Women should get alimony for LIFE!

I am perfectly fine with the woman working while I stay home with the kiddos so she doesn't have to sacrifice her marketability.

Just saying...

 

As if lol

You'd get that lazy don't wanna work negro label so quick it would perm your dreads fam

 

My point exactly. I guess we can get a nanny to look after the kids, preferably of the super young, eager, innocent, naive, Eastern European variety.

 

I think a lot of what I say gets lost in translation. I guess the way my mind works is you can NEVER count on anyone. Friends, family, country, God, NO ONE. All you have is yourself no matter what fantasy others try to sell you. What people deserve and what people get are worlds apart. I personally am a hopeless romantic who would give my last plate of food and he shirt off my back for loved ones. That's how I'm built always have been always will be it just can't be helped but I would be a fool to expect that others are the same way.
Maybe it comes from living in a country that would rather over spend on a war no one wants to be in rather than providing basic healthcare to the people and not just because the government ignores it but because millions look at it as more welfare for Juanita and Tyrone and would rather die poor and diseased themselves than see any of the undesirables get anything. Also living in a world where we are all ok with sweatshops that force children and women to work for pennies a day while emasculating the men because they can't they find work all to have cheap shit.
What we deserve and what most of us get are light years apart. What you think should get and what you do get are light years apart and you should prepare accordingly. Good times are precious and scarce and one should remember winter is always coming and should prepare for such.

 

I do love nannies. So sexy and so eager to learn about American culture and boy am I willing to teach them lol

 

After playing mommy to the kids all day I can certainly understand why they are motivated to play wifey to the husband at night.

In all honesty though, I sit on the fence on this one. I see why women would want to work and keep their 'skills' up considering the divorce rates and everything going on in this society. At the same time, I DO want children but I do not want them raised by strangers.

 

That's why I am so grateful for family support. My mom is prepared to work reduced hours or work an evening shift to help out. I know everyone isn't blessed like that but unfortunately in this economic climate you might have to let a stranger raise your kids. Unless you're a doctor with lots of experience no one's job or profession is safe from cuts.

 

Babylon.

 

which is the other thing. i didn't bring children into this world only to have someone else spend time with them & i only get to see them on the weekends...also not a possibility as i prefer to breastfeed for a good couple of years

 

I stopped reading at breastfeed.

 

why...??? there was only 6 more words to read after that

 

I'm sure those 6 words, whatever they were, pale in comparisonn.

 

I hear you and I doubt my parents brought me into this world to have to go home after school by myself but some families just have to do what they have to do

 

You can say that again, Bro - all true I least for me as well. Tried to rep you but, I have to spread it around.

 

:smt042

agreed and understood. i spent a great deal of my childhood collecting and looking after my brothers

 

After what I went through, when my sister got married, and asked what I thought of how to handle finances with one parent home, I suggested this:

1. Household bills and debt.
2. Savings for the family (college, trips, etc)
3. Discretionary income should be split equally between the parents for them to do as they like - save, spend, etc.

That way each has their OWN money they can do as they choose with. She did not take the advice, now she's in her late 40s with two teens, a miserable marriage which should have ended years ago, limited job skills (and some serious back problems), no savings for retirement - and sees absolutely no way out. :-(

 

That would have been *so* helpful to me all those years when I was single parenting. I was working insane hours, and trying to do all the parenting, household chores, errands etc all on my own. Coming home to a decently clean house, a nice meal, and a kid who didnt need to be rushed through dinner to make an early bedtime so he could go to before school care at 6 am would have been a joy.

I would not have expected to be waited on hand and foot, but it would have been nice once in a while not to feel like I had to spend my entire life running at 90 mph.

 

The answer is to be fair about money. Set the same percentage up in a retirement savings account for the stay at home spouse as you put into SS; ensure she has time to keep her skills up by attending training/workshops/networking etc. Ensure she's got discretionary money - that your income is considered "for two" and not "your money" that you're graciously allowing her to use for grocery purchase. The deal is, she's doing a job just like you are, and should be paid accordingly. I'm not suggestion you set an "hourly" wage, just that when there's money left over at the end of the month not accounted for by bills, retirement planning, savings, etc., that the remainder get split and you would not be accountable to one another for how that is spent. If you want to spend it on buying a boat to go fishing, cool. If she wants to spend hers on an expensive purse and shoe collection, great. If you decide together you'd rather take a trip overseas, then you both agree to put your discretionary income towards that.

See what I'm saying?

 

man do i know the bolded bits...before i got sick i was jumping on the treadmill at 10pm because it was the only time i had available the whole day to exercise

 

Yep, or I'd go climbing one night a week indoors in the winter, pay through the nose for a sitter. She'd pick my son up from daycare, feed him dinner, take him home and put him to bed. Meanwhile, I'd have gone into work early so I could leave early, get to the gym before it got too crowded, then take the train back into the city, and back out again to go home (different train lines). It was still a mad dash, but after a couple of years of never doing *anything* for myself, I found it was really helpful in keeping the stress levels down and making me feel like a human being instead of an automaton. Thank the gods for the most excellent babysitter in the universe. She was like another grandmother to my son.