What first attracted you to BM?

It's a question I always wonder about WW who exclusively date BM.

When did you first begin to feel as though BM were sexy? And what prompted your choice(s) to date BM in the first place?

I get really interested in how people meet and interact, and something that has me curious is why people choose to hook up.

That goes double for WW who find they have a strong preference for BM or have dated many BM (and you would therefore expect have a preference for them). When did you first notice your attraction, or was it always there? Did you hang around a lot of black folks, was it just getting to eventually know them, was it BM's you fancied off the TV?

Please share.

 

Throughout most of my childhood and teenage years, I lived in a mstly all-white community. However, while my friends listened to grunge rock and heavy metal, I was falling in love with hip-hop. I'm not really sure why, that's just the way it was. However, I didn't get the opportunity to explore that attraction further until I moved to the city. People here are a little more accepting of IR relationships ... a little. I don't exclusively date BM, because I like to keep an open mind for men of any race or ethnicity. But I am definitely attracted to them, as I am to any man who treats me well.

 

I think thats awesome!

 

Even when I was a child, I always thought black men were more attractive, and i never even seen a black person in the flesh until I went on holiday to Florida when I was 13 yrs old,and i was mesmerised.
Although I had a few white boyfriends I was never really attracted to them. Then when I met my present boyfriend who is black, I wanted him straight away.
It's something I can't explain. A lot of my friends are the same. Maybe it's cos we grew with no black people in our area that we fantasised about black men.
Fuck knows.

 

yeah.. same here, growing up I always found black men attractive. Where I lived then though gave little or NO options for dating any, so my first husband was white.

However, his best friend turned out to be black. Wonderful man. There are none better. He is married to a white women. I always thought if I ever dated anyone again, I'd want someone just like him....

When I moved to Cali, I finally had opportunties to date more than just white men. I've dated BM exclusively every since. Its not about the sex, or the looks though, (not that those are not bonuses), its about who the man is on the inside, how he treats his woman if he loves her, etc. Culture is part of what makes him who he is, and I love that about him.

 

For me its a physical preference. When it comes to dating, I could fall in love with any guy of any ethnicity, but when it comes to looks alone I find black men to be the most stunning and gorgeous. I love their features, the darkness of their skin (especially as I'm rather pale), their hair. I don't exclusively date BM, but I am definitely the most attracted to them, physically.

 

You seem so melow and cool. 8). I have family in Canada (As do most people of West Indian descent). They are from Ontario (Toronto). Where are you from. If you don't mind me asking. 8) [/img]

 

Hey Guys!!
I think that everything that aquapeach said was true and explaines me too but I have a bit differant situation and I was wondering if you guys could give me a lil feedback.

I am a very open-minded person but I deal with this issue where I can't date white men. I have tried and it makes me feel strange and almost dirty. I have talked to a few of my gay friends about it and they said that how I feel about white men is how they feel about females. I don't hate white people and I have white friends but as far as relationships go I can't be with one no matter how hard I try.

It's frustrating because I have been so open-minded and non-judgemental my entire life. Am I the only one that feels this way? And is this really messed up?

 

Hey Guys!!

Don't beat yourself up about it. It's all about preference. No one can fault you for who you are attracted to. I'm a Black guy who's digging White Women right not. Tommorrow maybe back to Black Women. The next day Asian Women. Variety is the spice of life. I know Black Women who exclusively date White Men. I don't get jealous. For what.
I love all Women. Sometimes your in the mood for Pizza and sometimes Chinese. Enjoy. :wink:

 

its about who turns you on and sometimes that is something you can't help.

Don't feel bad about it.

If you are down on white men for anything, working, being friends with, etc.. ok.. then you have some issues..

but if it is just about you having no interest in dating them, that is just a preference and nothing wrong with it.

I have felt the same way. Have dated BM exclusively for 6 yrs now.

 

Thanks D & Sassy. I don't have problem with any other race. I have friends of all races and even white male friends which now that I think about it they are mostly gay, but whatever the case, thanks for the information. I appreciate it.

 

Thanks D & Sassy.

No problem. My sister says she will never date a Blackman ever, and she is Black. I'm like gee thanks sis. She loves White Guys. Not just because of looks, but the way they treat her. I don't feel the same way she does about exclusively dating White Women. I will date Black Women. But that's her preference.

 

The atttitude its hot.
Also Black men are very rare here still in eastern germany and only the prettiest girls have a chance at getting one.

So you get to prove that your hot if a black guy dates you.

But mostly the attitude and the contrast.

Ulrike

 

Dsoftleigh, I'm in Toronto, though I am originally from the east coast of Canada. I've lived here for a year and a half now.

 

I disagree that what bj_bear_00 doesn't have a problem.

Baby you have a serious problem if you cannot date someone from your own ethnicity or culture b/c it literally sickens you. Now rather you decide to do some deep soul searching and make a conscious effort to change b/c deep down inside you know you're wrong, then go ahead. If not, that's fine too. However, stop trying to rationalize your fucked up mentality. Either accept it or change it.

Some people on this board can't seem to understand that having a preference involves discrimating, categorizing, and ranking and can possibly be a form of racial, ethnic, religious, skin color discrimination based on prejudice and racism even if the prejudice or racism is against those who occupies the same religious or ethnic/cultural group. It never seems to amaze me that if these same attitudes and actions expressed on this board about a particular group of people was expressed and practiced when it comes to jobs, housing, loans, the media, education, or even on the other website racist site, they would be understood as racist, prejudice, and bigoted. However, in personal intimate relations--all of sudden we aren't prejudice, racist, or bigoted but have a "preference" and we are "colorblind". Get the fuck out of here. Just b/c you're White doesn't make it alright to have misgivings about other Whites (White men) and discriminate them b/c of the color of their skin or what else you judge them on. Prejudice and discrimination is still prejudice and discrimination no matter where it is coming from. And hell no--it is not the same as a sexual orientation.

I admit, I date men of color only. I do not date White men, b/c I tend not to be very fond of White people, in general. Yes, I do have friends who are White. By no means are men of color better looking, much more nicer, or anything like that. However, I tend to choose men of color, b/c of a shared experience being in a certain political, social, and at times economic position in the "Western World". Especially BM, I feel when I talk to them their is a secret acknowledging of where he knows where I am coming from and I do not have to "break it down" how I am feeling about a certain situation, b/c my partner doesn't have the same experience and thus understanding. Not to say a White partner cannot be compassionate, empathetic, and loving--they can, but from what I have witnessed, many times cannot offer good sound advice, or "kick you in the pants" when you need it to not let "the system" defeat or sway you from your goals. For some Black folks, this shared experience is not important as other qualities mentioned above. However, for me this understanding from a shared experience is just as important as the other qualities mentioned above.

Furthermore, I choose men of color b/c when I think of a White person, I automatically think White supremacist and White privilege and White folks on average to be too damn sorry to atone for all the bullshit that have caused throughout the world--environmentally and to people of color. The majority are unwilling to break the veil of blindness and ignorance when it comes to race relations and how they benefit and continue to perpetuate White privilege and White superiority. Therefore, I judge ALL White men and women as the same, b/c of what the majority has been known to do. Am I wrong to judge all white people. Yes. I know that all White people are not the same, and I know that you have many White people who are doing the right thing, but it seems to not be enough. However, I should not lump all Whites together. Thus, instead I PRACTICE as hard as I can to give each White person the benefit of the doubt. I am a work in progress. However, this is what happens in a society such as ours when we live in a racially charged era.

Yes, I am screwed up in many ways. But at least I admit to it, therefore, I can work on changing for the better, which I try to do everyday. I do not look for others to affirm my messed up way of viewing a certain group of people. I take responsibility for my own thinking and my own actions and work very hard to improve myself. I do not sit in denial and look for an easy way out. People, in general, have a hard time admitting that they have ISSUES. We are human beings and we are not perfect. However, it should not give us an excuse to not improve and be better.

If you like being screwed up and it makes you happy, then do it. Nobody can make you change, but you. But don't rationalize it as if you are doing something that is righteous and it's o.k. That is silly and immature. Own up to your what you do and deal with the consequences like a grown adult.

Peace.

 

very interesting... i definitely wouldn't mind spending a weekend there

 

Re: Hey Guys!!

haha...i've never heard it quite like that before

 

So are Robert DeNiro or Bill Maher screwed up for dating and marrying African-American women exclusively?

 

Posted twice

 

karmacoma,

I am not like some other BW who need the adoration of a White Man to feel good--LOVE BLACK MEN.

Where I live, to get the adoration of a BM, is a challenge for BW. A lot of BM where I live is on the White Punani Squad (open to dating WW, prefer to date WW, or exclusively date WW). Also, WW are on the Black Dick squad. For some BW, though they will never say, finding a BM who is on the White Punani Squad is the ultimate turn-on, it's the challenge to get the man. For example, met this brother whose wife looked White, informed me how BW would step to him offering up those drawls just to prove their punani and loving was better than hers. I know, retarded.

A cousin of mine, a Black male who is married to a White woman, thought by telling me how White Men love Black women as if that is some kind of good solution to go White to solve the problems of relationships between BW and BM. I looked at that sucker like he lost his damn mind.

Furthermore, I am not like some other BW who see White Men for being just as silly with "preferences" giving him props b/c the woman on his arm is Black. To me, that is just hypocracy.

Yes, there are a lot of BW hypocrites out there. Trash BM with WW, but let a WM, esp. a famous WM be with a BW, for many BW--"you go girl" or they are indifferent. They just feel good that a WM, a man of power and high position, could recognize and honor their beauty or quality when they feel that BM cannot. It's almost like elevating their status, closer to the pedastol that WW have been on for centuries. I must admit, it is a sad sight to see and to hear such views and embarrassing. I disagree with their notions 100%. They need to get some self-esteem. On average, these Black women do not like what they see when they look in the mirror and do not respect or honor their beauty inside or out, they have negative perceptions of BM on average, putting all kinds of funky weaves and damaging relaxers in their hair, and some wearing false eye contacts just to look like or come close to emulating their arch rival ever since slave times--The White Woman.

Nothing screams a low self-esteem when you can't miss your "touch up" every two weeks to fry your hair right out of your head, but yet don't know a fruit or a vegetable or where the local gym is located.


If De Niro and Maher have issues with their own, they are screwed up too. However, I do not know if De Niro or Maher date BW exclusively or even prefer them and do not know how they feel about WW vs. BW. The media is tricky. Personally, the celebrity couples I admire are those who have stayed together for a long time throughout the business Black, White, or etc... Or those who seem to do really well together. As a matter of fact, one of my personal favorites, believe it or not, is Heidi Klum and Seal. Heidi Klum is ridiculously beautiful, famous, seems to have a wonderful personality, and loves her some Seal and her beautiful children of color. Furthermore, even with the rumored hate she got from Victoria Secret for her choice in partner and having his children. She stayed with him through the fire. I love Seal b/c his music is off the chain, he stepped up as a man to take of a child that was not his own but by a sorry ass White man who is the consumate dead beat dad, and he seems to be a gentleman and a good person. Other celeb couples I love, Ruby Dee and the late Ossie Davis, Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn, and although they are not together anymore, they were for about 20 years--the older lady who is on Judging Amy, Tyne Daly and her ex-husband, Clarence Williams III, he played the father of Wesley Snipes character on Sugar Hill. They were an interracial BM/WW couple. Other celebs males I love who are with or use to date WW are the late and great Gregory Hines, Sammy Davis, Jr., Taye Diggs, Terrence Howard, and the musical genius Quincy Jones. Now, are all of them messed up for dating WW, couldn't tell you and don't care. The only one questionable would be Quincy Jones. Could care less if they are with WW or not--Fine is Fine and good artistry is good artistry. By the way, regardless if they were with WW or not, I still wouldn't have a chance b/c I am not in that circle. Thus, it really doesn't matter. It is soooo stupid how many BW get upset about these celebs dating WW, it's not like they would have a chance any damn way b/c many are not in the business, don't have the money, and do not even have the connections to get into their circle. Also, you do not see these same BW bitching, for example Essence magazine, or what have you when BW like Dianne Carrol, Tina Turner, Diana Ross, and Iman has stepped out of the "Black race." Essence magazine, by the way, HATE IT--it appeals to bougi middle and upper class Black females who are too damn class conscious and materialistic. Promoting false "white girl weaves", damaging perms, and using models who are damn near a size freakin zero talking about a bunch of bullshit. Yes, they are guilty of fueling BW/BM relationship battles with some of the stupid articles they put in there. Now that it is owned by White folks--it has gotten worst. The magazine plays off these BW's insecurities, their classism and materialism. I as a regular BW can't relate and feel my story is ignored.

I am screwed up, can't help it living in the U.S.A. I am just honest with how I get down and I do not seek someone to affirm what I do, especially when I know the error of my ways. Instead, I do my best to try to correct what I do and do better.

People generally do not like criticism--constructive or not. Also, nobody likes to be shown the ugliness of their ways b/c we all want to believe iwe are good, kind, loving, honest, and etc. In essence, ALL of us have the potential of being good and following the Golden Rule. However, it is damn hard getting there and staying there. But you can't make it to the next level if you keep on living in denial and making excuses for what you know in your spirit and conscious may not be righteous. However, everyone's journey is their own and it is their decision on how they live it out. But don't ask anyone to condone your messed up ways as being right and not having an impact on those who come across your path. Be real and deal with the consequences of your actions as a grown adult.

Peace.