Would you date someone new to IR dating?

yeah...I could understand why you would go down that route. "Meet The Parents" got played out years ago...

never looked at it from that view at all...

as much as some of us say family doesn't matter...it would certainly HELP the relationship if you KNEW his parents was cool with him dating/marrying white girls.

 

Thanks for the well-thought out answers ladies. Sometimes I get inquisitive.

 

Hey Chi,

I'm curious: what do you love about brothas? I'm pretty new to doing more than lurking. I don't know if you've already written a thesis on this or not. Although I'm in Minneapolis, I rarely meet ww who are especially attracted.

 

Having been new to IR dating merely a year ago myself, my answer is 'yes, but...'

I agree with all those who stated that we all have to start somewhere but I share your concerns, Chi. It would be tough to get emotionally attached to someone only to have them back out due to reasons related simply to the IR situation. It would be nice to find someone in the same place as yourself. Plus, he's 37, why such a late start?

Then again, if he's a good guy and is sincere, then I would hate for you to pass on him - b/c we both know it's hard to find them!! Maybe give it a shot for a few months and try to get a feel for how he deals with it? Have you met him face to face yet??

 

WillWright,no I haven't written a "thesis" about my preference so let me write it now:
I just do! The end

To be honest I've been dating IR for so long now I can't really compare. To me I am interested in men who happen to be black. I don't want this to sound wrong... I guess what I am trying to say is it doesn't feel to me as if I am attracted to a man because he is black, I am attracted to him because of who he is as a person. Now having said that I know all the qualities I like in a BM a WM may easily posess as well so then why is it that I am not attracted to them? I don't know. All I know is that I love BM and have no reason not to.


Fnny
I don't know why he is such a late starter, I asked him and he said he is definitely attracted to WW but hasn't had the "opportunity" (his words). I haven't met him yet, we are planning to talk on the phone so we shall see. I agree personality will be more imprtant than the fact that he has never dated a WW, I will just have to keep in mind that certain aspects may be new to him (IF we even get that far) he he he.

 

okay then...in other words...

you just like black men



you don't have to explain yourself...more power to you

 

I think we should send everyone to this post when they ask from now on...

 

Since I only date ww, I prefre a ww who has at least a strong preference for bm and has dated bm before. A lot of the issues of curiousity, dealing with pressure from family members, etc. have already been dealt with from someone who's already dated bm. But, I'm not dogmatic on this point because at one point, I was on "my first" when I first dated a ww.

 

Nice avatar, K!

 

Thanks you missed it when a few of us were in chat and I kept changing it :lol:

 

I have never dated out of my race before but you have to start somewhere, don't you? I think it is more so the person than to have they dated outside of their race. I mean what if that person had everything you were looking for in a mate and you turned them down cause they never dated IR before? I mean it is hard enough to find someone to love in society today that I think it is a crazy reason to turn someone down.

 

...good point



..if a person made me feel like no other, and was an IR "virgin," I would probably do something with her..

but.. I would make sure to see where she stood on the subject, especially between black and white..

I would make sure she was very open to discussions, concerning our relationship, the pressures that we face being black and white, etc, etc..

...a mate who refused to talk about such topics, or completely ignored the obvious fact that you are black, and she is white, wouldn't go far with me..

regardless of the "colorblind" attitude, there are people who are very much against IR relationships...

therefore...it would only make sense to be able to address that, with your partner..

..I know race in america, is a touchy subject in general...but...faint of heart, need not apply

!

 

Okay, I have a question then...

I'm new to black and white interracial dating, but not new to hispanic and white interracial dating. So, would a bm still feel weird or have second thoughts about going out with me? I've had my fair share of issues with hispanics, so I'm not new to having to deal with the issues of being an interracial couple.

 

if you been down that road before, it shouldn't be too much of a problem..

unless you consider family..

some families are more tolerant of other races, but have stricter laws against black people..

some families view us as violent, criminalistic, idiotic, childish, etc....

and...depending on your background, your family may not want to deal with a black man, because of our well-known history with white people (slavery, civil rights, etc), and out of fear, may not want to see their daughter with one..

again, all of this may not apply to you and your family..

but like you mentioned before, you have dated interracially in the past, so you should be experienced in some areas..

whereas someone who's NEVER done it before, may be a bigger gamble

 

Well, to give you more of a history of my family: an older brother of mine has dated black women and my parents didn't have a problem with it. In fact, my Mom remained friends with a wonderful black woman after they broke up, but they have since lost touch. She was a great lady.

So, my folks aren't brand new to the topic. So they shouldn't have a problem with it.

Btw, I like the new picture. Though it looks like an animal took a swipe at you. LOL!

 

I did some digging..didn't find a drunk-on-the-curb one, but I did find another old one..

an animal didn't take a swipe at me..it was my requisite serious face for a ROTC military photo..

one guy smiled, but I kept it real gangsta, like I was about to go to war the same day



as for the family.. it's good that they're open to it..

they never had a black man with one of their kids...but.. at least you know they aren't totally against it...

only way to find out how they would react to a black guy, is by letting them know that you are interested in them, and the sorts..

some people still view black men with old stereotypes you know...

is he going to rob us?

is he going to treat my daughter like a hoe?

how much bling bling does he have?

is he going to beat me down, because he thinks I had something to do with his oppression?

is he going to be "angry" at whitey all the time?

8)

I mentioned this in another post, but I met lots of older white women, who clearly liked black men (one of them went to bat for me, when she thought a professor of mine, was harboring racist contempt towards me), and I met younger white girls, who also liked black men..(I met the boob flashers, the ones who wanted to see me naked, the ones who liked to grab, etc)

all hope is not lost yet, on IR

 

Yeah, I can't mention anything to them yet. But, that has nothing to do with me being afraid of what they'd say about my interest in dating a black guy. They are of the opinion that I stay away from dating any man for a very, very long time. They think I need some time alone, now that I'm divorced. One sister says I should wait 5 years. She's insane! :lol:

But, when I'm actually dating someone, I'll cross that bridge...

ROTC, huh? Very cool! A friend of mine in college joined the National Guard - he got to go to a ton of cool places during his summer duties. I was jealous. LOL!

I like reading your posts. You have a great personality. They always bring a smile to my face.

 

don't pat me on the back yet.. I had some grimey, slimey foam come out of my typing hands before



you're family seems cool tho.. one of the select few that has seen their kid with someone who was black..

as for being divorced and not dating, that's totally up to you..

soulmates are hard to find...sometimes things don't work out, and it's best to move on.. that's about all I can say about that..

as for the army, I was going to sign-up for active duty, back in 2001, either infantry or military intel MOS, before 9/11 ( I wasn't one of those guys who got a sudden hardon, for our military and revenge, after seeing the WTC towers fall down).. I always gravitated towards the military, period, for some odd reason.

I knew people that served before ( one of my roommates, family friends, etc)

But, I decided to stay in college as a regular student tho..

the idea of me in the military, doesn't jibe well with my family...they wanted me to do other, safer things

the thought of joining does keep crossing my mind...even though I know I would probably be making less, than what I make right now..

..along with the possibility of deploying to Iraq, where some guys aren't getting a chance to fight. Instead, they are being taken out by those nasty IEDs..

I like to organize..

I like to lead..

I like to push myself..

and I generally like and care for people..most of the time