My greatest accomplishment tonight will be to NOT TEXT the guy that I have (had) been dating for the last two months. He started acting really shitty out of the blue a couple of weeks ago (when I had done nothing wrong) and started seeing me less, which threw me into panic mode. I am very sad about this, and expressed my feelings to him - I was even crying and shaking, saying that I was very confused, because he used to be so reliable and consistent, and now he is so distant...
We used to go to the park, go for walks, he took me for lunch and watch movies together would show public affection to me... then it got less and less - he was just watching the Olympics and coming over to have sex with me on occasion... he started being suddenly mean and critical - when I would never dream of doing that to him - he would make me cry! I don't understand how someone can do that! I was so sweet to him - I would listen to everything he said and look at everything he shared with me about his homeland that he loved so much (St. Vincent) - I was really interested... I don't know if this all came about because his little daughter was suddenly moved away to Texas by his ex-wife who cheated on him while she was in Iraq. I know he is heartbroken, but I wanted to be there to comfort him when she was gone, and instead he just shut me out and insisted he was fine, and hurt me more and more.
He never wanted to meet any of my family nor introduce me to his friends, and there's nothing wrong with me. I am an attractive, intelligent woman - he thinks I am very sexy (which is what drew him to me in the first place of course) - his first wife of 12 years was white and a psychologist, so he likes intelligent women. He has no college education and is not materialistic that I know of. I have a heart of gold, and he has told me that - I am spiritual and so is he. I do wear my heart on my sleeve though...I was so hurt by his sudden change that I started crying and told him that I was starting to love him, and he said that he probably wasn't moving fast enough for me, but he wasn't going to jump into anything after what his ex-wife had done to him, which I can certainly understand....
But I'm not sure if he's just a womanizer and is screwing around with a bunch of women and likes it that way, and just uses this story as an excuse, or he's really scared of commitment, and two years after divorce from being in a 12 year marriage is too soon. I have been divorced for 10 years so I am really ready for a committed relationship. I'm tired of fucking around. Anyway, I did leave him on Sunday morning, with a sweet hug, and kissing his face, and letting myself out. He asked if I wanted to take his cookbook to make something, and I said no, that I would prefer to make something at his house. I didn't know if that meant he was "lending" it to me, or "giving" it to me as a parting gift (as in to never see me again).
It has been 5 days with no contact. He screwed me over the last two weekends (although he did go with me to a party last Saturday night (not sure why, as I was a nervous wreck because of how he had been treating me), and took me out for my birthday the Sunday before - after blowing me off on Friday and Saturday), but those are the only times I've seen him in the past two weeks. He's made excuses about looking for a house and meeting with his attorney and realtor, etc. etc. I don't know what to believe anymore. I have decided not to call him or text him ever again. I know he will be surprised as hell not to get any texts at ALL from ME this weekend. That is THE strongest message I can send - I must remember that.
I left it on dignified terms and that's the best gift I can give to myself. If he was just using me for sex, it's karma that is going to come bite HIM in the ass. I know his (very) proud foreign Caribbean soul his going to find it very hard to find a decent white female with my beauty and sweetness in this city - they are all so "common" here. Good luck, Rastaman. I almost loved you. It's survival mode for me now. My dignity comes first.
Unrequited love?
