Why is he lieing to me?

I am a bit perplexed at this point, and I am hoping someone could give me a fresh perspective. I have been seeing a man for the past 6 months. We have great chemistry, hot sex and mutual interests. We have told one another that we love each other, and that we want to be monogomous.

Lately, I have been catching him with lies...STUPID ones too. For example, I asked him if he went out after our date. He said no. But then I see on facebook that he did. We are not kids. Why couldn't he tell me he went out?

I have also noticed he has been active on the dating site we both joined. I deleted my profile. But he didn't. I see that he logs on every couple of hours. I am not trying to be sneaky and spy on him. But should I say something to him?

Please advise!

Thanks!!

 

Don't waste your time. Lying about going out again after your date...seems strange if he's got nothing to hide? The bigger issue to me is the dating site thing.

1. Why is his profile still active (not sure if that's the right verbiage but you get my point), and 2. Why is he logging on every few hours?

If you really love him, try talking to him. After catching him in a few lies though...will you really believe what he tells you? If it were me, I'd be out. Life is too short to deal with liars.

 

You should dump him just on the mere fact that he us stupid. Say he didn't go out when he puts it on his fb. Just dumb. Not worth it. I'm really sorry, peoplethat can't be straight as adults are just childish or narcissists, or both. Wasting peoples time:smt011

I hope you can find a way to break it off and move on. Logging onto a dating site regularly when he said he loved you and wanted to be monogamous, another stupid move, bet he thought he was slick and you wouldnt find out. I don't think this is salvageable. My heart goes out to you! Many hugs!

 

he's lying to you, end of story. Does it matter WHY he's lying to you?
I'm never one to just say ''dump him!!'' but if you are this messed up in the head after six months, I certainly don't see it getting any better!
He's still on a dating site (and very very active on it too!), do you really need someone to tell you anything else?
Sorry love, but I really wouldn't get any further into this xx

 

I agree with Tam and the other ladies. He does not love you - or he wouldn't be lying nor would he be on a dating site.

I think, sometimes, we women hang on to men that don't deserve us because looking for the kind of guy referenced above (bolded) is liking trying to find a unicorn. Seriously. I'm not a man-basher - there are good men out there. But meeting one who is single and emotionally ready for a relationship is like trying to find a needle in a haystack.

 

He has lied to you. Worse, your relationship with him was close and physical. You deleted your account at the dating site but he didn't. People do not realize how hard it is to find someone and how easy it is to lose someone. I had deleted my profile from InterracialMatch.com and other sites. He may be one of those men who want to test their feelings to see if he is truly in love. In reality, he is in lust and wants to have his cake and eat it, too. I have no suggestions. Whether or not this relationship can be saved, is up to you.

 

That site is worthless, imo.

 

These topics are dumb, you already know the answer and you are spying on him. You have a few options but this is best for you, obviously you don't want to leave the guy or you would of done already so just ignore his extracurricular activities and wrap it up. Be straight up with him, call him out on his bullshit, be fwb's until you find someone else.

 

I had sent them a payment and it didn't get there because there was a postal strike in Ontario where the website is based. Before I deleted my profile, I told them to allow for members to see who viewed their profiles and other stuff.

 

can we be FWBs?

Haha sorry...

I get why it's hard for you to accept the fact that he's playing you. You like the guy...but be strong enough to love yourself and let go. Someone will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You won't find that new someone until you let go of this loser.

I am great at giving advice...not so great at taking it.

Trust me. I do get it.

 

Imo, FWB is never a win-win situation. Someone usually gets hurt in the end.

 

great thing you added that because I was going to say shouldn't you be doing this!


haha I can't even forget that time where I couldn't sleep because of you and texted you a wall a text to put myself at ease.

 

All this dump him now stuff sounds good on paper but if she truly loves him she ain't going cold turkey like that. Hardly nobody does, you got to ease up out of it.

 

boy you didn't answer my question! This would assist me greatly in following my own advice when it comes to "him"

Cannot settle for mediocre sex or just my b.o.b.

 

Of course!

 

*on the edge of my chair, waiting on North's answer.....*

 

!

Lmbo! Ches...call me a MILF. I might have to sew some wild oats...

 

let me give you the FRESH perspective you need.

He is not trying to that slick. The information is out there for you to see relatively easily, especially the fb postings. Don't over think this, don't over emotionalize this, he has disrespected you in a number of ways. I would think it's grounds to terminate his residency in your life. But how you deal with it is your choice obviously. Do you want to continue down the path with someone that does disrespect you, or has to that point, are you willing to wade through more bullshit to get to the better ground (I bet not).

As a side note: I know playing games is not favored by many, but I enjoy a good calculated game. I mean, I have fun exacting the revenge. People have said to me, you're reverting to their level, and to that I say, yes, I treat people like they treat more or want to be treated. With that said, I think you should get back to dating by reactivating your profile, then posting about it on fb (in a way that's natural, not all "revengy," you're just exacting revenge through your normal single routine. If he's gonna act single, you act single, this way you can get something out of it too, not just revenge.)

If and when he asks you about it, give him an omission of the truth. When he asks you again, tell him, your current situ isn't working out for you, but we can be friends right?

(I was once helped a friend out, it was really funny. Her boyfriend cheated on her, she forgave him, he did it again. She was tired, to make a long story short. I came in her, she went to his place late with no phone calls to explain before hand, they fight, make up sex ensues, he starts eating her out, and you know what happens next...

 

It takes about 6 months (average) for you to meet the real man. You have now met him. Stay if you are willing to deal with the real him.

If not, it does sound like you can't just walk away from him, so perhaps in order to help you along maybe dabble yourself (and tell him) which may help you to move on.

God, I hate one-sided relationships; ladies if you find a man who loves you like you love him...damn damn, is all I have to say! :smt050