What is wrong with you?

Oh. I can haz share tymes?

I have a four year old in me that I call sophia. She comes out from time to time but she's always there. She was created because I endured a lot of fucked up sexual abuse starting at an early age (we r talking 2 ish here)

I don't switch like the stupid movie Sybil and I'm not formally DX with DID. Other things like Early PTSD and BPD...

Um. Can I just say that the most healing aspect of this whole thing has been finding someone who is understanding and very accepting of her. We call her out and he plays with her and talks to her.

It's a strange ass fucking journey. She's like another "part". There is at least one other part. I call her "the other". Shes the "face" I wear and part of the reason I say I don't feel a day over sixteen and also why I struggle so hard to be an "adult".

 

Perhaps that one experience is still trying to find that missing piece of that puzzle. The past may have happened, but you don't have the ability to really protect yourself completely unless Aliona herself faces her past in due time without fear.

 

OMG... this is funny!!! Thank you...LOL

 

not enough people jaisee'd this. only the goddess agreed, which surprises me, seeing we all know that it's true

don't hate
appreciate

strangely, i was about to quote myself and say that i still stand by my original statement

 

Where do I start??...ok...

Severe Obstructive Sleep Apnea. Need a machine to keep me breathing when I sleep.

High Blood Pressure corrected now by medication.

PTSD from combat but mostly from the world trade center which I was also deployed to. Some how it is not recognized because it was not on foreign soil. Thats my biggest problem creating nightmares because I personally knew some people who lost their lives there that day. I expected to kill people in combat so thats not really a big deal but I never expected September 11, 2001 where I asked photographers not to post my shocked face in the paper. The things I saw for the two weeks I was posted there will never leave my mind and I know that. Still so clear today like it happened yesterday.

Strange because my memory sucks badly. Cant seem to learn anything new like another language. Cant remember all of yesterday but I can remember things from the past with little problem. Not in detail but at least I remember something. Cant even remember what I go to the store for without a list. Hope I remember to take the list with me..... Crazy!!!

Unexplained breathing difficulties while exerting myself. No explanation to date so Im still stuck in the army for a while longer pending medical review. I am a soldier who is ordered to walk, not run. At one time I was not even allowed to do PT at all. Thats crazy to me. Time to go if you cant attack the enemy swiftly!! Speed is critical!!! If you dont have it then get out. Thats just my personal opinion.

Unexplained vision problems with close objects. Three pairs of glasses still dont work. Vision constantly changing. I can only see clearly from about 25 to 200 meters. Before and after that is just a blur.

Possible colon cancer which I was tested for this morning. My doctor believes that my iron deficiency could be the way that type of cancer presents itself. Waiting for results. Wish me luck with that one....

Cant be in crowded areas without going into an attack mode. Cant even have anyone in a supermarket line standing behind me within arms reach. Gotta be able to see the entire area if Im in a restaurant or theater, etc.

Cant stand or sit in front of a clear view window. Too many sniper incidents that wont go away.

Violent temper over little bullshit things which cause big time relationship problems snapping on loved ones. Always thinking critically for no apparent reason. Ie... You stand at the corner waiting for the light to turn green to cross the street. ... I stand at the same corner observing cars to see if any has an overloaded suspension, open windows in buildings, is anyone on a roof top, etc. CRAZY!!

Hmm... I could go on and on and on......

 

Daddy and I are exploring it. He's so good to her.

 

[YOUTUBE]VX3O4ZPUuH0[/YOUTUBE]

 

Firstly..good luck on your test.

Secondly..I'm very sorry that so much trauma has left you so..I don't know what word to use. But still..I feel for your suffering.

Thirdly..the vision and memory sound like physical head trauma or the left overs of such.
Or possibly a post inflammation in the brain?

 

Not a damn thing!!! I'm high on life and it's fucking great!!

 

what ali said, jay. hope the test went hell. e-hugs to you during this horribly stressful time xx

 

I'm a bit crazy, just a bit.

A wee bit irrational in certain areas, tbf.

 

Oh gosh, me too. Jay, my thoughts are with you, luv. Sounds too like that PTSD has you on grip.

 

Nothing.
I am who I am, take me or leave me

 

Yes Jay. Sounds like you have been through a lot. :smt056

 

Me too, but I don't see it as a problem.

 

I'm scheduled to have all my widsom teeth removed next year lol

Now that I think about it, I'm kinda nervous. I hate being put under, and I HATE it when they think about taking them out while I'm full blown awake. o____o

 

They put you under with a slightly larger dose of benzo. So it's like being REALLY tranqed out. As opposed to the bigg guns they put u under when they are cutting into your internals and have you intabated just in case.

 

I'm scared now... *shudders*

 

When I had all my 4 taken out - I was only given local. I was awake for the hole damn thing and the two bottom ones was coming up under the tooth in front of them so they had to cut my gums and also split those two wisdom teeth in pieces to take them out. It was a nightmare.
Of course that was 400 years ago