Your idealistic and realistic partner matches?

My biggest regret for this evening is that I can’t Unread any of this.

 

I think we can all agree that we want to have a better time with women (at least we guys anyway lol)

 

skip over my posts then if you cant deal with it, I was expressing my viewpoint, and I felt I was being shut down, you are entitled to to opinions as am I, its not that deep.

 

Lol, from telling me that it is that deep and how deep you are to now saying it isn’t. Dude, your replies are way in left field. Keep on doing you, lol.

 

ok, I have ruffled some feathers again, and done it again, I have no problem with those who don't like roommates, I was trying to offer another viewpoint to the ones being currently expressed. I will try to to put this in a better way, and how crazy this is how I have managed to get into an argument about it, trust me, I am not here to argue, but I sometimes feel like I am getting shut down for just expressing another viewpoint.

With that I will try again. I think it is a little out there and ridiculous to reject a potential good person just because they have roommates, as I have explained before, wages are not keeping up with the cost of living these days, so many have to get roommates. So in this day and age, this may in no way reflects badly on a persons character, or mean they are looking to sponge off someone, it is just the reality of today. There are many and I have known many good responsible hardworking people who simply cannot afford things, not because they are lazy or gold diggers. So it gets to me when people try to exclude those who are struggling, and by saying they wont date them because of roommates seems like an unfair and arbitrary standard, however I do acknowledge their right to that preference.

My guess on some peoples reservation about a potential date having roommates might come from a past bad experience of them attempting to get financial support, of which I agree that it is not a good idea to mix up money and such with a date, better to let them get help elsewhere. I also understand there are those who don't have their @#$& together and try to sponge off their romantic partner or what ever, so maybe that is where the no roommates preference might come into play too.

My comment on some men, and I mean some, not all who see women as little more than pussy may in turn end up with women who see these men as little more than ATM machines, it becomes a vicious cycle, then both end up complaining and cursing one another.

I hope this makes sense, I cannot help this, I do tend to give things alot of thought, as we are dealing with peoples feelings and lives dating and such.

 

My thoughts are not left field, but maybe how I express them sometimes are, and I think you took my initial response above a bit personally when say you work your ass off, I don't doubt you do, but they way you came back at me felt a little defensive, so I responded to this and what felt like an admonishing and defensive tone for just offering my perspective on this.

 

Often, it's those with these situations who aren't able to afford something on their own because they are having to pay for all sorts of other things. Part of it is how you define having their act together. To me, part of that is being able to take care of yourself. Again, I'm not asking for more than I'm doing myself. It's not like I'm making tons of money and I'm taking care of kids myself. Often it's more of a money management and choices situation. I've noticed that some of these guys with roommates are driving flashy cars or doing the expensive shoes or watch thing.

All the things you mentioned are important factors. It's not an either/or situation for me. Maybe my standards are too high - I've been single a long time. I have just found it doesn't work well to be seeing someone who's still at that point in life. They aren't able to go out and do the same things and so forth.

Your argument is the same one women have always had and it was expected for men to take care of the gap. Now men are saying wait a minute lets be equal, which is what women have said they wanted all these years. It goes both ways.

 

I think a lot of it comes down to your stage in life. You may think it's ridiculous to reject someone for whatever reason, but people are going by their own experiences and where they are at life and what they know they are able to deal with, or not. There are people of all ages and stages of life in here. My 27 year old daughter has a roommate - her boyfriend. They share expenses and it's all in writing (wonder where she got that from?!) They are helping each other, that works for them. Neither one of them has kids, nor will they. Great! It works for some and not for others.

There are also other things that come into play here. The roommate thing isn't just a money factor. How many people are going to be wanting to spend the night with someone or hang out with them with roommates around? Relationships can be tough enough without having to deal with roommates in the mix.

For me, it's more of an individual basis. I'm seeing a man who has kids and has to pay support. He has a good job but he works a ridiculous amount of OT to pay the support and be able to live on his own, etc. That causes other issues, makes it difficult - almost impossible to have a relationship, he's having some stress/physical manifestations of the constant OT and on and on. Having a roommate might reduce some of the financial pressure, but there is other crap that goes with having a roommate. I did the roommate thing when I was young...no thanks. Plus I have kids and it wouldn't be a good idea to have a roommate.

Some people don't want to date someone with kids, or who works weekends or nights, or who has certain jobs, or or or. So what.

I think this is the same as most things - do what works for you! Don't worry about those who don't want whatever it is that you have or are doing and find someone who does. In your case, I think it's a gift if a man says he's not ok with roommates and you have roommates. You feel like that's a shallow (or unfair, or whatever) reason so you know up front it's best to not deal with him and you haven't wasted your time. But truly it's a gift and not something to get upset about.

This is a discussion board, people are going to discuss things with different points of view, that's to be expected. Everyone has areas they may be more sensitive to. Sometimes things get heated. Sometimes people take things personally when they aren't. People are just expressing their own views, it's not a battle. I don't think anyone expects to change another person's viewpoint on things.

 

There's been a huge amount of people moving out of the bay area because they can't afford it. Some will go couch surf during the week or do a bunch of roommates bunking and are living out of the area. Some are commuting ridiculous amounts of time each day. Lots are doing part work at home. I've known a couple of people who flew to work....just within the state even. Years ago when we lived in the hills several of our neighbors had unique situations.

I'm big on creative solutions myself. I have chosen unique routes so I'm able to do the things I do.

 

So I have a friend who has told me that he thinks one of the biggest problems with men and women is that men aren't telling women what they really want because women don't really want to hear what men REALLY want and so they just stop trying.

 

Uh, yeah, this is an open discussion board, but it felt like mr kitty hissed at me and was trying to shut me down, or he seemed to get rather defensive, when I expressed my viewpoint, calling me out there, so I think it is the other way, people seem to have a problem with my viewpoint, or so it feels like.

Get what you are saying, and having kids can definitely change a perspective too, they have to take priority.

Anyway, maybe I need to bow out or take a break here, I have nothing in common with most here, and my viewpoints are not taken so well or misunderstood, at least thats what it feels like, nothing positive is coming out of it, I feel like the outsider lone voice here and am tired of it.

 

I encourage you to stick around, @missshyness ! I like reading your perspective. And Lord knows we need to keep the women we've got LOL

 

thank you, I think I will have to be more selective and careful about where I post and to avoid getting drawn into a conflict, it might be partly me, I tend to get analytical about some stuff, and maybe overthink things, but I cant help it.

It feels weird to end up in a debate with a bunch of people online who are essentially strangers whom I have never met in real life, but I guess we are kind of a unique bunch here, that I am more or less a part of?

 

We are kindred spirits! If you need proof, check out my posts in the "What make a man a good day" thread lol.

And I doubt anyone here means anything personally. I'd chalk it up to people's being passionate about their points of view and the imprecision of the (internet) written word.

But please do stick around!

 

When feminists get what they asked for

 

Misshyness - there are a lot of strong personalities in here, or maybe it's computer bravado for some. I wouldn't worry about it really. It may be partly your perception, it's hard to interpret tone and inflection on text or message boards.

I know there are some threads or members I avoid (or block) at times. You have options.

 

ok so the original topic. I went back to read the OP

My idealistic partner and my realistic partner are not too much different. I'm pretty realistic I think the differences are things like...I may wish for a man who is more thoughtful, communicative, and consistent than most.

The OP talked about settling. I see that as different than most I think. I think everyone "settles" whenever they choose to be with someone. I don't see it as a negative as most seem to. It doesn't mean that someone is letting go of their ideals. I think often times we don't really know what it is we want until we are there. People nowadays are looking at like it's a laundry list to make up and check off. People aren't like that. There are positives and negatives to everything. We all have an idea of the ideal job and some of us have gotten it and of course, you come to find out that there are things you don't like about it too....so what. It doesn't mean you lowered your standards.

 

I kind of agree. I don’t think everyone settles, though. A lot of people find out that they aren’t compatible in the first month and end it. I agree that a lot of people choose to work with the people they have in their lives which can be seen as settling.

 

I don't think anyone ends up with someone who meets every little thing they want....that's not realistic. People are human and they all have their flaws and faults. Relationships are about compromise and negotiations, no matter if people want to think otherwise.

I think it may be more about semantics. I don't actually see it as settling....I see it as making the choice to continue with someone when things change or you find out they are human and don't meet all the idealistic ideas, or maybe you find out that some of the things you didn't think you would want you do too.