I could seriously be married even with kids and live in the house next door or down the street in the same neighborhood. lol. I'll cut her grass and things no problem LMAO. However I know no woman is seriously going to go for that lol. So I just stay within the realm of reality. Man Cave it is. My cave is going to be the shit tho.
My best friend had always wanted something like that. At one point they bought a duplex (to rent out) and she tried to talk him into living on one side and she and the kids could live in the other - he wouldn't go for it. They are divorced now. I know a few couples with interesting arrangements.
Cohabitation is definitely more and more normal these days. But I like I said, I'm old school lol. Shacking up just seems like a halfway commitment to me. But that's just me obv. I never bought the "trial run" theory. It's counterintuitive, but living together actually makes a couple statistically more likely to divorce (assuming they eventually get married). If living together accurately revealed long-term compatibility, I wouldn't expect that result. I think moving in for financial reasons is just asking for trouble. I've seen more than one person (usually the woman) not be able to leave a relationship because they simply can't afford to move out. They're trapped.
Counter intuitive? Would you marry a non virgin before having sex with her? Probably not. Same logic. Do you have a link for that statistic?
Your thinking is exactly why I say it's counterintuitive. Our intuition tells us that a trial run would help us make a better choice, but that's not always so. Here's a link to a recent on-point study. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1111/jomf.12530 Here's the most relevant part of the abstract. Results The results show that in the first year of marriages, couples who cohabited before marriage have a lower marital dissolution rate than couples who did not cohabit before marriage, a difference that may be due to the practical experience of cohabitation, as couples who have cohabited learned to adapt to each other. We find that the association between marital dissolution and premarital cohabitation has not changed over time or across marriage cohorts. The benefits of cohabitation experience in the first year of marriage has misled scholars into thinking that the most recent marriage cohorts will not experience heightened marital dissolution due to premarital cohabitation. Conclusion Premarital cohabitation has short?term benefits and longer term costs for marital stability.
Respect to you my brother. I'm not even close to halfway done with this study and it has given me some things to think about. It has already positively affected my thought process on this. I will most definitely finish reading it completely.
So glad to help. I'm not demeaning anyone's preference; I just thought I'd share some related info that I'd found. Each adult obviously gets to decide how they prefer to live. Cohabitation just isn't the choice for me.
He's been involved with 2 women since, both very controlling. She's with someone now and they live a couple of hours apart. She'd still prefer to never live in the same house.
This is interesting indeed, and good points made. For those who don't do roommates or cohabit, you must be making good money and be living in an area with less expensive housing, many would love to have these options, you are not aware of how lucky you are. If you all are surprised by this, you have been living in a nice little shell, just be aware of those less fortunate than yourselves. Of course many would prefer to just live by themselves, but this is impossible for many, and in many areas, the cost of living and rent is just too much, and wages don't keep up with the cost of living. I have known people who are down on their luck, through no fault of their own, and many end up homeless. When they get help, they are usually set up to move in with a roommate, just the way it is, unless you are fairly well off financially. I think people in general need to learn to have a bit more empathy and understanding, and I think this can be done while still maintaining their boundaries. I see the other side of it too, helping someone you are involved with romantically financially can be trouble too, especially for a woman, since there is an unequal power dynamic in the relationship then. A relationship is best when both are together on equal footing.
I really don't know where I'm at with the whole living together thing at this point. I'm more thinking that wouldn't happen until my kids are grown. I am able to take care of myself and my kids financially and otherwise, and I don't know that I would want to bring someone into their lives in that way at this point. I used to think I would get married again (or live with someone) but that's when my kids were young. Now the thought of someone else being all up in my space (especially with my kids) is not appealing. Down the street might be a good option. Or maybe living together part-time - like on the weekends since my kids are gone then. The older I get the more interested I am in more creative situations. It's not all about my heart....I have to be rational about things and cautious in some ways. I've taken the really hard financial hit a couple of times. I'm still recovering from the last one. I can't afford to do it again. Personally, there's no way I'm going to advance a relationship to living together or marriage for financial reasons. I think we need to be whole on our own. If you need help with living expenses then get a roommate but that's different than a love interest. Not a good thing when people are depending on each other financially in a relationship. And if you do it, make sure it's all in writing and things are very clear. Don't need to be ending up on Judge whoever show!
I think this is why a lot of people are leaving CA for NV. Even if they can afford to live alone, the cost of living there may simply not be worth it to them. If it all doesn't balance out. There will be more people living in the sky like in NY. Hopefully they will be living somewhat near the train station, because if it becomes more crowded, driving will become more impractical.
