Where did your facination start?

i personally don't see anything wrong with the statement..

i like how you guys are hustling to pile on him tho



from what I see, he simply said he does not find "too many" black women attractive. He's giving a general opinion without being hateful or ignorant. Why aren't you guys this quick to jump on the people, that really deserve some tough guidance. Besides malikom anyway....

:wink:

 

Okay, since I am home sick and bored, I will share.

When I was 15 I met my first boyfriend who happened to be black, we dated for 3 years and were going to get married. When he told his parents, his dad flipped and said, "you can fuck a white girl, but don't marry one". I ran out of his house crashed and refused to see him. A month later, I joined the Air Force and met my husband. I married him 4 months later. Chris flew down to Texas and crashed mt bacholrette party and begged me to come back, I refused.

20 years later, after I split up with my husband, we reconnectted, turned out he lived only 50 miles from me, he called and we meet for lunch and it was like we had never been apart. He asked if I was with anyone I said yes and agreed to end it. He said that he was not involved with anyone. Fast forward 3 months, we had been seing each other 3 or 4 times a week and I get a phone call from a woman telling me to leave her man alone!! Turns out that he had been seeing her for a year, and according to him, he was trying to end things with her by slowly tapering off the relationship cause "he didn't want to be rude" :roll: . I ended things again and have not looked back. That was in November. I did not date anyone until my trip to Jamaica in February, There I met a smokin hot guy who was the resort dive captian, we hung out all week, day and night and I got my groove back,

A couple weeks later, (St. Paddy's Day) my friend's brother who had been crushing on me for 2 years was at a party that I was at, he asked if I was seeing anyone, I said no. He asked when was I going to finally give him a chance, we danced and have been together since that night. No sex yet, we are waiting until we go away in June together. We were friends first and want to do it right.

 

How do you do it?

You said you haven't had sex yet and are waiting til June. Please give me some advice on how to keep from going crazy with my guy who wants to be celibate until we marry. We've already had sex so I know how HOT he is and that makes it hard. It wouldn't be hard if I didn't know what he's like. Any advice? Oh, congrats on your happiness with the new guy.

 

What I don't get is why wait if you have already done it? We decided to wait as we wanted to make sure we wanted to be in an exclsusive relationship.

In terms of waitng, we talk and snuggle and amke out. We have a lot in common in terms of interest and intellect, so when we are geting to excited one of us will say, someething like, "so what is your take on George Keenan's view that a parliment is better than a Congress?" Also we tend to go OUT rather than stay in.

 

we changed because he felt convicted that what we were doing was wrong in the eyes of God. Also, going out in public is an EXCELLENT idea that would work well - only we can't go out in public because our relationship is secret because he would lose his business (he has a friend that actually did lose his business because he married a white woman). So, there you go. I'm an intellectual and he's more spiritual, also into b'ball, boxing, etc. so our conversations only go so far. I just can't figure out if he's trying to test or manipulate me in some way or if he's for real. If it's a test, I can pass. If he's serious about long term celibacy, I'm going to need some chemical help to get through this.

 

To be blunt, I am not sure that I could
1. Do a "secret relationship". I am sure that at first it would be exciting, but then after a short time would get old.

I KNOW that I could not be with someone who did share the same interests as me or that I could have a deep conversation with. I know I could do a hook-uo but that is it.

No trying to make you feel bad about the guy, what works for you works

 

the excitement phase has worn off. we're just very comfortable with each other now. and our lack of mutual interests doesn't bother either of us because we both require lots of time alone. If I'm at his house and he's watching boxing, I might read while he does that or bake cookies or something. I've actually learned to like watching boxing though because I'm a martial artist too and it's fun to critique the matches with him and I always learn from what he says like "he needs to cover up" or "move to the right" and I take that advice back with me when I spar. He's not a selfish conversationalist, but I can tell when he's tiring of girly chat and I shut up. I need a good girl friend to take all that stuff to. Thanks again.

 

Malik,

that is your opinion and choice, but for the 6footgreek, his attraction is his own. I dont think anyone can tell others who to be attracted to, we have our own tastes, interests, views, experience and desires.

 

that's what i was trying to say

ty

 

I wait because it is my belief in building a true and solid relationship beyond the physical

 

unnatural attractions

My two cents-

If a man is attracted to only one particular color of women than his attraction amounts to no more than a fetish- it means you have succeeded in simplifying and objectifying an entire group of women. It does not seem logical or natural and it goes the same for women. If a women is only attracted to one particular shade of a man than she has succeeded in dehumanizing him, fetishizing him, and objectifying him.

 

Re: unnatural attractions

That is only when it is sexual, if you find yourself seeing that all the women/men you are attracted having the same thing about them such as race of the man/woman than it is what it is. Attraction is something are minds have no control of, only our hormones.

For you to say that means then for a man to like women only and not men means we find women nothing more than a fetish. Your not making any sense. You don't have to have any negativities to have a preference.
You can't help who you fall in love with, because you can't help what you are attracted too, feelings is the thing to fight. Like I have always said mental attraction and physical attraction must be on the same level or you might find yourself like some of the women who come here saying that they cheated on their (white) husbands with a black man.

 

Re: unnatural attractions

I totally agree with Kenny

 

agreed.. nicely said kenny.

 

If I may take the liberty of speaking for morenita, I think what she's trying to say is that if someone says that they only find one race/color/shade attractive then they are dehumanizing men or women.

I date a white woman and I must admit that if I see a group of women of different races/ethinicities, I do tend to notice the white woman of the group. However, fine is fine and I would be lying if I said that I dont see black/haspanic/asian women that I find attractive on a daily basis. And any man, black white, or whatever who doesnt say the same is either blind, insane, or racist...self-hating or otherwise.

I know this isnt the place for this, but...





these women are fine!

 

You can find some one cute and not be attracted to them. A lot of the women in my family is beautiful but that doesn't mean I want to be with them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder which means people are going to find whoever they want attractive and unattractive. Attraction has MUCH!! more to it than just finding the person beautiful.

You caling them racist is exactly the reason why a lot of them say that they are attracted to all races when in fact they have a preference.
You don't have to have to be attracted & date everything in sight to prove you don't have any prejudices.
I don't know about you, but I don't want date a girl who is just dating me to prove she is not racist. It's forcing the matter.

 

Of course you would find your family members beautiful and not attractive because they are your family.

Im nothing close to a psychologist and I cant speak for other races (because Im black, not white, asian,etc) but I can tell you that based on my observations and knowledge of black people, one of our biggest issues is self-hate. Forget the women in the pictures...as a black male, if you can tell me that generally speaking you dont find black women attractive but you find white women attractive (in the general sense), that is the purest from of self-hate. Your talking about women who...in general, have the same features and characteristics as yourself. So to find them unattractive is to find yourself ugly and unattractive. Its as simple as that.

Have you noticed that most of the (american) guys on this site pretty much tell the same story?

1) Went to mostly white schools.
2) Grew up in white or diverse neighborhoods.
3) Called "the whitest black guy they know" by friends and aqquaintances.
4) Extreme dislike (bordering on hate) for urban /ghetto language/lifestyle.

American culture and society has conditioned us to see black as unattractive. And that doesnt mean you should change who you are and go out and marry naomi campbell, but realize that we are products of this environment and acknowledge that.

 

Spoken like a true prodigy.

 

I see what you are saying here Jelly and for the most part I agree, however I would ask what is your definition of "Black"? Is it soley the urban/ghetto language/lifestyle? There are many of us who do not identify with that definition, yet we are every bit as "Black" as someone who does even though our experiences/language/lifestyle are very different. Overall, I would certainly agree that society loves to portray us as the lowest of the low, and that can have a serious negative impact on those of us who buy into that and lose their love of self. Lastly, in my opinion any man who does not find the women you posted beautiful, attractive, sexy, ect. needs to check their pulse because they must be dead!

 

i know i'm black

lol..

i've been put through enough racial bullshit, that comes with the territory of being darker, for me to ignore cheap jabs at my "blackness," by fellow black people