Why black men ???

Even though black men and women have so much issues to work out between ourselves, i must point out that we are not the only group who do the put-down game. I hear Asians and Hispanics do it like mad. Asian men say asian women are with white men because white men are less demanding, more sensitive to their needs and are less patriarchic (are you fucking kidding me?). Asian women say asian men want white women for the same reason asian men give for asian women dating white men; status.

Hispanic men say hispanic women date white men for.. you guessed it, financial security and because hispanic men are too misogynistic (guessed they missed the part where women, along with minorities, could not vote at one time in America). Hispanic women say hispanic men date white women for somewhat similar reasons black men date white women; less domineering, sensitive to their needs and to fulfil a stereotype.

Don't even get me started with black people's own.......

In my opinion, whilst financial security is great, it mustn't be the defining attribute a woman should seek for. Many think finance brings happiness but it's scary how misguided and hopelessly naive such thinking is. There have been many women who've married wealthy men, only to found that there is much more to marriage than the financial aspect. There are so many components to having a great marriage; money needn't necessarily be one.

 

"How would you like it if a BM stepped to you and told you he didn't date Black women b/c they are either overweight or fat and are not health conscious,"


the reason this would be such a putdown is mainly because it's so stupid...lol and it would look more like someone lieing in order to justify why they don't find black women attractive rather than jsut admit they're just not attracted to us regardless of rather we're thin or not....i say that because i see plenty overweight white women and plenty slim black women all the time regardless of what the trumped up statistics say. those stats dont take into consideration fat storage and how fat is distributed by race nor do i think they take into account bone density...because let the stats tell it 70% of black women are supposedly overweight and i jsut dont see that...therefore it makes me question whose standards they're using to determine what overweight is.

"WW tend to be more likely to stay home and take care of the kids more so than Black women, "


i wouldnt find this to be a putdown to black women because its true...white women can afford the luxury to stay at home. the only problem i would have with this is it sounds sexist and goes along the lines of telling a woman what her place is and how she should be acting. but if they want a woman that stays at home and white women are more likely to do this i wouldnt find that as an insult because this is just the way the cirumstances dealt the cards to us. to eachi his own though...if he wants a woman that stays at home then that's his business


"and BW use relaxers that destroys their hair and wear ridiculous "white girl" weaves that takes away from their beauty than add to it. "



again, this is true....too many black women do wear weaves and relaxers that take away from their natural beauty. but i DO find THIS insulting because again it seems to be overlooking similar faults amonst white women who get lip injections, constantly tan, and all kinds of plastic surgery and some of them wear hair weaves also.

" Oh yes, BW are also not financially stable and have too many barriers. These are all true statements for the majority of Black women. However, the context in which it is said can be easily understood as a put down."

well, this would make me pause for a minute but then again this is true black women do face alot more barriers than white women. i wouldnt take it as an insult to black women but i would just see that person as being somewhat selfish but then again selfishness is not always a bad thing in some caes. as long as it's aknowledged that this isnt black womens fault and that it has more to do with their choice of wanting to make life easier on themselves i wouldn't have a problem with it but if they tried to blame it mainly on black women then i would have a problem with it. me personally i wouldnt not date someone just because i see them having to struggle with barriers like racism, etc.....i have dated black men before when i was single and didnt have a problem with it (some were cool some were not so cool), just as i'd have no problems dating a hispanic, asian or native american because they all deal withr acism as well..




"Yes, Black men face many barriers (racism and classism), but it is definitely not their fault and they shouldn't be blamed for it as these women tend to do."

most women that i know who talk like this usually bring it back to black men having to deal with more barriers and dont blame it all on black men.

Just to note, BW ain't really doing that much better as mainstream media would like to potray, and there has been a recent rise in the female prison population with BW being the majority of women who are serving time in prison.

i know this already but i don't see it as a putdown on black women and never have looked at these facts as putdowns on black women...hell in some cases we're actually doing WORST than black men and no body cares because the focus of the black community has always been on the issues black MEN deal with and trying to uplift black men. the black community (and everyone else for that matter) has been too busy telling black women we have it easier and that all we should do is support our men ....(that is starting to change more and more but this is the message that has been sent to black women for so long and it's just now starting to make a gradual, SLIGHT change) this is one of the reasons my brother was always shown favortism and "coddled" more was because it was believed that he would have it harder than me. not to mention most families still view boys as more important anyway. alot of black women that i know have had similar experiences as me and will tell you the same thing...their brothers were catered to and allowed to get away with WAY more crap because parents feel sorry for them and pity them and foolishly beleive they will have to face more....that's also part of the reason black men (and men period) have so many problems right now is due to the family allowing them to get away with more and treating them special. i dont know when people will realize that placing more importance on men only serves to work AGAINST them rather than help them.


..... so really i dont view what you just said as a putdown and i would LOVE for what you just stated to be brought to light more often than it has been brought to light. not only that but black women have the fastest growing incarceration rate out of ANYONE in america(man or woman)...i heard that in a span of 10 years our incarceration rate increased at a rate 7 times more than the rate that black men are incarcerated so that means black women will soon surpass black men in prison. it's also important to note that many of these women in prison are mothers whose children are often born right in prison or either get caught up in the foster care system because they have no one to care for them. but people just don't seem to care about this


"You know, there is a such thing as teamwork. These women need to be more willing to work with their men than to leach off of their men. It is not how "set" someone is, but having a decent work ethic, being able to step up to the plate when there is a crisis, and watching out for each other's best interests."

i will say this i feel that IF a woman is financially stable herself and has her shit togather financially then she should have a right to demand the same out of her man without being faulted for it. not only that but you dont have to marry someone or be in a relationship with them in order to help them. there are all kinds of ways to help black men and women so that they wont have to struggle as much and to lessen those barriers...so i do agree with you that blacks SHOULD always watch out for eachothers best interest.




i guess that what i would see as more of a putdown towards black men would be if some of these women stated that they didnt like black men because their hair was too "nappy" and their lips were too thick.....or if they said they didnt like black men because they felt black men were too "thuggish" and disrespectful towards women. now that i HAVE heard said by some black women who date white men and i DID find it offensive. one woman even said she felt that black mens dicks looked like a burnt turd...that was offesive....so i guess we have different takes on what we consider offensive


peace

 

Did a black woman really say this? How did you respond?

 

I guess we should agree to disagree. Again, the context in which what the BW said were to put down BM to justify their choices. It is not about the facts, but in the way they used those so-called facts to suggest that BM were the inferior choice for mates when they should know better that they aren't really doing that much better themselves. It's like the coffee calling the kettle Black when its Black itself.

Also, many Black women who have little chump change, b/c it sure ain't wealth and a small title, b/c ain't many of us holding board of trustees and top exec. jobs first and only expects the man to have the same and vice versa. Too busy rating the person on finances instead of their character and personality. I'm speaking of passing over a good man or a good woman b/c he or she doesn't have the upper 5 figure or a 6 figure salary, doesn't hold a bachelor's degree or above, not a homeowner, and doesn't have the right kind of car, the right kind of clothes, the right body type, hair type, and blah blah blah B.S. When in the end means very little when creating and sustaining a happy, fulfilling, and meaningful long-term relationship.

In fact, it is very sad to read internet dating ads placed by men and meeting men in person who must feel that they must list their "resume" of what they earn and own and then inquiring about your business before even getting to know if you are even a friendly person to talk to in the first place. It's rather pathetic and irritating. It is materialism and consumerism at its height. I feel like I am being treated like a prostitute when men come off to me that way as if money is the bottom line.

When I meet a man, I first notice his hygiene, his health, I like men who dress decent--doesn't have to be fancy but nice, neat, and clean, then I like to see if he is nice, funny, is he respectful, can he carry a conversation, does he have manners, what are his interests and do we have some in common--personality and character traits. I like men so I like to make the effort to get to know the man not his pocket book. Continue convo. later.

Peace.

 

Sorry, I can’t agree with your view. Fairness cream may improve the complexion but I don’t think that it can change ones personality or attitude. I personally know many of the black skinned men who have great personality with attractive looks. They’ve also achieved many successes in their career which many fair complexioned guys were unable to do. So complexion is not a big deal.

 

Obsession is a strong word. I don't think of myself as being obsessed with anything. Obsession is a mental illness. From what I've seen, this is a site for black men who like white women and white women who like black men. I could be asking why you as a black women (I'm assuming you are from what you've said) would come here. I like black men, but I'm attracted to men of other races, too. I came here mainly because I was interested in dating outside my race, did a search for interracial dating, and this site came up. I'm not obsessed with interracial dating or with men of any particular race; as I've said, I'm interested in going back to an area where there happens to be much more diversity here and chances are I'll date men who are non-white. I'm interested in hearing about things like people's reactions to interracial couples, family struggles over IR dating, etc. I've been going out with an Asian guy for the past few weeks. Race didn't have any bearings on my decision to go out with him, other than lately I've been more open to dating outside my race. I know the site is "WhiteWomenBlackMen," but it is a really valuable source of info for anyone dating outside his/her race. As others have mentioned on this thread, other IR couples go through the same struggles as white women/black men couples do. My family has been surprisingly open about me dating an Asian man, though. They are somewhat worried over the fact that he's not Christian.

What Chris said is interesting: I've heard a lot of stuff about Asian women dating white men - that white men like them because they're seen as more submissive than white women, and white men see them as exotic. I don't have a problem with WM dating AW, just that it seems like many WM that date AW fetish them. Not all AW are beautiful and submissive, just like all WW aren't fat, domineering, and age poorly. I've not heard many stereotypes concerning Asian men and WW pairings. For one, there seems to be so many more WM/AW couples out there than AM/WW couples. From what I've gathered, AM are considered to be very traditional and controlling with women. They've also been recognized for their intelligence in business, but have been emasculated by our society. Notice how few Asian men you see in the media compared to Asian women. I've heard that when there was an influx of Phillipinos coming into the states, white men were troubled with WW/AM dating, and attempted to bring Asian men down a notch. I've also heard that many white men don't consider dating Asian women to be dating outside their race - they see AW as white. Yet, are they ok with Asian men dating white women, and do they see Asian men as white? Hell no. Anyway, sorry to get this off-track. I was just trying to explain that all IR couples have their own hardships that they go through. It's helpful to read about others' experiences.

 

yey to that, there are precious few resources around on IR dating, which is surprising - especially on the web - considering how many cultural differences and challenges IR couples can face. It's nice to have feedback from others of all ages and situations. The happy endings, the struggles and the 'ones that got away' or needed to be kicked to the curb. Without drama, and hating.
In the end we're all brothers and sisters so the more ways we can connect IMO, the better, for everyone.