Unique Situation

Hi, everyone. I just wanted some input on something. OK, I'm sure I'm going to get heckled for this, but here goes: I am a 20 yr old white guy living at home. My mom is 41 and very attractive (no, I don't want her...before you ask something sick like that). She and my dad divorced 2 years ago. Anyway, she has shocked me in a big way...she has started seeing a 26 year old black man. Now, before anyone barks...I am not racist. It's just something I never ever expected of her. She has always struck me as being against interracial dating. Does she seem very happy with him so far? Yes. And I am happy she's happy (of course). BUT...I am getting heckled by a few of my friends (who, of course have always said she was hot) and she has been dressing completely different...both which make me a little uncomfortable. I feel like I'm stuck in the plot of some movie...lol You'd just have to know the woman...she is someone you'd never see go after both a younger and black man. And (of course) my Dad doesn't like it at all (which doesn't matter). I'm actually friends (and work with) the guy's younger brother. Anyway, it's just a bit of an uncomfortable situation...because he is so young, black and I'm getting heckled by my friends...not to mention my Mom seems to be exuding sexuality more than she ever has... Any input (or questions) on the situation would help... Just feels good to discuss it.

 

:smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023 :smt023
your mom is in her prime...she got rid of the dead weight (your dad)...you already said she is HOT...she knows she is HOT...and WHY not some beautiful 26 year old bm...she is my kinda woman...trust me when i tell you she is having the time of her life...there is nothing more flattering than a younger beautiful black man paying you attention...don't be embarrassed...be proud...your friends that are heckling you are wishing they were the ones with there hands on HOT mom...

 

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Actually, I think lipstick is right on target. I think he did nothing for her.

 

lipstick is 43...i know exactly what your mom is doing...you tell her "go girl" for me!

 

Thanks for the kind response, joliemarie. It is uncomfortable to be faced with your parents' sexuality. I had never seen my mom in a skimpy, low-cut cleavage dress from Victoria's Secret, so I was like "wha?" when she wore one to go out with him. We have talked though and she seems to really really like him. My friends aren't heckling me b/c he's black as much as b/c he is so young. They also say he used to talk about how hot she was all the time after he met her. I guess letting her know how he felt paid off. I am happy for her...it's just so much so fast.

 

I agree with both lipstick and jolie - your mom rocks, and it's very hard seeing your parent as 'sexual' - no matter how old you are.

Be supportive of her, try to see her as an adult woman not just 'your mom' and don't take crap off your 'friends' - be proud of your mother, you should be! :wink:

I don't think this is an IR issue so much as it is a coming of age issue for you personally.

 

Sorry people. But I disagree with you all.

The guy she's dating is 26. Not a lot older than SouthGAGuy himself- only 6 years. I think it's totally understandable to be freaked out by that. Everyone would. And I think the mom isn't very considerate when she's not remembering that.

It has nothing to do with colour. I bet you, SouthGAGuy, would have felt a lot better about it if the guy was in a more "suitable" age, like 45. Even if he was black. (That he's black only make it even more strange though, of course.)

I'm 32, and I know I would really hate it if any of my parents (who are happily married by the way) started dating people closer to my age than their own.

 

SERIOUSLY...it's about damn time women started dating younger men...men have been doing this for decades...especially todays woman...it just makes sense...why in the world would she want to date some 45 year old man if she can attract a young hottie regardless of color...have you gone out with any 45 year old men lately? :smt015

let the woman have some fun...this is a growing trend in the US...it used to be that after a divorce you were suppose to be miserable, dried up, and stay in bed all day with the covers over your head...those days are over...i see women bouncing back better than ever and lovingevery minute of it...this is usually about the time "pops" decides he wants mom back because the grass wasn't quite as green close up as he thought it was going to be...

GA...you should be so proud that your mom is strong enough to go against the grain of society...she is her own woman...i have a son although much younger than you and trust me when i tell you that she doesn't look at you and then her boyfriend and see you on the same level...you are her baby...and even though you have grown into a man...she still looks at you and can remember when you were 5...it's different...they are connecting on a different playing field...

 

Excellent post..

You have a good head on your shouders..

The last part was hilarious :lol:

 

I think it's great too! I agree with Ronja about the age difference. Even if he is black, if he was 45 you'd probably be somewhat ok with it. Your friends will get over it and eventually stop. They've got to be jealous. You just don't picture your parent dating someone you would possibly hang out with. I'd be freaked out too most likely. I'll bet she's having the time of her life right now. Just try to be supportive but I would share with your mom how you are feeling about it. Just let her know that if she's happy then you are but it's a little akward since it's new. I bet the dressing sexier would probably bother me too, after seeing your mom dress a certain way for years. This man has obviously made your mom feel great about herself and her body. That's a wonderful thing at any age!!!! :heart:

 

GAGuy, have you talked about all of this with your mom? It might not seem like "you're stuck in the plot of some movie" if you can clear the air and talk about these things together. Let's face it, you're both adults. Heck, she might not even know that you are at all uncomfortable. No one wants to deny your mom what makes her happy but everyone here would like to see you feeling more comfortable - and I bet that includes your mom. Also, if you and your mom come to an understanding, I'm pretty sure you'd handle those heckling friends of yours even better.

 

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I've actually seen several father/daughter and father/son relationships break because of the age of the father's new partner/spouse. The kids get totally freaked out about it, and so does many of their friends. For instance when we were 16, the father of a friend of mine married a 21 year old. The father and the son didn't speak for several years. Also his daughter (who were aprox 20)eventually broke all contact. She felt very uncomfortable knowing for sure that her father considered her friends sexual objects.

I know it's a growing tred that women in the US does this as well. Well, if they wanna be as jerky and unconsiderate as men to their surroundings, of course they can do so. Just don't expect everyone to aplaud it. I can't see what that have to do with being strong, liberated etc etc

By the way, I bet the mom wouldn't be so bloody happy if GA came home with a woman her age...

And, nope I haven't dated a 45 year old. But I would if I was aprox that age myself. I've always looked for partners my own age. I like that we're in the same life stage.

 

Wow...First off, Ronja, fnny, lipstick, flaming hetero (great name!), Jacie, veema, jolie...thank you all so much for the kind, thorough responses.

I talked to her some today. She said she knows it's probably really odd to me and uncomfortable and assures me that she didn't plan on anything like this happening (by the way, he is almost 27...not that that makes any difference). But she did tell me she has never felt this attractive and wanted before in her life. She said that it may go nowhere but they are "enjoying each others company so much".

My friends haven't always been jerks. They've always made little comments here and there about my mom's looks (especially her boobs) and said she was (of course) a "MILF", but...I think this turn of events has shocked them but also added fuel to the fire. One of my friends said he wishes he was the guy...lol I'm not at all taking up for them, but they are used to coming over every now and then, hanging out, having a beer, etc. and being around my mom...who is very cool and can be a very fun person. I know it's almost every younger guy's fantasy to be with a hot older woman...I'd just sometimes rather it not be my mom. But I am dealing :wink:

To respond to fnnysmrtprtty, I am proud of my mom and, believe me, I have been trying to see her as an adult woman. I know that "if you got it, flaunt it", so in some ways I don't blame her for dressing sexy. And she acts like she's having the time of her life. It's just not easy (and I'm saying this b/c, well, this is anonymous) knowing she is sleeping with him.

 

I am so glad you talked to your mom. I'm sure it's a big weight off of your chest.

Good luck :!:

 

Very well-put, jolie. Thank you. Again.

 

My parents are divorced, I've been thru some of what you are dealing with, tho not the age thing. I'm happy when they are happy - and I never think about them being naked with anyone, EVER! :lol:

 

Question - is this really a black man - white woman issue?

I realize on this forum we often talk about other things however that is black men and white women talking about whatever the topic is. And of course in this case this is a white male coming into this forum. I notice that no black men have responded to this.

I mean is the issue here that he's a black man and your mom is white or is it more the age, or what? I think you need to be really honest with yourself and then you can address what your issues are.

If the issue is more about the age thing or the single mom having sex in general then I would think you would probably get more input on other forums.