Loyalties

nocturnalmission

nocturnalmission

New Member
I have two partners that I've known for 5 years and they were tight even before I stepped into the mix...

When we all hooked up, T (partner #1) was seriously dating P and J (partner #2) was in and out of relationships but was always T's right hand man...

Three years into our circle, T and P broke up... T hooked up with another lady who he has been hanging with seriously for the last two years.

But P was and still is a member of the circle minus T... They were civil at functions where both were in attendance, but T has obviously moved on and P remained single for the duration (for all we know), hoping T would wake up and come back.

At a recent BBQ... T showed up with his current lady... P, who is like a sister, came as did J... As the juice flowed, and T got more lubed, he started having issues with the hosts and the guests... His main issue was why they/we would invite P to a function that he was attending when they/we knew that they (T and P) were finished and over with long ago and that he would be bringing his lady... The hosts and the majority of the guests tried explaining their rationale but things escalated verbally until law enforcement was called... The last person T argued with was J, who was trying to calm him down.... The Popo took T into the station but released him later with a drunk and disorderly citation...

I don't know what happened in the interim, but now J and P are kicking it and T is livid and questioning loyalties. Because I've known the three of them (J, P, and T) the longest, T accuses me of stabbing him in the back and taking sides with the "opposition" and not backing him up, but more importantly, of helping J and P hook up "behind" his back. J and T are no longer speaking.... or it's ugly when they do....

Last night, J and P (at another social function) announced their new relationship... By the time I got home, my cell was blowing up with calls from T and those who sympathize with T about my loyalties....

T and I (me) argued until sun-up but I still don't get it... Is there a long term lease on former lovers that friends are supposed to hold in abeyance? Can someone enlighten me?
 
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nocturnalmission said:
I have two partners that I've known for 5 years and they were tight even before I stepped into the mix...

When we all hooked up, T (partner #1) was seriously dating P and J (partner #2) was in and out of relationships but was always T's right hand man...

Three years into our circle, T and P broke up... T hooked up with another lady who he has been hanging with seriously for the last two years.

But P was and still is a member of the circle minus T... They were civil at functions where both were in attendance, but T has obviously moved on and P remained single for the duration (for all we know), hoping T would wake up and come back.

At a recent BBQ... T showed up with his current lady... P, who is like a sister, came as did J... As the juice flowed, and T got more lubed, he started having issues with the hosts and the guests... His main issue was why they/we would invite P to a function that he was attending when they/we knew that they (T and P) were finished and over with long ago and that he would be bringing his lady... The hosts and the majority of the guests tried explaining their rationale but things escalated verbally until law enforcement was called... The last person T argued with was J, who was trying to calm him down.... The Popo took T into the station but released him later with a drunk and disorderly citation...

I don't know what happened in the interim, but now J and P are kicking it and T is livid and questioning loyalties. Because I've known the three of them (J, P, and T) the longest, T accuses me of stabbing him in the back and taking sides with the "opposition" and not backing him up, but more importantly, of helping J and P hook up "behind" his back. J and T are no longer speaking.... or it's ugly when they do....

Last night, J and P (at another social function) announced their new relationship... By the time I got home, my cell was blowing up with calls from T and those who sympathize with T about my loyalties....

T and I (me) argued until sun-up but I still don't get it... Is there a long term lease on former lovers that friends are supposed to hold in abeyance? Can someone enlighten me?
Click to expand...

All I know is if first T and P were dating....and now J and P are kicking it.

First off P is a fucking bitch..you fuckin' you X's home boy.....

and J he's weak T....you don't date your hommies' Xgirl.

Next that who "Like a sister shit" is dumb as fuck, cuz you don't fuck your sister.

Lastly whoever invited the chick (P), when the bruthaz were going to be hangin' knowing that she used to date T, needs his ass beat.

The only cat that seems to be on the side of right here is T...he has a right to say "Look hommie this is my x man, she's off limits" that's it.
 
How old is everybody in this high school drama? Holy crap.
nocturnalmission said:
When we all hooked up, T (partner #1) was seriously dating P and J (partner #2) was in and out of relationships but was always T's right hand man...

Three years into our circle, T and P broke up... T hooked up with another lady who he has been hanging with seriously for the last two years.
Click to expand...
It's been two years(at least) and he can't stand being invited to the same functions as her or knowing that she's dating his friend?

T sounds like a control freak to me, if he's been in a serious relationship for two years with someone else, no special allowances need to be made here. If he'd been single and mooning over the ex for two years that'd be different, but he has no hold over either person in this situation. As his friend, I would tell him so and as his current gf, I'd be seriously considering ending the relationship.

However. Your friend is telling you that you need to pick a side, that you can't stay friends with him if you are with them. You can try to reason with him and see if it helps(seems that's not working though?), but for now I think you are going to have to choose. T is acting like a child, but if his friendship is the one you value...you know? He's obviously very angry right now and his reasons for being so would matter to me too. If it's "argh raeg raeg, how dare you date an ex of mine!" that's a little different to "noooo, I've never got over her and I can't bear to see her with someone else".
 
Man - sounds like a hot mess coming & going, good luck with this & seriously hope the shit straightens itself out...
 
T+P+J=Problems for NI
T-P+J=Problems for NI
P+J-T=Problems for NI
T+P-J=Problems for NI still...
...where do the variables fit so the equation is solved?
:smt017
 
Ms. Jenny said:
Man - sounds like a hot mess coming & going, good luck with this & seriously hope the shit straightens itself out...
Click to expand...

FRESH said:
T+P+J=Problems for NI
T-P+J=Problems for NI
P+J-T=Problems for NI
T+P-J=Problems for NI still...
...where do the variables fit so the equation is solved?
:smt017
Click to expand...


It isn't my problem anymore... Whatever issues the principles have, they have amongst themselves... To question me and my loyalties when I neither encouraged the madness nor endorsed the outcome says we were working off of different pages of music to begin with. I'm on my side and I
don't have a vested interest in the outcome, no matter how it turns out...

I agree with you FRESH,
Whatever they do in whatever combination they do it in, is nobody's business but theirs and something they need to work out without a peanut gallery.

Life has enough built-in drama without adding a page in a lose-lose situation, where I am only a spectator. I've told all parties that I don't have a boxer in this fight and will not allow myself to be dragged into an issue that has no bearing on me. At the cost of distancing myself from two good friends who were once even better friends, I've taken a pass...

Thanks for your comments and advice...
 
nocturnalmission said:
It isn't my problem anymore... Whatever issues the principles have, they have amongst themselves... To question me and my loyalties when I neither encouraged the madness nor endorsed the outcome says we were working off of different pages of music to begin with. I'm on my side and I
don't have a vested interest in the outcome, no matter how it turns out...

I agree with you FRESH,
Whatever they do in whatever combination they do it in, is nobody's business but theirs and something they need to work out without a peanut gallery.

Life has enough built-in drama without adding a page in a lose-lose situation, where I am only a spectator. I've told all parties that I don't have a boxer in this fight and will not allow myself to be dragged into an issue that has no bearing on me. At the cost of distancing myself from two good friends who were once even better friends, I've taken a pass...

Thanks for your comments and advice...
Click to expand...

very smart man; after all, we are talking about grown folks...
 
This is messy... I've always made it a point not to mess with more than one person in any group of friends. My lovers are separated by as many degrees as I can find - if I am just looking for a lover, I will try to find one as far outside my normal social circle as possible, just so that things don't get incestuous and I can cut him off, never see him again if things don't work out.

One of my exes (serious relationship/very painful breakup), had seemed to be indiscriminate and over the course of 20 years had screwed a LOT of the girls in his art school. They are his ONLY group of friends to this day, so there are sometimes 3 girls he has fucked liable to be at a given function... I did NOT like that AT ALL. After he had fucked all the ones he wanted to, he started on the younger siblings of whomever he couldn't date (like the married friends of his friends' little sister). Maybe he's just lazy.

I think what your friends did is disrespectful all the way around and I hope you can figure out a way to maintain your friendships somehow.
 
nocturnalmission said:
It isn't my problem anymore... Whatever issues the principles have, they have amongst themselves... To question me and my loyalties when I neither encouraged the madness nor endorsed the outcome says we were working off of different pages of music to begin with. I'm on my side and I
don't have a vested interest in the outcome, no matter how it turns out...

I agree with you FRESH,
Whatever they do in whatever combination they do it in, is nobody's business but theirs and something they need to work out without a peanut gallery.

Life has enough built-in drama without adding a page in a lose-lose situation, where I am only a spectator. I've told all parties that I don't have a boxer in this fight and will not allow myself to be dragged into an issue that has no bearing on me. At the cost of distancing myself from two good friends who were once even better friends, I've taken a pass...

Thanks for your comments and advice...
Click to expand...

You made a wise choice. :smt023
 
Loyalties...

I guess I am one to always second guess any decision that seems major or life changing, and in this case, I somehow felt asked to choose between the lesser of two evils, of two friends who are now enemies... But after telling everyone who asked that I was done with this drama, I slept like a baby and felt all the better for washing my hands of the evolving soap opera...

I won't even try to analyze motivations or lay blames... I think there was enough stupid going around and enough people who knew the real deal to warrant everyone involved at the knowing level a standing O for obviously Out to Lunch...

And life goes on....

Again, thanks to everyone for helping me to see it for what it really is...

A blind dog may have a great sense of smell, but it ain't gonna hunt...lol
 
nocturnalmission said:
I guess I am one to always second guess any decision that seems major or life changing, and in this case, I somehow felt asked to choose between the lesser of two evils, of two friends who are now enemies... But after telling everyone who asked that I was done with this drama, I slept like a baby and felt all the better for washing my hands of the evolving soap opera...

I won't even try to analyze motivations or lay blames... I think there was enough stupid going around and enough people who knew the real deal to warrant everyone involved at the knowing level a standing O for obviously Out to Lunch...

And life goes on....

Again, thanks to everyone for helping me to see it for what it really is...

A blind dog may have a great sense of smell, but it ain't gonna hunt...lol
Click to expand...

lol, kind of thing my Daddy would've said...
 
saintaugusta said:
This is messy... I've always made it a point not to mess with more than one person in any group of friends. My lovers are separated by as many degrees as I can find - if I am just looking for a lover, I will try to find one as far outside my normal social circle as possible, just so that things don't get incestuous and I can cut him off, never see him again if things don't work out.

One of my exes (serious relationship/very painful breakup), had seemed to be indiscriminate and over the course of 20 years had screwed a LOT of the girls in his art school. They are his ONLY group of friends to this day, so there are sometimes 3 girls he has fucked liable to be at a given function... I did NOT like that AT ALL. After he had fucked all the ones he wanted to, he started on the younger siblings of whomever he couldn't date (like the married friends of his friends' little sister). Maybe he's just lazy.

I think what your friends did is disrespectful all the way around and I hope you can figure out a way to maintain your friendships somehow.
Click to expand...


You must have really cared about that ex to tolerate that man's falls from grace so many times over a 20 year period and knowing about the game he was running. I'm not judging, just sympathetic because we all have our reasons for doing what we do, even if we cannot logically explain the what, the where, the who, or the why... I have accepted what I would now consider less than basic respect from two women because I was in love, enraptured and a whole host of other adjectives describing my addiction to them and what I thought they meant to me...

I think that both of my friends expected me to bless/curse their situations because of my (natural) seniority and my position in our social working circle. In retrospect, I think they saw me as a pseudo-surrogate parent.

I think I agonized over their situation more out the fear of losing either one of them as friends until I realized that they don't even value a longer friendship...

and life goes on...

With so few people that one can truly call friend, it's hard to lose one and devastating to lose two, but maybe I need to redefine what a friend is...
 
I hate taking sides.. thats childish - you have nothing to do with this ish, you should not have to pick sides in this situation.
Your friend is immature to think you must pick a side. meh.
 
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