what do white women love about black men?

LOL. My stupid relatives can't claim anything. The ones still living are too stupid to even know what tribe we're decended from. The only one who knew much about any of it was my granny (great grandmother), but according to her last husband it made no difference; since she wasn't white that meant she was just a n------.

 

Sadly at the time it was the city of Fort Worth, TX. It was back when I was little, & he was a hateful bastard. He used to call her that all the time & tell her she was his slave & shit like that...it was pretty ugly. I was glad for her when his ass dropped dead. Sometimes she'd say she was lucky to have him, because her first husband died in the late 1920's & she met & married that bastard in the mid 1930's, so until she met him she was selling herself to feed her kids. My granny did not believe in divorce, but even if she had, back then it was a lot tougher to be a single woman/mother.

 

She was "indian" in the non PC sense of Native America. She wasn't full-blooded Native American. I don't really know how much she was either.

 

I basically had to develop a tough skin. Growing up as the eldest child in the family I had to deal with an overbearing mother who depended on me far too much (my dad was on the road working so he was seldom there). I tried like hell to please my mama, but she was miserable so nothing I did ever made her happy, but that didn't stop me from trying. When I was old enough to leave home for school (she tried to stop me from leaving), I finally felt like I was free to be me. Once I had that freedom, I flourished. For the first time in my life I felt like I was worth something, & I had the confidence to do what I wanted to do without dealing with the negativity & judgement I dealt with at home.

Growing up I did have black friends, but I was not allowed to date black guys...my parents would have killed my ass if I'd tried. I was even afraid to tell them that some of those black friends were male, because I knew I'd be in trouble. It was ridiculous. Surprisingly once they did allow me to date a mexican guy who was the son of a friend of my daddy's. If my daddy didn't know his dad, most likely it wouldn't have happened. I dated very little until I left home to go to school. It may seem weird to most folks, but I seldom was attracted to white guys...I was always attracted to black guys. I've gone on only 3 dates with 3 different white guys in my entire life...all in high school.

My parents weren't too crazy about my new environment. I even moved into a campus apartment with three black roommates & they just about shit on themselves. When I left home, I dated who I wanted to date; I didn't give a shit anymore who liked & who didn't. Basically I had a 'fuck you' attitude & it helped me a lot. After what I'd already been through & finally getting my freedom, I decided I was done letting people make my decisions for me. It wasn't easy though, & sometimes it was downright painful, BUT I refused to give in. Every shitty thing...even when I didn't realize it at the time...made me a stronger person. I also had some great friends who helped me through everything; they knew what it was like to be judged & hated & they had my back.

My son has had some issues, but he has a strong enough spirit not to allow things to phase him. He basically has the same attitude I do when it comes to worrying about what others think. He's still had to deal with quite a bit of ugliness (& still does on occasion), but he doesn't let it get the best of him. He doesn't really understand yet, just how ugly it can be, but as he ventures further out into the world of adults, he's got some tough lessons coming (not that he belives me when I tell him so).

My family still has idiot moments, but they have come a long way. They still have a ways to go though.

 

Thank you, baby; I appreciate you. :yawinkle:

 

I could look at it as being a shame that I had to fight so hard, but I try to focus on the good that came of it all. As I said, it made me stronger & it helped me to learn & grow as a person. It was also worth it to be able to get through to my parents...their attitudes are completely different now & still improving. Even my brothers, although they still don't like it & at times are too vocal about it, have gained some understanding.

I am particular about who I allow in my life; I won't abide with the negativity or hatred anymore. I don't hate anyone & I don't waste time with anyone who hates me. I intend to be happy in my life & I do my best no allow anyone to interfere with that. Now that my son is grown, I hope he can find that for himself as well.

My son has never met his "father". He chose not to be a part of my son's life for several selfish reasons. He did intermittently pay child support...I got into his wallet while he was sleeping right after I told him I was pregnant & wrote down his ss#, dl# & any other personal info I could & turned it in to the state, & they made him pay. My gut told me he was going to leave me hanging, so I did what I had to do. What bothers me is that my son doesn't know the black side of his family & I think it would be better for him if he did. However, I think his "dad" did him a favor by staying away...he's NOT a real man, so he couldn't have taught my son how to be one.

 

Thanks, Naija. What was most interesting to me about what I did was that I was running on instinct. Sometimes I make the mistake of not listening to my gut, & it always comes back & bites me. I was hoping I was wrong about him, but deep down I knew I wasn't. The only times I've seen him over the years since he left the summer I got pregnant was when my son was 15 months old in court & when my son was 8 in court. His visitation schedule was set up the first time we went to court...of course, he never bothered to visit my son.

I'm glad I went through what I did too. It made me strong enough (with God's help) to deal with life, and it made me a better person.

Thanks, GQ...I'll take that as a compliment; hopefully that's not your way of telling me I'm a head-strong pain in the ass. lol