Which Type of Clubs Are Best for BM to Meet WW?

let me add a different spin to this topic...

i'm a SBM, 39, currently living in the South...

my experience has always been that i tend to hang in a predominately white social setting (bars/clubs, organizations, etc). for me it has just always been that way because the majority of my friends have always been white.

as i've gotten older i've tried to spread myself around and hang out in more predominately black social establishments (nabj, my frat, etc).

getting back to the age old question of "how do you know if she's into black men?" question...

i've always been one to go to a more white establishment in an attempt to meet white women, when it has always made more sense to me that white women interested in black men would probably go to a predom black social setting.

you have to figure if a white woman is in a black lounge then she's probably down with black men. same on our part, if i'm at the white bar it's because i'm trying to meet a white woman?

question 1. which situation are you more comfortable in?

then there's the case of the white woman out with her black girlfriends. this could be any type of establishment. how have you guys handled trying to approach the white woman without pissing off her black girlfriends.

they all see you and you know the sistas think you're fine, but your eye is on the white girl. do you...

a) walkover to the group and make a beeline to the white woman
b) play the whole group until you can suttely make your intentions known

the dilemma for me is that although i know the white woman in the black social settings is likely down with dating a black man, i've always been uncomfortable approaching the white woman in that setting.

 

Another reason clubs/bars/parties annoy me is the stress involved.

Its no longer a fun gathering to just kick back or meet people. For a guy, there is so much pressure involved to "bring a chick home". It becomes a competition. It's not fun anymore. You see it in rap music all the time. It's become a part of our culture. You feel that if you dont go home with a girl and fuck her you failed. Getting their humber isnt good enough anymore.

Plus to get some of these women's attention can be so difficult and biased. I've heard so many girls talk about how they wont even talk to a guy unless he buys them drinks. Oh ok so you're saying that he must BUY you something for you to even acknowledge his presence? What makes you the big prize? Why dont you buy me something? And does the guy who can afford to buy you 3 drinks really "care" about you more than the guy who can only buy you one? I mean come on!

Plus the loud music can make it hard to carry on a conversation. Not to mention guys (or her friends) coming in and interrupting your conversation and being total "game killers", "cockblockers", or whatever you want to call them. That can be the most annoying thing in the world.

When going out to have a good time, there shouldnt be this expectation of accomplishing some goal and thus there is pressure on you to achieve something rather than just have fun and enjoy the music and the environment and meeting people. You shouldnt feel a sense of, "If I do this or dont then I failed" or that it was a bad night. But sadly that is what has become of going to the club.

Its just a feeling of pressure and competition that I gave up on and got sick of rather quickly after I graduated high school. The part that sucks is this is the only "appropriate" venue to hit on women knowing they WANT to be approached. When hitting on a woman at school, work, the gym, the mall, the super market, etc...you never know if she will be interested, ignore you, run away, engage in a conversation, slap you, or pull out the mase.

Yet for some reason I prefer these situations since there is an easier atmosphere to get to know someone one on one, no pressure to get their number or get them in bed, its often quieter, and just from learning and growing and maturing, ive learned that it is better to get to know them as a person in this type of surroundings.

I mean, at a party, everyone is in a good mood, or at least pretending to be. They can put on a happy face but you get no sense of the "real" them. When bumping into someone at random while they walk the street or sit on the train or sit in a classroom or at the cafeteria area at your job, you catch them in a nuetral setting and you are a stranger who could be approaching them for a NUMBER of reasons, and this helps you gauge how they really are as a person, since how people treat strangers is usually indicative of their heart.

If you are cruel to strangers, you are usually a cold person. If you are kind, warm, polite, trusting, and open with someone whose a stranger (and therefore someone you dont HAVE to be nice to but choose to be nice to anyway), she may have a good heart. And those things are faaaar more important to me in judging a woman's character than how well she dances to the latest Ludacris song or what kind of Vodka tonic she drinks.

 

I am often confused by your posts. I see the picture with your girlfriend, but I don't get the impression that you have one. Which is the case?

 

Are you still with your girlfriend? I know in another thread you were asking advice on a Russian chick you met. If you've got your girl and things are good with her you may want to chill with her, especially if your kid is in the home.

You can't hit everything brotha and you can't let attention from chicks go to your head. Not trying to be preachy but just offering some advice man to man.

 

This thread was created months ago, and don't worry about being confused by Pey... you'll get used to that eventually.

 

Trojan,

Pardon my foul language, but fuck the "sistas" and their thoughts about you approaching their vanilla friend. You're not even obligated to say hello to them, as they can be ignored ... they'll get enough attention from the other men in the establishment.

However, I understand your reasons for being uncomfortable, but it's something that will take time to get over. The other people aren't important.

 

Majority White, Hip Hop clubs. Your like a celeb in there.
"At the White boy club when I buy the bar, there like hey now your an All Star" NORE

 

I would have to agree with the last quote you made about being cruel to strangers. However you cannot be to open and trusting with anyone these days when it comes to your money. I often find that in my situation that I am dumped many times by the sistas and it has nothing to do with hating on the sistas. I think it is more in in the way I talk, walk, and act and many sistas think I act white. I dance good like a black guy and I have only had two or three white girls say that I dance like a white guy. It all depends on what type of music I am listenining to whether it is country, rock, or hip hop. White women with long silky hair just drive me nuts!

 

If you go to a pub or upscale bars the white women there are less aggressive about hooking up with a black male there but it doesn't mean that they won't go for one though. Church or coffeehouses is a good place to meet some nice white women though

 

I have also found that to be and if their white male friends have black male friend then they are usually not shy about meeting a black man. Except in the predominantly black areas to where most white women would be scared to meet a black man up there in the inner cities. However I have also know that many white women who go for the thuggish brothers often tell me that they feel safer around a big, muscular black man that no one want to mess with over a white man living in the same area.