What Is It About Older Black Men?

If thats your definition of "eligible" then there isnt just a shortage of black men but all men because the average man (or woman) in the U.S. doesnt make six figures or own a home.

 

I'll give you that,

But for the sake of argument, we're talking about BM in specific. Our disproportion emphasizes the epidimic for even less prospects for women who choose to date BM. I mean come on, why else are BW so hot about seeing WW "stealing their men"? Because there isn't enough to go around in the first place. Another poster said she doesn't need a 6 figure guy, but rather a blue collar type, maybe she also knows it would be too impractical to go for a 6 figure BM, so why bother?

 

Any woman that's looking for an intelligent, well-educated, good looking man making 6-figures is going to have a hard time finding what they want. The simple fact that the U.S. has a 70% white population (about half being men) and a 12% black population (nearly half men)...means that there the ration of WM to BM is about 6:1.......even if all things were equal which they are not....it would be much easier for a BW to find a top rung WM than BM.


BW as a group don't have a problem finding good men....only the ones at the top of the ladder....average looking, 30,000/year sistas (especially in the south) can meet a hard working 35,000/year brotha who works at the post office. The ones who complain are the Ebony Super Single Sistas that have graduate level degrees and some wealth.

 

Good points,

But I'm glad you mentioned geographical location, and where you may be, compared to where I am is a reasonable difference in economy. 30k here in Cali will NOT cut it. Rents are almost averaging 2k and up a month for decent housing, higher gas prices, and just the overall cost of living is higher, so to live out here, you need more money, or two incomes, or you're struggling, which many are, but this factor also lends to my point, 6 figure brothers are not going to be too easy to find, and that's what makes those who are, stand out. Which gives them a bigger playing field, and who doesn't want to play ball when the field looks so pretty. Because these successful BM men know most of their peers are either locked up, unemployed, or very low wage earner, gay, or in the grave.

 

Once again I'm going to disagree with you. While I will agree about location and income (I am also in California) there are also many more single successful bm here who do make 6 figure incomes (and more).

Again, I think it's a matter of perspective. There are plenty of highly successful 40 something bm out there who aren't into the whole younger girl, or trophy, or whatever other shallow garbage. They may play there for a bit but it's usually pretty short lived. I think those who stay in that frame of mind are more the exception.

From my experience, many of the successful 40somethings are having a tough time finding the women that they really want to be with. Of course from the woman's pov it's usually not all about income, there has to be much more depth there than the societal view of success. But maybe that's the issue for some of the men. They spent their life focused on the career and money and didn't develop themselves relationship wise. Sure they may have a bigger playing field, but so what, if it doesn't include women they are really interested in.


As for the OP....I think many of us have been through it to some degree. I was one of the younger women dating older men at one point in life. FWIW I ended up marrying close to my own age. I think this is pretty common.

But as with all the other stuff...I think it's about our mind sets and where we come from about these things. If you go around believing that all the girls want older men, that's probably what you are going to find. I'm around many 20 somethings who have NO interest in older men. Maybe it's more about the environment you place yourself in. There really are plenty of girls out there who are interested in guys around their own age.

 

ummmm Rinnaye, wasn't it you who was complaining about the shortage of quality women who were interested in bm in Southern California?

 

I prefer a man around my age or a bit older (32-40), I know that I am more level headed and grounded compared to my early and mid 20's (not EVERYTHING is drama or the end of the world) I take challenges with more patience. I am more accomplished in my career and my personality... so all of this I figure also happens for the guys and thus makes men in that age range more appealing to me. I am not looking for a 6 figure man, but if we are talking income he should be on a comparable level to where I am.
I am not saying younger guys won't have these qualities, but in general I would think I will find them more in older men.

 

Well-said. Rinnaye if you know an abundance of such men, please send them thisaway!!

 

Personally, Im offended by that statement. Besides the fact that its totally untrue..its very broad, general, and stereotypical. While everyone knows that there is a disproportionate number of BM in jail, unemployed, and the victims of violent crimes, its not "most" or even close to the majority. (You make it sound like hunting for unicorns.) And if a white person had said something like that, every black person here would be screaming in capital letters.

If a woman is looking for a six-figure black man, when the median income even for white men is less than half that, of course she is going to have a hard time finding someone. Hell, the few gold diggers (excuse the phrase, ladies) I konw who are looking for a man with deep pockets could give a rat's ass what color he is as long as she can buy Versace and doesnt have to work!

The question has to be asked, "Who wants to be with a woman who asks you to bring your 1040 to a date?"

 

Well I can do nothing but go off of my own personal experiences, and the peers that I associate with who are also BM. I'm certainly not saying older men are more preferred by younger women, not sure how anyone would say I'm saying that, but once again, to Chi's comment in what she'd like, is her preference a logical choice because of it's practicality, or not, and if there was no shortage of "eligible" men, then what are so many BW complaining about then?

 

I agree with you Jelly.

Obviously MOST bm of whatever age are not any of the things he listed. It's a very sad thing when people have the need to continue to feed these myths.


Rinnaye - you actually have said that there are many reasons that younger women would prefer older men.

And as far as what BW are complaining about (in the shortage of "eligible" men) again that's a sweeping generalization. Of course this is not a forum about BW, but I know plenty of BW who are not walking around complaining about any shortage of men. And yes we all know about the stereotype of BW complaining about shortage of "good" bm. But is that truly the reality.

Chi isn't talking about going after much older men. She's talking about men around her own age. The OP is talking about young 20 somethings going for older men (quite a bit older at that) I think that's a very different conversation. I'm 42 and tend to get approached by men 35 to 50 (sometimes younger, sometimes older) The men who approach me don't have any interest in young girls.

 

Well I'm not apologizing for saying any of it because that might be what someone might not want to hear. every opinion should be met with anything but the judgemental attitudes some of you display when you don't hear what you want to hear. If you're offended then oh well, because I'm only giving you my opinion, less the judgemental attitudes that I am receiving back, and just because you don't agree with me, doesn't mean that my reality is wrong. I am not the cause of any of the stereotypes about the BM. They were here long before me, and my few little words will not change much about the situation. And unless you've walked a mile in my shoes, then you really have no idea what I know in my experience, I'm saying what everyone else is too scared to say, including some of you. I'm not speaking myths, if that is the case then prove to me where all these eligible BM are? Because I don't see any of the single women in here with one, and It's not what I see every day just driving down the street. What's sad is burying your head in the sand, and say it's all a myth, as if there is not much work to be done in the Black Community, something of which you should be in it to know it.

 

Not Me!!

But I can understand why you might be offended, you yourself probably fit into one of my statement's categories. No actually maybe not, your problem is white women in elevators. Lol. Many whites have been bullied into being scared to say what I'm saying, that's all, but it doesn't mean they are not thinking it.

 

I think this dispute could be settled really quick, just check statistics and you have your answer. It's not a secret that the larger percentage of the male prison population is black, that in comparison to a smaller percentage of black population in the US makes certain statements an unfortunate fact. I won't go into the discussion of the social, economical reasons behind the numbers.

 

rinnaye...i found one!

 

Congratulations!!

I'm very happy for you, but you can't say men like yours are growing on trees either.

www.usatoday.com/news/health/aids/2001-05-31-aids-africa-americans.htm -

http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4155/is_20050310/ai_n13467564

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/national/20blackmen.html

I'm sure there are many more stats to prove "Eligible" BM is NOT the norm, but you are all welcome to go see for yourselves.

 

I'm very happy for you, but you can't say men like yours are growing on trees either.

[/quote]
actually no, i didn't find him on/in a tree...LOL...i found him at the airport...or perhaps he found me...we found each other...he is one of a kind...never met another man like him...

 

Just because you say it/live it/think it doesnt make it a fact. Just because every black/white/asian/latino/etc. is thinking it doesnt make it a fact. I dont care if you apologize or not. Just dont confuse your life experiences with the truth. (On one hand you say its your opinion, and then you turn around and imply that your "reality" is right and that's how thing really are. Which is it?)

And please get off your definition of "eligible!" Less than 15% of the men in the U.S. make $100K, so if thats how you define it, then the majority of the women in the U.S. should just stop looking now. If "we" want a definition of "eligible BM", then its the ladies who should determine that, since they are the ones who have to sort through this array of men.

And no one said that "eligible BM" are the norm!

 

Oh you're a hypocrite!

In your "Living in the Twilight Zone thread you mentioned some of the same facts, that I'm speaking about, we had no indifference in the prognosis, only the cure. So you still don't have a leg to stand on, or can say anything to me about accuracy of posts, because you have been proven a hypocrite, spin master, and a liar many times in the past. So I take anything you say with a grain of salt, but I certainly do not take your advice. "My opinion based on my reality", but I forgot I need to go a little slower for you special students. Just because you may be a person with less ambition, doesn't mean I'm the same, and if what "Eligible" is to me, and my peers is above your standard, then maybe you need to raise the bar, and stop being a BIG FAT underachiever. Calling this epidemic a Myth, is as bad as calling the Holocaust a Myth, and Jelly agrees with you KnCA. That's what's sad! :roll:

Don't just take it from me, read the facts for yourself...
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_qn4155/is_20050310/ai_n13467564

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/03/20/national/20blackmen.html


This hardly sounds like you are all too "Offended" with the so-called Myth.

So why are you so offended about my statements, and in such agreement with KnCA about it all being a Myth, when you've already made similar statements concerning the plight of Black America yourself? Why, because you're a hypocrite, and a fake.

 

Calm down and take your lithium, rinnaye. (Boy, your'e an excitable six-figure man!) You can go back in my posts and educate yourself as much as you like, but I have never said anything close to "most black men are gay, in jail, dead, or under employed."

While you would like to think that we have similar ideas, if I thought like you did, I wouldnt even risk it with the Kool-Aid...