Would you date someone new to IR dating?

I've always said that I would prefer not to date someone new to IR dating, I think the reason for me is a small fear of simply being a "novelty" or their guinea pick. A guy who dates all races is ok, but my preference would defintely be a man who prefers to date WW. How do you all feel about this? Does it matter to you?

I am chatting with this guy on BPM (he contacted me) he is 37 and never dated a WW....

 

I think it would really depend on the person. Hopefully when you met him you would be able to see if it was about an experimental type of thing.

I would really want to fit the description of the woman who comes to mind when they close their eyes and picture the woman they would want to be with. It's possible that this could be the case with someone who has not been with a ww (I mean many of us were not with bm until a certain point in life, although that may have been our ideal for a very long time.) Obviously he has some interest or he wouldn't have contacted you.

I don't know...I would probably express my concerns if I were to go ahead and meet him and get a sense of where he's really at about it.

My preference would be to be with a man who has had experience with IR relationships and all that comes with it. It's hard for me to imagine being with a man who hasn't been with a ww.

 

You said you wouldn't date somebody new to IR dating but you are chatting up with somebody who has never dated a ww so either the guy is white and only been with black women or are you looking at the option to change your mind or is it just friendly chat.

I wouldn't for some of the same reasons you won't, also alot of ww new to IR dating with bm stereotype a lot or they are just sexually attracted and nothing else. But If it is just no strings attached dating then yeah I would cause then the only reason why we are dating is just to have fun, no relationhship stuff to worry about.

I also I wouldn't say won't but be very careful with white women who are just opened to dating black men, My specific preference is I rather date a white woman that dated blackmen only than the ones who are just opened to it, because of the experience around alot of white women who are just opened to it seem to be more attracted to wm and uses us as the guinea pick the most and like I said unless it is just "no strings attached" dating then I wouldn't want to be someone who is more attracted to another race, that is how cheating happens.

To the women is it vice-versa with ya'll, would you date a bm exclusive to ww or opened to dating IR? Are the open minded black guys more attracted to bw than ww? I know only a couple here that are, both my cousins.

 

When it came to IR dating, I would prefer someone who has been down that route before. IR dating draws much more speculation and abuse, in general, versus regular same race dating.

If a white woman has had interracial relationships in the past, I would assume that she has been through some of the negativity, and was a stronger person because of it. Which, in turn, provides me with some comfort in knowing that I would have a partner who wouldn't run when things got rough.



On the flip side, someone new to IR dating may possess those same qualities.

As far as being a black male who dates WW, exclusively, I wouldn't have that characteristic. It's too hard to say no when you have latinas, asians, mixed, coming after you.



I also haven't totally ruled out black women. There are some nice ones out there.... I just haven't met a lot of them.

 

i mean sure it would be fun at first with the whole "hey can i touch your hair, omg guys it totally feels like wool! does velcro get stuck in it sometimes? why do black people say axe instead of ask? why do black people smoke menthol cigarettes?"

 

I used to get lines like that in high school. I used to be a card-carrying member of the rainbow coalition ( the rainbow BOOTy coalition ), and had non-black girls asking questions about my hair, and wanting to feel it...

it's kinda like being a new toy...

but...after toy status wears off, you'll find that some non-black women are generally interested in black men, beyond just "feeling your hair."

 

oh i know it, i was just poking fun.
for the most part most of the girls i date usually date all colors or all colors with exception("i only date black, latino and white, but no asian")
so it's nothing particularly new when im around.

 

Yes, I would.
We all started somewhere...

 

I would probably shy away from someone that hadn't been in an IR before (unless it was someone that I was friends with and things turned romantic) due to some of the reasons mentioned in this thread and the forum: afraid of the novelty factor, how he would react to negativity and/or bw who flirt with him because he's with me, I also wouldn't want to be the first ww that he introduced to his family as his sig other/gf.

I also would prefer someone who prefers ww, but that's not a necessity.

 

the first one is always the hardest

depends on the family tho...

some want to just see their kids happy...others want them to stay within their race...

being the "follow-up" in either situation, would probably be more easier...

unless the parents are weary of their child constantly having to breakup with external race mates

 

I've dated a few WW who were new to IR. Great experiences all of them.

 

I stay away from first time IR'ers for a lack of a better word. I do not like to be a test tube in an experiment.

 

I agree with Lestat. We all start somewhere.

Go for it, Chi...and good luck!

 

i am going to go with the designer "bug" here and say...YES...what better woman than you chi...to show him the way...his experience could not be anything but positive...
please keep us posted!

 

Well I think it's just very simple. I want to be with someone who prefers being with me...only me. And I'm a ww

it's funny though I'm not really one to typically ask about dating history stuff. I usually go with my instincts.

I guess I've dealt with being in relationships where they really weren't my preference (may not be race - could be other things) and no matter how hard I may try...there was something missing.

I'm not really interested in settling, or in being with someone who does. I am really only interested in being with the man who does it for me in all areas....and I would want to be the same for him.

Now, I realize though that sometimes someone may think someone with a very specific look is what they want and then they meet someone who totally blows them away and all that goes out the window....that's cool. But I think that's really obvious.

 

:wink: I completely respect that. I think bruthas sometimes find security in that as well, even if we don't want to admit it. However (Devil's Advocate), couldn't he find another white woman?
(blame my insecurities )

 

Absolutely he could find another white woman (or whatever woman) Then that would just mean he's not the man for me. Very simple.

I think I've said it enough times. I don't see things as a competition. I don't give a rip about the idea of there being a shortage of good men or women (of whatever category someone wants to come up with) I'm secure with who I am. I'm only interested in being with the man I'm meant to be with. In order for him to be the man I'm meant to be with ...that means that I'm the woman he's meant to be with. And I completely trust that this person exists.

See I don't see things as a matter of categories...I see it as the whole picture. I think when it's a matter of getting into lists and specifics...that's when it's not the person we really are to be with. It's really something when all that flies out the window when we meet the "right" one. And I realize I'm on this thread talking about preferences...but that's just it - they are preferences.

If someone wants to be with someone else - go do so. Don't waste my time.

 

I agree with Lestat, lipstick and jelly: we all started somewhere.

If my BF didn't start seeing me, just because I hadn't dated a BM before, I'd probably be slightly less happy, and much less pregnant right now

 

Thank you all for the great responses

Intrigued the reason I always say I would not want to date a first timer is because I am afraid I am just a novelty or guinea pick. I want him to KNOW that me being white won't be an issue for him or his family. I left the soul searching behind years ago, I know I love BM and questioning my preference for that won't be an issue in my relationships, it's also not an issue for my family. I want to be sure the man I may consider to date is on the same page.
I am not saying a first timer won't be able to be secure and confident in his choice but there will be more stuff to work through. Something I have already done years ago.