What first attracted you to BM?

Discussion in 'The Attraction Between White Women and Black Men' started by XXX, Dec 6, 2006.

  1. AquaPeach

    AquaPeach New Member

    Jeverage, get off your high horse. I am a good, kind, loving person, and just because I prefer black men over whites does not make me an ugly, racist monster. Everyone has preferences when it comes to the food they eat, the clothes they wear, the cars they drive, and the people they date. They may not be as blatant as being attracted to people of other races--a woman might like tall or muscular men, or a man might prefer bigger-built women--but they are preferences nonetheless. I refuse to be criticized by you--you who admit you'd never date a white man because they don't understand you. That's pretty closed-minded and shallow of you. you're right in one sense, i'll never be able to empathize with a BM, but that does not mean I can't be understanding and compassionate. What counts is that i try to understand the struggles BM face as best I can, even though our backgrounds are completely different, instead of saying to myself, "no, there's no possible way we could understand each other. We're too different, I give up".

    White women and black men gather on this board from all around the world to discuss their love for one another. Interracial dating experience and preference varies greatly among the various members--some will only date WW or BM, some love women of all races. But the fact is, you seem to have a huge problem with the fact that some WW and BM wish to date each other exclusively. If you don't like it, LEAVE! I've read posts where you say you admire BM/WW relationships, yet I have seen little evidence of that since you joined this site. I think you feel threatened and invalidated by us, or because you have encountered so many BW who feel that way. BW are strong and beautiful, just like all women. It saddens me to know that they believe they can't measure up to white women. To me, there is no comparison; it is our differences which make us unique. BW should love themselves for who they are, not who they believe someone wants them to be. It isn't easy to come to such realizations; there aren't very many women in the world who can say they truly love themselves and have no insecurities or have felt belittled by others. It's easier to chase a dream that has already been created for you, and to blame others for your problems, than to follow your own dreams and accept responsibility for your own actions.

    I am tired of reading your preachy posts; you are like most educated people, you think you know everything and that you are always right. Why can't you let others live their lives in peace? Why do you have to criticize the choices of others when they are clearly harming no one? You've written some very insightful posts since you've joined, but it seems to me that mosts of your posts centre around arguing and criticizing. Since you've made it clear you don't support IR relationships unless a black person just happens to fall in love with a white person and vice versa, why are you still here? This board is for lovers, not haters.
     
  2. designer

    designer New Member

    I've seen this also and I always thought it was funny.

    Anyway.

    I think the problem comes in – again – when we make assumptions about why people do what they do because 9 times out of 10 the person in question does not even know.

    There is no denying that white standards are the norm and we are influenced by those standards to one degree or another but we fall victim of the very beliefs we say we are against when we try to tell other people why they are wrong for their feelings.

    There will come a point when have to say, either we “talk the talk or walk the walk” on issues of race.
    If one “stays within the race” because they feel it somehow makes a statement about strength, honor, and pride, there are no different than those who'll choose the opposite.

    The bottom line is we all [most of us anyway] want to be seen, loved, and judged for who we are – not what our race happens to be. A race that no one choses by the way.

    As a side note, I agree with what you said about the connection you feel with black men because I've always felt that feelings of racial injustice is the one true thread that connects most black people in Western societies however at the end of the day we are far more than victims real or otherwise and it's than realization that will give people the freedom of self.

    One more thing:
    If you know you are "screwed up" you may not be as screwed as you think you are.
     
  3. jeverage

    jeverage New Member

    Aqua Peach,

    Yes. I am shallow and closed minded on many aspects. However, I know that and try to do better. That is why I know other shallow and closed minded individuals like some of the people on this board including you. You are just as shallow and closed minded as me to even have the freakin preference of skin color. Please get off your damn high horse. Again, I am honest with what I do. I don't put on airs as being better or claiming I am alright or righteous for what I do, and I am not like that idiot who first started the thread claiming to want an objective answer to if what she was feeling about White men was o.k., instead only looking for approval of what she wanted to do in the first damn place. The insult about that how she felt about White men was unnecessary and cruel. All she had to say is that she just simply wasn't attracted to them and say she looking for BM. All that other B.S. she was putting out there was ridiculous. Some people on this board should've been able to seen that little game she was playing. Obviously, you were not one of them.

    Yes, I do admire BM/WW interracial relationships when it is real, by no means am I going to promote and support discrimination based on skin color, ethnicity, religious outlook, and etc... that is stupid and anti-humane.

    Furthermore, I do not slam BM/WW relationships period. But I do out people on their B.S.

    Ex.) Ghetto Black Culture thread didn't slam BM/WW
    Ex.) My posts on White Women's Hair didn't slam BM/WW
    Ex.) The posts about Black Indians didn't slam BM/WW
    Ex.) Giving where respect is due posts didn't slam BM/WW
    Ex.) Are you race specific about who you date didn't slam BM/WW

    In fact ALL my posts never slammed BM/WW, so do not even go there.

    If I was that threatened and didn't like what was being said on this board, I would have been posting all up and down this damn forum. NOT!!

    What that trick said when she started the post was down right stupid and ridiculous. I outed her on her B.S. I just seen a lot of stupid posts like this one on this board, lately. Either you going to be with a WW or BM or not. Constantly giving reason to why you go one way has been discussed too many damn times on this board. It seems like teenagers are posting and not grown adults. There is other stuff to talk about rather than going over the same thing.

    Peace.
     
  4. LaydeezmanCris

    LaydeezmanCris New Member

    Ohhhh................

    So that's what that Victoria's Secret ban from "altering her image in any way including marriage and child-birth" is all about. I never knew that. Fuckers.......

    Thanks for the heads up on that. i agree with your post 100%.
     
  5. jeverage

    jeverage New Member

    Designer,

    Agreed with most of what you said.

    Yes, we are more than victims, however, I do not see myself as a victim.

    Let me clarify what I mean by the importance of the Shared Experience.

    I have personally witnessed too many times how hard it has been for those in IR, particularly Black and White, have a break down in communication, understanding, and experiencing alienation from each other due to this lack of the Shared Experience (coupled with outside pressure). They also believed in the Freedom of the Self and worked very hard to overcome--many did and yet many did not. Many thought the Shared Experience wasn't that important until they actually got into a relationship or marriage, esp. with children, and realized it was more important than they thought it would be. Sometimes the White partner refuses to rip that veil of White privilege and White supremacy or ignorance of it and the relationship fails.

    Other White partners are willing to rip the veil of ignorance and privilege and at least learn how to empathize, show compassion, and be comfortable with talking about race issues, and showing as much support as they possibly can--these tend to be the relationships that I have seen work out and are healthy.

    As I said compassion, support, empathy, honesty, and all those other qualities that make a healthy relationship should be there as well. The Shared Experience doesn't guarantee a successful relationship, nor does the Shared Experience guarantee a non-successful relationship. However, the issue does come up in IR relationships, and it is important that those in the IR work really hard to deal with it in order to be successful. For many IR couples, it is the fault line.

    Furthermore, you are right. I shouldn't judge. However, that girl who posted pretended like she actually wanted a moral judgement on her behavior when she reallly wanted approval for what she wanted to do in the first place and slamming WM in the process. Playing games. Thus, I gave her a judgement and slammed her too for posting that dumb stuff on the board. The comment by the little girl about WM was extra and unnecessary.

    Furthermore, I slammed those who act like their blind to the fact and even do not even consider the possibility that their "preferences" could possibly be influenced by racism, ethnocentrism, skin color prejudice, and etc. We live in the Western World with racism and White privilege pumped into our veins everyday. Let us not be that far in the dark. These same people would be so quick to holler racism, discrimination, and prejudice if it was the same sentiments expressed on racist site, the KKK, and Neo-Nazi nation, however, it is a "preference" just b/c you're willing to scew and mate with somebody from another race and the sentiments you express are against those occupying your same ethnic/cultural group--then it's o.k. Please, there is no difference. If you feel like that, then racist site, the KKK, and Neo-Nazi are entitled to their "preferences" and point of views and shouldn't be slammed for it. However, I don't see the difference, all the same to me. Sometimes I feel there are people who post here who are from racist site, KKK, and Neo-Nazi by what I read what some of the people post here. Again, this is the internet and open to everybody.

    However, designer. Since I do respect you a great deal for all of your wise posts. I will keep your advice in mind.

    Peace.
     
  6. designer

    designer New Member

    “..most of what I said.”
    You must agree in total or I won’t like you anymore! Joke.


    All jokes aside…
    I’ve always believed that we can learn something from everyone and I learned from your post today. Thank you.

    Did I tell you I’m glad you’re here?

    I hope we can – all of us – show more respect to each other.
    After all respect is what it’s about.
     
  7. graphicsRat

    graphicsRat New Member



    wirklich?

    Where in Eastern Germany is that? I thought that the easterners are a lot less friendlier than the westerners.
     
  8. jeverage

    jeverage New Member

    cosmetic,

    In honor of designer. I will keep this clean.

    You have said some very racist things in your posts regarding BW, cosmetic. I will show you respect anyway keeping designer's words in mind. You seem to be making this into a WW vs. BW war. Ex.)"You and your sista friends hating on you"--stereotyping. "You Black Women..." I can't hate on you b/c I do not know you. Those comments is just as bad and even worst than calling me out of my name. Yes, you are right, I should not have to resort to name calling cosmetic, next time, follow your own rule.

    The female who started the thread was posing a question like she had a moral, emotional, and psychological issue when she knew where her heart and mind wanted to be, and them slamming a group of people for no reason. Of course, she is going to come on this site to justify what she does, b/c she already new some people felt the way she did. If she really wanted to know if she was feeling right or wrong, she wouldn't had "played it safe". Personally, she should have went to a counselor, a therapist, or a psychologist to help her work out her thoughts and feelings. A person trained to be objective, removed from her situation, and who knows how to help people understand their feelings and psyche. Not a place that was not going to be objective and give her a free pass to do what she wanted to do in the first place. This girl didn't have just a simple preference, but a complete aversion that made her literally ill to be with a WM.

    You mention about posting facts and not opinion. This is dedicated to you cosmetic.

    Facts:

    If you notice many if not the majority of men on this very board do not exclusively date WW. Furthermore, some do not find WW as their preference just interested. A preference is different from exclusivity. Also, an interest is not the same as a preference. This is true throughout the U.S., the Caribbean, and Africa. As a matter of fact, even when you look at the personals here, a lot of brothers do not even desire to have WW as life long or marriage partners but for casual sex and casual dating. Therefore, where is the threat?

    Black men are the least likely to mate, have long term relationships with, cohabitate, and marry WW or any other non-black woman out of all of the racial ethnic groups.

    I have more opportunity and access to one of the most imitated, envied, and unfortunately the most disrespected man on the face of the planet, the beautiful BM, than you ever will in your lifetime. These are just the facts.

    Also, let's end this myth right now. The average educated, professional BM with money usually has a long term relationship, marries and have children with a BW. You just don't hear about them b/c they are not sensational enough to read and hear about in the media.

    Furthermore, IR relationships affect everybody. It influences the following: cultural changes within a society, family dynamics, racial attitudes, relations between ethnic/cultural groups, socioeconomic status
    politics, human rights and civil right initiatives...
    Doesn't mean IR relationships are bad, just that they do have a major influence in our society just like any other kind of cohabitation and marriage among people--mono-racial relationships, polygamous relationships, homosexual sexual relationships, even polyandrous relationships.

    Just to let you know, I have just as much to say about an IR relationships as any one else b/c my stepmother is White and my father is Black. Been together over 20 years. People in IR tend to click with many others in IR, thus been around them my whole life. They have had a major impact on my life and how I view the world. There are many "mono-racial" children who have to deal with IR relationships in their family relations. I think their voices should be heard too. Surprise!!! What other reason why I would be on this website. Seeing BM with WW is like breathing air to me. Always thought it was normal, didn't know all the drama and excitement behind it until I got older. Therefore, do not give me rules on what I can post.

    Peace.
     
  9. jeverage

    jeverage New Member

    cosmetic,

    Ahh, don't get mad. Next time, you might just win the next debate.

    "you do not know what the fuck you are talking about". Check.

    Great Day. For Real?

    "any man whatever color he is that has to deal with your high and mighty crap every damn day would need to be on serious mind altering drugs". Check.

    Damn girl, you got jokes and a good cheap shot comeback.

    "i think you need to get laid sweetheart...maybe if you got some once in awhile you get off your soapbox... mind your own fucking business..." Check.

    Hits at the jugular. Girl you are bad ass. Go girl!!

    Maybe you have been around enough of us sista's after all.

    Sista, you told me off. Whew. I truly feel honored that you are another chick on board who can put it down!!!

    Keep it coming. Love It. Show those true colors.

    Peace.
     
  10. Bryant

    Bryant New Member

    I don't usually get involved in these types of discussions, but this is getting quite ridiculous i must say. :roll:
     
  11. awia

    awia New Member

    It does come to the individuals, their dynamics, and the amount of honesty and respect between them.

    I do agree there is a difference between the connect of what you call The Shared Experience between BW and BM, and the connection between BM and WW. However, in a loving, devoted and respectful relationship, a WW will go out of her way to help the healing happen once her BM walks through their front door. It's a two way street. The BM must want to go home to one woman, his woman, and if she is a WW, he must be there because of mutual respect, love, and because of who she is as a woman, as an individual, and how committed THEY are as partners. IMO, that determines how healthy their relationship is.
     
  12. bmanz

    bmanz Member

    I just hope that we quit running off all the nice WW on here...
     
  13. designer

    designer New Member

    I don’t see anyone running anyone off of anything.

    People will always and forever disagree on matters close to heart and if a member leaves because of that then - so be it.

    I hope we are deeper than the “them or me” BS also.
     
  14. jeverage

    jeverage New Member

    awia,

    100% agreed. There are many BM/WW sucessful relationships because of what you said. My stepmother and father are perfect examples, as well as some of their closet friends couples who are also BM/WW relationships who have been together for over 10 or 20 years. Thus, that it is proof in the pudding that The Shared Experience doesn't automatically mean defeat. In fact, your strategy can help a lot of married couples period.

    Peace.
     
  15. jeverage

    jeverage New Member

    cosmetic,

    Let's kiss and make up. So you can please stay on the board.

    I need a good cursing out every now and then.

    Peace.
     
  16. AquaPeach

    AquaPeach New Member

    Awia, you are right. :) It is easy to get caught up in ones own feelings instead of thinking about ones partner. I think that's how a lot of relationships fail, not just IR relationships; individuals are focused more on themselves and their needs than their relationship or their partner.

    As for Cosmetic leaving, I hope she wouldn't over something like this. Members will agree and disagree with each other, sometimes quite harshly. For my part, there are no hard feelings, and i guess there shouldn't be since I started the whole thing. :lol:
     

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