When Friend Can Become Lovers

Anyone here have or have had a problem with (either gender) which a friendship relationship has the danger of becoming more serious? How you deal with such a risk? Any advice on what to do if such a dynamic should occur? You do not want to hurt the other person's feelings. What do you say or do and still maintain a professional and respectful relationship?

 

Title should be "When Friends Can Become Lovers"

 

You have to let the person know you have value their friendship and want to continue that. You say that your flattered by the advance if it comes to that. In the end you don't want to damage what you have.

 

This happened to me recently... if subtle hints don't work, sometimes you just have to back off for awhile. They'll get the hint that things are not going to go towards relationship territory. Maybe start talking about someone you want to date... it's subtle ways to get a person to realize that you value them more as a friend than anything else.

However, if you are friends, there is some chemistry there. What is it about that person that you do not find suitable for a relationship? Is it timing? Looks? They dress weird? Are you scared of what might or might not happen? I ask because, as I said, that just happened to me. I'm currently dating someone I was friends with for nearly four years before I finally 'gave in'. We spent the day together one day and I realized that I was being completely ridiculous in not giving him a chance because he was great for me.

 

That's great to hear! Good luck to you. :smt023

Sometimes, you're privy to information of how they are in other relationships and you realize that they aren't mature enough or they don't want what you want, etc.

I say, you have to sit them down, if they make their feelings known and you don't feel the same way about them and have an adult conversation about how you like them as a friend but you just don't feel the same way they do, etc.

Open communication is best for everyone. They'll probably respect you for letting them down easily but maintaining maturity about the friendship. Though it could take awhile for them to come back after they've been rejected.

 

If they're really a friend, you should be able to discuss this issue with them openly and honestly. I some people are hardheaded, but you have to lay your foot down on your side, if not, they'll keep it up. I think they can't do anything but respect you.

 

Thanks, Bookie!

Honestly, I only shared because I feel like this happens all the time...we tend to write off the people closest to us for a variety of reasons. Fear is generally it, whether we know it or not, and we have to decide to face it.

If they are really your friend though, and you aren't interested, I feel like they will come back into your life after a cooling off period. You just have to make it known that you want them in your life as a friend and not a romantic interest. I totally agree that communication is best for everyone.