where do you draw the line with privacy?

When Shouldn't Privacy Exist in a Relationship?

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With a committed relationship, you're often expected to share your fears, your goals, your money, your home, your hopes and basically your life with your partner. However, why do people get so hesitant when their partner asks them to divulge something like their email password?

For some of us, privacy in a relationship is a big deal. No wait, a really big deal. Those who don't understand the need for privacy in a relationship, are often labeled as the person with "trust issues," and the person that needs the privacy automatically viewed as if they have something to hide. In actuality, the concept of 'yours vs. mine,' in a relationship is delicate, and very situational.

Privacy, or lack thereof, isn't always a matter of trust, but can also be attributed to ego, experiences, the people involved in the relationship, the length of the commitment, and what one may or may not consider private. You can't force someone who was raised as an only child to be more open to their mate who was raised in a family of seven, and given little to no privacy at all. Nor can tell a woman who has had an ex-boyfriend that has scammed her in the past to be less private with her bank account info -- even if she loves you dearly.

You can try and sugar coat it, but shutting a person out of an aspect of your life is what privacy means. In order to avoid confusion or conflict, you should do your best to get on the same page with your partner regarding the privacy in your relationship. If you are the person who is quick to give, "If there is nothing to hide," speech like the national anthem, then a secretive person might not be the most ideal match for you in a relationship. Sadly, many of us don't put enough emphasis on issues of privacy within a relationship and find their views differ from their partner.

Whether or not privacy should exist in relationship can only be answered when the couple sets boundaries, revises those boundaries after time, clearly communicate, and respect each other. Ultimately, both people need to stay sane for the relationship to work. Check out the most common scenarios where privacy often comes up as an issue and when the want for privacy should be red flagged.

Separate Bank Accounts
RED FLAG IT: If you never knew the account existed, or the person refuses to start a joint account. As long as you are aware there is one, then there's no need to keep harassing the bank teller every Friday try and add your name to the account.

Cell Phone Password
RED FLAG IT: If a separate situation regarding trust occurs and the cell becomes the only evidence to determine the truth, and the person still adamantly refuses to share the password. Until then don't go trying different combinations until you reach the max for retries, resetting their whole damn device.

Email/Social Networking Passwords
RED FLAG IT: If every time you walk in the room to walk past the computer they are minimizing windows or ready to shut the computer down. *side eye*

Purses and Wallets
RED FLAG IT: If she tells you that you are to NEVER to go through her purse, but she goes through your wallet or briefcase all the time. Double standards aren't establishing fair boundaries.

Special Rooms and Sections In The Home
RED FLAG IT: If your partner starts putting special bolts and locks on certain rooms and drawers -- which you had access to before -- to ensure you never go in them. A random need for privacy is a valid eyebrow raiser.

Trips
RED FLAG IT: If they are hesitant to tell you details about the destination, who they are traveling with, or how long they plan to stay. Don't let him tell you that he's going to Puerto Rico and bring back shot glasses that say Montego Bay.

Camera
RED FLAG IT: When looking through photos together, they want to skip through certain pics, or there are events and people in the camera that never made their way into day-to-day conversation. "I know we been together for eight years and I said I only had three sisters, but the guy on the left is LIKE a brother to me..."

Journals
This should always remain private. Reading a person's journal gives you access to a person's inner most thoughts, and it's never fair to invade this level of privacy.

Opening Mail
RED FLAG IT: If you can't remember when they got an American Express Card, or why they are getting Sprint phone bills while they currently use a Verizon cell phone.

 

If you are in a committed relationship, you really don't have rights to shit. Period. End of story. people want so much out of the sheer idea that "hey you are the only person I'm dating.

marriage............that's different.


Separate Bank Accounts
Cell Phone Password
Email/Social Networking Passwords
Purses and Wallets
Special Rooms and Sections In The Home
Camera
Journals
Opening Mail

All the above - we had three accounts, hers, mine, and the house (savings) I didn't have access to hers, nor her's to mine nor did I want it.

I don't have access to her cell phone, nor do I want it. Same goes with social networking passwords. Her purse...its HER's and I never figured because we were together that gave me a right to her stuff....My SPECIAL room is my man cave. its where I keep my guns, XBOX games, computer stuff...my fortress of solitude.

Camera? DON'T TOUCH MY CAMERA...I don't are who ou are.

If it has my name on it..........don't open it. Whether its personal or not.

That has always been my take on things. I never understood (and its mainly women) that believe they should have access to a man's entire life. If he thought that highly of you he'd ask you to share his last name.

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For me, even marriage isn't a reason for me to lose all sense of privacy. We can have three bank accounts, yours, mine and ours. We can share information on some passwords, if you are willing to do the same, like mobile phones. I won't give you my email passwords for the same reason that I won't tell you every detail of personal discussions I have with family members or friends. It's as much about respecting the privacy of the family member or friend. I may give you some general information but that's it. I won't ever go in your purse, ask me to do it, and I will just hand it over to you. I don't expect you to go through my wallet. Again, for me, absent any "red flags", it's a sign of insecurity or a lack of boundaries. Never open my snail mail, unless I request it. If it has my name on it, it's mine, period, and the same applies to you. If you have questions though, I would be happy to tell you about the mail.

I don't mind sharing things as long as you ask first and don't violate my trust. In other words, don't ask to use my computer, when you have one, and you simply are looking for an excuse to search it for something. The same is true for the use of cars, mobile phones and cameras, for the same reasons.

My point is that I fully trust my partner and I expect to be trusted in return. If people are spending too much time bogged down with trust issues, IMO, the relationship isn't very stable.

 

100%

 

This. Good post. Bolded says it all. I'd rep you if I could but have to spread it around.