Thanks for the words! You're right.
Is being possessive in a black mans 'nature'?
- Thread starter Alexis89
- Start date
Thanks for the words! You're right.
buglerroller
Well-Known Member
orejon4
Well-Known Member
Rep added.
GQ Brotha
New Member
ROFL, hey he can do all that, those are his personal characteristics, it is what it is. But when it comes to his claims about black men and ownership of women he is using that shit as an excuse. The bottom line is and only you can answer this does he respect you, that is the important thing.
This might rub some brothas the wrong way because they love their girl and may do everything to protect her, but they don't feel the need to possess her like his blunts or Jordans.
There is a difference between protection and possession.
Protection indicates you want to do right by your woman and look out for her in numerous ways as your other half.
Possession indicated controlling and the need to keep tabs on her, not cool, because that can become overbearing and problematic at some point.
LOL.
ROFL, hey he can do all that, those are his personal characteristics, it is what it is. But when it comes to his claims about black men and ownership of women he is using that shit as an excuse. The bottom line is and only you can answer this does he respect you, that is the important thing.
This might rub some brothas the wrong way because they love their girl and may do everything to protect her, but they don't feel the need to possess her like his blunts or Jordans.
There is a difference between protection and possession.
Protection indicates you want to do right by your woman and look out for her in numerous ways as your other half.
Possession indicated controlling and the need to keep tabs on her, not cool, because that can become overbearing and problematic at some point.
Well, for the record, the guy I'm currently seeing is the best guy I've ever dated. He's crazy-sexy-cool, successful, a total gentleman, supportive, and makes me smile every day.
I think the problem might be in age difference as he is 13 years my senior. I think our idea of what commitment is supposed to be might be different. Right off the bat he wanted me over every single day while I am always someone who tries to create a healthy space at the beginning of a relationship... now we practically live together. And although the day that we met I was out playing pool with 3 of my homeboys he decided that part way through the relationship that he doesn't think it's 'safe' for me to go to bars without him, and if I don't reply to his texts within a certain amount of time otherwise he'll think something is wrong, and that I should come home to him every night. I can't tell if this is overbearing or if I'm too used to being single.
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Overbearing.
You should explain to him that you hanging with your homeboys before him never led to anything and it's not about to change. You need to reassure him that he has your heart - NO OTHER MAN - and that you need to still be you, because that's the woman he fell for to begin with.
And whenever he makes your heart skip, tell him. Don't keep that from him. A man should know how much his woman loves him.
chocolatecream4u
Well-Known Member
I say NO! I do believe it depends on the person,and his upbringing,for some reason most men feel that "THEIR" their woman is a piece of property those jealous/possessive men need to understand that a woman is not property they need to look within themselves and deal with that problem of jealously/possessiveness those two possessiveness/jealously are the rage of man,slavely is over in this part of the world you don't own or posess shit!! Not even the body/soul he lives in, my belief it belongs to God... it don't belong to him,being possessive is definately not my as black man my nature other men i can't speak for.That's for someone with a narcissitic personaility,all about me me me..mine mine mine(LIKE A FUCKING 3 YEAR OLD)
bmanz
Member
Smh lol
Just cause your man does all those things and you perceive that those things are typically associated with black dudes does not mean that every black dude is like that.... Thus stereotypes are stupid in my opinion.
No big deal though and I can't speak for others when I say I def am not upset. You just have an opinion thats different from mine.
Latin countries? Are you sure?
Ol'Skool Classic
Well-Known Member
Yep. We truly do need a sarcasm font in this place........
Bliss
Well-Known Member
Tony Soprano
Moderator
Plays basketball
Eats fried chicken
Baptist
Owns several pairs of Jordans
Braided-hair
Drinks kool-aid
Smokes blunts
Uses cocoa butter
Listens to hip-hop & r&b
Dances well
Drives a souped-up Cutlass
Loves his mama
I understand that stereotypes do indeed exist but out of these 12 characteristics that you listed, I can vouch for only 3 that would apply to me personally.
You really need to get out more and meet some different black men.
Stizzy
Well-Known Member
Black and white alike eat fried chicken here in the deep south
samson1701
Well-Known Member
I was just about to write that maybe it's something you're doing that makes him a bit insecure about the relationship. And, I'm guessing, what you wrote above is it.
A lot of people don't understand the responsibilities of being in a relationship. He's 13 years older. He's probably seen a lot in terms of relationships and his experience tells him that his girlfriend bar hopping with a couple of male friends isn't a good thing. Too much can (and a lot of times does) happen. People get drunk or high. You two have a spat and break up for a few days, then one of your "home boys" can maybe get some. That's how it goes down.
I've been on all sides of this kind of situation. As, I'm sure, your boyfriend has. The only two or three of my "home girls" that I wasn't hitting on the side or when they would break up with their boyfriends for a couple weeks, were the ugly ones. And, I could have gotten with them too if I wanted that. I can almost guarantee your man has been in similar situations.
I know this isn't' a popular thing to say but you just can't do the same things in a relationship that you could do when you were single. I had to learn this, too. Most of my friends are women. We'd party and I'd crash at their apartments afterward. But, I can't do that while I'm in a relationship. It looks bad regardless of what isn't (or is) happening.
If I were him, I'd find someone who's a bit more traditional to date. And you should find someone who is more understanding of how girls your age date in the modern world. Or, you could just follow your man's lead and stop spending that extra time with your male friends. If your guy makes you happy, why not? You have nothing to lose and everything ( a good man has to offer) to gain. If your male friends are truly your friends, they will understand. And, if it doesn't work out between you two, they'll be there for you if you should need them.
To your original question, no. It's not any more in a black man's nature to be possessive than it is in a white woman's nature to cheat. It's all about the individual.
FG
Well-Known Member
So you think your woman can not go to a bar with out you? Just asking. The rest is just to screwed up to address.
If the OP was serious and we take what her BF said, I would say dude is using that as an excuse to justify his behavior (still not sure about OP intentions however).
I dated a dude several years ago, that started to dry hump me on our 5th date. I asked him several times to get off me and stop, to no avail. After several tries I managed to get him off of me. He then proceeded to excuse himself by saying its is because black men have a higher need for sex and it is in bm genes. Yeah - rrrright. Excuse to justify behavior.
The Dark King
Well-Known Member
To those who are basically saying his issues aren't his responsibility, and the responsibility/blame is on her...WTF? She has no control over his insecurities or his fucked up mentality. The only thing she has control over when it comes to his bullshit is whether or not she tolerates it.
It's not normal, healthy, or reasonable for him (or anyone else) to expect someone to change who she is as a person just to suit him. Anyone trying to control someone, trying to change them into someone they're not, trying to cut them off from friends & family, who thinks it's his place to dictate to them what they will or won't do, treats them like property, expecting everything in their lives to revolve around him & to answer to him or get permission for every damn thing, etc. is a fucked up individual who has NO RESPECT & NO LOVE for the person he's treating that way. He's supposed to be her boyfriend, not her friggin' owner.
A REAL, SECURE MAN WILL NOT TREAT A WOMAN THE WAY SHE'S BEING TREATED. There is no excuse for his fucked up, abusive behavior, and the longer she is with him, the worse it will get. If he was a good man, he wouldn't feel the need to act like a controlling dick, and he wouldn't expect her to kiss his ass either.
My advice to anyone dealing with this shit is to run like hell. A man like that obviously doesn't have your best interest at heart. If he did, he wouldn't make it all about him. You're entitled to a life, and someone who truly loves & respects you wouldn't try to take that away from you. That kind of shit only gets worse, never better.
It's not normal, healthy, or reasonable for him (or anyone else) to expect someone to change who she is as a person just to suit him. Anyone trying to control someone, trying to change them into someone they're not, trying to cut them off from friends & family, who thinks it's his place to dictate to them what they will or won't do, treats them like property, expecting everything in their lives to revolve around him & to answer to him or get permission for every damn thing, etc. is a fucked up individual who has NO RESPECT & NO LOVE for the person he's treating that way. He's supposed to be her boyfriend, not her friggin' owner.
A REAL, SECURE MAN WILL NOT TREAT A WOMAN THE WAY SHE'S BEING TREATED. There is no excuse for his fucked up, abusive behavior, and the longer she is with him, the worse it will get. If he was a good man, he wouldn't feel the need to act like a controlling dick, and he wouldn't expect her to kiss his ass either.
My advice to anyone dealing with this shit is to run like hell. A man like that obviously doesn't have your best interest at heart. If he did, he wouldn't make it all about him. You're entitled to a life, and someone who truly loves & respects you wouldn't try to take that away from you. That kind of shit only gets worse, never better.