The Silence in White Women is Deafening!

Ladies...indulge me here for a moment.

There are so many stereotypes, generalities, vicious and vindictive statements made about those of us who are in IRs, and we complain about them, yet most of us remain so silent...especially in the places where the statements are being made. In this post, I am referring to some ethnic-specific sites such as BlackVoices.com and just about any white supremist site we can come across.

I have ALWAYS been very vocal about IR and race-based issues on just about any site I come across and for many years had my own site devoted to these topics...until burn-out and family/career demands took priority. I don't try to fight the whole world and realize that it's often futile to even try, but I do believe our voice is lacking. I engage in other sites that I may not be welcome in not only to refute some of what is being said, but to learn more about the prevailing attitudes and opinions that exist outside my comfort zone. I may be a glutten for punishment, but it also helps me to better understand the dynamics of race and IR issues.

On one particular topic on BlackVoices, I am one of only TWO white women who speak up (and the other woman is mostly silent) and the post is actually directed to white women (I guess for the few of us who are actually on there). Where is everybody else??? This topic is relatively new and has almost 600 responses...why am I out here speaking up for us all by myself???

If you are a member of BlackVoices, here is the topic:
http://theblackwall.blackvoices.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=ti-talkoftheday&msg=21117.1

If you don't mind engaging in some debate or taking the heat like you can only expect on a black site where you aren't welcome, then please come and engage in some of the discussions that take place about us...dispel some of the myths surrounding our motives for IRs and we as women, in general.

If the heat is too much for you, I respect that... Some white women simply cannot stand confrontation or having to defend themselves.. That is fine. I'm a private person too and truly resent the intrusiveness of my own IRs.... But please don't complain about the perpetuation of stereotypes if you aren't going to refute them in some way...I've given up on merely living our lives as a way to refute a stereotype or two. I know no other solution than to not only live by example, but to engage in a dialogue with people who may or may not be perceiving us correctly...and attempting to set the record straight!

<getting off my soapbox now>

Thanks for your consideration!

 

Ms. Tampabaybbw:

I do not mean to inject into this thread that is primarily intended for the white sisters here and those who will come in the future.

I have been on several IR sites and this is the first time I have seen someone like your self who is challenging your fellow white sisters to stand up and speak for themselves. We hear white men say they have the right to marry and date who they want but, for some reason in this society, white women dare not say this because, they are still considered property. On another IR site "Mindkandy", the white females (there were a few exceptions there) are always blasted down by some of the mean spirted black women and some white men and they would hardly stand up for themselves. This use to anger me. It is the main reason I think some who oppose white women and black men relationships have the false notion that white women are weak. I know this is not true and I know many out there know this is not true.

Welcome to the site. I look forward to what appears to be the beginning of many interesting discussions and conversations to come.


- The Phoenix

 

I don't mind your input at all.

Quite frankly, I get tired of feeling like I'm out there on my own sometimes. Like what's the point if I seem to be one of the only white women who defends us. Sure...me against a few thousand other people. By myself, I'm not going to make a dent in challenging the negativity that is out there about us. Short of writing a book and hoping it gets on the best seller list, it's difficult to get our voices heard. I think it's important, though, because so many people have misconceptions about white women in IRs and those views are only perpetuated by our silence. The silence of white women often angers me as well...

I, personally, have never felt any obligation to or the property of the "white race." An obligation based on skin color is so superficial and irrelevant to me..

Thank you for welcoming me. I hope to engage in some positive dialogue for a change. I've overdosed on Blackvoices and white supremist sites over the past few weeks and it's really taking a toll on my psyche... I need some positive vibes for a change to balance it all out...

 

Because I think it's important... I'm more than used to being blasted endlessly on message boards. Sometimes, though, I need to find a quiet, soft place to rest (like here) where I know it's safe to be open about my feelings and views without dealing with all that negativity and animosity.

I've never been to Mindkandy..

 

Hi, tampabaybbw! Welcome to the gang!

I read all 540-odd posts on that BV thread, and I have decided not to post there. I seriously doubt that I will change the entrenched opinions of the people on that site, and certainly not those of the people on the white supremacist sites. Since I am Jewish, I avoid the latter like the plague. I am not giving up on influencing peoples' ideas, but I will be using other fora, such as writing (and hopefully selling!) a script for a romantic comedy featuring an IR couple.

 

I don't argue with folks who can't see the trees through the forest. Going on and on to try and convince them of what YOU KNOW, is tiresome and endless. I don't have to justify myself to some nimrod on the internet. Half the time they say that crap JUST to stir trouble up and get people going. I can't be bothered.

 

If the heat is too much for you, I respect that... Some white women simply cannot stand confrontation or having to defend themselves..

Pardon me but this statement seemed a little demeaning to me. I don't think that not liking confrontation or having to defend themselves is something solely reserved for white women.

I belong to BP and mindkandy. I've never had a problem. I post my opinions and feelings when there is something I wish to discuss or respond to and haven't felt anyone was overly antagonistic toward me. Have you thought that maybe you went to the sites you did with the attitude of "setting someone straight" or to "refute some of what is being said" and that people were just responding in the negative to the vibe you were putting off?

I'm not saying that you shouldn't stand up for yourself if confronted, but if you go somewhere with a negative perception from the beginning, you can't help but show that negativity in the way you respond to others.

I'm all for people standing up for themselves and their situations but I have found that sometimes the attitude one has and the example one sets can hurt their cause more than helping.

Personally I go to BP and mindkandy to read, learn about others and post on topics I find interesting, not with the attitude that I need to set someone straight or change anyones mind about IR dating. I can't imagine going to white supermist websites with any notion of changing anyones mind on IR relationships.

Just my opinion, you have to do what you feel comfortable doing.

Sthrn

 

i apologize for being so late on this but i just joined the site. i have belonged to black chatrooms for years. i think you need to learn when to fight your battles and where. It is difficult in a large chatroom to discuss a point and have an intellectual conversation on it much less trying to persuade people on a huge forum People are going to have their opinions and i see very little gained by fighting a losing battle. The ones who posted these things feel strongly about it. i feel you can make bigger strides by your actions rather than being confrontational.

jill

 

well hello from another WW. As far as 'educating' white supremesists and white racists (or any racists for that matter...!!) I don't see the point trying to change their views coz I know I won't. Haters enjoy hating.
As far as conversing with BW about dating BM etc. that's where I have found so much misunderstanding and anger.
In my book all hate boils down to ignorance and insecurity. There is not much one can do on a macro level, so I try to talk about issues on a micro, more personal level.
I cannot truly understand what it is like to be black, I can only speculate. I have been attacked many a time by black sistas on forums who will jump on you and accuse you of being a racist if you put just one word wrong. And mostly it is more to do with poor semantics - hey, I admit I put my foot in my mouth! - but an apology isn't even enough. Very frustrating when a comment has been taken totally out of context.
I've met a few BW who resent that I am dating a black brother not a white guy or someone else. And who call white people are leeches, but don't see that as being racist!
My view is I'd rather spend energy understanding African American culture and learning about its history than bickering with people with closed minds and fractured thinking. 8) I think the best advertisement is a happy, IR relationship full of love, pride in each and understanding.

 

Just out of curiosity, have you ever encountered WW who had a beef with your dating BM? I know personally of a few situations where WW have lost girlfriends and relatives over dating IR. We never hear much talk about WW who are anti-IR, but they are definitely well represented.

 

There are a lot more WW and non BW against IR dating than BW..There's not a fool alive that hasn't heard of a WW disowning her own daughter for dating a BM.

WW often shun one another for dating BM..but they NEVER shun their men for dating BW..hmmmmm..

I WONDER WHY THAT IS...

BW on the other hand,don't see yt men as a reason to fall out w/one another..You'd think otherwise but that's not the case,considering the history of abuse and sexual exploitation.

Bill Maher and Robert Deniro aren't attacked by Jewish and Italian women for dating BW EXCLUSIVELY..I

I bet Idina Menzel gets a lot of hate mail for marrying Taye Diggs than Bill and Robert combined..she was a serious catch for any Jew or Italian but SHE CHOSE A BROTHER...THAT CUTS MOFOS DEEP...

The ONLY women losing sleep over who their men fuck are BW.Not only that,Ya'll are the ONLY women that would rather see your daughters leave the race than your sons..

Sisters want to date everybody else's man but ya'll want others to stay away from BM..

Now what kinda' shit is that..? :lol:

 

That's one helluva post..!!

 

hi lexington... so far I haven't had any drama with WW and my friends are not racist - mostly just curious if anything - so I've been lucky. Not saying it won't happen though.

I am the first to admit to having been totally naive about race issues mainly coz Sydney is a very multicultural and mostly racially harmonious place on a daily basis. Of course it's not perfect but I think there is a growing consciousness and willingness here to celebrate diversity and try to right the wrongs...

You will now scream with laughter .... but I had visions of most of the cities at least in the USA being the same - racially harmonious - until I visited and talked to black people about their career prospects, etc. and started to learn a little about African American history, etc.
Wow, have I had a HUGE learning curve guys! ...and a along way to go!

[Why isn't the topic/history/and consequences of racism a topic taught in schools?]

I for one believe in just one race - the human race.
One thing I would like to say as a white PERSON is that it is very difficult to have the opportunity to discuss race issues (for lots of reasons) but I feel both priviledged and grateful to find black people willing to discuss their issues and history on a 1 to 1 basis. It increases my consciousness and awareness and maybe somehow that knowledge will at least help build something positive.

So I'm here to learn as well as 'hang out'. :wink:

Enuff of a rant... I'd welcome your comments :?:

 

Towmotor101, you're so hypocritical and messed up you can't even see straight. Yes, there are SOME BM AND BW who do have a problem with IR. One BW on this site mentioned her own father dated WW but didn't want her to do date WM. You constantly hound BW on BV if you suspect they are vaguely interested in IR yet you squat here 24/7. You'll learn eventually that no woman wants a crude, brooding, vicious, hate filled dolt who can't make it with anyone. I wish some WW would extricate you from the black community. She'd be doing us a monumental favor. You bragged about attempting to physically attack a BW/WM on a parking lot even though you were in the presence of your WW. Now what kinda shit is that...? You and Darkonesun live on BV harrassing BW for sport. You sound like one miserable mofo.

 

You're on a WW/BM site and you call ME a hypocrite..There are websites for IR babes like you,but this ain't one..

I'm not the one going to BW/WM websites begging for attention like you..If you have a BM why bother Brothers that prefer WW..?

If you have a WM why come here where there are no WM..?

If you were getting yours you wouldn't care about the MINORITY of BM that prefer non BW..?

Why not go to Mindkandy where you belong..?
What's the matter..?

 

hum

I have always taken the stance that if people are goign to talk they are going to talk. Whats there to defend if they are ignorant and can't educate themselves to learn the truth why waste my time. Why defend something that isn't true you would just be confirming it.

Jealousy is a terrible thing, so is envy. From my experiecne when someone continuously talks about someone over and over they are trying to make up for there short commings.

Its too bad black woman are beautiful strong. Its too bad they are too busy getting in there own way. IF they would step back a few step they would realize that these beautiful black men do want them just can't handle issues they continuously bring up.

Dont get me wrong I want the black men. But I dont want people to be unhappy and thats what i see when i see some black woman pushing men off to the side. They want a man but I dont think they know how to accept it or get over there own issues. Its sad.

I probably offended a ton of people. Oh well im sure someone has offended me or pissed me off to..
Its life.

 

Re: hum

WOW..!

I can't believe what I just read..But I like it..

 

I just want to say that I am a "white" woman who is in love with and loves my best friend, a Black Man. It ain't about status, or class or 'money' - that I am attracted to - remember I said I am a WOMAN. Those things are things that are attractive to GIRLS. I don't think that "girl" went after Kobe Bryant because of his race, but because he is a famous rich man - although race was undoubtedly an issue for the redneck prosecution, (can you imagine Kobe having to face getting life in prison? THAT is the crime). She just helped reinforce stereotypes for most of America. But, I digress...
So here I am, speaking out. What do I love about my man? What does my mother love about my stepfather, also a Black man, and coincidentally the only man she has ever been in love with, had to go 50 years of living before finding him?
Well, hmm... How about how much in common we have, viewpoints, political issues, social issues, what we believe in, including standing up for what you believe in, taking responsibility for your own actions, faithfulness, honesty, being "real" .
Speaking for myself, my man is the only person in the world who has ever made me feel "safe" - not because of size or stature- because we are soulmates. And if I were to generalize what it is about Black men in general that I prefer, I'd have to say, most Black men that I meet appear comfortable with themselves, something in your voices just puts me at ease. Soothing buttery voices. And your beautiful soft skin. And the ease with which you can converse on so many topics, and the respect and love Black men have for mothers in general, and the ability to recognize the difference between a woman and a silly girl, and the way your sense of humor works. Most men of other races I nave dated or been friends with don't "get" my sense of humor, the teasing/joking/ "playing the dozens" as they used to say, that has always been the way I interact, yet is natural among Black men.
And another thing, while I am giving my dissertation here - just for the record, I would not feel confortable dating ANY Black man that said he didn't like or had never dated a Black woman. That is not a badge of honor, but in my opinion, reflects that someone has issues. I can't speak for the reason why white women don;'t comment or post on these forums. But this is the first - and possibly the only - time I may post for the simple fact that I would rather be spending time with my loved ones - and my man - than rantin' and ravin' - besides, posting on these sites aren't we preaching to the choir? I prefer to live by example, and mky example is LOVE, baby. Love.

 

Nice post, Firewoman - very well said.

 

FIREWOMAN!!!!!!!!

I CERTAINLY WISH WE HAD MORE LIKE YOU POSTING ON HERE !! 8)