You're the whitest black guy I know.(again)

If we aren't willing to educate the ignorant, then how can we expect any change. There are two ways she could have meant that: a) she was being racist or b) she was nervous and felt ignorant and spurted out something as stupid as "you sound white" or whatever. Greco seems like a decent judge of character and even though the comment ticked him off a bit, he obviously doesn't feel she meant it rudely or he wouldn't be willing to meet with her again. I think it's just as ignorant to judge someone without knowing them. And it is just as senseless to dismiss the ignorance of others without offering them a bit of wisdom or education. Whether they absorb it or not, you've at least done your part.

 

Thats why I mentioned that she probably did not intend for her comments to be racist and stereotypical (and I really dont think that she did, though it is still bothersome). Hopefully Greco will be able to educate this girl if he chooses to continue seeing her, because I agree that he should at least find a way to make the effort

 

ive heard that several times, it's really annoying. apparently being nice and eloquent is too white? thats idiotic

 

I haven't read all the replies, but she's obviously ignorant. You don't owe her an explanation, but you could teach her so she doesn't go around with these preconceived notions about Black folks, especially Black men. You should tell her that "Well spoken" doesn't equate to being "White" and that there are many educated Black people out here. Lastly, if she only knew how many Black dudes rock Polos, especially in the Hip Hop community and beyond, she'd be surprised. She might not be someone to waste your time on, but it might make you feel better to school her cause she obviously needs it. She's been living in her Lily White world too long.

 

Nice and eloquent don't have shit to do with anything.

I'm nice and eloquent and nobody has ever said that shit to me.


Time to check yourself.

 

Haven't read all the replies but i've heard similar nonsense from both white and black Americans. Left me incredulous!!!
Moreso because I'm not just Black but my parents are directly from an African country and I've lived in said country.
How the f*ck are you gonna tell someone who's from Africa(not just his ancestors) and lived in Africa that he's not very Black as if being Black is judged by what the group of Black people in America do and has nothing to do with other Black people in the world say in Brazil, Colombia, Venezuela, England, Jamaica, T&T, France, and other African countries? You can't categorize all folks as if they're one and that always ticks me off.

 

Atleast you never got ,well you probably did get this one which bugs the hell out of me .."You speak so well ".
"Oh my god you are so eloquent ."

Why everytime a brotha can speak descent its a shocker to some white folks its pretty irritating and annoying.
How the hell am I to communicate by doing clicking noises with my mouth or raping a song to ya .
It's always the liberal hipster white folks to like my ex hippy of a english professor .
God that woman reminded me of everybody hates chris teacher from school who was just blantantly racist with out even her knowing it .

 

Yup, same here.

 

or the "You arent like the other blacks in America" i get that all the time, even by foreigners

 

I have to put MY tuppence in now..

...and I'm of the opinion that each and every one of us need to say

Screw What *THEY* (Other people, be they detractors; so-called "supporters" that are anything BUT; Folks who are mired deeply into the 'conventions of sterotypical thought', etc...) have to say..

To sum it all up, just live by the words of William Shakespeare's "HAMLET":

To Thine Own Self Be True


'Nuff Said.












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I think I somewhat agree with you except about being "white". Speaking proper english and wearing polos isn't owned by white people any longer. I think we should all refuse to let those descriptions slide.

And for GrecoJones84:
You're right. It sounds like the typical fetishism or just innocent ignorance. If you like her, educate her. Otherwise just fuck her and go.

 

My two cents

I've read a few of these posts and my thought is so what if she thinks that way. Apparently she has an idea about people in general that's false. I am assuming she is some young college kid like yourself who hasn't had the opportunity to be exposed to a lot of different people outside of what she probably sees in media.
Dude I for one can totally relate to the whole you don't seem black thing. I've experienced everywhere from work to relationships but the one thing I have come to realize is that you are not responsible for other people's limitations or perceptions you're only responsible for your own. I'm sure she wasn't the first person to say that to you and it's doubtful if she'll be the last.
My question to you is why does it matter?
You know who you are right? You have no one else to live up to but you and truthfully a lot of girls who say that kind of thing are usually nervous and are trying to make conversation I find. So just cut her some slack and be nice to her and maybe you'll get laid.
Because truthfully isn't that the bottom line in situations like that? Do you really need her to respect you lol

 

I would think it matters in that a person should ask him/herself if they're going to confront it. Relationships are important and to come across someone that naive may be understandable but why would you just ignore it? I wouldn't want to meet girls I might potentially vibe with to have that kind of attitude.

 

I'm not saying to ignore it, I'm saying why should it annoy you so much. You can correct her and tell her that all black people aren't the way she thinks they are but the only way for her to know that way is to be around someone who isn't that way. Like a lot of the black women in my life think I date white women because they believe them to be weak and let men walk all over them but instead of the long debate trying to tell them they're full of shit I let them decide for themselves when I introduce them to my girlfriends.
People don't need your permission to be ignorant, but they do need it to bother you.

 

Although I think this so true in many cases, you cannot just ignore stuff like that, and hope to prove to 'them' by experience/eye-to-eye contact/conversation, you have to head 'them' off from the get go.

 

How would you suggest to deal with stuff like this then?

 

IF this particular situation happened to me, I may proceed to engage in some type of relationship, but I would be hesitant, and would try to educate her as much as possible without the relationship becoming "how to date black men 101" or something of that nature. Depending on how I felt at that moment in time, I may not even choose to peruse anything romantic with her, and just be her associate and try to educate her.

 

Fair enough

 

There'd *be* none of that fuckin' "try to educate" shit with *me*....

"Try to educate" infers that the individual in question DOES NOT look at you as a person...but - in all probability - as a mere stereotype. Unable to fathom, in their eyes, that you are anything BUT what the Mass Media Ignoramusses make you out to be..

NO "pursuing anything romantic" with that....NO "being her associate" or anything of similar qualities.

It's the failure to LOOK AT THE PERSON FIRST .. and see that there are *moe SIMILARITIES than there are DIFFERENCES .. that results in alienation, degradation, condemnation, humiliation, and all around bad feelings amongst all.

Sadly, every race, gender, nationality, and/or fiefdom is guilty of this sin.










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I never cease to be amazed at the things that come out of the mouth's of total strangers, but I'm not a fan of just ignoring them either. I find very few people lead off well in a conversation, but that's often just because they lack experience or are nervous. It takes a lot of courage for some people to approach a stranger and strike up a conversation, particularly one they find attractive.

A lot of people seem fond of the 'you only get 1 chance to make a first impression' philosophy, but I've never thought that was fair. I generally give everyone at least 3. If they can't manage something appropriate in three tries, and they usually get a warning after the 2nd try, that's it. I've heard just about everything imaginable, and I've honestly never gotten offended or pissed at anyone, some people just don't have good communication skills. Anytime someone leads off with a 'You are the most ________ woman I've ever met' type comment, I always reply with 'You don't get out much do you?'.