White women are taking all the "good" black men...

Hello again.

I understand and respect your opinions. In answer to your question, i came here out of curiosity because this was an issue brought up in class. The subtle hint at "my jealousy" of there being a support group for ww-bm interracial dating sites, I feel is very misplaced, and with all due respect, an immature assumption to make (even if it was posed only as a question).

One tiny thing that raised an eyebrow for me was that i noticed the conversation shifted from the validity or invalidity of my points to whether or not I should be here. The fact that I am a "black woman who may be jealous of a site like this existing" has nothing to do with what the conversation was about. I'm here because i support ww-bm relationships and i want to break down barriers (or try) by having dialogue about these issues. Period. If you don't want my opinion, then that's perfectly valid; you are free to ignore it or scroll past and start a new conversation on things that you would like to talk about.

As a further point, though this is a support site for WW and BM, I wasn't aware that there was hardcore criteria as to who should post and who should not. There are plenty of people out there who contribute to sites that have "nothing to do with them" so to speak. Prior to your responses, I believed that I had a right to learn more about this issue and contribute to knowledge as well. I can't honestly say that if the situation were reversed, and someone were to come on to a bw-wm site and contribute their perspective that I would have a problem with it. But that's just me.

To me, mutual understanding of all sides is beneficial to everyone because we are all a part of this world. I was very interested in this site, because interracial dating has come to impact my life in many of the same ways that it has come to impact yours! I don't want a white woman to believe that I have hatred towards her or her significant other because of unnecessary assumptions about "how many black women feel about interracial relationships" (though ultimately it shouldn't matter what anyone thinks). And in that light, my posts have everything to do with this discussion. ;-) In any case, I'm off, and i apologize to anyone who has been offended or whatever. Thank you for the discussion!

 

I totally agree 100%!

 

Re: Hello again.

That's an assumption made on your part. There was not subtle hint at any jealousy...at least not in anything I have written.

I've always felt that this particular thought (white women taking all the good black men) is ridiculous. There is no competition. People (men, women, black, white, purple) are interested in whoever they are interested in.

The whole "taking" conversation implies ownership. A person is not owned by any other person or group.

 

Exactly.

 

Re: Hello again.

The question of jealously or the reason for visiting the site wasnt directed at you, BW, or anyone in particular. I just raised the question of why someone who isnt a WW or BM would come to this site. But I feel that everyone should be welcomed here if for no other reason than to maybe help promote acceptance of IR relationships, or anyone relationship where two people come together and care for one another (as you alluded to).

So let me take this opportunity to say welcome, nyghtfalls, and I hope that you do stay! :smt058

 

Re: Hello again.

Nygtfalls sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel like you are not welcome. The fact that our conversation shifted from the validity of your arguments to you being here, for me at least, goes back to my earlier post. More often than not a BW will simply not agree with the premise of this site so in that case I say "why bother". I acknowledge that it is unfair for me to assume the same situation will play out with you so my apologies for that. One thing you have to understand that you won't find the answer here as to why we date IR, we just do! Please understand and respect the fact that just because we prefer to date outside of our race it doesn't mean we dismiss or demean our own. There is nothing wrong with WM or BW, no matter how much us here love BM and WW.
Welcome to the site.

 

This was your original statement- "Also understand that black women are severely criticized for dating interracially while our men are not."

When people constantly complain about "white women taking all the good black men" what are they doing if not being critical? Sorry, but I have had far too many conversations with BW, WW and other BM where black men WERE heavily criticized for dating interracially. Some were even criticized for dating black women who were light skinned. This country in general is far more comfortable with the image of a white man and a black woman than the reverse. NO SERIOUS STUDY HAS EVER FOUND OTHERWISE. The only people who seriously refute this are people who are focusing on too small a picture or are curve fitting their observations to match what they already believe.

Then you said this-

" Also, if you aren't going to provide a basis upon which you are refuting my claims, you aren't providing us with anything new to learn."


See above. And btw, i'm still in shock that anybody would need to "learn" that black men are very much criticized for ir dating. It's obvious to anyone paying attention.

You wrote-

""For one, the fact that black women are more criticized for dating outside of their race than are black men is actually something i've experienced first hand. Upon comparing that experience to that which other black men AND women have endured, we seemed to have come to a consensus that, yes, black women are more criticized for dating interracially."


When you compared these experiences with black men and came to this consensus, how many did you speak to? There is a reason pollsters question anywhere from a few hundred to thousands of people before coming to a conclusion. The results of your comparisons (that BW are heavily criticized and BM aren't) does not match reality. This past August there was a black guy who walked into a McDonalds in Oceanside, Long Island. He was jumped by seven whites and beaten with a chair just for walking in with a white girl. He might also disagree with your consensus. By the way, this happened in 2007, not 1957. Four months ago. I've been to this McDonalds numerous times it's on Sunrise Highway directly across from the LI railroad tracks. This is just a taste of what many black men need to be wary of. The criticism of black males who date interracially takes different forms depending on who'se doing the criticizing.

Come on, we've all heard them, the athletes "all married to white women", The BM who are successful "all getting with white women." These black men "hate themselves" are "sellouts", colorstruck or have some kind of "forbidden fruit" syndrome left over from slavery. (This one was used just yesterday on Wendy Williams radio show where the topic was BM/WW. And yes the convo did get heated. As always.) This is only a small sample of the things a black man may hear who dates ir.

If it's a racist criticizing, he may couch his bias in fancy wording trying to sound less racist. Or he may not give a shit and be more aggressive depending on the situation. You may hear the word "nigger", "subhuman" and "monkey" seems to be a popular one. Aimed at the white women, it could be "niggerlover" or "coalburner". "Mudshark" was specifically created to use on white women involved with black men. If there is a specific slur created for 'interracially dating" BW, WM or BM I haven't heard it.

I also notice the word "worship" pops up a lot recently. It seems like at least once a month someone comes on this very board with a long rambling post to lecture the people on here. And the males here are said to "worship" white women.

You wrote-
"If you think I am incorrect, fine, but provide some background. I felt as though after you said WRONG, I was left hanging, waiting for the explanation."


The reason I didn't provide background at the time is because you didn't provide any to begin with. Just to recap you said-


"Also understand that black women are severely criticized for dating interracially while our men are not. Something to think about. This isn't the fault of white women, but i'd prefer that ww have more knowledge about our social challenges before they begin to surmise anything about black women. Just as you do not like to be judged, we do not appreciate it either.

Thank you."


The body of your paragraph did not contain an explanation of the opening statement. Furthermore, I wasn't sure if you would even be back to respond. It's not unusual for a new poster to make statements like this and then never come back. Since you came back and asked for background I responded.

What you said and what I disputed was your assertion that black women are heavily criticized while black men who date ir are not (or much less). This is a bold statement which needs a much stronger argument to back it up than in your second post. Remember, you're on a board full of black men some of whom HAVE been heavily criticized for dating interracially. So i'm not sure how impressive they will find your limited research when they have their own experiences to go by. While I have noticed far, far more criticism of black males than you may have I still am NOT making the opposite assertion- which would be "Black men are heavily criticized and black women are not." Because I haven't personally witnessed as much criticism aimed at black women who date interracially, I won't assume it doesn't happen.

 

Stereotypes and Myths

" Still am NOT making the opposite assertion- which would be "Black men are heavily criticized and black women are not." Because I haven't personally witnessed as much criticism aimed at black women who date interracially, I won't assume it doesn't happen.

I'm going to submit this is a good place to start, by us NOT making assumptions about each other and having a good civil discussion.

As a black male I can say first hand that I have been criticized during my lifetime for being with and desiring to be with white women.But I have ALSO seen and heard black women being criticized for being with white men.

I for one welcome all new posters, but frequent this site because I am a black man interested in being with white women.That's the purpose of my paid membership.
I can vouch for Chigirl's position because in the past we've had white men come onto this forum and refer to black men as "animals,"(Shenango1-4),and tell the white women that they were in fact guilty of "Mudsharking."(Also posted words of our resident racist pet troll).
We have also had black women come on and criticize the black men for their choices to be with white women.After awhile, I believe we on the board become cynical and suspicious.
Nyghtfalls, I am a strong supporter of logic-and yes, if the position on the board shifted from addressing your points to attacking you personally I apologize, because that's shameful "adhominem" behavior.Please speak your mind.......


In the end, I'd just say there are valid points being made, and some arguments being posited that are not as valid.Thanks for allowing me to contribute.

 

So true. Whites routinely go on dating/meeting sites designated for blacks. I've noticed some will bypass the IR sections and head to areas specifically for black men and women.

 

Well, nyghtfalls, you've made some points that certainly have some validity to them. The other posters have made the vast majority of the good points that I agree with. The isssue is not that black women who date iR aren't criticized, because they are. Don't be offended by the fact that people here aren't discussing the issues of bw who date ir because you have to understand that isn't the concern with the people on this site. we are concerned about issues and myths that unfairly characterize ww/bm relationships. The myth isn't necessarily about bm being targeted for dating IR, but more so about a criticism ww get from bw who don't approve of having black men who are considered "good catches" by both bw and ww. Like it has been said before, there are plenty of "good black men" out there and no one can claim white women are "stealing" the majority of "good black men" when only 10% of bm date/marry interracially.

The reality is is that ww have no reason to feel guilty about dating bm who seem, for the most part to have their act together. They don't take these bm; it just reflects the reality that they epitomize what some bm want in a woman, and nothing is going to change that.

 

I love this statement!

 

The movie "Something New" tried to do the same thing with the stars going around talking about how bm, ww relationships are more exceptable to society and bw, wm relationships are not. And Sanaa lathan even told a bold-faced lie saying "Something New" is the first IR romantic movie about bw, wm relationships. Black men gets criticized so much we even face hatred for dating lightskinned black females, it is like we can't date nobody.

 

Re: Response to both posts above.

www.hater site.com They celebrate BW who date WM (most recently Halle Berry) yet castigate BM who date WW (Taye Diggs, etc.) Check posts under "The Swirl." Not scientific at all, but you'll get the point rather quickly.

 

Alot of black woman dont know what they want.They will turn down an educated looking brother wearing a polo shirt and some nice slacks,for a no good unemployed brother with a xxl tee and his pants half way down his ass.
:lol:

Not saying all of them do this,but a good majority do.

 

Maybe.But i know for a fact that your average black woman will turn down a good respectable "carlton" like black guy for a black thug like 50 cent. :lol:

 

ahh yes,i knew you were a black woman :lol:

 

most younger BW...would choose 50 cent....most BW approaching 30 or beyond would go for Carlton

There are plenty of good BM...but BW get caught in a tricky spot....BW with promising careers tend to put off marriage and by the time they are ready....the professional BM's are all taken.....the BM that choose to be jailbirds aren't even on the radar.....so what's left is a group of BM that are hard working blue collar types....many professional women might be attracted to a blue collar BM....but a woman making $70,000/year isn't likely to go wild for a man making half that amount. However a working class woman has no problem with an "average Joe bloke"....so he decides to marry that woman.


The BW that complain about not finding a man...are not the working class sistas....its the ones who are near the top of their profession and when they look around...there is nothing left.

Well-to-do BW have no problem telling you that they don't need a man..but this works to their disadvantage. Men like independent women...but if he feels he can't offer the woman anything....he will seek someone who will find him useful in some way.

I read Ebony magazine's most eligible bachelorette's last year and here were some of the qualifications that most of the women looked for

Tall
Handsome
Spiritual/goes to church
Loves his momma but not a momma's boy
No children/baby mama drama
Gainfully employed
Well educated
Strong but not too domineering
Well built physically

and many more....there is nothing wrong with a woman having high expectations for her future mate...but when you play around with the bad boys and wait until you are in your mid-thirties and expect the perfect man to be sitting there waiting.....you're asking a lot....men with all of these attributes generally go quickly......

 

I find it interesting that there's no in between. It's either 50 Cents-type (which ww like as well) or tight-asses like Carlton.

 

C'mon now...that was Carlton's role to lay it on thick.