Why Some Black Men Prefer Non-Black Women

i second that

I also wish u would start that discussion, I have recently started dating after being married (to a bm)for several years and the man that I have been seeing has been a friend of mine for years, he had just ended a long-term relationship with a BW, and I have just recently discovered he has still been seeing her and talks to her often. I have tried asking him why it didn't work out with her or to just find out if they are really over.....and i feel like i am not getting a straight answer. The reality is, he is "dating" us both. I wonder if there are any other women or men that this has happened too? I don't see how he can keep it up for much longer....i mean it just seems like alot of work for a black man to be trying to keep a black and white woman happy at the same time.

 

i'm guessing they're HOT springs as well :smt047

 

They surely can be!!

 

a lot of work for any man to keep two women happy...nothing to do with color

 

My feelings stem from seeing my share of black men joining this forum on some hookidorry stuff "Hey everybody, I love this place and white women!" just to find a few posts later him yelping like a hurt dog about how black women passed them over, shortly disappearing after that.

I would sit hear questioning myself how could these women here love these men who are basically left overs. The video illustrates what I'm saying, if white women genuinely was his choice, why is he paying that black bitch (I know they are characters) any attention first of all, then continue to fight for her attention after being rejected on top of the white women showing him her complete undivided attention.

After all that, you still secretly long to shop at Store A because it was your original choice.

 

Wow.

 

you already shopped at store A and brought home the goods...perhaps you weren't happy with your purchase because now every chance you get you are window shopping at store B...you know where the better merchandise is yet you were hasty in making a purchase and now you have buyers remorse

 

Let's not forget that most people grow up around their own race and there is a heavy social expectation to date/marry/procreate within your own race. How do we know he is not paying attention to the BW because that is what society expects him to do and/or he is doing it by default because that is what he is used to doing more than doing it out of true desire?

If the video had two WW or two BW and the first woman he looked at gave him the cold shoulder and the second woman was flirtatious, would we be so suspicious of his desire or would we just chalk it up to common sense and going to where one is wanted?

I could understand if he went out with that WW and all he ever talks about are BW and pines for BW. But if he goes out with her and they enjoy each others company, why should anything else matter?

Just because something is a "first choice" doesn't mean it is the best choice.

Why would I if my new store has my favorite candy?

 

Damn.

 

Arguing the technicalities we are ignoring the obvious: most of the men who are with WW or non-Black women who make this argument BW did X and that's why I prefer WW, truly do prefer WW. Why?

Because anybody who likes a certain kind of man or woman would put up with any amount of bullshit that it takes to be with him/her.

BM who like WW are given all kinds of shit, yet they still pursue WW.

WM who like AW are accused of being fetishists with yellow fever but they still go after AW.

BM who like BW talk about "the attitude" as much as any man, but they still go after BW.

WW who like BM are call all kinds of names, but they still go with them if they like them.

Same with any other pairing.

Like I said earlier, society expects people (and especially BM) to "stay in their place" and marry someone from the same race. BM with non-BW who make this argument are usually BM trying to defend himself from the deluge of anti-IR BS that he gets subjected to. This appears to be one of the go-to defenses.

 

And yet it seems that a significant portion of the men on this site espouse that view...Sad, isn't it?

 

well stated. there is no need to make an excuse to date a WW or a nonblack woman. you like that woman not because she is white it is because she is right. In other words no need to diss the BW to make an excuse to date a WW. The principle can be applied for other demographics.

when you say I dont date _____ because ______ it makes for an unnecessary argument about which demographic is better. that is all is going to happen. Then it makes it worst for other people in the IR

 

Another interesting thread. I've never heard of a BM settling for a WW or viewing her as a consolation prize.

I understand were Inner-beauty is coming from and, don't disagree; I just don't think it's a reality were most BM are concerned. I think most BM who date WW, date them simply because; they are attracted to them and, like them. Someone who is dating a WW because he's settling for her seems like someone the WW should avoid (I guess that's IB's point).

I've grown up around BW and, all that attitude from some of them, is just a front. BW can be just as kind and sweet as WW once you get to know them.

I said when I joined this site that, I could just as easily end up with a BW but, I'm also attracted to WW. The WW in the video, I actually liked her better and, if she looked at me that way; I wouldn't have even looked at the BW again.

If you guys think that the BW's reaction in the video is bad, just think about the reaction you get from a WW who isn't into BM, no matter how he looks or carries himself. It's a lot more humiliating and, harsh IMO (I'm sure some of you know what I'm talking about)

 

I made a mistake, he did say that, you're right, but I still think that this goes on off the site, so regardless if it's on here or offline, I still wanted the topic to be discussed.

I agree with a lot that you said, but this goes on off the board too.

Yeah, that's true in hindsight, but who wants to be the runner-up of anything?

Well, since it didn't work out with my race, how about I give you (another race) a try? No thank you!

You like the candy reference, huh? lol

I agree with your last paragraph as well as it not being easy to date IR, so it takes a lot to do so.

I like to categorize how I see BM and dating:

- You have BM who date WW/non-Black women exclusively and genuinely are attracted to and prefer said women.

- You have BM who date everyone equally and they don't have issues with BW so they go to non-BW and date BW as well. They're just attracted to women period.

- Then you have BM who are all about "Black Love" and keeping it Black.

- Then you have your BW did me wrong or I can't find a BW who I really want, so let me go find me a non-BW. They do it for the wrong reasons.

Very.

Like I said, I've seen it off the board too. I dated this guy who always talked about how he dates IR and then he would go on about BW this and 80% are this way etc. It got on my nerves. I didn't want to hear that shit. He did sound like a wounded dog. I truly believed in his heart of hearts, he wanted a sista, he just couldn't attract the right one. He also had issues with his mother, so you know that speaks volumes as well. Like the saying goes, "Once shame on them, twice shame on you".

 

You never heard dudes saying, I'll fuck a WW, but I won't marry her? That goes along the same lines of the consolation prize thing.

Like I mentioned in my last post, you have guys who genuinely like WW/non-BW and they're not anti-BW.

Then you have the ones who have whatever issues they have with BW, so they run to other races, knowing deep down, they want a sista.

Well, aside from the video and it's actual point, anytime there's Black and White of anything people related, usually everything turns racial.

 

I'm curious how this is different from women date nice/good men after continously being made a fool of by a bad boy? Seems like we all end up being someones second choice but so what. Think of it like an NBA draft Lebron was first choice his draft year and Wade was third. Who actually won a ring? And if it makes you feel better
First is the worst
Second is the best
Third is the one with the hairy chest


So who wants to be first or third for that matter lol

 

I think your example has to do with self esteem. Yes, everyone is someones second choice in a sense, but that's not the point I'm getting at.

LOL @ the hairy chest

I'm sorry, but I don't want a dude who wants me only because he can't find the right sista. I'm not the antithesis of a BW gone wrong in a BMs eye.

 

Usually when people date someone after being hurt they choose the anti-ex. I dated a chick who dated a Tampa Bay Buccaneer before dating me. I was totally safe and easy in compariso and figured she'd have a much better chance of me not cheating on her like the other dude.
I agree the race thing is childish and dumb but whatever your initial intentions are really doesn't matter. What keeps you together is totally different. Most of my exes dated me to either piss off their parents or try something "new" the long term ones stuck around for much deeper reasons

 

Thanx, Tam. I can always count on you to have the same perspective when it comes to IR dating.

And the thing is, some might ask, "Well, how do you know if you're the consolation prize or not?". You can always tell. The way they start talking about women, especially if they're talking about Sistas, it's always clearcut at some point.