women - do they really like men who are leaders

I notice a lot of women want it both ways. They want the guy who everyone is afraid of and respects yet who's only a "leader" when she wants him to be.

 

very well stated.

 

Im going to put these two scenerios out there because it is very common among couples. I experienced this myself along with a couple of my buddies and female friends.

bill and sherry have been married for about 3 months and so far he had to get her earrings out of the pawn shop after she advised him that she had them in there for about 6 months before they were married.

at the 1 year mark he found out the following :

-----she was 1 year behind on a credit card balance of $1300 with a 20 per month payment

------ interest payment on her car at 21%

---- she is always borrowing money from him..$20. here $30 there .

afterwards he stated he got pissed and told her look we are gonna get on a budget so bring me all your bills and i will bring mine and we are gonna handle this. we are gonna be on an allowance and all that.

she responded you are trying to take my independence ...I can do my own thang.

2nd scenerio--- trey and tonya go to the plaza to go grocery shopping. they pull up in front of krogers (popular grocery chain in the south) and a dollar general is in the same plaza. trey states hey "we are gonna go to the DG to get cleaning supplies and the krogers for the food" . tonya replies " Im not going to the DG that is where poor people shop. I dont want people see me going in there" . he responded " you and I both together make about 70,000 a year . we are not rolling in dough." Tonya replies " Im not going" . He rescinds to her wishes. The next week same place she states " we can go to the DG because my friends shop there too so we can too !"

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Question: leader or telling them what to do ? are the women in the rite or rebellious ?

what is your take over all ?

 

In regards to Bill and Sherry, how did he not know all of this stuff about her before entering into a legally binding union with her??

As for Trey and Tonya, well, not much to say on that one. She clearly views status as more important than saving money.

 

you will definitely have to ask about thier credit history before you get married. after hearing what happen on that one and looking at my past marriage I will definitely check their credit history.

I will ask yall this because I somewhat buy into this... a person is a reflection of you ( i say i support this to a point) because you chose them thus saying you did not look careful enough (not being cynical enough) . I somewaht support that statement where i depart is you cannot make or convince someone to do anything or "fall in line".

My thing I did ask was and/or also will state that even tho you maybe right you have to say what you want someone to do in the right way.

in other words its not just what you say but how you say it

 

I knew you posted those scenarios so you can bring up the whole "check their credit history" thing. Besides being a complete invasion of privacy, the fact of the matter is you'd need very personal information about them to even get to the credit history part (you have to answer questions about things that are on your credit report to gain access to it),

Like I've said in the past, if you listen and pay attention, the other person tells you everything you'll ever need to know about how they handle their finances.

 

yeah , but people will hide for awhile. people can put up a good game for a long time. the problem tho like i stated earlier people will over look the obvious. (the reflection thang). Also some people have good character but different values than yours...that doesnt reflect on you. if a person has a bad character ...then it does because you maybe a good person but you let your gaurd down and LET someone in who did not deserve to get in.

now, like i stated because we are digressing from the point. the scenerio states he stated we need to get a handle on thangs....was he taking her independence away and being an asshole or was he being a leader ?

actually that question should be for both scnerios .

 

you are correct to a point.....but people will tell you what you want to here and let you see what they want you to see. I have been with friends who stated that their marriage counselors brought up the money issue and they ended up telling the woman let me see your credit history and they ended up dumping them because the woman had bad CH or refused. they later on was happy over that move. also i have talked to men who over looked that and regretted it. I myself experienced it and we traded notes and damn if we had similar experiences.