What our sons should be told about being a Black man.

A few of us on this forum may in future decide to have biracial kids. For the most part these children will be considered Black.

Here is a list of what our sons should be told:

1. You come from greatness. And given this simple fact, you don't need so-called "role models" to teach you to be men, so stop vainly searching for them . It's time to put an end to all of the tired, intellectualized excuses for failure, and start setting your own standards and goals. Our history books are full of positive Black male images, if you absolutely must have one, emulate. But why not be your own role model? Everyone has choices. You can choose excellence, or you can choose to do nothing and fault everyone else but yourself(Flaminghetero). Just because one is born into a disadvantaged household, neighborhood or upbringing doesn't necessarily mean that it therefore has to be born in him.

2.Just being a male doesn't make you a man. There are those among you who have been misguided to the point that you believe that because you are a male, you also automatically become a man at some magic age. Some of you also presume that proof of manhood comes from fighting with you fists, instead of using your brain, or from wielding a weapon or fathering children. Please understand that only the weakest excuse for a man hides behind a gun. Because that's just what carrying one is -- weakness, and an excuse for not thinking. Just take a gun away from such a person and force him to solve a problem with intelligence and reason.

3. Knowledge is power. As a young Black man, you must learn and accept that you are not a "minority" when a significant percentage of the people in the world look like you. And, you should never think or allude yourself as such. Develop a global perspective when thinking, writing or speaking of the African diaspora, work for the re-unification of people of African descent the world over and thoroughly know your history. Learn to discern truth by reading between the lines of what is offered to you as fact. The ability to do this will open up a whole new world, and cultivate a heightened sense of dignity and pride within you.

4. Whatever you become, you were Black first. Whatever you prepare yourself for, a career as a doctor, a lawyer, an engineer or a plumber, this society will always view you as a Black doctor, a Black lawyer, a Black engineer and so on. Get used to the idea, and choose to wear it, as well as your passion for excellence, like a badge of honor. Have no tolerance for mediocrity. Embrace your identity, and resist the attempts of America and others to undermine,or discredit who you are.

5. Racism isn't going anywhere, so don't use it as a crutch. Pure and simple, there isn't a racist conspiracy behind every negative experience that you may happen to encounter in life. Don't get into the habit that so many of our self-appointed leaders have of crying "racism" each and every time something doesn't go exactly the way the you would have wanted, or expected it to. Yes, bigotry is important, and it is definitely on the rise. Every promotion that you are passed over for, every scholarship that you don't get and every inferior service that you are rendered should not instinctively be ascribed to it. Take each incident, however, learn from it and grow.

6. Always project and carry yourself with dignity. You are the son of the original people of the Earth, and of the great kings and princes of Africa. Remember this. Real Black men don't bark like dogs, or otherwise reduce themselves to the behavior of a lower animal species. Also, you are not a "nigger", so never characterize yourself, or any other Black person as such. Walk with your head up, render a firm handshake and look anyone, White or Black, directly into the eye when you speak to them. Be true to your word when you give it to someone, and make it mean something.

7. Be fathers to your children. This needs little or no explaining. If you have a child or children, you simply must be a presence and a factor in their lives and not just a monthly check for the mother. If the family courts have managed to relegate you to this system of "fatherhood by mail" as they do so often, fight it. Even to the point of pursuing custody, if you must.

8. The world and society owes you nothing. It has been said that "You may not get all you pay for in life, but you'll certainly pay for all you get." No one owes you a scholarship simply because you've earned good grades, and nobody owes you a job once you've been awarded a degree or mastered a certain skill. If you want something -- anything at all -- you have to go out and get it. No more, and no less.

9. No one is successful by accident. You must plan your work, and work your plan. People who are successful are the ones that are least surprised by it when they attain it, because they likely have been working towards their dreams and ambitions all along. It's just everyone else around them (and who usually doubted or tried to discourage them) that begin to behave differently. Don't blindly buy into what some one else determines it to be, though. Define and decide what success would mean to you, and then achieve it on your own terms.

This list is by no means complete, people may add to this list. A few men on this forum wallow in self pity, and it certainly isnt the way forward.

 

Please do not spread bullshit implying that Black sons need any more encouragement to be fathers than other Men. Black Men are fantastic fathers: for instance if the marriage or relationship doesn't work out, Black Men are more likely to remain in their child's life than any other race of man. They are least likely of any race of Man to be satisfied with "fatherhood by mail", as shown by the Coley study of 2007.

It's great to encourage all young men to be great fathers, but they'll learn that mostly from example, and apparently Black Men have had some great examples.

 

Good point Chi

 

Its not like I am making it up. We have a problem.Best if we start young.

Society views it like this:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2008/jul/16/davidcameron.conservatives1

 

Yes, you are making it up. No, you do not have a problem -- at least the one that you think you do -- and as a member of society I object to being compared to David Cameron.

Read the Coley study.

Absentee is frequently used simply to mean that the father does not live with the mother. It does not mean uninvolved in the child's life. According to the Coley study, Black Men not living with their child's mother are more likely to sustain regular contact in the child's life anyway than ANY other race of Man.

Black couples with children do not alway remain in the same household.

If the problem is the father living in the home, then that is a problem of the marriage, not of the parenting.

 

I liked much of what you posted here, however I disagree somewhat with the part above. I teach my kids to never let others define who they are, especially do not let others define you as a person by your skin color. We all know that racism/predjudice/bigotry is alive and well, but the only person who defines me is myself.

 

I will also have to disagree with this part. A role model is very important because a role model is something you should shoot for and exceed. this let you know that it can be done because it was done before and maybe you can do it better. also you have to be taught certain things . it is best to know how to do something before it happens than to learn by experience.

The proverb I made go like this : wise men learn from other peoples teachings and mistake, smart people learn from their mistakes and fools just never learn.

The best thing for a person to have is someone teahc them so they can have a foundation so they can evolve.

granted I will agree with you on one thing is you have to want to achieve no one can put that part in you.

 

Well, Black church leaders say Black men are irresponsible parents too. Did you read the whole article? Barack Obama says the same thing about Black men. A lot of people in the Black people see this is a problem.
If the Coley report of 2007 is important why does Obama still criticise Black men in his speech. David Cameron is just saying piggy backing What Obama said, thats all.

What Obama had to say.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/06/15/obamas-fathers-day-speech_n_107220.html

 

Definitely agree, Loki.

 

I know they are saying this BUT the problem is they dont hold women accountable because women do crazy cat shit to try to keep black men from the kids. I am experiencing that now so I have to go to court to ask a white man to make a black woman to see my child. thus I have to spend endless amt of money and time to do so. alot of bro's dont have the money to do that so they get to stepping. (unfortunate but true). I have talked to a lot of bros and they cosign everything im saying. it is emotionally, mentally and spirituality draining.

the black leaders and pastors are not going to chaste the women because it will cost them votes and church revenue to speak the truth

 

Thanks Loki.
I appreciate what you are saying. But unfortunately your kids only have a small say in how society views them. Society will see them as Black for the most part, no matter what you teach them.

 

If you think I support the Obama Father's Day Speech, you're wrong.


Just because everyone likes the "bad father" stereotype about Black Men doesn't make Black Men bad fathers.

The facts are there, and it really doesn't matter how many people's opinions disagree with them, they're still there.

 

Okay, I have heard as an excuse that Black people are not that succesful in Engineering and in science because they dont have many role models..Unfortunately for us we dont have many distinguished scientists, or engineers. So the excuse goes, they dont have anyone to look up to.

I say, why not be your own role model? Set your own standards of excellence..and even if you do have a role model, try and do better then them, rather then be them. Thats all.

 

Look its a problem, accept it...Black church leaders know a lot more about the Black community than you do.

 

I respect Loki and he is a very logical guy but I disagree with him on this one.

I agree with you that in 2010, society (esp. America) continue to describe and view folks based on phenotypical apperance.
They never say Madiba that smart fit Aerospace engineer, but they will say Madiba that black engineer who is from Africa. They will not say XYZ that good looking atheltic gentle giant doctor... but they will say that tall handsome blk trauma chief or that black cardiologist, that fair skin ICU nurse, that bold buff black lawyer etc....
Look, ppl do not see Obama as the 44th president, they see him as a black president.

 

they know but they will not say because they want that dollar bill

 

What you're saying is true to an extent, but I think Loki is right. While society will view people the way they want no matter the race, color, ethnicity...attitude is still everything. What a person believes to be true about themselves is going to radiate from their personality and through the way they carry themselves. If someone only identifies or believes that they are nothing more than a skin color...that's definitely going to effect the way other people perceive them.

 

I like this thread

 

Spot on..

 

:smt038

Also too many of these pastors and "leaders" have their own closets that need cleaning, e.g. Jesse Jackson, and like to project their failings with fatherhood onto the entire race of Black men in order to remove it from themselves.