White Women who aren't into black men.... at first

So can’t one just sort of hang out with people in a casual way to get to know the person a bit without involving any pressure, money, game playing , chemistry faking etc? You don’t have to “go on a date” in order to get to know a human being. Right?!

 

In theory sure but rarely in practice. Especially as women get older. Them eggs won't allow it.

 

I know enough people who didn’t go on official “dates” (as in man asks woman out, they have dinner in fancy restaurant, man pays, man takes woman home, they kiss by the door, movie-style script) before being in a relationship. The point is you need to spend time with a person to get to know him / her. Why force it into a framework? I fully understand why someone would get fed up with all that. Sounds very tiring.

 

It's not about what you do its more of a mindset energy thing with women. In my entire life I've never met or been around women who with the flow. Women are incredibly decisive and put everything in boxes. Men deal in potential. Nearly every woman you meet is a potential hook up until otherwise established for women you're either a guy they'll fuck/date or someone completely platonic and its very rare you go from buddy to fuck buddy. There's a reason they call it the friend zone. That kind of thing doesn't really exist for men.

 

Yeah I understand you don’t turn your long term friends of the opposite sex into sex partners, that rarely happens. But when you meet a new person there should be a time bracket when you are neither friends nor in a relationship nor anything else. That should be the time to get to know each other and go with the flow. Depending how that goes the relationship could take either of the three turns.
Or maybe there’s some element of truth to this: https://www.elitedaily.com/life/culture/usa-vs-europe-dating

 

Strange. I mean obviously if you are a woman still looking at 39 you don’t have all the time in the world to go with the flow, but generally I believe you have to give a relationship time to develop organically, if that makes sense.

 

It does but this generation has zero patience

 

"Thirdly, as mentioned above, churches are a good place to meet people who aren’t all about the game-playing but about finding a spouse and I would want to think that there’s some sister (as in sister in Christ, not necessarily sistah lol) who would value your qualities, so make the math;-). That is of course assuming faith means something to you personally. Am not saying you should fake the faith just to find a woman lol."

I'm going to disagree with this. I do agree in part - that there are definitely those hunting for a spouse at church. So, if he were one who was looking to run down the aisle, that may work because he will definitely find plenty who are willing to push him down that aisle. However, the game playing is thick from what I have seen. Ton's of bait and switch going on too. He's in the south, the whole church thing takes it to a completely different level there, and probably extremely difficult for those interested in inter-racial relationships.

 

This is why it's important to clearly define what you want, and go for women who are also clear about what they want. The trick with it is you need to watch their actions and not just listen to their words. Discernment is a skill that requires some practice. You need to be able to look past the surface stuff. Just as you may have all the great qualifications, you want and need someone who truly appreciates who you are (not just impressed with your accomplishments and/or physical attributes)....you need to find a woman who is similar in those ways.

Women actually are more simple than they like to let on (shhhh it's a very well kept secret). They want to feel like they are the only one, loved, and protected. Like it or not, all people want to feel taken care of, in whatever ways are meaningful to them (see the mention of my friend who is happy as can be if he's getting the sex he wants and fed)

This may sound really corny. There's a book called "The Five Love Languages" An older man I know told me about it and said it was a quick read and very practical. I read it and would agree. It might be worth taking a look at.

 

That's not quite true. Men have always had the women they will fuck and the women they will marry. The lines may have become more blurred in more recent years, but they still exist.

Traditionally, women always went for potential. Actually, that's how I married too. I did the whole thing where I felt he had great potential and helped him to grow. It took a lot of work and many years, and a lot of sacrificing of myself for the family. It's interesting now to see younger women expecting all that to be established with no sacrificing of themselves. I think there can be some errors with the whole potential thing, but I tend to think it's a much better way than the expectations of walking into something with someone who's established. There is a lot to be said for the growth process if people can grow and build things together. I can understand having more expectations when people are at my point in life in that they should have a firm grasp of who they are, and where they are going. Although, truth be told I still do the looking for the potential thing. Different than in early years. It's more about if they are going to invite me to contribute to their lives and are going to contribute to mine, but still the same in that it's about recognizing the other person's worth and that they recognize yours.

 

Maybe, it’s different there. Here going to church is really unpopular so anyone who does it has a solid personal reason for it. Else you may as well sleep in on Sundays. If you don’t do it on purpose there’s no reason or motivation to do it coz people gonna look at you anyway like you’re crazy. So you find purposeful individuals at church over here. And I don’t mean it like somebody is supposed to go to church only to “hunt” for a spouse. Rather I think that if that’s what you are already doing and it’s important to you that’s the place to find likeminded individuals.

 

+1 for “The Five Love Languages”
It’s important to understand your needs and your partner’s needs.

 

I also went for potential and all that. It has also to do with the age you want to get married at. If you marry in your early to mid 20s you tend to expect to grow and establish together. If you marry much later like many women do nowadays (30s and 40s) they tend to expect much more. Probably they have also achieved more for themselves so they might feel it’s justified.

 

Lol...what does that mean??

 

Sleeping in on Sundays sound good to me.

 

Lol... or Sunday afternoon nap ;-)

 

The difference is men don't compartmentalize the same way. The girl you're just fucking could easily be your wife if she rides it out until you mature. For women in my experience you are how you started and it rarely ever shifts from that. Like I said the friend zone was never our idea.
I agree about how younger women want it all set up. That's why a lot of dudes are never loyal to those women.

 

So after getting up earlier than you want for 5 days in a row, let's add another day, because you know how people like to make life easier.......lol.

You can always make up for it by sleeping away the best part of your day off.

 

Disagree. That's only true sometimes if you are not ready to settle to begin with.

We may not necessarily have a "friendzone" but we have a zone called "just sex" that we often put women in. Sometimes fwb's are in that zone, sometimes they are not.