any horny feelings to be treated without respect & dignity. Being talked to & treated like you don't count isn't exactly a turn on, so it makes no sense for a man who behaves as such to expect us flip on like a light switch when it comes to the bedroom.

stiletoes · May 23, 2011

Tamstrong said: ↑

:smt023

Exactly. To me the need to negotiate indicates a lack of commitment, so why marry when you're not fully committed to someone? It makes no sense.

I agree. If you want to live like you're single, be single.

That's the way I feel. If the problem can't be fixed within the marriage, it needs to end.

I view marriage as a gift from God & that makes it a sanctified union which I intend to honor & respect. I also want to be ready for eternity & I also believe that monogamy in marriage is part of that.

Great post, Bosox. It doesn't exactly inspire any horny feelings to be treated without respect & dignity. Being talked to & treated like you don't count isn't exactly a turn on, so it makes no sense for a man who behaves as such to expect us flip on like a light switch when it comes to the bedroom.
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Thank you my friend

Tamstrong · May 24, 2011

bosoxlady said: ↑

Thank you my friend
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You're welcome, my friend.

HoneyBunch · May 24, 2011

Ymra said: ↑

That's not the same as cheating........

and the whole "Shouldn't have gotten married in the first place" is almost becoming a cliche' I don't think many people get married thinking "Ya know what........in 10 years I think I'm going to fuck someone else"

There is no such that are absolution. No such thing is absolution in anything. Remember that.
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Wow....:smt038:smt038:smt038

HoneyBunch · May 24, 2011

MrFantastic said: ↑

You totally missed my point. I think adults should live however they want but everyone acts like you enter a marriage knowing how you'll feel 4 15 20 years from now. I'm not saying to force your views on anyone but I think it should be discussed and discussed with an open mind.
Btw the other 50 percent that stay married isn't purely people who are happily married. Its chuck full of people who can't afford a divorce or who suffer for the kids so more often than not people who get married are just not happy. Why is that?
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Awsome post, most marriages that i see around (family members, friends, co-workers) they are kogether for wrong reasons and feel trapped and stuck most of the time, so marriages like that take out a huge chunk from those other 50 percent that do stay married

goodlove · May 24, 2011

Ymra said: ↑

When you take your marriage vows, you’re pretty much making the commitment to never have sex with anyone else ever again. Wow - just writing that is scary.

With the demise of Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver’s 25-year marriage making headlines, it’s hard not to wonder if long-term monogamy is possible or even practical.

As a sex therapist, not a day goes by that I don’t see people who are stuck, feeling as if they have to give up on their marriage, or give up on sex - or cheat. My patients have taught me that sex - or a lack of it - is one of the major contributors to marital strife between longtime couples.

Many people don’t want to throw in the towel, however, which is why the idea of “negotiating monogamy” is becoming more popular. From open relationships, to disclosing affairs before they happen, to giving a partner a “free pass,” negotiated monogamy is a way for some couples to stay committed to each other without having to stay sexually faithful.

Such an approach may seem to fly in the face of the concept of marriage - I don’t blame you for raising your eyebrows or shaking your head at the suggestion. But hear me out.

http://thechart.blogs.cnn.com/2011/05/19/are-you-willing-to-negotiate-monogamy/
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Dont get married but you can a longterm booty buddie. people who do get married and have an open relationship is getting married for the financial benefits.

marriage is to be handled as a business in some aspects anyway.

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Are you willing to negotiate monogam

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