Why can't successful black women get married?

Whatever the Garcelle thread veered into, the story was not about "the Black women issue".

 

You really think that ib?

 

Goodlove isn't the poster child for men around here, but there are some BM who do feel like this:

I dated a militant dude last Summer who was on some BW this and 80% of Sistas do this blase blah. It got on my nerves. I think deep down, he yearned to be with a BW, but couldn't find one. I mean with that perception, he isn't going to find one anytime soon. I told him that's who he should be with.

I want a man who wants to be with me cause he finds me attractive and as an attraction to WW, not that he has disdain for Sistas and feels he has to like GL said, take his business elsewhere. I mean, I understand wanting to go where you're appreciated and all that, but not going to the "other side" because that's not really where your heart lies or to spite someone or whatever negative reason there may be.

 

Oh ok as long as you know most of us love your fine short ass lol

 

Aren't you sweet...:smt058

I mean like Chi said, GL is going through a lot of turmoil with his divorce, but it wasn't that he said it, it was what he said. I mean there are BM who really have an affinity for WW and never had the opportunity to explore those feelings. Then you have those (like yourself) who genuinely find WW attractive as well as other races. Then you have some who have been through the mill with Sistas and are fed up, but like I said, I don't want to feel like I'm someones 2nd choice. I don't think anyone wants to feel that way in any scenario.

 

From my own tiny viewpoint, it seems to me that the Gender Wars between BM & BW, and how it relates to IR, is the most popular conversation in the Black Community right now.

On every predominately Black message board, chat, blog whatever that I visit, I find the same topic gets the most attention. So too, does the topic come up in almost every casual conversation where the majority of people involved are African American.

White Women in IR don't have the same situation. We are not at the center of attention within our race. We don't have to think about it as much, because no one else is.

It's natural that the things that Black people are talking about everywhere would be reflected in the conversations amongst Black Men here. They don't leave their Blackness when they date White Women, they don't loose those conversations either.


I do find it interesting, tho. Everywhere else that this gets discussed, you may see Black Men say terrible things about Black Women. Anything in the book can be fair game, and the Man is not shushed or sent away... so long as all parties are aware that he's going home to a Black Woman. But a Black Man dating a White Woman will be thrown out of the same conversation, and shunned by his peers -- male and female -- in many circumstances.

By contrast, here, all the Black Men are doing the worst thing imaginable everywhere else, but they are self-policing, and still being criticized, for doing what other Black Men generally are able to do without condemenation.

One thing I know for certain: the problems within the "Black Family" that so hold the attention of the Black Community are the fault of White People. And specifically, in some cases, the fault of White Women. White people created the Welfare rules, White Women pushed Black Women out of the suffragette movement, White people placed the image insecurity in the Black Community, White people emasculated Black Men for generations and masculinized Black Women for generations. Almost None of that was done by White people in our generation, or maybe even most of our parents' generation, but the shit that was done had deep and lasting impact, and it came from our side. If the blowback from that means that Black Men need to vent to each other about Black Women now and then, I am not going to tell them to stop. If it bores us as White Women, who do not have to live with it every day, that's a small price to pay compared to, you know, living with it every day.

And lastly: if Black Men trust you enough to vent like this in front of you, they are paying you a compliment. They trust you enough not to worry that you're going to pop off and say something racist. They feel comfortable enough to share their problems in front of you, despite the fact that it makes them vulnerable by opening themselves to the most time-worn attacks used on Black Men -- they have mental issues, they have problems with their mothers, they hate themselves, etc etc. If a Black Man is trusting you as a White Woman to hear this? That's not something every Black Man lets just any White person hear.

 

Most of my friends are guys and all of them are BM. So we do discuss racial issues a lot, and BW are a common topic in many of our conversations. I think it's great that we can discuss things openly and without judgment in that sense. I take issue with the dudes who want to date or have dated me for the wrong reasons. That was my personal gripe.

 

Good post as usual though Chi....

 

Wow, another thread focusing on black women not getting black men. Surprise. I know there are some bitter feelings towards black women on here, but I guess it's too much to just ignore them, if you don't like them. But whatever, that's just me talking.



And I'm dying off Tony's pic. :smt005

 

Judging by a lot of the posts I've read referring to black women, the "be the bigger and better man" shit has gone out the window, though.

 

If that's true, I don't think that speaks well of the conversations that are being had.

 

Which is partly why I'm bowing out of these kinds of threads for now. But a lot of times realistically, the BM is WW's second choice. But I guess that's the difference between men and women, many of us BM don't care.

 

Damn Chi that was remarkably insightful. Good post.

 

Watch it Karma I said the same thing when I first got on this site and they nearly crucified lol.
But good point though. I think it needs to be said second choice doesn't mean last choice sometimes it can mean better choice. Like going car shopping, I always wanted to a Benz but I went out test drove it and wasn't sure but then I tried out the toyota solara and fell in love. The Solara wasn't the first choice but the better choice for me.

 

dude you said a fuckin mouthful. DAMN that was some shit. Are you the relative of Cornel West ? Man, ww should be listening to this and take note that BM are suppose to be the most ALPHA male group on the planet by all accounts of the media. Basically what I BELIEVE you are saying to WW is that we are able to open up to you is a deep thang because doing that to a BW has been TUFF.

Is that what you are saying ? If so I can half way cosign with that. There are some decent bw BUT the ww stereotype is that ww are more open to let us be us and talk about the pain and their ability to comfort us.

Am I close in what you are saying or am I adding on and you can cosign to that or am I way off base

 

Because, they are married to themselves. they dont need a man, as they like to say. they are like men and women with the attitude and views that they dont need to be obedient the what God created.

 

Oh boy, comparing women with cars another PC no-no...

 

I'm a guy it should be expected lol

 

Hey at least in your scenario both were nice cars, and it wasn't a choice between a 'used' model and a 'newer model'. :smt042

 

Thanks for pointing that out didn't even realize that