When Did You WW Know Black Men Were For You?

All the white women in here respond. When in your life did you first realize you were more attracted to black men than white men and when did you know that black men were the ONLY ones for you.

I thought about this because I was talking to this girl Tessa i know and I asked her if all her boyfriends were black. She said yes. I asked her why. She told me she wasn't sure but she just finds white guys ugly and that black guys were mostly what she had grew up around and she just finds us sexy and confidant and tough and smooth.

 

I would never say that black men were the only men for me, but at this stage of my life I find them more sexually attractive, and also see them more as caring men, and family men than white men. Can't really explain why.

 

Wow thanks. Sounds like everyone has different experiences. I can't tell you how many times a woman has said that black men are useless, lazy, womanizers, trouble makers, etc. For you to say you think they are more caring and more family men is, well...wow. We all have different experiences. I'm glad you have experienced good black men, soo many women havent and it hurts good guys like me from getting a good woman because they feel all black men are trouble.

 

In my experience, all the black men I've dated or been friendly with have had enormous respect for their mothers (sometimes bordering on fear!) whereas the white men have often been quick to disrespect both their parents. I think a good family man has to first have respect for his own family, otherwise how will he ever respect his own wife? People listen to stereotypes too much and don't look past the immediately obvious: even guys I've known who think they are hard men and mr gangsta rapper always do what mummy says in the end, and how many white men do you know who say "my momma brought me up right??"

I do also think - even if I'm wrong - that anyone who grows up in a society in a minority group has to have a certain strength of character to resist other people's opinions of them, and you have to respect that.

 

Pey - surely the girls you date must have better opinions of black men than all that?

 

This is very true.

But, what about all the white 'business' men (Hugh Hefner, Brad Pitt, Matt Damon, Charlie Sheen, Ben Affleck, Tom Cruise) that are all seen as merely 'heart-throbs'? Hmmmm.....

 

Yep.

Yep.

 

I know it's about an older time than we live in now, but I'm finding this link quite insightful: never seen it dissected like this before.

http://robtshepherd.tripod.com/hernton.html

 

It's very outdated, but quite insightful. I will have to re-read it when I have time.

 

Many of the white girls I've met have told me they are surprised that I dont smoke weed or go to the club and that I get good grades. The fact that I've never been arrested and dont get into fights surprises many white girls (and girls in general) once they get to know me. Black men (at least here in NYC) have such a stigma and reputation attached to them that I feel I have to jump through hoops and prove to a girl that I am different and that I am not a gang banger or drug dealer or trouble maker. I already have alot going against me before I even talk to a girl because I know in her mind what she must be thinking. But once many have gotten to know, they are surprised at how sweet I am and always have told me that I am the only black guy they have felt safe around and comfortable with and that they really trusted and could tell things too. One of my deepest fears is having a white girl look at me and be afraid. Pretty much all the white girls I know now treat me like an equal and know Im a cool person they can talk to and trust. They know Im actually listening to them and not staring at their chest or ass.

That is why in previous threads I talk so much about ghetto girls from European girls to "typical white" girls to country girls. I try very hard when I meet girls to size them up and recognize and determine which type of chick she is. Would she be open to dating a black guy, has she ever dated one before. I know what its like to be with a girl who has never even KNOWN a black person before meeting me and all the obstacles that comes with that (I ended up being with her for 3 years). It is much easier to be with girls who already know about black culture and slang and music and everything else.

I just wanna be appreciated for being a smart, caring, sweet, romantic, classy black young man who wants to cherish a woman and treat her like a princess but I think my total package might not be what girls I'd like to be with are looking for. I think most white girls who go for black guys want a thug and I'm not that. I think most who want a sweet caring guy figure, I can get that in a white guy. What white girl wants a sweet, caring, smart, respectful, and romantic 135 lbs black guy who has a slightly crazy sense of humor and doesn't party or drink and doesn't carry himself as a tough thug? (at least one that I can have more with than just casual sex?) That is what I have been asking myself and searching for since I was in high school.

Maybe it is just that some white women who have realized they are most attracted to black men see the image of us on TV or what they are told about us or the few bad experiences they have had with thugs and playas and feel they must put up with this behavior since these are the men they have chosen. And maybe they don't realize that they don't have to give up on the idea of a prince charming who is sweet and loving and honest. The traits they think only white men may have. Maybe they don't realize they can have both. Alot of women believe that when they see something that is too good to be true, it most likely is. Thats why many times women have thought my "romantic poems and lines" were just an act and clever pick up lines. They refused to believe ANY GUY (especially a black one) could have the heart I do. One girl in particular said to my face she thought I was lying when I told her I was a Christian (even though I had a cross on a chain around my neck at the time). Some women just cant get over certain stereotypes.

 

No wonder you have so little confidence in yourself.

To be honest, it is true that, just as many men can't appreciate a real woman for what she is, neither can many women accept a real man with all his vulnerabilities and emotions, and treat them with cynicism, failing to notice that (obviously!) we're all people after all, and experience the same things. Throw the race issue into the mix and I imagine the problem would be even worse, as people do have such funny perceptions. I wouldn't get downhearted yet, though, you're still young (well, we both are!), there's no need to rush into looking for love when there's plenty of time to enjoy yourself first, and as long as you have confidence in yourself you can afford to ignore what less openminded people think of you. You shouldn't be interested in trying to get a woman with funny views, however pretty her face is. :wink:

 

wow, i lived in New York for 10 years and never met WW with that kind of clearly racist, ignorant and backwards stereotype of black men. Never has a woman been surprised that I dotn smoke marijuana, or been to jail. However,the liberal ones are often surprised that a black person could go to an Ivy League university without a scholarship or government help, that their are many wealthy black families down south, that their are black conservative other than Condi and Colin. thats because these folks dont read and are as racist as backwoods southern rednecks.

what type of women do you date who say such things?

 

Nonetheless, tuck, a lot of white girls really DO think and feel the way he elaborated on (very well, I might add) but in my life encounters, most of them weren't like that, but I have however, ran into the occasional bitch with a psycho-feminazi mentality.

 

nonetheless? what do you mean, are you saying I cant have a different experience and opinion than Pey? that is his experience, I didnt say he was wrong. But it is not my experience. I didnt say to him, nonetheless, as if his experiences were invalid.

 

No, I didn't mean it that way.

I said that because your experiences were different, despite the reputation of black men in New York.

 

Well now that I think about it, I dunno if it is a race thing as much as it is a generational thing. I have NEVER been one to follow the crowd. Most teenagers and people my age (21) drink alot and party and smoke weed. I dont know how old all of you are but dont believe what you hear, kids these days are BAD! They are having sex at 13 and blow jobs are the new kissing. From a young age I knew I didnt really want to live that life. I admit I have changed on some of my beliefs (I went from really thinking I'd wait until marriage to have sex, to doing it with girls I am not even in a committed relationship with, but those days are slowly going away I think). But for the most part, other than the occasional Smirnoff I dont drink alcohol and have never smoked anything. Alot of kids are shocked at that.

Most kids I know, of all races, smoke and drink. Even at a young age I saw the "good kids" smoking and drinking a little. The bad ones did ALOT and did it every night. The good kids just did it once in a while. I just never thought getting drunk or high does any good. I have had girlfriends cheat and use the "I was drunk" excuse before. I lost a friend in a drunk driving car accident. My older brother, who would NEVER hurt me and would die for me, once smacked me while he was drunk because I hung up on some slut who called for him (he was cheating on his girlfriend with her). People act stupid when they are drunk. People get behind the wheel of a car and kill others or themselves.

But anyways my point is I just carry myself in a different way than many girls my own age and they see me as maybe not fun enough or wild enough. I dunno. Alot of them find out I am not a thug or trouble maker and for some reason they act less interested. I dunno why. Its like a catch 22, lose-lose situation for me it seems. The girls that might find me attractive are looking for a thug and once they get know im not, they lose interest. And the ones that are looking for a sweet caring guy usually are attracted to white guys. I dont know. Maybe I am wrong in these assumptions. I really am lost and have no clue what the answer is....

 

ok, but the word nonetheless means something different than what you wrote

 

It's another way of saying 'still' 'however' 'all the same', and words like that.

I didn't use it make your opinion seem invalid. I use it as a figure of speech to say that you may have had a different experience than he did, but the reputation of black men in New York is still very stigmatized. Since I went to high school with New Yorkers, I know this, but I didn't mean the way you perceived it, like I said before.

 

No, you are right about all you are saying here.

 

If it's any consolation, be aware that due to everyone's assumptions and stereotypes, it is not uncommon that people would be looking for something and assume you are it, and when they find the real you they lose interest. It happens to us all and it is upsetting but of course it's no reflection on yourself, and there's no point being downhearted about it. Often, men see that I'm a bigbusted and affectionate lady and become interested in me sexually but not in my personality, preferring to pretend that I haven't got one! If that's not offensive, I don't know what is...but basically I'm trying to say just ignore the buggers and don't let them get you down. :lol: everyone finds someone to appreciate them as they are eventually.