Why is it necessary to live with a spouse

What's the point of this? Am I the only one who would find the idea of living alone but having a long term partner(s) that you don't live with more appealing than moving in together?

I could stand being around someone all the time, I need my privacy, and the over familiarity could become a problem.

 

I agree with this. I had this conversation with a girl I'm dating the other night. She argued it was more fiscally responsible to have one place but to me in the interest of the relationship its better to have space. It can suffocating to be around the same person all the time.

 

I would have no problem living with my girl. LOL It's a good way to keep my eye on her. Kind of like a mob boss staying in his old neighborhood instead moving away, he has a better feel of what's going on and able to see a problem before it get out of control. I hope that makes sense.

 

Oy. I dated someone just like you. I'd prefer to live with my spouse.

 

I fell for that twice and moved in against my better judgement. I'm not sure how I feel about this but I can def see both sides.

Whatever the case don't use that fiscally responsible crap as a reason to move in lol. It's a fiscal hassle having to move out and get your life back after you realize living together wasnt a good idea.

 

You don't have to - plenty of women that think the say way. In Sweden, there is even a term for that "sar-bo", it defines a committed relationship where the partners have separate living - usually common among adults who have chosen to not have kids or are empty nesters.

However, your comment of "over familiarity could become a problem" is going a step further and you probably should not be in a relationship at all if you feel that way, that's kinda the whole idea w a functional relationship whether you live together or apart. I am not sure I read you correctly.

What do you want out of a relationship? someone that you share time with, sex, dinners etc but that does not require any compromising on your part? If you don't want too much familiarity, do you not want to share you and yourself to your partner then? No deep discussions that pertain your inner self? I am just asking to figure out what you want.

Btw, you can have privacy even w people living in the same house with the right person, if no kids are involved, if you have kids - privacy may be something that will be very hard to find.

 

Different than living with a spouse... as a senior and someone that's lived in res halls for the past 4 years, I know I CANNOT stand roommates. It doesn't matter if I don't know the person at all, or if I try to share a room with a very close friend it will NOT end well.

Last spring when I was trying to find roommates for this year, I realized there were only two people I could bear sharing a room with. My friend that I seen every day anyways and we always had sleepovers... or the fiancé. Seeing how I didn't have much time with the fiancé because of our schedules being so crazy, we both decided that the best way we'd stand a chance of seeing each other would be if we shared a room/apartment together. Apartments are way too expensive here in DC for two full time students to rent, so we figured we'd try to room together on campus (especially when I'm not allowed to work more than 20 hours, international student FTW). We applied for domestic partnership and have been on a wait list for almost a year now.

I can't spend an entire weekend with my best friend of 12 years, but I CAN spend an entire month with the fiancé and be perfectly content. Granted, it's month, not years... but we only get a month together during school breaks


I could imagine it being difficult to explain to child(ren) if the long term partners/spouses had any. Of course, the child(ren) will see it as 'normal' until they started school, since that's all they may know of family dynamics... but it may get confusing for them once they start school. Then again, I'm probably just being silly with this point, as long as there's open communication with the kids, not a big deal

I like my cuddles at night, living together guarantees this more than living apart :lol: If he was gonna be sleeping over every night/almost every night, why spend more money on maintaining another place?

To each their own .

 

I would have thought that when you truly love someone you WANT to be around them all the time and the idea of living with them is joyous.
I wouldn't have moved in with my other boyfriends if you'd paid me, and living with house mates annoys the crap outta me, but my husband....I wanted to live with him and he wanted to live with me, because we are in love and the need to be with each other is strong.

I know everyone is different, but I kinda think that if you don't want to live with your parnter, you're not in love with them. :smt102

 

Because I've lived with people before and I hate feeling like I have to be proper or entertain them. There are things I like to do alone that I can't with a gf around. Maybe I've never loved anyone and maybe I never will.

 

You don't have to be "proper" or "entertain" them. If you feel like you do, then no, you shouldn't be living with them (and, IMO, probably aren't in love).
I don't need to entertain my man and I don't need to act proper around him. He's the one person, outside my close family, that I am completely relaxed around. I know I can be myself and not have to try to be perfect and he's the same with me.
And this isn't just my experience, I know others feel the same because I've witnessed it countless times with other couples. It's what (IMO again) sets the 'in love' apart from people who are just dating or in lust.

I remember my sister saying "you know you're in love when you can fart in front of your partner and not only do neither one of you care, but you both find it hilarious and ended up in a farting competition".

 

So so very true. All I can say keep a secret savings account if you do decide to move in with someone. I MEAN IT - don't move in with someone because you HAVE to!! It renders you SO powerless!!

 

Wow - I was about to agree with you completely, Sin - until I saw your edited post!! I will/ can never fart comfortably around a significant other/mate - will never use the bathroom in front of him. I used to leave the bathroom door open with husband, but swore never to again when I divorced, and that standard stays fixed in my mind, because I never want to be like my parents - they are entirely TOO comfortable. I want a more proper relationship. I mean, if you "happened" to pass gas, you shouldn't die of embarrassment, but NEVER the "farting contests" - I would break up with someone if that was the cultural environment expected of me in the relationship. NO freaking WAY. Everything else in the post, though, I agree with. You shouldn't have to act "proper", but I do think you should treat your mate with courtesy and kindness, always - not as "one of the guys" - that would bug me to no end. To ME, one should treat one's mate BETTER than one treats any stranger - the best relationships I've ever seen operated on that principle.

 

If they're your spouse, then why even be married if you're going to live separately? Might as well stay in a committed relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend then. Only circumstances I can see being married and living apart is if one person has a job (in another city/state or country) or they're in the military.

 

because I like to have sex a lot and don't like to have to get in a car to drive over there. [/end of thread]
I don't have much to be private about.

 

:roll: Oh, get over it. It was a funny example of the close relationship my sister has with her husband. Geezuz.

 

I read an article about many married couples not living together. One couple, with kids, maintained separate apartments in nyc. He would come over every day and be there for meals, homework, and sex with his wife, but their living spaces were so different, they didnt want to give that up. They believed they appreciated each other more when they weren't constantly there, too.

Interestingly enough, I read an article today on MSNBC where they talk about monogamy in humans, and how it's not static. And generally, humans get the meaning wrong. In nature, monogamy has more to do with who you choose to raise children with, and who you choose a.relationship with. Not who you have sex with, because thats separate. I thought it was interesting to see it in action.

 

That is interesting. A lot of birds are suppose to be monogamous, but the chicks are not always those of the male partner. The female still goes and mates with whom ever she chooses and the male does the same.

But, I think human's are too selfish and jealous to allow that to be normal.

As for the couples living apart, I think the couples are do are the exceptions. Not everyone can make that work. But, hey...if it works for you (that's a general 'you')...do it.

 

I agree that humans may be too jealous but maybe its time to evolve. The current way we do things simply doesn't work. When something fails more than it works that's the definition of not working.

 

Who says it doesn't work? It works for lots of people. If individuals want to do it a different way they can, we have that freedom, but not everyone needs to change. I'm happy with monogamy and wouldn't have it any other way.

 

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