Your idealistic and realistic partner matches?

Just the engagement is enough?
How does virginity play a role there? I mean at that point she’s still a virgin (presumably) so no damage done, right?

 

Naw. In that example he had sex with her, forgot to write that back in.

As a man you can't promise to marry a virgin, have sex with her and then turn around and dump her. Can't do that, big mistake.

 

Ah ok, I get it now.

Am sure many women missed out on their compensation because they didn’t know.
However, since we live in a time of equality, does that also apply to male virgins?

 

That's just dumb. Hahahaha!

 

First of all you got to convince a judge that she actually proposed to you. Then a guys virginity? Lol. Where is the value? They can't give it away fast enough. Lol

 

One of these days some guy gonna sue for discrimination.

Anyway, in the US one can get compensation for many things, that’s why they write all these funny things like “Caution wet floor “ or “caution, hot drink” etc.
In Germany they’d say “Use your common sense and get the f*** out of court” lol.

 

It's a fair question I guess........lol

 

Lol
Yes, I was just asking a provocative question to make a point.

 

There are some societies or instances where it is the norm for men and women to essentially lives separate lives even after marriage and kids, or many couples opt for this.

The whole living together thing 24/7 too, I think is a bit of a romantic notion, in the animal kingdom, although there are a few that mate for life, for others, they mate, then part ways, and for in some instances the female drives the male away, and she raises the babies on her own. Not to say that we are or we should just be like animals, but that the whole marriage, kids happily ever after in a home together forever can be unrealistic and the stuff of Disney fairytales. Not knocking if that is what people want to do, it just does not work for all.

It is interesting in that we are considered social animals, but yet we can sure have a tough time getting along, we are the only animal species that have and build nuclear weapons to deal with conflicts.

On a smaller personal level, it seems it can be very challenging to share a space with anybody, be it friends, family, and spouses 24/7 365 days a year. Some seem to do this better than others, but it can take work and sacrifice that for some is too much.

I recall a discussion among some women about whether spouses should share a bed for sleeping, with one adamant that she wants her and her spouse together in the same bed. For her, a spouse wanting their own sleeping space separate from her was like giving up on the marriage. Again, I don't think it is totally bad to need separate sleeping spaces, some people snore, sleep hot, toss and turn. Well, thats kind of a whole other topic, but kind of related to this current discussion.

 

Language and culture is the only thing that separates us from the rest of the animals. Chimps are our cousins.

 

The older you are and the longer you have enjoyed your independence the more difficult it is to let someone into your personal space, emotionally and physically. It’s easier to adjust when you are young than after 15 years of doing your own thing, I think.

 

Many of these ideals change with time and changes in stages in life. The whole never say never comes to mind. People tend to be very short sighted and think everything will stay the same or only evolve into their fantasy rather than realizing that life is not a fantasy.

 

This is definitely true! I think with people getting married (or whatever form they do) later in life it makes a huge difference too. When you get married early in life, you haven't even figured yourself out and you are basically growing up with that other person. Later on, not so much.

Society also promotes independence much more so now vs promoting nuclear family life.

 

I agree with a lot of what you and K have said in the preceding few messages/posts. After divorcing, I have learned more about what I don't like than what I do like and have become very apprehensive about letting someone back into my personal comfort zone.

 

I think many of us come up with all sorts of rules to try to prevent getting hurt - avoid a repeat of previous situations. But the truth is relationships are a risk. There is always a risk of getting hurt. The idea of protecting ourselves and avoiding it will only get surface level relationships at best. There are no guarantees in life. Most things that are worth anything involve risk.

 

Good points, but I think it also depends on how badly you got burned the previous time. Everyone has to assess their own personal opportunity cost.

 

Absolutely. When it comes down to it, it's going to be how much do you really want something?

 

Ideal - a tall 5'7 - 6'0 atheist white woman or latina that isn't into feminism or politics. Grew up with brothers in the home or at least has constructive hobbies and interests. Is introverted and introspective/intuitive. Has good mental health and is disease free.

No lawyers, bartenders, strippers, active duty military or police accepted.

 

Sounds very possible.