White women are taking all the "good" black men...

i have been accused of this on several different occasions. i always respond that if you can find a good man please point him out because men are men regardless of race. it is simply who a person finds atractive. i am just simply more attracted to black men. it is hard to find a good man black or white. i have dated older men younger men and jus havent found the "right" one for me. everyones definition of a good man is different.

 

Man, I hate I missed this post when it was fresh out of the oven. I just happened to notice a link for it on the front page so I thought it was brand new. lol

Well, better late than never. Here's my take.

I understand that some BW define the 'good' BM as someone who's been to college and has his stuff in order, but this stealing all of the good men hysteria doesn't always have something to do with the amount of money one makes.

I've ran across some BW who say that WW are stealing the good BM simply because they date BM in the first place. There is an assumption on the part of this BW that simply because this WW is with this BM, said BM is 'good'.

What's wrong with this picture? :roll: You know what it sounds like? It's like every WW in every city get together at midnight meetings and systematically go down a list of 'good' black men who they will 'take' from BW. That's how some BW make it sound. It's hilarious. I'm as big on conspiracy theories as the next theorist but even I won't entertain anything that pitiful.

The truth is this. A relationship is a relationship, regardless of the racial makeup of the people involved. The world is much more complex than a lot of people take it to be. I'll admit I used to be the same way, but that was back when I was much younger. I hear this nonsense about stolen brothers from people nearing their forties. Outrageous.

And besides, these so called race crusaders were strangely quiet when Sanaa Lathan jumped in bed with forget his name right now in Something New. There were positive reviews from Jet to Ebony. Let say, Idris Elba does a Something New with say......Jaime King(um...hot!!). There would be riots.

OK I'm done. Sorry for resurrecting this thread which has been dormant for months, but I wanted to speak on this issue, which I think is very relevant to BM/WW IR. 8)

 

personally speaking, I rarely hear negative stories about BW with WM..

the "jungle fever" focus seems to be solely on black men, with white woman..

why that happens.. I don't know..

i can't remember the last time someone I knew, criticized a BW/WM couple, but I do remember the last time i heard someone dissing Tiger Woods (who does not even consider himself to be "black,") and Elin.

There is like a deep rooted bond there, that makes people instantly shun brothas who get the vanilla fever

 

yeah, pzofpie:

like black women never cheated on black men. Like the black race is real cohesive, like black women really care about black men. give me a break and get some reality

 

I've been critisized for dating white women by a black dude with a latino wife. One of my best friends had the nerve to question why I was marrying a white women when he (BM) was in a relationship with with an Thai/indian (whatever she was) girl. I find that BM usually don't critisize... unless maybe they are insecure about the "ir" relationship they are in. These BM pretty much consider thier asian/latino/ect girls as "black" and claim that dating any type of said female is ok because they are "women of color". These are the same BM that: are closet white girl freaks, bang WW on the dl, don't want to date BW/want to date outside thier 'race' but only (seen in public) with anything other than a WW because they are too chicken shit to do otherwise.
Hell, a BM dating a Euro "WW" would prob get a pass because the Euro chick is "exotic" ... I mean, after all, she is Swedish, Itailian, Polish, from Spain, ect..not really "white".

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........................................ :roll:

 

I remember asking a white girl to my senior prom, and being ribbed by a latina that I used to flirt with, for "asking a white girl to your prom, instead of me."

 

Yeah,latinas hate on Black dudes with white women especially if the dude is good looking.I guess some of them feel as if we are suppose to be "loyal" to them due to the fact that we are the closest minorities in a sense or something like that.Its funny,cause alot of them are JUST LIKE black girls.

 

that's the gist of it

she wasn't bad looking either.. i just decided to ask a white girl, that i had my eye on for a while, instead of her

 

Speaking as an older white woman dating a "good"(College educated and sucessful black man, I can see all sides to the arguement.

I was introduced to my boyfriend by his sister who is a co-worker, she looked beyond race(she believes sort of that WW take the "good" black men) She thought we would hit it off. We did.

His mom was a bit skittish at first, as I am the first white woman he has dated, but now that she knows me she and has spent time with us as a couple, she is fine with it.

His ex-wife on the other hand is not, as she feels a white woman can't raise black children. In some ways, i get her concerns....I have assured her that she is her kids mother, not me and that when the kids spend time with us, he sets the rules and agenda, not me.

 

I feel you 100% HenRock. I cannot remember where I heard this quote but it hits the spot in so many situations. I'd say 70% of situations are a result of what I've quoted you on. The other 30% are all crazy as bats and should check into the nearest straight jacket emporium at thier earliest convenience. :wink:

 

Two things.

Number 1:

Why does a black man need to be college educated and successful to be "good"? I've seen this definition used a lot on this forum. But I've known many good BM without college degrees and who in no way could be considered financially successful. They're good, kind men - funny, strong, with an unending positive outlook on life. I understand appreciating a degree and financial success, but they are not the ultimate measure of the man.

Number 2:

I've been thinking about black women a lot. Been getting some flack from a few and rather than get mad I'm trying to get understanding. This is what I've come up with so far:

Black women are afraid. And because they're afraid, they're acting out in anger. They're afraid of not having enough to survive, they're afraid of the prejudice, they're afraid that they won't be able to handle what life throws them. And the only other people who they feel understand them - black men - are leaving them. For the enemy. Society tells black women that they are not worthy - their hair is not pretty enough, their features are not pretty enough - and so if the black men leave them, who will be there? Who can they rely on?

Of course, a frequent complaint from black men is that BW are very aggressive and bitchy. I think BW have this aggression because 1) of fear and 2) bc they feel it's necessary to get anywhere and anything in life. Only, they don't know when to turn it off. A mother teaches it to her daughters, and on and on. It's a very selfish thing, to be aggressive all the time, but if you're afraid, it's natural to want to protect yourself. Only, that shield can burn you if you hold it too close.

I don't know, what do you think? No BW will speak candidly with me about this and I really want to understand their feelings, where they're coming from.

 

This particular definition of a 'good' black man is actually something that has been played up by the media and our dear, dear friends at BET(word to the Boondocks for never pulling punches on those guys). When people complain about 'good' black men being taken, this is primarily what they are referring to. College educated and successful. It is played up and broadcast repeatedly that (insert your outrageous percentage here) of black men are either in jail or will be in jail by a certain point of their life. So, in certain psyches, a broad and yet somehow ridiculously shallow spectrum is formed in some people's minds. It all comes down to stereotypes. I really don't think she meant this in a bad way. It's just that we as black men are shown in such a negative light that we're considered good only by way of success. More so than personality. To quote Al Pacino's character from The Devil's Advocate, It's the goof of all time.
Number 2:

This is hella good man. There's hardly anything I love more on a forum than to see a very well worded psychological approach to something and this just made my day. Fear can be quite a motivator. However, fear intermingled with ignorance and just plain dismissal of the obvious can be dangerous. We're not being stolen. Assuming you wanted to take this seriously for a minute, only a small percentage of this country actually deal in IR relationships, and while that percentage is increasing, it is increasing at a much slower pace than some people think. Okay, now that that bit of information is out of the way, I personally think this fear is out of whack. Why? Because I used to harbor these fears. Because you know it has been all over television since the damn 60's for christ sakes(I watch a lot of old movies) that it's just completely acceptable for white men to be with sistas. But, a person has to broaden their horizons and alleviate their fears. They are something to be gotten over. I'm not saying it's misplaced entirely, but 90% of the time it all comes across like some wild conspiracy. I love conspiracies to death, but I file 13 alot of them. This one is definitely 13nd all day long. Nobody is stealing a thing.

I've posted it here before and I'll post it again. It is a terrible thing to live in fear. A person shouldn't have to fear themselves...ie they should be themselves, not the way everyone else views them. A person should not have to fear the actions and decisions of others if it doesn't affect them directly....ie if it isn't your man or woman, then mind your business. A person should not have to fear their past, because you learn from it. The past is not always the future. It is a tool to improve the future. This blows up in some people's faces of course.

Very well put. I hate the stronghold Society has on some folks. The stronghold it used to have on myself. If people really sat back and took a look at (Mainstream)Society for what it is, they'd never give it a second glance much less pay it any real attention. I still say this 'fear' is something to get over. I know that sounds easier said than done, but I've been down this road. It's not impossible to find a different route. And once you do, it's the best thing that can happen to you.

I'm not bashing anyone in this post and I hope it doesn't come across like I am. I love women of all shades and colors, but if you come across with any kind of bigoted or narrow minded viewpoints.....regardless of color I'm going to view it as a weakness of your character. I won't give you hell for it because I know what it's like. I will hope that you get your stuff together one day and I will leave you alone. I've never been the one to preach because I never liked to be preached to. Some people find their own way.

 

i always just get a chuckle :lol: when i hear this. black women upset about white women taking good black men. here in Philly, i see the black women running after thugs and such, i dont see them even paying attention to good black men. perhaps they just have a different definition of a good black man today than when i was younger.

 

Yeah but a latina would hate out of jealousy because she would want to date the brotha, a BW(those kinds) would hate and not even want the guy, just do it to be racist.

 

This was a joke e-mail someone sent me awhile back…

The SINGLE black women's prayer group...


so I ask this young lady, "what do y'all pray about in that group?" and that conversation led to some interesting comments:

her: "we're christian black women that pray for guidance and direction."
me: "so y'all sit around asking god for a man, correct?"
her: "well, sometimes, but mainly we pray for advice at work, etc."
me: "so, you're trying to date a man from work?"
her: "look, we don't JUST pray for a man; there are other things in this world we worry about too, you know."
me: "like what? what's the last thing y'all discussed before the prayer session?"
her: "we discussed interracial relationships and why white women are marrying more and more black men."
me: "for real. do you think those white gals are praying for a black man?"
her: "who cares? I don't know, and I don't care."
me: "well, y'all discussed it. somebody 'round here cares and is obviously worried about it."
her: "they NEED to stick to their own and leave our men alone."
me: "so when you pray to god for a man to marry you, do you specifically state, 'make it a black man, 6-4" tall, light-skinned, etc., and PACKING'?"
her: ????
me: "y'all need to start praying and hanging-out with them white gals, cause while y'all are asking god, they're asking black men-ya heard?"
her: "why am I even talking to you?"
me: "'cause you saw what I'm driving and was hoping god sent me to you."
her: "excuse me, I have to go now. you're going to make me lose my religion."
me: "I understand. btw, 'where all da white womens at'? just joking lady, relax."
her: "see, y'all brothers be tripping."
me: "well, maybe you should ask god to make us 'stop tripping,' cause he and only he knows why y'all like to confuse y'all's lives with thugs, etc."

*she then gives me the "ni__a please" look and walks off.
me (yelling): "I'll ask them white gals what god they pray to, and I'll hip you to the game next week. peace."

Comments please…

 

Hahaha

 

Interesting. My ex's ex-wife (BW) was a little concerned initially when we used to have their son for the weekend. However she was pleased that finally his Dad (BM) did do something for his son prior to meeting me he had little contact.

Jump 8 years on and the ex-wife & I are best of friends, my 'ex-step-son' is now 15 and last saw his Dad 18months ago. Apparently I was the only girlfriend that made them have contact and since then he's not bothered at all.

This weekend the ex-wife & I had a long phone call and then spoke to the Dad who was furious that she 'quoted' things I'd said as to why he can't be there for his son - she pointed out that despite being 'outside' the family now (& for 8yrs) I still have the best interests of their son at heart.

Latest is that the boy might be coming to stay with me for a holiday - his mother wants him with me!!!

 

Nothing remotely christian about what she was saying, directly opposite of what christ taught. the Klan tried to use christianity to move there hate forward, but they were dead wrong

 

taking all the gpd BM

No matter how you try to avoid it,there will always be haters regarding IR dating/relationships, it is human nature just as the fact you can't help who you love or are attracted to. I grew up in a horribly racsist home and did as was dictated by my father. As I matured and raised my own children to be non racist,We were shunned,turned out of the family because myself and daughter chose fine,loving Black Men,there will always be hatred but we have learned that life is too short to allow those hatreds and insecurities to keep us from loving,so, I will post here but rarely on subjects that promote a haters insecurities,I say,let them burn themselves out hating while the rest of us LOVE!

 

Re: taking all the gpd BM

There it is..!