Why is it so hard for me to meet a black man?

I'm very attracted to black men... but it's been so hard to meet one who's actually... decent. Decent meaning intelligent, honest, respectful... not some guy who wants to "hit it and quit it"... I'm sure there are plenty of black men out there with substance, but where are they? Damn!

 

And another thing...

I've gone through the message board pretty thoroughly... why don't you sexy, sweet, sweet black men live near me? LOL

I've never seen a more respectable, intelligent group of BM. Kudos to you guys!

 

Decent black guy???

I may be mistaken, but your profile says that you live in Indiana??? I'm not real close, but fairly close..... I live in Illinois. And i'm as decent as they come. I haven't been with any women sexually. I'm still really young though. I'm in college right now, and the opportunities are endless, but i've been able to hold off for that special "one." Believe me, i could have many women because i'm very handsome (not to sound vain or anything) but i only want to be with one girl... I'm a simple person i guess.

 

Were around..

 

i can tell you EXACTLY why you haven't met any "decent" black men... because you don't treat them like HUMAN BEINGS, but rather as objects (which is actually ok if you both have an understanding that it's purely sex), but otherwise, damn! it gets so annoying hearing ww say, "uh, why don't bm like me?" well, because i think they sense that you just want their chocolate covered skin, and probably don't take you seriously. i think you should not be out just looking for a decent bm, but rather a decent man (period). it's not hard finding bm that are decent, it's hard finding a MAN that is decent. if you have respect for yourself, men will see that, and they will treat you accordingly. you teach people how to treat you. so, if you feel all the bm you meet are treating you with disrespect, and they aren't honest with you, and they aren't smart, it's for 2 reasons... 1) you don't have respect for yourself and 2) your hanging out at the wrong places.
JUST BEING HONEST!!!!

 

Well, I can't argue with this one either.

 

So true

 

What In The World?

Right on Dancer! Nicely put.....
I do not understand the "meaning decent, intelligent..." I think dangerouscurves is looking in the way wrong places!

Where do you think you might meet a good man dangerous? You looking in places where NO man of any skin color should be sought out? Like dive bars? Or the city dump?
I have never had a relationship with a black man that was not intelligent....and one of those men only had a 6th grade education...sparing the details....he was one of the most naturally intelligent and decent men on earth! Smart enough to build his own company that would have "The Donald" jealous!

I have been blessed to have loved four beautiful black men in my life....one passed away after we graduated high school, we met in seventh grade and stayed together until he was taken in a car accident. Married eight years later a wonderful man I will treasure for eternity. Divorced four years later, due to a direction change in each of our lives. We still keep in touch to talk and remain friends.
The two others were as special and I cannot say that any of the partings came because of mal-treatment by ANY of them!

If you are looking for more than a "curiosity satisfier" then go to libraries....thats where you find MOST of them....but jesus just look at this! They are not objects! They are not novelties for the public to see you with because it has become the "thing"! They are men.....flesh and feelings with hearts that run as deep as any loving human being.....maybe more so.
Just do ME a favor and tread lightly....I have an uncontrollable reaction to jump in the shit of a female who is taking for granted beautiful men :evil: ! Of any race! Too much male bashing and attempts at controlling them these days! I don't care who takes offense to me not "sticking" with the "girls"...can't do it when I see men disrespected!
You be a lady, polite and demure....they will SEEK YOU out, not vice-versa. But be genuine...they KNOW phoney!

Sugar44

 

Re: What In The World?

See, right there could be the/a problem. I'm not saying that Danerous ISN't a lady, polite or demure, BUT if she isn't and she pretends to be, she obviously can't be genuine. This holds true for anyone. If you attract someone by pretending to be something you aren't the relationship can't last. It's based on a lie.


Honestly I think we attract what we subconsiously want. If you're attracting one night stand type of men, maybe you haven't subconsiously settled down yet.

 

Sounds to me like you've read alot into the few lines that somebody you've never met posted. All she's basically saying is 'I like men but can't find any good ones'. She's also mentined the kind of man she preffers. I don't know what it is about this forum titled whitewomenblackmen.com that as soon as somebody comes out and says "I like black men" that everybody pounces on her for having a prefference, as if that makes her racist and disrespectful. Why start a forum basd on particular prefferences then, if all you're going to do is oppress anyone who stands up, declares their prefference, and asks where to find a good person that fits it?

I also notice it's mostly the women that get text-bashed here for saying what they like. If it was some white guy saying he really likes blondes and wants to find one that's not a bimbo or a goldigger, nobody would complain and get all up on their high horse and declare how "anyone with a specific taste is bad and mean, because good people don't have specific tastes".

Jeesh, talk about championing the bland. How about this, I say I like hip-hop, now roast me for not liking ALL music EQUALLY, and tell me that really I hate hip-hop because I don't like Country or Soul as well. :roll: Whatever.

dangerouscurves, I don't even live in your country, but if I did, I'd be happy to step up and meet ya, and see if we click. You wanna find a guy that has the looks you like AND doesn't want to just bang'n'go, good luck and I hope you find one, and I certainly don't think your racist or something, although certain people round here are definately sexist, and despise perculiarity.

 

Excellent point, swanrider. I've never bought into that "I'm attracted to all different types" stuff that most people talk. 99.999 percent of the people out there do have a strong preference, including me, and I suspect, including those who claim that they're attracted to all kinds.

Have my preferences changed over time? Yes. Are there are women out there who are so attractive that they override my preferences? Sure. But I definitely prefer certain "types" of women, and that includes certain looks, creeds, and colors.

---

That being said, I think you may have misinterpreted what dancer meant... I don't see anything in her post where she bashes people who have preferences. In other threads though (like that "right from wrong" thread), preferring a specific type of woman gets bashed, so I gotta give props to your point...

 

Hey...

Just wanted to clarify a few things...

I agree with whoever said that it's hard to find a decent man in the first place...

I do not want a black man just because of the color of his skin. While I think initial attraction is important (and I don't find all bm attractive...), in the end, we all have red blood... a black man, in my eyes, isn't better than the next white man, and vice versa... it's finding that "one". Know what I'm sayin'?

I'm not lookin' in the wrong places. In fact, I went to a coffee shop tonight and spotted two very good-looking black men, nicely dressed, with their noses in books... that's the kind of man I want... hell, even if he was white! But I just prefer black men. They seem to have this... feel of what women want more than white men. The ones I've met seem to be less selfish and more romantic than the white men I've met. This is only based on experience and not on what I think.

Just wanted to clear this up... :wink:

 

:ankdjjkla

 

swanrider-

first of all- i'm not sure if you read dangrousecurve's entire post, but she not only stated the she "likes bm", but she specifically said "i do not meet any decent bm". she said ALL the bm she has met are stupid, dishonest and disrespectful. now, how does that not offend you? i think the reason this pissed me off so badly is because i have met plenty of "decent" bm. and you're right, "no one would complain if a wm said he wanted to find a blonde that wasn't a bimbo or a golddigger", but i can damn sure tell you if a smart successful blonde read that, she would complain! it's going back to the stereotypes.
to me, it seems dangerouscurves has not really been out there, like she claims she has, and she is not basing her judgements off of personal encounters with bm. i could bet you money if she went to the right places, and if she is secure enough to look into being serious about dating IR, she should have met AT LEAST ONE decent black man. wouldn't you think? if i were to meet ONE bm (if she's even met that many) who wasn't smart and all that, i would not say, "where are all the good bm? are there any out there?".

here's my proof--

"I'm not lookin' in the wrong places. In fact, I went to a coffee shop tonight and spotted two very good-looking black men, nicely dressed, with their noses in books... that's the kind of man I want... hell, even if he was white! But I just prefer black men. They seem to have this... feel of what women want more than white men. The ones I've met seem to be less selfish and more romantic than the white men I've met. This is only based on experience and not on what I think."

ok, now, did she approach these bm...nope! why not? and how funny... because they have their noses in books and they dress nice, they MUST be smart and treat women well. and than she says, her views of bm are based on experience, not what she thinks...huh? don't you base you're thinking off of experience. clearly, she has no experience with bm! which brings me to my point...how does it not offend you (swanrider), that she says bm are dumb, disrespectful and dishonest? dangerouscurves' comments is proof that makes me believe we have gotten nowhere in this country in trying to make people see beyond the stereotypes, misconceptions, and also what is being conveyed in the media about bm! granted, she is just one girl, probably a young girl at that, but there are MANY more out there just like her!

dangerouscurves- if you are as young as you sound, i hope you learn that people are not what they seem (especially on tv). just because you see them in the music videos degrading women, does not mean they are all disrespectful. you should base what you think of others through YOUR experiences, not the media's! you definitely have the understandable attraction for bm, so go with it, get out there and meet some cuties on your own!!!!

and swanrider, on more thing- comparing hip-hop to human beings is beyond me. people like music because of the way it makes them feel. music can not be seen...it has no eyes!

 

Good post Dancer, of course i can't just judge her because i don't kow her situation.....she may have just had bad coincidences where she has run into no good black men....but you're right, most of our problems are brought on by us in most cases....but i don't think it's in all cases.

 

well ya know it's a tricky one. I am dating an african american guy in a LDR... and it's tough!!

I met him on a trip to the US last year. I live on another continent.

Now I have dated guys from a variety of races and I always say that the CONTENTS have to match the packaging. What does that mean?

I want a guy is who is quietly confident, decent, curious, affectionate, smart, loving. He doesn't have to be rich in $ but he does have to be rich in imagination.

If my current boo and I split I have to admit that I would be most interested in finding another african american guy with the above qualities. If I meet someone else first, then sure, but I would have to be honest and say that my preference is african american - again I say with the above-mentioned qualities. So I am not being 'exclusive' I am just being real. If that starts a storm of protest, then I kind of wonder why there is such a site as white women black men. :roll:

 

try colleges if you are young

 

Sugah, there are many decent, open minded, intelligent, educated, working with careers, black men to be found all over America--look on any IR dating site, like this one in PERSONALS or www.interracialmatcher.com and find a whole host of men all over the country and world.

the question is where are you looking? Decent, good men, whatever you define that as--but as it is really defined are found at bookstores like B&N, or cafes like Starbucks or locally owned ones, church, libraries, the parks, at lectures, reading groups, different activity clubs and groups. '''

I am always curious when i here someone say they cant find a DECENT Brotha, I always say Where are you looking. Often times the WW assume brothas are only at the club, always acting stereotypical. I always have to ask, did you just go to your towns DECENT places and look for a good man, dressed decently, walking by himself or siting in a cafe drinking coffee reading a book?

I live in a Big American City, at each day at 10 can find me on my break reading the NY Times, drinking coffee at Starbucks. I see plenty of black men in there, hardly any black women and Tons of WW. most of theWW dont even look me in the eye, so perhaps most are not interested in making a friend.

So the point is, we are everywhere and WW just have to open their eyes, smile and say hi or be receptive to us saying HI to them